I feel like damaged goods

Healthy-Sugar-5982 · 2025-05-07T21:03:35+00:00

When a healthy person realizes a relationship is unhealthy, they end it. It’s that simple. That’s the response an emotionally mature person makes when realizing this. No need to beat yourself up. Society seems to have a hard time accepting that a man (how dare he) can and many men do divorce their wives. We live in a very gynocentric society right now here in the west and I think the reason is that this concept bucks the status quo.

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2024-10-05T00:13:07+00:00

And yes- you are damaged goods. We all are damaged goods. You , yourself have to come down to the conclusion and acceptance that it’s NOT your fault. If you have given the best of you- it’s not your fault.

dreadlocksman707 · 2024-10-03T21:01:33+00:00

You’re not damaged goods. Sometimes, marriages just don’t work out in the long run and come to an end. I would suggest therapy to find you who are & what makes you happy. Your statement about how you feel tells me that the waning period of marriage and divorce let a bad taste in your mouth. Time heals all wounds, my friend. Approach dating with a new mindset that it’s a new beginning in your life, you had to shed that old skin.

Internal_Echidna5646 · 2024-10-03T09:49:20+00:00

You're not damaged goods unless you think & act like it. It could be the way you are describing it to people. If it's a whoa is me type thing or doom & gloom then people are going to react to that. Especially women. They can pick up on stuff like that & can sense you might still be hung up on the ex or not ready.

Anyone could see that if you're giving off those type of vibes. If asked about it just be vague & say it was for the best & it didn't work out or something like that. If they still have an issue with it that's their problem. We all have a past.

starfoiltin · 2024-10-03T08:50:34+00:00

I get this sometimes. I have nothing to offer but solidarity. 🙏🏻

Eric_C_Productions · 2024-10-02T13:12:40+00:00

Who cares? The point is that you are meeting new people. If they are going to judge, then obviously you should keep moving on. A true friend, the right woman, etc won't care and not assume that it was you. Besides, you should be at that point in your life where you should stop worrying about what other people think. This isn't high school. You live your life. You can't control whatever people think or what they say and when you grasp that idea, then you will make your life much smoother.

Dramatic-Ad7192 · 2024-10-01T23:17:42+00:00

Same bro. Haven’t had a date in ages either

hazalo9 · 2024-10-01T21:45:18+00:00

I read a post of yours that you are legally separated, are you in the legal process of divorcing? Women don't want to deal with the baggage of a divorcing relationship especially if not in the official process yet. But most importantly, you have to get a mindset that you don't care what they think. Focus on becoming stable and getting divorced then move on to the next steps. Good luck bro!

crankyrhino · 2024-10-01T18:34:50+00:00

I've not known it to be a problem when I meet someone.

Usually where I see some stigma is from teachers or other parents when my kid is involved: school conferences, drop offs/pick ups, events and parties, etc.

"Oh, and is Dad on the pick up list? Let's see!"

"Oh, you're divorced? What a thing your kid had to go through."

"Little Bobby has not been focused in class. Is everything good for him in your home?"

This is where I have to bite my lip and not say the first thing that comes to mind, which is usually, "Would you be asking my ex these same questions or saying these same things to her?"

But dating? Hasn't been an issue.

BeansDaddy2015 · 2024-10-01T19:15:32+00:00

Without knowledge of how long your divorce has been, some might stereotype you as "not being ready" yet for dating or because of how bad your divorce might have been, you might be also looking at their every move too intently, causing some anxiety.

Realize that not everyone is your ex, although you can keep that in the back of your mind. Every person is different, how you choose to go to the next stage of life after the divorce, that is what will be key. Focus on you above all else and realize that it's ok to feel this way. If someone is against supporting a relationship because you've been divorced, maybe they aren't ready for a relationship either. Good luck

BanjoKfan64 · 2024-10-01T15:30:20+00:00

A Divorce is just the legal process of a breakup. I'm sure it's different with Kids, but for mine, I was with my Ex 4 years and married 1.5. We got Divorced, there's people out there who were together 10 years and broke up, but never married. We all have our own baggage and issues.

I don't think it's that big of a deal. If someone judged me on being Divorced, how could I not judge them on being with someone for over twice as long as I was with my Ex and theirs didn't work out?

Everyone has shit, as long as you're accepting of someones past them I am sure they will be too.

EconomistVisible2767 · 2024-10-01T15:14:22+00:00

People are inside their own world most of the time. It's rare that someone will ask about your divorce. This is NOT politeness. People don't have room for your problems in their solitude. There are exceptions. Gossip whores and close family and friends will take an interest. But not new people.

If you just met someone, they won't give a rat's ass. If you tell them and they give you a cross eyed look, it's not judgement. You just launched a 2.1 earthquake and it's shaking their world. If you're dating, realize they're single themselves for a reason. Dates are definitely no angels. If they ask, answer with, "You first. Why are you single?"

jimsmythee · 2024-10-01T14:39:50+00:00

It's true, from when I was in the dating market after I split with my first wife. Every single woman would always hit me with the, "So why are you divorced?" And I was always dead honest with them. "She's a pill popper and hurt the kids in a great big DUI crash."

Some women just accepted that at face value, and realized I was just doing the best I could for me and our 2 daughters were the 50/50 custody.

But other women were disgusted with me, "How could you leave your wife in her hour of need? And how could you take the children away from their mother?"

But yeah, it's hard not to feel like damaged goods when you're out there.

Puzzleheaded-Yam1718 · 2024-10-01T13:34:49+00:00

We all are damaged good to be fair. Don’t let that become your identity. We are not our worst failures. When I felt like a piece of shit, I went out and did piece of shit things to verify that sense of shame. It didn’t help me. I just felt worse. I have to agree that I’m not a piece of shit even if I feel like one.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-10-01T13:24:23+00:00

Do you raise it and drone on about it?

Melodic-Grapefruit-4 · 2024-10-01T13:20:19+00:00

That feeling goes away. How long have you been separated/divorced?

Exactly65536 · 2024-10-01T13:09:25+00:00

Isn't it a correct assumption?

Divorce is a failure in family building. Technically a failure of a project doesn't necessarily means a failure of a participant, but that's really a narrow trail to follow for someone who doesn't know you.

If anything, I'm writing without judging and as someone who had one divorce and considers a second one. None of which I have a reason to be proud of.

Boomhower113 · 2024-10-01T13:08:12+00:00

Dude, we’re all somebody’s leftovers. But, that’s okay.

The lady on the other side of the table has had breakups, too, even if it wasn’t a marriage.

You’re just in your own head. Nobody gives a shit.

Rugger2row · 2024-10-01T13:04:29+00:00

You probably did, probably your ex as well. It's part of your story. If you came out of it with better insight and as a better person then the fact that you are divorced won't matter imo. I'm not there yet but it looks like divorce is unavoidable for me. Good luck. Ironically good people tend to become better people after divorces imo. Don't let dating beat you down!

Title	I feel like damaged goods
Author	l3tsR0LL
Upvotes	18
Comments	30
Date	October 1, 2024 12:53 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ftncsi/i_feel_like_damaged_goods/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-feel-like-damaged-goods.1531775 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531775

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