I'm having a hard time believing that looks aren't that important when wanting to hookup or something casual

seduction-ModTeam · 2024-08-19T23:01:11+00:00

This post/comment has been removed because it violates Rule #5: The topic is too broad, has been covered a lot already, or involves the assumption overly limited by race, age, physical limitations/appearance, and/or other inborn external qualities.

Put in some reading & work before asking questions that have been addressed, like: * How do I approach? * How do I get a number? * How do I talk to girls at college? * How/When do I kiss a girl? * Does this really work?

As for the last one, it is an answered question. There have been many posts on physical limitations over the years, including this one. No need to re-ask it.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2024-08-19T19:02:24+00:00

Looks are super important for online dating. For meeting people in real life, they're certainly helpful. There's 100 good reasons to start working out regularly and eating a healthy diet of mostly plants, and women are definitely one of them. But it's not as important as people make it out to be

MavDrake · 2024-08-19T17:21:59+00:00

You're smoking crack.

Looks get the door cracked HOWEVER its the grey matter between your ears that can and does swing that MF wide open.

Men are visual creatures while women can appreciate a good looking guy; it's a guys words, intelligence and social skills that will get them in bed or in a LTR's.

If what you said was true then every fucking gym bro would have women lining up for them - fact is looks are far less important than a lot of you guys stress about.

Dress well, carry yourself with confidence, be active, and learn how to talk to women like a human and know how to read her cues.

When it comes to the hookups (and LTR): Mental maxing > Looks

CTEcowboi · 2024-08-19T18:00:10+00:00

This sub is so polarized around this topic but as always the truth falls in between the 2 extremes. In my opinion being attractive makes all the difference in your initial interactions with women. The worse you look the more game you need.

Being a 7 and up is like shooting fish in a barrel. There are people who have made a profile on tinder with a models pictures and they can literally get away with being an actual nazi. Girls still don’t care and to be completely fair most guys wouldn’t either, incels don’t ever mention that

Being a 5-7 is probably where most people are in the world and that’s where game really comes into the fold. If you’re a 5 who dresses well, is persistent and has good conversational skills you can still get laid but you’re going to have to actually go out and work for that shit. The bar to entry is definitely a lot higher now than it’s ever been for guys like this and the “get gud” guys never will admit this

If you’re under a 5 in modern dating you still have some choices but the future is bleak as shit. No girl who is not grotesque is going to ever give you any attention so either standards need to be lowered or concessions need to be made. As a sub 5 your choices are improve to a 5, accept your fate as a single dude, date down and it Probably wouldn’t be a bad idea for these dudes to consider escorts either. With social media and dating apps these guys are considered untouchable by most women.

MrDownhillRacer · 2024-08-19T19:19:12+00:00

Looks are very important.

But there's only so much we can do about them, which is why a space that's devoted to "things we can actually do to improve our success" isn't going to focus on them much beyond what's in our power to change.

There are plenty of forums for whining about the aspects we can't control. Spending too much time on them, incidentally, doesn't tend to be good for your mental health or attitude. So here, we focus on what we can actually affect.

MrAnonPoster · 2024-08-19T17:11:58+00:00

Ssssh.... Dating coaches need to sell hope.

SecretComments · 2024-08-19T17:57:53+00:00

that important

See that's the problem here. How important is it, and in what qualities exactly? Very hard to say.

However, I know that most guys I see at bars have bigger muscles and better jawlines than me. Plenty are taller. Yet I've been leaving bars with girls consistently lately, almost effortlessly. However, I was struggling for a couple months before this. I think I can explain why:

I dress well and carry myself well, do a bit of peacocking; highly recommend getting some well-fitted clothes that stand out a little, either with some bright colors or an odd style choice. Get accessories like necklaces or rings if you're comfortable with them. Anything like that suggests you're well-put-together and you put effort into your appearance going out. You're standing apart from the guys who show up everywhere in smelly hoodies and generic faded t shirts. This requires a little.money to get going, and some time before leaving home, but it's not that crazy. Just own it.

Now, I've been doing this a while, and loving how I look when I go out, but here's the kicker: I was suffering from stress and a bit of heartbreak for a couple months, and it reflected subtly in ALL my social interactions. Ways you can't quite articulate. I acted more nervous, less comfortable, less sure of myself. My body language was a little awkward. Girls gave me less attention because of that.

Now I've sort of hit a groove where I'm feeling much better about myself, about life, and yes, about girls. And I have constant results to show for it.

You gotta get your vibe down. Don't mope or worry too much. Take a deep breath. Get out there.

And yes, get muscles too, shit, it does help, it's good for you, I should've started a decade ago, but you can be a skinny autistic dumbass and still get laid every weekend, I promise.

Such_Orchid_7759 · 2024-08-19T19:30:22+00:00

It’s important.

We don’t talk about pretty privilege much in the mainstream because it’s one of these uncomfortable facts about life. Some people are lucky to be born beautiful and some people are born unlucky to be born ugly. And you really can’t do anything about it. Your face is what it is and even with surgery - some folks just be ugly. Doesn’t change that normally surgery isn’t until you’re in your 20s anyway and you’ve had to endure 20+ years of ugly life. That’s not fun.

It doesn’t sit well with people’s sense of wanting justice and fairness in an otherwise cruel and injustice world. We created societies and rules and so on as a way to combat the injustice but we can’t escape genetic determinism. So we ignore it and we say it doesn’t matter but we all know it matters.

That said, the level to which it matter varies per person and per case. I will go down and say it is the singular most important thing when dating. If you are not physically attractive to someone - there is next to nothing you can do to move that ball forward. There are levels to physical attraction but if it’s at zero - you cannot do anything. It’s why we have straight, gay, etc. to deny looks matter is to deny that human sexuality exists. (Which is only something a pansexual or asexual freak might say)

Looks matter. It’s why a straight guy wants to date a woman and won’t fuck men. It’s why straight women want to date men and don’t wanna fuck women. End of the day, looks matter and you can try to say “I want to date X gender norm” but there’s so much overlap in how men and women act these days that you couldn’t tell if someone was a man or woman. It’s why when we’re online you assume gender but are often getting it wrong.

If you want to be someone’s type - work on looksmaxxing. No one gets less attractive cause they improved how they dress, they cut their hair, and spent a few hours a week in the gym lifting weights. You gotta do it and stop wasting time on posting.

pendragon2290 · 2024-08-19T22:34:52+00:00

You say that but as a solid 3, I learned making them laugh is where it's at. I've pulled my fair share of 6-10's because of it. Looks are important. Not as important as making them laugh. Never as important as making them laugh.

Round_Rush4407 · 2024-08-19T17:15:36+00:00

I won't say I'm super successful... But I've had both and am AT BEST average.

Holiday_Treacle6350 · 2024-08-19T17:48:12+00:00

looks are important. other comments make it seem like its either or. but dont obsess and be negative work with what youre given

appolonysian · 2024-08-19T18:36:23+00:00

Almost completely false. Yes some women might go for looks alone, but that’s by far the minority.

If a man’s looks aren’t backed by social savvy and confidence, they barely count for anything. I’m above average looking but socially retarded, which is why I’m here.

testylentil · 2024-08-19T19:37:45+00:00

One of the most eye opening experiences ive had dating over the last 8 years is finding out what woman find attractive. Many guys wouldn't believe what these girls, even 9s and 10s are turned on by. It's rarely ever looks.

Hallmark channel, romcoms, commercials and boy bands are misleading all of us. Maybe in grade school that was a thing, but once you leave grade school, even in college, the array of things women are drawn to becomes more real.

Money is big. Money is a huge one. Height, with a lot of women is nice to have.

But physique and facial features...if you got it, yeah it can help, but it is far from a fundamental requirement.

Women are not entirely visual creatures like men. That's where a lot of us go wrong. We're thinking like men and trying to be max physically appealing.

Women's top attraction requirements are personality. That means confidence, intelligence, humor, charm, wit, status, work ethic, discipline, charisma, courage, kindness (not niceness), mistique, big dick energy, having good taste or fashion, sophistication or masculinity, experience, the way you carry yourself, own who you are. Having a couple of these are going to get you further than looks alone.

If a hot guy is with a hot girl, it's more that he's able to harness media and social biases about who he is and manifest the attributes that come with being "the hot guy."

It's not so much that he has a chiseled jawline and perfect blue eyes and muscles, and that asthetic makes the woman tinglely. He's manifesting the expectations and the girl is buying into it. Conversely, a lot of conventionally unattractive guys will believe things about their lack of appeal that will lead them to disqualify themselves. So you will see a correlation of hot guy to hot girl. But correlation is not causation, and there are plenty of non physically attractive guys who break the mold, and they are not all millionaires.

VijendraSinghMutthal · 2024-08-19T19:58:12+00:00

I’m autistic and I fuck like crazy from apps, so yes you’re right

Kobe_curry24 · 2024-08-19T21:28:00+00:00

You need game either way your not Justin Bieber lmaooo

ooa3603 · 2024-08-19T21:40:38+00:00

For casual relationships, yes they the priority for most people, for anything deeper personality becomes the priority.

toliveistocherish · 2024-08-19T22:19:48+00:00

looks are important but thats only a miniscule and a small part of the big picture there are several aspect of the game (for inner and outer game).

and also seduction is not for everyone, being good with the subculture thats called pickup is not a walk in the park.

its a complete mindshift.

BetterString9306 · 2024-08-19T17:26:40+00:00

I'm having a hard time believing that looks aren't that important when wanting to hookup or something casual

Who said it wasn't ?

If someone say it was not he is a liar. LMAO

Western-Month-3877 · 2024-08-19T17:49:48+00:00

Important. Yes. That important? Debatable.

I’m a living proof. I rate myself only a 7 and my “kevin hart” colleague that I had shared here couple times is a 5 at the most. Each of us has pulled more women than ALL the model look-alike guys in the same building COMBINED.

You wouldn’t believe how many gorgeous looking men don’t know how to talk to women even just to initiate a conversation. This is why I believe all 9’s and 10’s (both men and women) take their look for granted.

But when it comes to efforts and working on to get something, they are sub par. Not to mention like very hot chicks, they probably suck in bed too aka feeling entitled (I’ve heard stories lol). They think because they’re hot so their counterparts should be grateful. Don’t even wanna do oral let alone anal, just lying down in bed receiving services. Fuck that.

andrewtheman82 · 2024-08-19T18:01:58+00:00

I know plenty of women who would be into a guy because he was goodlooking, but but would be completly turned off because he was: dumb, rude, condesending, obnoxious etc.

I also have plenty of friends that aren't considered good looking by traditional standards, but they pickup good looking women out of their league on the regular because they just have well above average social skills.

So looks may open the door, but no women is going to take 1 look at any guy and think "You'll do for the night" and take you home without talking to you first

saulisdating · 2024-08-19T18:16:55+00:00

Looks are only great for first impressions and they’re not the only thing that makes you attractive. Nor the only thing women seek in a hookup or a fwb relationship. Looks are a BONUS because the goal is great sex.

Ask woman around: would they want to hook up with a really hot guy if they knew the sex would be shitty, bland and passionless? Very few to none would.

Then ask them if they’d hook up with a guy who’s not handsome, has a dad bod for example or whatever, if they knew the sex would be fucking amazing? Most would. They might not want to advertise your casual hookup or relationship if you’re below average looking because of social expectations and conditioning, but they will most certainly relish it anyway and enjoy themselves.

If you’re great at sex and know you can pleasure a woman beyond her wildest expectations, it shows in your behaviour, sub-communications, confidence, etc. and women pick up on this quality very easily. And your looks will not matter much at all.

thankyouryard · 2024-08-19T18:01:18+00:00

they are surely important who said they arent?

but dont confuse them with "looks are everything" which is simply not true

safestuff987 · 2024-08-19T18:33:27+00:00

It's not that they "aren't that important", they are important but they just aren't everything. A dude could look like Chris Hemsworth, but if he behaves like Mr. Bean then he's not going to get much action.

Title	I'm having a hard time believing that looks aren't that important when wanting to hookup or something casual
Author	handsome_B_wunderful
Upvotes	83
Comments	44
Date	August 19, 2024 5:04 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ew74s1/im_having_a_hard_time_believing_that_looks_arent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-having-a-hard-time-believing-that-looks-arent.1527734 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527734

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