Missing my children

roshi-roshi · 2024-05-27T19:56:25+00:00

I miss my son so much right now. How can I talk to my wife to reconsider and start over and think about the kids? God I wish we could work it out. I thought I was going to do in this evening. Ugh.

roshi-roshi · 2024-05-27T18:33:13+00:00

I know it sucks. My 16 year old headed back this morning. I’m pretty sad and lonely today because we’d all usually be at the pool. For the Memorial Day dinner. My oldest is home for the summer from college. He’s not ‘forced’ to follow any court stuff, so it’s been interesting figuring out when he can get over here. I so want it to feel like home for him.

TechnicalAd5152 · 2024-05-26T15:42:35+00:00

Half the week is pretty good it sucks but that's not bad spend the rest of the time on you.

paulojustiniano · 2024-05-26T02:41:48+00:00

I can’t see mine due to a bad restraining order and I did absolutely nothing. My son calls me and my daughter calls me and I can only see their calls. I feel devastated plus she left me homeless.

Pierre509 · 2024-05-25T04:24:27+00:00

I feel you . Sunday-Wednesday with my kids . I feel like Wednesday comes the next day 😂.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-05-24T19:55:18+00:00

I'm not saying my advice is "healthy" but I was too angry to be healthy. I became the subject matter expert in any interest shown by my son...not just fronting...I'd do a deep dive. I never bad mouthed his mother but I used my demeanor and my behavior to highlight her inadequacies as a parent. I didn't talk at my son I talked with him. I listened. I respected his opinions.

It took 6 months until my son begged to live with me full time. A year of living with me he cut off his mother entirely. He's MY son...he has MY name and he belongs with ME. I resisted him cutting off his mother bc I knew that is what honor required but in my heart of hearts it is what I wanted most. At 15 he had to be like "listen Dad...I know my own mind and I don't want to deal with her anymore" and I dropped it. I look like a good parent who tried to coparent and didn't bad mouth his mother but I worked towards the goal from the jump.

Screw coparenting...single parent children turn out fine as long as it is the father they live with. Compete...work...win!!!

deludedhairspray · 2024-05-24T18:43:01+00:00

It's fucking hard. The hardest part about this whole ordeal. I want to tell my son that the reason I'm seeing him less is because mommy just wanted to have several boyfriends besides dad behind dad's back, but of course that would just create complete mayhem, even though its the truth. It's heartbreaking to sit here alone knowing my son is spending most of his time with my cheating ex and her affair partner. But like the other guys have said here, it's about the quality not the quantity necessarily, and just white knuckle it through in the beginning until it gets better - also knowing a life with your ex simply wasn't possible anymore, so all the "what ifs" just have to die one by one until you know this way is the only way possible. It's tough. I cry almost daily missing my son. Miss the normalcy of just being with him every day. But it does get better. It does. And before we know it, we're used to it, and who knows, maybe in a few years they'll live most of their times with us. One can dream. ❤️

potatotornado44 · 2024-05-24T16:47:49+00:00

I had to relocate to find work. I see my kids once a month at best.

You’ll be fine.

wisstinks4 · 2024-05-24T13:35:24+00:00

Time is a healer. Your feelings are legitimate. It’s sounds like she was the reason for the break up. First, on your days, Plan great outings with your children. Make it special Dad /children time.

Second, For your own mental health, you need to get through the anger, betrayal, dishonesty, and disrespect she showed you. I would go gray rock, do the 180, and no contact unless it’s for the kids. Cut her out of your space.

Focus on these two things and you’ll be a happier person. Wishing you well in this new chapter in life. Be safe.

AxeMcFlow · 2024-05-24T13:06:46+00:00

It definitely gets easier. I’ve taken the perspective that I ‘get to’ - meaning I get to spend time with my boys and do whatever I want. I get to shape their little lives however I want. I get to show up and be the dad I know I am. I get to create the life for them that I want. I get to love them fully and be all present when they are there.

I also give my ex hope and love that she will create a wonderful life for them too. It’s not about missing out, it’s about using the time you have with them effectively.

Equivalent_Rabbit_62 · 2024-05-24T11:36:33+00:00

You have no choice. I struggled with it at the beginning too. I felt like I failed my family. But you have to realize that you were only half of the equation. She is just as responsible, possibly more if there was cheating or she blew up the family for her “happiness”.

Use the time you don’t have your kids to recharge and become the best version of you possible for them when they are there.

But don’t do anything foolhardy like jump into another relationship too soon.

There are stable women out there, but they are like finding a needle in a haystack.

Least_Respect_7686 · 2024-05-24T09:39:05+00:00

I’m about to start going through this. I just moved out last night.

Fortunately, I’m going to land on my feet. I had already planned for years to buy my parents house from them. It was supposed to happen September 2025, but they’ve allowed me to move in early and I’ll be setting up bedrooms for the kids this weekend.

Meet with a lawyer today to come up with a rough agreement for the interim. I’d like to start out with week on/week off custody.

My STBX hasn’t really been around much for the last year, so it’s mostly been just me caring for them. I don’t really expect her to suddenly change, so it’s entirely likely that I’ll end up with more than 50% in the end. I just need to start there and let the process run.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-05-24T07:18:34+00:00

quality over quantity - 1 hour appreciated is worth 10 sitting on the couch watching TV

Reflog1791 · 2024-05-24T05:30:52+00:00

Shift mindset by practicing gratitude. Be grateful you get to see the kids half the week. Then when they aren’t there with you, allow yourself to be grateful for the opportunity to do whatever you want.

Is the glass half empty or half full? Some would say it’s trickery or toxic positivity. I don’t believe it’s either.

It’s called making the best of it. Let go of “what could’ve been.” It could NOT have been and it is NOT. You have them for half the week and then you’ve got this wonderful time to improve your own life the other half. Make the best of it.

Visual_Cycle_1066 · 2024-05-24T05:28:03+00:00

Let me prop you up my brother and tell you it is early in the game and you will get your mind right before long and all will be well. You are a man my friend, not a nanny, and as such you are made to set an example for your kids as to how a man conducts himself and pursues excellence in his career, health, hobbies, and adventures. Get your grind on when you don't have the kids to free up more quality time when you have them. But also let them see you pursuing excellence as well. It's not all fun and games.

Do not hold onto resentment of your ex. Be thankful instead. She has set you free to chart your course without interference. You have full reign to live your life and teach your kids and do with your kids as you wish. You have no time for grudges, there is too much living to do. Go get after it my brother.

WittyBeautiful7654 · 2024-05-24T05:18:49+00:00

I wish I saw mine more

justme4556 · 2024-05-24T05:02:29+00:00

I see mine less but video twice a day. I make the time quality not quantity. I now know my kids better than I have their entire lives. We have to play the long game and use the time we get as well as we can.

Title	Missing my children
Author	airandseabattle
Upvotes	16
Comments	30
Date	May 24, 2024 4:13 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1czc71t/missing_my_children/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/missing-my-children.1519358 https://theredarchive.com/post/1519358

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