Stay single for kids

Acceptable-Change204 · 2026-02-16T16:37:01+00:00

I’m currently 72 but stayed single since I was 37 with a 3 year old daughter… I went ‘all in’ and became super involved with my daughter growing up. I became very active in her school, I was asked to be the 3rd grade class ‘mom’. We vacationed, just the two of us every year… I had a really fulfilling experience as a single Dad… I dated casually and probably let down too many women…but I stayed the course till I walked her down the aisle when she was 26… I have no regrets with the choice I made… ‘go all in’

Cmillagain · 2024-09-23T00:01:34+00:00

I’ve been single for 3 years now and just focused on my relationship with myself and my 10 year old. I have never been happier in my life.

djquikstop · 2024-09-22T15:17:42+00:00

Nah, me and the ex are going to Co parent. I'm already looking for another partner. I want my kiddo to have siblings. My ex said she's done dating or having kids. It's up to me.

Boomhower113 · 2024-09-22T13:35:21+00:00

I’m not divorced yet, but hopefully soon if she’ll sign the fucking decree.

Thinking about the dating world a bit and my plan, for now, is to go super easy and make it just that. Dates. Not a relationship.

My goal is that she’ll never meet my kids and I have zero desire to meet hers.

NewLifeNewDream · 2024-09-22T11:27:12+00:00

13 years later...I'm back with my son's mother.

We both got married to other people....

Hell I had a other child since then.....

We been back together since may. It's crazy how smooth it's going. Having history and all between us.

myrstica · 2024-09-22T09:56:00+00:00

I've been separated for 10 months, divorced for 3. I have my kids on weekends and the rest of the week to myself. I've dated a little bit, but after a few dates, I realized I wasn't ready. Every time the 3rd date came up, I felt so much anxiety that I called it off. Clearly, I'm carrying some trauma centered around relationships and intimacy.

My ex started dating the weekend after I moved out and got herself a new man within a month. Introduced him to the kids a month or two later, and now practically lives with the guy. Luckily, the kids seem to be fine with it.

My kids are 10, 7, and 5, and it's clear that they miss being with me, as I do with them.

In my situation, I would just take things slowly and be careful. I wouldn't introduce someone new for 6 months or so, to give the kids some time to adjust to the idea, telling them about a new friend that I was spending time with, and to thoroughly vet the new woman and give us both time to settle in and actually get to know each other and understand our individual priorities, beliefs about child rearing, etc, and to effectively demonstrate that the kids are always going to be more important to me.

The last thing I want to do is bring someone new into their lives with whom they bond, only to have that person disappear because we didn't know each other well enough.

Certainly, you can't remove all risk from the situation, but I think it's important to demonstrate responsible, careful dating, and show the kids that it's ok/normal for a person, and especially a parent, to honor themselves and their own needs, instead of martyring themselves on the cross of selfless parenthood.

So to sum it up: my position is this: date if you're ready to date. Use the apps if you find some success there, but mostly focus on (re)building your social life. Meet people with similar interests and passions of all genders. If you don't hit it off with one of them romantically, they may have a friend that would be perfect for you. Take it slow. Be responsible. Don't neglect yourself. You have more than enough love for your kids and a new partner, and you deserve to have your cup filled too.

You got this. You're a great dad. Dating won't change that.

ashtag916 · 2024-09-22T07:46:40+00:00

Don’t do it. A happy man equals a happy daddy. Babysitters are not hard to find. Get to know someone first like 6 months at least and then say hey rbjs my friend. Don’t ever think you should be alone because you have children. Children are a team sport.

Rollercoaster72 · 2024-09-22T04:30:03+00:00

It’s personal I think and it definitely depends on the new partner. On the other hand the acceptance of a new partner won’t be easier in time. It’s easier for a toddler to get a new/another mommy than for a teenager to get a stepmother. Especially if the new partner also has kids. You can imagine that: bringing together teenagers or toddlers/young kids…

But for they are so young, the probability that you get an other break up while they are under 18 is ofc very likely.

If you don’t feel the desire to do so then don’t.

I have my son 100% of my time so it was not possible to date without him knowing therefore I had to bring my new gf slowly into our lives. Still working on it, they met a few times now. He kind of likes her but his mother is still the best looking woman in the world for him, even though she left him too…

OkEmphasis5923 · 2024-09-22T02:53:21+00:00

At 8,4, and 2 you're doing the smart thing for now by staying single. You'll never get the experience of being a Dad to young children again, don't squander this or complicate it by bringing some new woman into their lives.

But you won't need to wait until the youngest is 18 to start dating. Once they're in high school the dynamic changes quite a bit and parenting becomes more about good advice, rules, rides, and spending money. At that point, you may find that a steady girlfriend to spend quiet weekends with is nice and as the kids all transition to college you can consider something more permanent.

streetsmartwallaby · 2024-09-22T01:38:26+00:00

Single father to my kids; wife noped out about five years ago. Not dating until kid graduates high school.

As long as you keep your kid’s best interests in mind when you date I don’t know why you couldn’t. I don’t know of any research to support it one way or the other.
For me peace and zen. I am too traumatized from the shit their mom put me through to date.
I volunteer, read, exercise, hang out with my brother, etc. I don’t feel lonely at all. My marriage was not good (see trauma above) and I know how to keep busy. Also helps that I am a misanthropic introvert.

One4All992 · 2024-09-22T01:31:30+00:00

I'm still up in the air. I won't use apps, I've gone out a few times and all I have to say is wow to that. I also have an 8,4, & 3 year old I'm just not sure it's worth the risk I'd rather keep the peace that I have then try and find someone. If a unicorn comes along the way, great. Otherwise I'm just going to keep the status quo.

jimsmythee · 2024-09-21T23:42:48+00:00

I replaced the pill popping disaster prone exwife with the “wife version 2.0”.

So much happier and the kids like their new stepmom.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-09-21T22:17:26+00:00

I replaced the abusive, cheating pos ex with someone 10x better, and my children have only benefited.

captainchippsixx · 2024-09-21T21:49:31+00:00

Yep. Just be ground and pound for now. Maybe friends with benefits. Keep it casual.

Crushed_95 · 2024-09-21T21:42:55+00:00

This is exactly my plan is to stay single until my 6 year old turns 16 when he gets his drivers license and car. What put me in this space was dating the past 2 years after my divorce when a couple of women that I was dating separately told me that I had my son too much and they wanted that time. I'll let no woman make me push my son to the side just to get more excess to me!

This_Train340i · 2024-09-21T21:30:18+00:00

I had a very bad experience with my stepparents and there was no way I was going to do that to my daughter. Very few women could even begin to accept that I have to love my daughter more than them until she is emancipated. Not wasting my time finding a unicorn though.

Domesticated_Dave · 2024-09-21T21:08:40+00:00

I think it’s okay to put yourself first if you’re looking for a life partner. Your kids will grow up and you’ll be alone. I met an angel a year and a half after divorce and I’m a better father and person because I’m with her. My kids love her. Keep an open mind, you never know.

bigblue778 · 2024-09-21T20:48:31+00:00

I also have been struggling with the idea, i have the kids 80/20 (her way) but I'm fighting for 50/50 so right now I have a strong urge for another relationship but I'm waiting for several reasons. 1. I have only been separated for 7 months, so out of respect for my marriage. 2. I'm still working on myself. 3. The most important once I get 50/50 I want to make sure I have the time to even have a woman in my life my kids will always come first and I'm not willing to put my needs off to please a woman. One thing I have thought about is if it was to magically work out with someone having a full family unit, it would be good for the kids, and that's the part I struggle with.

tempussecundus · 2024-09-21T20:37:50+00:00

As a devout Catholic myself, I'll never get remarried. I believed the marriage was valid and therefore cannot be annulled. Legally I'm divorced. I'll just pour my love and energy into my girls. I currently have them 10/90 because they're so young but fighting for 50/50

Internal-Wolverine13 · 2024-09-21T18:53:42+00:00

It's basically what I've done in the 5 years post-divorce for my kids. I've dated here and there but the kids have never met any of them and I'd never move one in. I'll see them sometimes in the 50% of the time I don't have the kids but if I'm needed for activities etc in my non-custody times they have to understand my kids will come first and if not they can head on down the road.

Slowloris81 · 2024-09-21T18:48:20+00:00

I think it’s very individualistic. I have two little girls so I struggle with this. I know they will not take well to another woman at home who’s not their mom so I’m not pushing it for the moment. I also don’t feel like I really desire it other than to combat the loneliness/isolation. I don’t think I’d ever want another spouse (one was enough!).

Miserable_Ad_1172 · 2024-09-21T18:14:01+00:00

I have tussled with this for a long time. I have been divorced 1 year, separated for 2 and half years. Fought hard for the marriage and I still miss the family unit. At the end of the day it’s a personal choice. If you want to do this it will be better for your children in the long run. We can’t worry what the ex wife does but we can keep our own lives a place of calm,peace,fun,love,discipline and kindness. To be honest your right I find many with daddy issues and the ex wife had those in abundance. If it was me and i am doing this, stay single or have a girlfriend who understands that there’s a limit to the relationship. I miss my spouse, it’s hard especially when you didn’t want the marriage to end but all we can do is be a little better everyday. 💪🏼😊

Title	Stay single for kids
Author	HarveyRichardMarcos
Upvotes	21
Comments	34
Date	September 21, 2024 4:43 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fm7767/stay_single_for_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/stay-single-for-kids.1530949 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530949

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