Controversial: I don't think we, as men should worry about unintentionally making women uncomfortable at all.

ratfooshi · 2024-09-29T13:41:04+00:00

Hesitation is an obstacle created by timidity.

If you move fast, not only do you not give yourself time to think of the consequences, but them either.

And that's the kinda shit to make people fall in love.

compulsivecrazy · 2024-09-29T11:50:53+00:00

More general version of this would be, if it doesn't hurt anyone then you shouldn't be worried about other's opinions of whatever action you take

jackzander · 2024-09-29T13:46:06+00:00

Intent is worth pennies. If you aren't critiquing your actions by their effects, you're engaging in either fantasy or sociopathy.

epimpstyle · 2024-09-29T12:19:35+00:00

That's because when I compliment someone, I don't intend to make her uncomfortable

Not uncomfortable, but actually you want to talk to her (is not only the compliment and leave and most of the time the women know this)..... sometimes you don't catch them at the right moment and they just want to be alone in their world. Usually you can tell when you look at a woman if she's thinking about her business or if she's not bothering to talk to a stranger. It is her body language and her mood.

Some people don't care and they just approach, in my case after 5 years of doing this I still prefer to talk with women who have an open body language and they look approachable. It only takes a little practice to observe people, and you can tell in a second whether she is the right person to talk to or not.

MSHUser · 2024-09-29T12:06:34+00:00

Interesting post man. Honestly, the only times I would consider crossing to another street just to make a woman feel comfortable is if she sees my presence and is immediately terrified by the sight of me. But most of them don't even know I'm close, or they see me but they continue to walk, maybe sometimes shoot me a quick acknowledging polite smile, in those situations I give them the space necessary as you would with anyone.

And yea I like giving out compliments too, and it's beautiful when they genuinely appreciate it. I've had experiences where some women were uncomfortable with me complimenting them on something. Once I see her discomfort, I just end the convo there

InstructionAbject763 · 2024-09-29T22:44:08+00:00

Yeah, to a degree. But lots of us, men and women, unintentionally cause a lot of harm because we refuse to think or care how we are being perceived in a public space

If I go to the middle east as a woman, I don't want to offend anyone in say, Egypt. I will dress more appropriately, be more meek and try to assimilate and adapt to those around me holding the space.

Unfortunately, in our society, women's number one threat is men.

That doesn't mean you should be shackled to the floor forced to never give compliments or approach women or share space with women.

But it's a balancing act. Be mindful without being weak.

Like if you go into the elevator, be away from her. Maybe if talking happens mention a sister or mom or daughter.

As a woman, old men who are alone with me (elevators or whatever spaces like that) often tell me about their wives or daughters, female friends, to make me feel safe and I am always so grateful for the acknowledgment of how I feel and them extending and connecting with me to bring me to ease. Because sadly, I don't know you until I know you or I am dead. I cannot just know you won't harm me or not.

It's not your job to live your life terrified of making us feel scared.

No matter what, if we don't know you, we will be scared 99.9999% of the time. It's just automatic.

But it is nice when men do make a conscious effort to understand where we women come from and purposefully signal to us, I'm not those men.

By giving us space and ignoring us. Or if conversation happens, discussing the women in their lives that they love.

Every time a man in public has put me at ease is ignoring me, getting away from me, or if conversation happens, talking about the women he has in his life

Because a closed space or a place where we are by ourselves, I will NOT trust you ever.

Because if I choose the 1/1000 men that r*pe or kill, I'm a gonner and I'm not in the mood to take chances with my life ever. For any reason.

If you were in a dark alley way and a man was walking passes you and said loudly "on your left" when passing you,

Wouldn't you feel safer and less likely to be mugged versus him just rushing past you?

Lots of people in situations also do things to accommodate you and make you feel safer

Maybe take a moment where in situations men who were strangers did things to assure you in small ways they weren't a danger?

Snight · 2024-09-29T16:20:38+00:00

It’s easy to say that as a man, but if you want meaningful relationships you have to be able to reflect on the impact your actions have on others - intentional or not.

Subjective_Witness · 2024-09-29T12:59:12+00:00

Thing is, the fact you're making this statement mean you know you're making women uncomfortable by doing these things. So it's no longer unintentional.

Now whether or not you care about that is up to you, but is that conducive to a good engagement and potential pick up?

Keniath · 2024-09-29T12:47:58+00:00

I generally don't care to be honest. I will keep walking and going where I want to and if someone feels uncomfortable by that then it's their own issue and how they perceive things and alot their responsibility to change paths or whatever and not mine. Call me an A-hole but i simply couldn't care less. Why should I go out of my way for others, I see no reason for it

ArcaneAces · 2024-09-29T16:11:36+00:00

I mean if you want to be a decent person then yes you should but not in a way that terribly inconveniences you. When it comes to approaching a lady though, it shouldn't be a big concern.

Umang_Malik · 2024-09-30T02:41:47+00:00

Intent on its own is nonsense. The goal of all communication is to make some kind of impression in your interlocutors mind. If their sense of what you meant to say or do is different from your intent in saying or doing that thing, you have failed to communicate in the only way that matters.

Succesful communication always requires some kind of theory of mind enabling you to form conclusions about how your words will be taken before you say them, if for no other reason than because if you actually had absolutely no idea how the other person is going to understand your words, you would have no reason to say them, because they wouldn't communicate anything. It would be like talking to someone who speaks a different language. More fluent communication requires an even more advanced theory of mind, where you take into consideration your impression of the person's personal biases, their social/evironmental context and so on to get a more detailed sense of the impression your words will leave. This sounds really pretentious, but most neurotypical people do it automatically; such as by using a different vocabulary with their friends and family than they would with their boss or professor, for example. All of this to say, you probably won't get very far in seduction without some understanding of how people are reacting to you, and being able to adjust accoringly.

mow_foe · 2024-10-02T16:21:55+00:00

My philosophy on all things, especially this: Try it out with confidence, but pay attention to the results. If it doesn't work, stop or try something different. Accept that you may be doing something poorly.

I.e. a genuine compliment on something small is sweet (hey that's a cool shirt, I love that band...I'm Steve btw). An over-the-top compliment to someone you've never met is creepy (hi I think you're beautiful). Pay attention and make your choices based on results, not just whatever random words bounce into your head.

endoar · 2024-09-29T17:11:20+00:00

Not controversial at all.

killallwomen529 · 2024-09-29T13:04:36+00:00

Women only find you creepy or will accuse you of rape if you are short, have straight deformed hair, have a hooked nose, or brutally recessed chin.

Sherman140824 · 2024-09-30T21:19:49+00:00

If there is a chance you will make a woman uncomfortable then you shouldn't do it. Remember, women don't need to be approached to find dates. If you are approaching a woman you are doing it for your own interest, so it's best to err on the side of caution and leave her alone if you think it's more possible she would be annoyed by the approach.

Title	Controversial: I don't think we, as men should worry about unintentionally making women uncomfortable at all.
Author	divyanthj
Upvotes	218
Comments	82
Date	September 29, 2024 11:42 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1fs2gf4/controversial_i_dont_think_we_as_men_should_worry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/controversial-i-dont-think-we-as-men-should-worry.1531440 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531440

Comments