Leaving her the house

69manu · 2023-09-14T03:06:32+00:00

Not weird at all. Same boat - I get the house end of the year after I pay her out. She pretty much got everything in it, I couldn’t be bothered to argue over stuff that can easily be replaced. Funny how she listed items as ‘my this’ ‘my that’ - just because she went out and purchased them - while I was working. In fact she used the word ‘my’ quite a bit, vs ‘ours’? Maybe I’m analyzing too much. Didn’t wanna sell under the pressure of divorce but can’t imagine what it will be like. We only had it 3 years but hard to extinguish the memories. Thinking of getting roommates or possibly just renting the place out until I figure out a plan. Mortgage was in my name and she can’t afford it. Makes sense to hang onto it short term at least. Just typing this gets me going.. she picked the house, I only saw it after we closed. I didn’t it care , I just wanted her to be happy … but if it wasn’t the house it was the camper, and then the hot tub and then the vacation.. just had to be waiting for the next ‘high’… no contentment. Just never good enough. Apologies for hijacking your thread with my ‘issues’…. Good luck.

justme4556 · 2023-09-14T02:48:39+00:00

Not crazy at all. Only reason I am keeping it is because I can't sell what it's worth and she cant get a mortgage. I plan to redo the inside and make it 100 percent mine.

Gattsama · 2023-09-14T04:32:00+00:00

I didn't care about the house either. We bought it (I I paid for it) in 2011. Got a great deal due to the horrible economy. Sold end of 2022. She wanted it, but could not afford it. I didn't want it. No kids.

I just didn't care 🤷‍♂️ Just over a decade in the house, had done a ton of upgrades: new floors, paint, art, furniture, etc. She told me to leave (manipulation tactic I suspect) but once out of the house, I never felt more peaceful and stress free.

We tried to work it out for a few months before I filed. But during the separation I just felt anxious and stressed every time I had to go by the house.

I came is understand its just a place, it's not home. I choose to allow her to decorate everything, and she did a great job. Everything was super functional and attractive. But I mostly hung out in my office.

I went from a 3060 sqft single family home 1bd 750sqft AirBnb. And I was never more peaceful. As I said I didn't want the house. And we had to much equity to walk away. In theory I could have given her the house in lieu of support, but she can't afford it; not would she qualify for a new mortgage.

We sold it (after a lot of BS) and each got a lot of equity. I don't miss it. I never have.

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-09-14T02:37:40+00:00

It’s crazy to me that my stbxw plans to stay in our home

upvotersfortruth · 2023-09-14T04:20:10+00:00

No but get your equity out of it to the maximum extent possible.

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2023-09-14T03:08:59+00:00

It’s not weird but it’s dumb.

Don’t just hand it over without significant concessions on her part. Men are so quick to acquiesce.

greatinven2161 · 2023-09-14T09:52:47+00:00

OP, not unusual. When I divorced my ex-wife 24 years ago, I left her a paid car, house, and property all my money. My lawyer said I was nuts, but I left my boys' world intact just without me in it on a daily basis. Best decision I made because of my narcissistic ex and her issues.

LonelyDadbod4U · 2023-09-14T09:06:45+00:00

IMHO - When does a Home just become a property/house ?

So easy for Ex to become detached from ‘house’ - I strongly believe it’s just becomes a pay day or transactional stepping stone for other spouse.

Memories of yesterday vanish like a fart in the wind.

For they move on so quickly. Or already checked out, like a chess grandmaster the Ex was several steps ahead.

Searching for the dream house where they have can complete control and say over every aspect and can purchase the shiny and new stuff.

I think guys might be more sentimental and prepared to make provider sacrifices just so they remain happy.

attachment to a material things will never result in freedom. The freedom of choice is more important to us and we bend over backwards at our detriment.

Stay strong 💪🏻

futureofthefuture · 2023-09-14T10:39:38+00:00

Yeah, I haven’t been to the house since February and we haven’t spoken since April. I feel I’ll be better off in the long run. I started hating it after we filed. So glad it’s in the past now.

HereinPA1 · 2023-09-14T11:10:45+00:00

I’m still living in mine, she moved out to an apartment end of July. Our daughter is a junior in high school and once she graduates we’ll either sell or I’ll refinance and pay her her half of the equity.

I hear you on the memories. I put so much work into this thing for us and she just upped and left like it didn’t mean anything. I’ve been “erasing” her from the house the last few weeks by removing all the decor from walls and stuff she had put here and there. Trying to make it my own while I’m still here.

There’s a lot of equity in this house, but even if we sold it houses are so expensive and rates are so high I couldn’t get anything close to what this house is now, we had it built in 2010.

Effective_Snow7895 · 2023-09-14T11:21:31+00:00

Im about to separate and I want to giver her everything just so I can move on with my life as quick as possible. I just want to walk away with a couple of thousand so I won't be homeless and my dog. She can keep everything else. You're not alone

captainchippsixx · 2023-09-15T13:57:30+00:00

You don’t have to fight but you should negotiate the value to keep an asset something for you. Don’t give anything for free.

aquatone61 · 2023-09-18T00:51:44+00:00

My ex really wants the house, like so much so she is moving my stuff out of sight, it seriously looks like I’ve never lived here(I travel for work during the week). During mediation she originally offered to keep it in both of our names for 5 years and then refinance. Mediator said that’s a little excessive and said I should counter with a year. My lawyer said sell it and split the equity. Currently at a stalemate. I probably could keep it and have the income/credit to put it in my name but I don’t know if I want to do that. I doubt she could refinance it in a years time anyway so it would most likely end up being sold. She wouldn’t be homeless, her mom has a two bedroom condo 10 minutes up the highway.

Royal_Win5362 · 2023-12-20T20:46:58+00:00

No, but really do the math right about your equity. If you need help, there's a calculator tool for that.

Title	Leaving her the house
Author	l3tsR0LL
Upvotes	14
Comments	29
Date	September 14, 2023 1:51 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16i5k8w/leaving_her_the_house/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/leaving-her-the-house.1231755 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231755

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