My wife and I have been separated for just over a year, divorce is still pending mediation in November. We're 29 and have two children.

Extremely toxic between the two of us, in a nutshell she wasn't happy with herself and didn't want to live the rest of her life "unhappy" and left the home. We swap kids every few days, but she spends most of her time out drinking with her new "mean girl" friend group, hooking up with guys, etc. She's in between jobs often and in general just chaos.

I've been spending a lot of my time alone, trying to understand what I want in life.

Anyhow, she texted me yesterday out of the blue wanting to chat. I was at work, so I didn't respond, I just assumed it was about money or to fight. She texted me again later and asked for $100 for her and my daughters phone bill. I shouldn't have as I'm aware she's still drinking and not making great choices, but I did. I sent it to her, didn't acknowledge her text or reply, I figure her paypal notification would be enough. She texted me again and thanked me. Later that night, she came over and said she'd really like to talk. We sat outside, she asked to sit in my lap and I declined. After a few moments of silence, she asked what it would take to fix things.

I love this woman with all of my heart, but I don't know that I can move past what has happened this year. I told her our marriage was dead, and that if we were ever able to start over we had to do a LOT of work on ourselves (after all, thats why she left anyways, right?). I told her she needed to address her mental health issues and especially her drinking. Anyhow, things got toxic and went into her arguing with me, her demanding me to tell her which family member is telling me when she's out at a bar or at the package store. All that's told me is that she's not ready to take accountability for any of her actions. I do think she's fighting things internally, and want nothing more than my family back, but I don't think she's ready to do the work.

I'm drinking my coffee this morning, and there isn't much point of this post aside from me saying, even while you're in it and it feels like you're standing still, you're making a lot more progress than you realize. I'm not where I want to be by any stretch of the imagination, but I can see I'm on my way.

I bought the kids (and me) and go-kart last weekend for $75. Since I won't have them this weekend, I'm going to finish priming and painting it purple and blue (they picked lol), replace the carb and get it going up and down the street.