Do you think it's fair for men to be stay at home husbands and women go to work?

rednoids · 2024-08-19T23:10:37+00:00

Why shouldn’t men take on the “hardest” job on the planet.

Time for women to take it easy with the 9-5 and let the men suffer with the little one.

MapleWatch · 2024-08-19T23:03:23+00:00

Of course. My year as a house dad was the best year of my life.

MostLikelyPoopingRN · 2024-08-19T21:42:03+00:00

Of course it’s fair if either the man or the woman stay home, it just should be a joint decision based on things like preferences, career progression potential, and other economic realities of the couple.

TheNattyJew · 2024-08-19T22:10:55+00:00

She is projecting. What she means is that no man that she ever gets involved with will ever be a stay at home, if she has any kind of say in the matter at all.

FluffyRabbit36 · 2024-08-20T00:08:44+00:00

It's fine as long as both sides agree

(pls let me stay at home and chill while my wife does the 9-5 pls pls pls)

antifeminist3 · 2024-08-20T00:17:56+00:00

It markedly increases the risk of divorce. After the initial novelty of the 'reversed' roles, the women commonly grow to resent their husband because he 'gets to stay home with the kids'.

So it's biased against women when women stay at home, and it's biased against women when women work.

jgthx · 2024-08-20T00:45:29+00:00

Stay at home wife/mom talking to her working husband: "You don't appreciate how hard this is on me. I'm juggling a million different things by myself and I never get a break! How nice it must be to go to work everyday and leave everything else for me to deal with."

Working wife talking to her stay at home husband/dad: "I'm busting my ass out in the real world everyday to keep a roof over our heads while you get to chill at home all day! How nice it must be to stay in your pajamas and not deal with anyone."

Moral of the story: men are to blame no matter what the situation is.

AirSailer · 2024-08-20T03:19:23+00:00

I was the primary breadwinner in my family (prior to divorcing my (now ex) wife. After our kid was born she stayed at home. All I heard when I got home was how hard it was to be her; the house would be a mess, dirty dishes and clothes, no vacuuming was done, basically nothing except keeping the kid alive and entertaining the kid I assume. If course the minute I got home I was responsible for everything related to our kid up to and including putting him to sleep, regardless of how my day went. She would spend the evening on social media. It was terrible. At 12 months I took off two weeks so she could get a break, and she went on a trip to visit some friends, and other things. I tell you, our home was fucking clean after the second day, no dirty dishes, I did everything inside and outside including all yard work, oil changes, etc. it was a fucking breeze. I'll take being a SAHD over working for a boss in a heartbeat.

As an aside, I hear from plenty of female relatives about the "emotional toll" watch a child takes on a person. I didn't get that at all. I call bullshit on anybody who says that women are more emotionally mature than men; men have to control their emotions whereas women can lose control of their emotions and still be considered more emotionally mature. If two cars are driving down the road; one is under control the other is mostly out of control then it stands to reason that the better driver is the one who can control their car. Only in a woman's reality is a lack of control over something considered a good thing. I bring this up because I believe that modern women who claim being a SAHM is hard are just not emotionally equipped to deal with caring for a baby, nor do they have enough organizational understanding to take care of a home.

AlexanderDean1980 · 2024-08-19T21:58:58+00:00

Well considering women are pushed into higher education, usually get more scholarships, easier accepted into higher paying roles after or before graduating, girls earn far more than boys in their 20s this study shows https://www.theguardian.com/money/2015/aug/29/women-in-20s-earn-more-men-same-age-study-finds

So the roles have reversed. Using biology is a mute point why women should stay home as majority of working women don't get married past 30yo and like my first wife, unable to have children at 35 with health issues.

Technically now with my current partner who is 18years younger I'm a stay at home dad because I retired after selling my company.

wroubelek · 2024-08-19T22:03:32+00:00

Framing this discussion in terms such as "fair" and "right" isn't helpful IMO. That's because it needs to be assessed on a case-by-case basis.

I was chatting with that girl and she said that men shouldn't be stay at home parents bec. They don't get pregnant or have periods

Good luck to her trying to find a partner lol. That sounds like she wants revenge from men for what is essentially a product of our nature. Also, I would have asked her what these two things have in common, being a stay at home dad and periods.

I replied asking if what she said implies that the house work and the "unpaid labour" that women do is easy since they will be the ones to stay at home or if she thinks that only men decide who gets pregnant despite women having more birth control means and as expected she changed the subject

I think housework and childcare is a lot of work one way or the other. About 'deciding who gets pregnant', I don't really know what you mean.

aerial_coitus · 2024-08-19T21:43:05+00:00

You can’t make this shit up.

🤣😂

Secure_Slip_9451 · 2024-08-19T21:43:18+00:00

Depends on income and if they do their part.

2024-08-20T14:06:12+00:00

To paraphrase Bill Burr, any job you can do in your pyjamas isn't that hard.

ElisaSKy · 2024-08-19T23:19:54+00:00

I'm pretty big on voluntarism. If that's the arrangement they both volunteered for, free of coercion, then I'd consider it to be a pretty fair trade. :)

Specialist-Tooth-856 · 2024-08-20T01:24:36+00:00

Women are odd..they think it's status to work suffer ..no glory in it in general..seems like women wanna be two places doing total separate things at the same time...there's something called time and space..no person can be two places at same time ..women talk a lot and don't fully see future consequences..and women think whatever they vocalize becoming reality..it's delusional..either you work or stay home raise a family..can't do both.

Sea_Neighborhood120 · 2024-08-20T03:11:02+00:00

Technically it should be like that now because women are in high numbers in workforce but still they want a man who is superior to them in every way possible including by financial means.. they scream equality and shit but still they are attracted to masculine man and no women will be ready to marry a househusband..

624Seeds · 2024-08-20T02:41:23+00:00

I don't think it's "fair" for anyone to stay home, and I say this as a SAHM. I don't think it's fair that my partner has to work and I get to stay home all day with the kids. But we both agree it's what's best, neither of us trust our old parents to watch the kids, and especially not a stranger or daycare.

I know I have it easier, and I would hate to have to wake up early to get dressed and work in an office. I'm on my kids schedule and I find time to get chores done throughout the day, and I also get some time to relax.

I do not think 6 weeks is enough time for either parent though. I'm 7 weeks PP and I'm just now regaining the ability to use my ab muscles and carry heavier things like a full laundry basket.

And yeah, there have been times when I've needed to leave work early because my period pain/fatigue/nausea/headaches were too much to handle, but usually these symptoms are manageable (at least for someone like me who doesn't have endo or PCOS)

These things don't mean a man shouldn't be the stay at home parent though. I think if a couple decides they don't want babysitters or daycare then the person who makes less and/or has the least amount of benefits at their job (or the least opportunity to move up, etc etc etc) should be the one to stay home, whether they're a man or woman.

JACSliver · 2024-08-19T23:27:53+00:00

If they so wish, why not?

Lolaindisguise · 2024-08-20T01:58:35+00:00

Why not?

Zealousideal-Edge-40 · 2024-08-20T05:42:21+00:00

Shit if mine didnt want to be a sahm id be a sahd happily.

EfficientSimplicity · 2024-08-19T23:03:39+00:00

Find a woman who enjoys this division of responsibilities and report back 😂

Cindylynn43 · 2024-08-20T03:51:36+00:00

I think it's awesome to be a SAHF. If a family can afford to live on one income, there are definitely lots of kids that would benefit from it.

child0light · 2024-08-19T22:11:56+00:00

I don't think this is a matter of "fairness". Just what works per-couple. Don't like your buddy's take, though. As if bleeding and carrying the thing is what qualifies someone to care for a child. Tell that to all the adoptive parents and single dads of the world, yanno? That they aren't qualified. Hopefully I understood your longest paragraph right.

Ronniebbb · 2024-08-20T03:59:07+00:00

I think whatever the couple decides based on their needs is fair. Life isn't a cookie cutter thing. Sometimes it works for the woman to be a say at home wife/mom, sometimes it's the man; and many times both parties need to work at least one job and figure out care for the children.

Do what works for your family situation and forget what others say. They're not paying your bills, not putting food on your table so their opinion is irrelevant

Specialist-Tooth-856 · 2024-08-20T01:21:36+00:00

Seems like this is written as a trick question by an angry lady....men don't have problem raising their babies..men do t have problems with their wife working as long as its safe good for her..

SomeoneRandom007 · 2024-08-20T07:14:01+00:00

Feminism denies the differences between men and women, making women not feminine but masculine. I have no idea why it's called feminism and not masculinism.

So yes, it's perfectly fair that men should be able to stay home... but it almost never works. Women tend to get upset at going to work when their man stays home, and this relationship then breaks down.

cyclinator · 2024-08-20T10:11:39+00:00

If my wife were to make more money than me, and she wants a rest from "mothering" I would gladly stay at home. If she decides she can stay at home and also do some home office work alongside it i would continue to go to work at least for a half work time.

springy · 2024-08-20T10:55:22+00:00

Women would love men to be stay at home fathers, so long as those men are also high earners. Just like women want guys who have lots of free time to devote to them, yet those guys also have to be highly ambitious and hard workers. I read recently some research that showed women see a man as "at the same financial level as me" only if he earns 1.65 times the amount she earns. Any man who earns the same as her is a loser. Any man who earns less than her is a leech.

Bouxxi · 2024-08-20T11:17:56+00:00

Well if we are equal it should be

Glass-Violinist-8352 · 2024-08-20T14:25:15+00:00

I will be okay with it as i love staying home lol

AllGearedUp · 2024-08-19T22:06:56+00:00

It doesn't matter who stays at home. What makes no sense is when the person who has been at home is paid like they did half the same job as the bread winner.

Housekeepers are expensive but in the long run, if you make any reasonable attempt at a career you will make more money with 2x careers and a housekeeper than one person at home. If you choose to stay home and do unskilled manual labor, that's what you should be compensated for in the event if a divorce.

tizzle79 · 2024-08-20T02:04:18+00:00

In fact studies show that men are the most importantly factor to a child’s well being. Women are the largest source for harm mental and physical. In fact after 3 years old, women are a liabilty.

Lolocraft1 · 2024-08-19T22:35:57+00:00

As a r/Rolereversal enjoyer, yes

jmac323 · 2024-08-19T22:39:45+00:00

Yes, of course.

Historical_Plate_318 · 2024-08-20T00:02:40+00:00

TenuousOgre · 2024-08-20T00:45:26+00:00

Take a look at our Yvonne’s if single mother homes d single father homes the ask that question again,

SirVegeta69 · 2024-08-20T01:18:07+00:00

Depends. Do you believe in gender equality?

Adm8792 · 2024-08-20T09:02:43+00:00

Yea tried this mythical stay at home husband gig and even worked temp jobs every chance I could and still got canned

Ahielia · 2024-08-20T10:56:11+00:00

What is "fair" is that neither needs to work and you could do whatever you want. As for who stays at home, if needed, depends on the couple and what they need and have available.

IllEntertainment1931 · 2024-08-20T14:36:38+00:00

Any woman who says they want that deal are just planning their own divorce. its an absolutely no win situation for the man.

AmazingGabriel16 · 2024-08-20T15:10:45+00:00

Let men handle all the cleaning and cooking and everything else.

We'll let the women do the easy 9-5.

On a more serious note, imagine having to not have your boss nag at you, chilling with some YouTube, living a chill life as you do some gardening after putting the clothes on the washing line, some gaming after lunch and yeah XD

2024-08-20T15:26:08+00:00

I stayed at home when my wife gave birth so that she could finish her college degree. I took care of our son for the first 2 years of his life. After she graduated, she got a job and helps support me while I go to medical school.

What each couple does should be what they agree on, not what society tells then to do.

2024-08-20T16:14:01+00:00

Yup. 100%

DBD_killermain82 · 2024-08-20T18:50:11+00:00

Your question is moot, staying at home and not working is a role women gatekeep. Men work to earn women. No work, no relationship.

Trick_Definition_760 · 2024-08-21T02:43:47+00:00

Dude if the woman is making a stable income every year with benefits and the man wants to take care of the home and raise the kids, whose business is that?

valcineye · 2024-08-21T07:00:19+00:00

It should be less about expectations tied to sex and more about what works best for individual families. Having a stay at home parent is beneficial for children regardless of which parent it is. I work in childcare and it's a major expense for families where both parents work, especially if more than one child is involved. There are plenty of men and women that could find this dynamic works best for them. She really needs to think about this more and how she reduces women to their fertility and men to their labor. When there are many women who are passionate about the work they do and what they've achieved beyond motherhood. Plenty of men are not passionate about their jobs or knowing what of their children they're missing being away from home. My sister has a masters so she and her husband have agreed that he would be the stay at home parent when they are ready to have children. She is passionate about her work and he admittedly is not, so what sense does it make for a family to live off the income of someone who hates what they have to do to sustain it?

2024-08-23T16:51:44+00:00

This is not a conversation that will go favorably to anyone who believes that being a stay at home parent is difficult and that the working parent has it easier in comparison. The working parent, usually men but includes women too, simply have more tolerance for difficulty.

In terms of whether or not is it fair, look at the more realistic (and actually present) perspective. Flip the genders and ask again.

-SARCASM INCOMING!!-

Is it fair for men to work to fund the household operations and come home to still have to help her clean up the house because putting the child to sleep and watching Netflix is so hard to do?

Actually, forget that. Yes, it is perfectly fair.

Let the men handle the hard work. Tell that queen that she can go enjoy her peaceful 9AM-9PM girl. Go get 'em tigress. 💅🏾

Pecking_Boi0330 · 2024-08-27T12:19:26+00:00

Unfortunately, in the country or the family in specific where I live as, thatd just be counted as me being highly incapable so am washing dishes at home

TheAynRandFan · 2025-06-13T11:16:58+00:00

I think it should be everyone's choice.

kochIndustriesRussia · 2024-08-20T12:53:35+00:00

She is wrong.

If a woman can hold down the household expenses solo (not being sexist but for myriad reasons..rare) and not become a controlling narc and emotional manipulator (fucking unicorn level rare) AND the man is totally fulfilled being in the home, is a good cook and provides excellent childcare.... then it's totally fair.

That being said.... I'm old and I've known thousands of couples in a dozen countries.... never seen it work.

I know many who have tried.... the woman always ends up resentful. Even when her husband is the most caring and attentive and dutiful. It seems women really resent that dynamic (being the breadwinning adult while the other male adult watches tv, plays with baby and naps all day) and I suspect that's why that girl responded the way she did.

Pomper-26 · 2024-08-20T01:42:37+00:00

Hypothetically speaking I am for it because 24/7 work from home I won't say it's easy but it's important not counting school but you have children under your nose. It's just that it's hard to afford such a life either 2 people work or the person who earns more or has the possibility of greater career development resigns me personally if my partner whitewashed only to find a woman with such a character who simply knew that this was the best beneficial choice for the good of the children and the whole family it's hard. why do I say so when a man works hard, physically exerts himself in dangerous work, he doesn't complain because he puts his family above himself And a woman can complain that he works hard at home and that his husband doesn't appreciate her and when the situation is reversed I stayed at home because I had to take care of my mother after a stroke and taking care of it, well I didn't complain that she takes care of her mother and the house, that dinner was waiting early, once I got up at 5 to work and she at 7 after some time it started to bother her, she got up and I could sleep and the complaining and quarreling started, I didn't get up before her, I let her drive her car etc etc so after 12 years the relationship started to fall apart and I didn't finish until 13 so in conclusion a man can't have it easier than his woman, he exerts himself and earns more than both women and men, you can call me trash now but I'm writing this from historical knowledge women are born like this by nature we will say with a materialistic approach and it was like that from the beginning men hunted acquire resources and women used for themselves and raising children! And why do I say so, can't someone give me at least one wealthy woman who married a poor even attractive man for love?

Additional_Insect_44 · 2024-08-20T16:10:59+00:00

Well it seems my 2nd cousin is doing so. His woman works but drives a total of 140 miles a day for work. And is pregnant.....

I think it's ok in itself a man can be a spiritual head still.

megamike382 · 2024-08-20T20:39:53+00:00

Hell ya. An i think when we go to war we need to draft all these green haired bitches , now thats some feminism

Delivery-Subject · 2024-08-20T21:57:08+00:00

Would be ok, but care if she leaves you she takes Kids and house anyway and doesn't give you 1 dollar. The other way round is far more secure for you

quantumMechanicForev · 2024-08-20T22:04:06+00:00

I might be a little unpopular here with this opinion, but men work, create value, and acquire resources. Women are the reward. She better be attractive, sexually attentive and skillful, and grateful for the man’s efforts. She’s going to stay at home, clean and cook, take care of the kids if they choose to have any, and make her man happy. He’s going to labor, build the world, and keep her safe and well. This feels natural to most men and women, and having been in “equal” relationships with “feminists” and being in relationships where this is the dynamic, I can tell you that this is infinitely preferable. I am the leader. I am the decision maker. I am the provider. She is devoted to me, loves me in a way that makes sense to me, and I give her the world. It’s awesome. I am a high value, high performing man and she’s the hottest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. We’re both extremely happy with this, and if you have a problem with that, you’re a fucking piece of shit.

eli_ashe · 2024-08-21T01:33:03+00:00

it is unpaid labor, if y'all wanna have people raise the babies, either pay them or move to a moneyless free labor society.

that aside, parentage towards the babies ought be generally 50/50. that is the norm. what ought be the norm.

any woman or man telling you otherwise is an ass.

2024-08-21T06:11:19+00:00

Idgaf, my parents both work(ed), these are personal affairs.

2024-08-21T13:11:02+00:00

She’s not right no. Staying at home and working is not easy. A lot of women may prefer it but some of us would love to have a stay at home husband. I respect anyone who makes that decision to pre a stay at home spouse.

Guilty_Interview_509 · 2024-08-21T22:32:46+00:00

Anything is fair if you two agree. But it made me feel weak as a man. My wife started to resent me. It just didn’t feel right. Felt too feminine.

Vegetable_Ad1732 · 2024-08-20T02:09:11+00:00

One thing to keep in mind. If the marriage fails, then the stay-at-home partner has to go back to work. Who do you think will get more understanding about the hole in their resume? A stay-at-home wife, or a stay-at-home husband? Think about that guys, if you ever consider being a stay-at-home dad.

3gm22 · 2024-08-20T12:43:29+00:00

I found myself falling into the stay-at-home dad position.

It's a blessing and a curse.

It's a blessing because I can do things like be on the PTA, I can lead Fellowship groups. I can lead social groups. I can help in the church. I can grow my own food. I can make my own bread. I can do my own handy work repairs for the fixer-Upper We bought.

But the problem is that if those values do not transfer to your wife and child, if they don't pick up those same values, that same religion (religion refers to your values), then you do become a slave. The value of your contribution, goes unseen.

The family needs to buy in and be participants in building that better life.

And in those times where they don't do that, You will miss the self dignity that comes from doing honorable work in a job.

Whether you work or not, the foundational thing that you need is self-dignity and you get that through respect. Often this was had from your mother when you were young, and then your wife...

The lady you're speaking to does not see the world through that same male lens, women do not validate their own existence in the same area that men do. They tend to bind themselves to values, to beliefs, without being able to see the logical conclusion of those values.

Hence, why you must lead.

In fact, it's the destruction of our dignity through the feminist movement that caused this issue for both men and women in the first place, which prevents men and women from respecting one another and working together.

See the forest for the trees my friend.

The big picture is that we need men and women and families to be the foundation of society, In order to prevent the totalitarian imposition of values from government and society,.onto the people. Bottom up values that begin with human beings and with what we are, reflect what is true and give us dignity.

Top down values that are detached from our existence, and our reality as humans, as men and women, destroy us.

This is longer than it wanted it to be, but you can see how politics can never solve moral issues. In fact, you can see how the top-down imposition of the feminist movement, which is a form of Marxism, how it actually destroyed human beings, and both men and women. Destroyed them by destroying their ability to see what is true, which destroyed traditional values which come from truth.

So this post highlights how both men and women are desperately trying to find their place in reality, but to do that they need to first meet each other in their shared humanity, And then respect their differences by knowing the limits of the sexes.

And as far as I can see women care for the children, Matt actually make them with the addition of the chromosomes, women are better emotionally and with compassion to raise children when they're emotional beings, but fathers are needed to teach children how to think and to live their life in truth and logic, In order to have a good and moral life.

Destroy any one of those and it gives the government an excuse to stick their nose in your family, to validate their own existence and wastefulness, And the destruction that comes from it. It makes men and women into dependent slaves.

See the forest for the trees.

If you want to get out of this cycle, You need to go back to a traditional source of values. For that, I went back to the Catholic church and found people who were intelligent and not just dogmatic.

You need to get rid of the idea, but values and truth are social constructs and socially chosen, Go back to the truth and values that come from what is always true and real.

Aggravating_Crab3818 · 2024-08-20T08:22:01+00:00

Are you sincerely interested in finding out what women think about stay at home fathers or just looking for an echo chamber that shares your beliefs?

Title	Do you think it's fair for men to be stay at home husbands and women go to work?
Author	mohyo324
Upvotes	130
Comments	93
Date	August 19, 2024 9:32 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1ewdt5w/do_you_think_its_fair_for_men_to_be_stay_at_home/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/do-you-think-its-fair-for-men-to-be-stay-at-home.1527704 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527704

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