Abusive text messages

probebeta · 2024-06-26T05:04:46+00:00

Grey rock.

The best revenge is to keep your head high, ignore her, keep it professional and about kids only. If it's really bothering you just remind her ONCE that you have no interest in hearing her opinion about things and you only care if its about kids and relevant.

This is maybe off topic but do NOT do any favors. Everything is tit for tat. You don't fix her internet, do kids laundry, babysit on weekends, take care of groceries, be the nice parent that does this and that for kids. Dial that way down to negative. All responsibilities are split. She needs to know you mean business. Then she can call you more names and this time if won't feel that bad, trust me. 😅

CulturedGentleman921 · 2024-06-25T17:21:40+00:00

The greatest thing you can do is nothing.

Keep the messages to control the narrative with your children.

You may want to give them to your lawyer to see if there is anything that can help your alimony/custody.

Just leave her on read and don't engage. You will NEVER get her to admit any fault or remorse, so don't even try.

If you reply to anything, just say "OK," and that's it. Replying nonchalantly may enrage her, and then she might give you enough rope to hang her with.

If you want her to STFU. Just tell her, "I'm saving and printing out all of your messages in a big binder. When our children are older, I will give them each a copy of it so that they can see what type of person you really are."

WildIntroduction8618 · 2024-06-25T13:50:13+00:00

That's awful. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. Likely it's coming from her own sense of guilt and shame and all kinds of other stuff she's dealing with... which doesn't make any of it feel better. Talking this through w/ a therapist would be invaluable. I'd lastly recommend the gray rock method. That's what I've been doing. And I have a somewhat similar experience as you. Try to envision your ex as a gray rock; the most boring thing you can imagine. Provide as little response/correspondence as humanly possible. She can say and do and scream all she wants but she's a gray rock. You don't talk back to a gray rock. You do nothing with a gray rock. The gray rock is boring. You give it the absolute minimum in return because that's what a gray rock deserves.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-06-24T20:29:44+00:00

Just keep it all, don’t respond with anything at all and keep it strictly professional.

When your kids are 25 and ask your side of the story just say “hey check these messages out”

That_Ignoramus · 2024-06-24T19:41:19+00:00

"Duly noted. Message received." No further response, download message for later use in a custody motion.

NewDay0110 · 2024-06-24T15:07:33+00:00

Just ignore them, but export the screenshots and save them. They made excellent exhibits in my case when my ex falsely accused me of things in divorce court. I changed the ringtone on my phone for her messages so I know to ignore them.

Timely_Froyo1384 · 2024-06-24T14:59:53+00:00

Can you block her when you have the kids?

What pattern does she have of doing this?

Communication only thru court app. Block her on everything else.

Grey rock her nonsense

koboboba · 2024-06-24T14:48:50+00:00

Tell her if she doesn't stop you will start taking screenshots and posting it online where all her family and friends will see it. Women love to shame but deathly afraid of people seeing them for the scum some of them are.

Exactly65536 · 2024-06-24T13:31:53+00:00

Apart from technical solutions, you might want to look into why exactly you care.

Informational payload of this messages is that she is upset with you. Any new message doesn't add anything to the payload. Whatever names she calls you, it only gives you the information that she's angry with you. Why is it bad for you that she is angry? =

UglyDude1987 · 2024-06-24T13:19:26+00:00

not really. Judge don't care about that stuff in my experience.

Signal-Dot2326 · 2024-06-24T10:34:33+00:00

I have a years worth of crazy abusive messages well see if any of it matters in trial.

Sea_Purple2104 · 2024-06-24T07:42:44+00:00

I’m an attorney. What you need to remind yourself is that whatever you text or email will be shared with the court. So for example id she sends you a text that calls you a deadbeat that has a sexual attraction to live stock and you respond that she is a bitch with the brain of a rabbit. Her attorney will ask her to read to the court one of your texts. Your text calling her a bitch etc will be read aloud out of context because her precious message will not be read and no be one will understand or know that you were reasonably upset because of her text. So don’t ever write anything that you wouldn’t want your grandma to read. Additionally, save all her texts. Lastly, this is petty but sometimes petty helps you get through tough times. I have found that the best way to really get under your ex skin is to ignore her when she attacks. She wants you to respond with anger. So when she attacks you just don’t respond at all most times. Or respond with just a short “it sounds like you are having a bad, I won’t take it personally I know this is a tough time for you. If you getting angry at me makes you feel better than I am here for you and then not another response. Ha ha

upvotersfortruth · 2024-06-24T04:55:20+00:00

Spend a few thousand to go to court or just ignore them. Silence her notifications. Don’t respond. Restrict her to email as a channel for not emergency communications. She’s your ex, who cares what she think? It’s not as though she will come around and start telling you how wonderful you are. Keep track of all of them in a file so you have them in case you need to use them. If you can’t help yourself from responding, at least delay your response and then keep it short - “That’s not true.” Then let her rant and rave. If you go to court over this, she wins. If you react angrily or defensively, she wins. If you ignore it, you win.

Title	Abusive text messages
Author	Primary-Werewolf1130
Upvotes	13
Comments	43
Date	June 24, 2024 3:57 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dn4i98/abusive_text_messages/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/abusive-text-messages.1522188 https://theredarchive.com/post/1522188

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