Why do women have high physical standards when looking for a hookup but not so much when looking for a relationship?

didsomebodysaymyname · 2024-09-05T20:27:16+00:00

I think you're misunderstanding the dynamic here, but mainly it's that finances, personality, and lifestyle don't matter so much for a hookup. Superficial charm and looks are enough.

And guys do this too. I slept with a coke head once, you think I'm gonna settle down with her? (She's in prison rn.)

As for relationships, I wouldn't say that women don't care about looks for relationships, attractive dudes get married all the time.

It's just that it becomes a lower priority. Being with the most attractive guy in the world isn't going to be a good life if you're struggling to pay rent every month or he has a temper tantrum every 5 minutes over nothing.

It's like asking why most people rent boats instead of buying them. Very fun for an afternoon on the lake. Very unfun to pay for a boat slip and maintenance.

Outside_Bowler8148 · 2024-09-05T20:23:09+00:00

Supply/demand. It’s harder to tie down a good looking man but not that hard to get him for a night. It’s easier to tie down a less good looking man and that dude is probably more kind than the good looking man. If u could choose between having sex with a hot girl and an average girl (both of them will have sex w you), what do you choose? Now lets say the hot girl will only have sex and not settle down and you’re looking for a relationship (bec kids, bio clock, emotional support needs), what do you do?

Captain_w00t · 2024-09-05T22:18:50+00:00

It’s not a universal rule, but usually if a person is just looking for sex and has choice, every good looking person will be ok (unless that person is an idiot).

On the other hand, LTR relationships require much more aspects to consider, including (but not limited to):

emotional stability
commitment
economic stability
loyalty
competence
common grounds and life projects
personality
some kind of attractiveness: when someone fully checks all the other boxes, it becomes much attractive because they grow feelings.

This goes beyond genres. As a 45+yo man, I could hookup with a 20-something girl, but it’s out of discussion to go for something serious, and the same would be likely for the girl, as well. There isn’t room for the feelings, but you enjoy the physical attraction.

So, it’s not about different levels of look standards, it’s more about the requirements for what you’re looking for.

ProFriendZoner · 2024-09-05T20:46:14+00:00

Women have sex with whoever they want. Men have sex with whoever they can.

Men marry whoever they want. Women marry whoever they can.

Top_Transportation54 · 2024-09-05T20:32:42+00:00

It’s called a dual mating strategy. She has one guy for the money and another guy to hook up with.

throwawayofc1112 · 2024-09-05T20:28:36+00:00

Casual sex is risky for women, so if they’re gonna do it they might as well do it with the best possible option

safestuff987 · 2024-09-05T20:15:18+00:00

They prioritize more than looks when looking for a suitable boyfriend.

Some women actively avoid getting into relationships with attractive men because they're too insecure to handle the idea of a guy who can get female attention easily.

mjhudson12241224 · 2024-09-05T20:46:37+00:00

Generally speaking they do have high standards for both. It’s just a LOT harder to get a good looking man to settle down in a long term relationship than have casual sex or a hookup.

So that’s why you see women hookup with guys who are attractive or high status when they’re younger then get married to someone medium or low status when they’re older—they’re settling.

It doesn’t mean their standard or desired went away though.

Recktion · 2024-09-05T20:28:14+00:00

Because of the resources it takes to reproduce. It takes little resources for a man to create a child so men can easily spray-and-pray. It's a huge toll on the female body to reproduce, so they need to be selective.

WaitingForTheFire · 2024-09-05T21:33:43+00:00

If your goal is a happy long term relationship, you probably have to make some compromises. It is statistically improbable to find someone who is 10 out of 10 in every category: looks, personality, sense of humor, financial security, etc. For a long term relationships, women (and lots of men) are ok with the partner who is 6/10 in looks but 8/10 in every other way.

If your goal is to find a short term partner or hookup, it may be flipped the other way around. The person who has 8/10 looks may fulfill sexual needs while being 6/10 in personality and other traits.

patrickco123 · 2024-09-05T20:15:42+00:00

Evolution, men can spray their DNA everywhere, women need a support system to bring that DNA to reproductive age

GoldenBeaverTeeth · 2024-09-05T20:19:16+00:00

Smash the good looking guy and have the nice guy take care of his genes?

My second guess is there is something more valuable than looks in men when it comes to being a good partner.

Hothead361 · 2024-09-06T04:12:16+00:00

This is probably why I'll never get into realtonships with women who are into hookups or causal sex, like you give up your body to random people for noting and you expect me to put the hard work , play realtonship to get access to the same thing? No thanks.

A1Horizon · 2024-09-05T21:20:14+00:00

You know how people always say men have two boxes, women they’d sleep with but wouldn’t date, and women they’d sleep with and date? Women have the exact same boxes just with different criteria

Western-Month-3877 · 2024-09-05T21:08:25+00:00

Because after a while women find out that money is the solution to a lot of problems and sex is overrated.

She could get married to an impotent wealthy man and find sex elsewhere.

But if she marries a guy who satisfies her in bed but can’t provide aka broke, even if she tries to be a sex worker she’ll probably end up just having a barely comfy living, but not wealthy.

Casanova-Quinn · 2024-09-05T20:39:19+00:00

Because a hookup is just short term physical activity. They're not concerned about your job, personality, etc. because they're not staying with you long term.

gbrlgzmn · 2024-09-05T22:44:03+00:00

Most of these responses sound like the runner up acceptance speeches from the international IN MY OPINION awards

allahyardimciol · 2024-09-05T20:29:08+00:00

Men take anything they get. Hook ups or relationships it doesn’t matter, they will try to get the hottest girl. Girls on the other hand can sleep with almost any men but getting a relationship and commitment out of a good looking guy is hard. Why should a good looking guy be monogamous if he can fuck around?

bobsbitchtitz · 2024-09-06T01:51:07+00:00

Dudes are the same exact way. You don’t marry the smoke show you marry the solid 7 who makes you happy.

The smoke shows are always annoying af and more crazy and beauty fades.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-09-05T21:00:11+00:00

The more attractive the man, the less secure the deal is.

ExtraordinaryBeetles · 2024-09-05T22:14:52+00:00

We do too, we're just way.... way... WAY more focused on the physical value of partners. Reflected in the sentiment of how much "women change" in relationships, it's just our own sexually induced blindness fading.

Ancient-Position-696 · 2024-09-05T23:36:42+00:00

It's the difference between knowing what you can catch vs knowing what you can keep

EDOMINATOR · 2024-09-05T23:49:49+00:00

Validation vs Security

JinnJuice80 · 2024-09-06T02:36:09+00:00

One of my friends is divorced with 4 kids. I think he knew a ton of women weren’t going to come around for him (he’s just about 40) so he got into a serious relationship with literally a woman he went on a couple dates with and formed a serious commitment to. Settling my friends. He had no clue at the time who she was or how compatible they were. Now he wonders why he has a wandering eye a few years later. I think he found her attractive but she is very plain and mid or what ever the word is for that these days 🤷🏻‍♀️

Women get into these situations as well 🤦🏻‍♀️

spiralspectra · 2024-09-06T07:06:23+00:00

It's like a diet, you can't have a cheat meal that looks yummy every day. The boring meals keep you happy and healthy on the long run.

MouseAware809 · 2024-09-06T07:47:07+00:00

Your looking at it from a mans POV.

Yes they do have "higher standards" for someone they want to be in a relationship with, however those standards are more than just physical looks.

For a hookup, all that matters is how they look, they don't care about financial stability, emotional support, etc.

If they want to get laid ONLY, they want it to be with the hottest thing they can get.

Where as if they are to enter a relationship, they have other priorities other than just looks.

TreeHouseCartoons · 2024-09-05T20:24:06+00:00

Because women are just as horny as men? Why would they settle for less especially if it’s just for fun?

One-Hedgehog4722 · 2024-09-05T20:52:26+00:00

Short term hook up - they want a sexy man. Longterm relationship - security is much more important to them, someone who will stick around and support them, etc. Attractive man, more likely not to stick around. One strategy is hooking up with a sexy guy then shortly after securing a long term with a not so attractive man, and who knows who the father is, thank god we have DNA testing.

Junior-Sport7376 · 2024-09-05T21:47:37+00:00

Bc, in nature ->, breed highest-status male -> let the beta male raise the alpha male's child.

SuperPoop · 2024-09-06T14:22:13+00:00

Looks/bad boy satisfies their lust. Fatherly qualities satisfies their necessity to raise a baby

Lazy_Lion_7296 · 2024-09-06T18:42:49+00:00

What??? You may have women confused with men

mundane_girlygal · 2024-09-06T01:20:45+00:00

Why would you risk it if you’re not even attracted? (Sti/d or pregnancy)

mister_k1 · 2024-09-06T00:25:24+00:00

They get ran through by the chads and they marry the simps, easy.

Chad would never give them commitment and after a while of them being pumped and dumped they settle for the beta male, he would be used to pay the bills, also at this point the clock is ticking if they wanna have kids so they have to settle out off desperation.

some of em never settle, they keep being pumped and dumped and raise cats

Pyroftw3 · 2024-09-06T04:54:23+00:00

they want the most sexually attractive guy for both hookup and relationship but those guys are sexually attractive because they have/can get many women.

I personally get laid easily and fast but harder to keep women around because most girls don't take me seriously because they know if they fuckup or i get bored i can replace them easily and quickly.

Girls want the most sexually attractive guy in a monogamous relationship but once the guy accepts monogamous relationship he is not the most sexually attractive guy anymore because mens biological is to have multiple women so he is sacrificing his biology to please a women which is not attractive (it makes women happy but not attracted)

Odd_Efficiency6684 · 2024-09-06T03:28:44+00:00

I’m a victim of this 😂

No_Hat9118 · 2024-09-06T04:52:45+00:00

Because they hook up with hotter guys who wouldn’t choose them as gfs

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2024-09-06T07:41:20+00:00

Only some girls are like that and you attract what you are. If your a quality man you will attract a quality woman. If your on a sub and an app and that's what you meet then that's a different perspective to reality.

MeatMarket92 · 2024-09-06T13:09:59+00:00

Mating quality vs parental quality

sweetsauce007 · 2024-09-06T14:05:00+00:00

Still care about the looks / feeling attracted to them just as much it’s just that sometimes you might fall in love with someone because of their personality, sense of humour etc and then even if they’re not that good looking you still find them super attractive.

Crimith · 2024-09-06T15:53:29+00:00

Think about it for longer than 10 seconds, I'm sure you'll figure it out.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2024-09-06T17:43:50+00:00

It’s a matter of checking off the right boxes.

The good looking guy usually is missing a bunch of characteristics that women value in relationships (money, stability, status, emotional intelligence etc).

So for one night they will make exceptions. But for a long term relationship you need to meet or exceed their minimum requirements.

High physical status is not a the top of the women’s list compared to what men value.

ak4790 · 2024-09-08T08:34:25+00:00

Women always date up. So for hookups or relationships, they are gonna look for the best guy they can get in all categories. Ofc hookups is more superficial, and relationships require more from a guy, but nonetheless women want it all.

InstructionAbject763 · 2024-09-08T22:59:35+00:00

Hooking up is for fun

Marriage is for life

Lots of attractive guys are boring tbh

The sex may be good but that's all it is and therefore we don't really care who they are as people

When we care about men and who they are as people, in terms of partnership, we can overlook superficial stuff when more important things are to be had

Chemistry

Romance

A good personality

Common interests/religion/lifestyle

Wants/goals/expectations

Etc.

Fuzzy_Carpet_8169 · 2024-09-10T08:29:21+00:00

I mean there's no difference of approach from a hookup and solid long relation man, no dude will approach a gall and say "i want long term commitment with you, let's go to a date?", no they simply will ask for her number as a dude who only wants a night-stand. This dicotomy it's kinda dumby.

MathematicianThin758 · 2024-09-10T15:39:58+00:00

Everyone has different perspectives and desires when it comes to relationship and hookups. For Some, physical attraction might play a significant role in casual encounters because these interactions are more about immediate gratification and less about long-term compatibility, in contrast, when considering a relationship, many people might prioritize deeper connections and compatibility. which can lead them to look beyond just physical attributes.

Its also worth noting that peoples standards and preferences can be influenced by a variety of factors, including their personal experiences, cultural norms, individual values. ultimately, the most important thins is to communicate openly and honestly about your expectations and desires, whether your seeking a casual connection or a more serious relationship

ExternalPaint5115 · 2024-09-12T09:06:43+00:00

we do it too

MrAnonPoster · 2024-09-05T20:24:24+00:00

They do for both. In the relationship it is easier to compensate with $$$

gbrlgzmn · 2024-09-05T22:44:36+00:00

Most of these responses sound like the runner up acceptance speeches from the international IN MY OPINION awards

its__SJ · 2024-09-06T03:31:19+00:00

Biology, that’s how they wired

DaygameCode · 2024-09-05T23:06:18+00:00

Because the perfect man is too hard to find for most women so they settle with not so great man who can at least provide enough stability and security. They use their younger years for non compromises, and then once their looks start to decline they settle, because they have had enough fun.

Scary-Decision9722 · 2024-09-06T02:31:21+00:00

Fantasy

lolothe2nd · 2024-09-05T20:49:57+00:00

the kid will have pretty genes and the ugly man will raise the baby.. simple w logic

Ok_Glass_7481 · 2024-09-05T21:48:19+00:00

I don't understand how those bad looking guys actually have guts to offer just hookup. For hookup you only promiss your looks and instant chemistry. If you look gross then you offer nothing.

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