Just got the divorce papers sent to me. Really is hitting hard. How to cope?

Jeep-Stingrey · 2024-08-29T17:25:11+00:00

Open the Bible and your answers will be in there and the Lord will be your strength, I got my papers 8 months ago and believe me I’m doing better then she is

Boomhower113 · 2024-08-27T12:58:03+00:00

It took me about a day and a half to realize that she did me a favor by filing. But, I was a fucking wreck for that day and a half.

You’ll get through this.

2 years? She needs to pay somebody back for the wedding expenses.

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2024-08-27T12:26:22+00:00

Let the emotions out. But not in front of her. She is no longer your wife. Now is the time to prepare for the divorce. If she is serving you divorce papers - she probably already has a lawyer, a gameplay and her support system set up.

Start vetting lawyers asap - most will give you a free consultation.

Start figuring out what you want for custody if kids are involved.

Start figuring out her income. Pull last year's taxes, etc.

Find your state's online calculator for child support (if applicable) and spousal support. For a 2 yr marriage spousal support should be minimal.

My point, let the emotions out - find a friend of therapist to talk to. BUT you can't stay in that funk because you have, unfortunately, a big fight in front of you and she may be 10 steps ahead of you already.

Previous-Product777 · 2024-08-27T03:55:55+00:00

What snapped me out of it was knowing that I while I was sat around all depressed and feeling sorry for myself, she was out there having a grand old time and not sparing a thought for me. As she’d already wasted enough of my time and energy while we were together, continuing to allow her to have an effect on my life and mood after we’d separated was unacceptable to me. Wasn’t as easy as flicking a switch in my head though - just have to keep reminding yourself and stay busy.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-08-27T03:50:57+00:00

Don’t reply - read them, then take them and go see a lawyer. You cope by treating this as “only business” when it comes to her, then crying your eyes out alone, with your therapist or buddies. She doesn’t get to feed off any of your emotions ever again. Not anger. Not love. Not sorrow or sadness. Nothing.

Special_Profit4509 · 2024-08-27T02:38:07+00:00

Keep busy, i hope you have a good family or fellowship to keep you motivated to live life in a heathy way.

Basic_Advance7627 · 2024-08-27T02:37:25+00:00

Be glad it wasn’t 27

Medical_Number8972 · 2024-08-27T02:24:34+00:00

If you have a brother talk to him. If you have friends from college or high school, talk to them. Take time to talk to friends. Join a gym. Get fit and make friends there. Get out and live your life in spite of you because no matter how she smiles she obviously doesn't give a shit about you or she would have never left you!

MR-Ozmidnight · 2024-08-27T01:59:13+00:00

I'm really sorry that you're going through this tough time. Divorce is never easy, and it will take time for the pain to lessen. You don't have to go through this alone, especially if you have kids. I recommend reading "Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life." It offers some valuable insights that may help you. It's available on the Web. Keeping your mind occupied and staying active can also help. It's important to let your family and friends know what's going on; they can provide support and guidance. You should also let her family know the situation, especially if she's blaming everything on you. Just remember that you have people here who are willing to help in any way they can. Stay strong, and know that you will get through this.

Cowboy8040 · 2024-08-27T00:30:03+00:00

Same boat as you are currently in. Been separated for 3 weeks today, was served divorce papers last week. I’ll be seeing a therapist this week for the second time. I immediately got into therapy because I knew it was over. She has bipolar depression and quits everything she does I just thought our vows meant more. Married only 10 months, together 3 yrs. STBX wife had her second miscarriage in May and now doesn’t want to be married essentially. Wanted motherhood more than marriage. It’s hell right now. I was completely blindsided. I will pray for you brother. Faith in Jesus will restore me and you.

Betteroffalone1111 · 2024-08-27T00:17:56+00:00

Thank god it’s only 2 years brother, read and learn about woman nature, work on yourself and have fun as a bachelor, you will be ok man

TweakerTheBarbarian · 2024-08-26T23:56:14+00:00

It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass. Biking saved my health (both mental and physical). Find something that works for you.

Movieman_Steve · 2024-08-26T23:51:26+00:00

What @Heavy-bench-5378 said is what I totally agree with, I was served a month ago after a fast 2 month separation. Lawyer, therapy, family, friends and even more surprising is co-workers, there might be a few like I have that have gone thru the exact same thing....divorce. Oh and go excercise cause that is what the therapist will recommend.

TXJohn83 · 2024-08-26T23:28:08+00:00

It's after 5pm your time? Call a friend and go hang out.

In the morning take the day off work and start calling lawyers

Heavy-Bench-5378 · 2024-08-26T22:40:55+00:00

Call the Professionals... 1. Lawyer and a Mediator. 2. Therapists. 3. Personal Trainer.

Lean on 1. Family, stay with your folks for a bit. 2. Friends, reach out to them. 3. Church, if you're religious.

It sucks, but you'll need each of these. You'll be fine in another year. Try to stay away from the alcohol.

Reflog1791 · 2024-08-26T22:36:07+00:00

Go for a walk, take a bike ride, go play golf, whatever healthy things you can think of.

Two year marriage this is a nice easy divorce. May not seem that way but I would urge you to look on the bright side. If you are depressed go speak to a counselor. This too shall pass. Hang in there man.

Title	Just got the divorce papers sent to me. Really is hitting hard. How to cope?
Author	shalalala77
Upvotes	26
Comments	33
Date	August 26, 2024 10:16 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1f20wbh/just_got_the_divorce_papers_sent_to_me_really_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/just-got-the-divorce-papers-sent-to-me-really-is.1528483 https://theredarchive.com/post/1528483

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