After struggling to conceive, my wife and I decided to use a sperm donor. Since we’re doing IVF, I got to choose the gender, and we’re having a boy. As part of our agreement, since I got to choose the gender, my wife had complete control over selecting the donor. She wanted it to be her decision entirely, so I didn’t read the donor profile until after she was already pregnant and everything was finalized.

When I finally read the profile yesterday, I was caught off guard. The donor has blindingly red hair and, according to the clinic, “the most freckles they’ve ever seen on anyone.” He even says in his profile that his whole life he has been told he has the world record for the most freckles—they’re “all over his face, arms, legs, chest, back, and basically everywhere else.” In a separate interview section further down, he was asked how he feels about his freckles, and he explained that “freckles run very strongly on both sides of his family—not only did both of his parents have a ton of them, but all of his grandparents were heavily freckled as well, which he believes is why he has so many, in addition to being a ginger” so I’m going to safely say they’re practically guaranteed to show up in our son. The profile even mentioned that “his freckles are impossible not to notice from across the room along with his bright red hair.” Again, I’m not saying this is a bad thing per se; it just really caught me off guard.

When I asked her out of curiosity why she picked him, she said she chose him because of his Ph.D., his love for both symphony music and reading, his love for learning, and his impressive career. She liked that he seems to be more of the “nerdy academic type.” She didn’t even think twice about the freckles or the red hair, and even forgot it even said that about him even though I don’t see how since it’s mentioned so many times, but it’s impossible for me not to picture them now! I don’t have freckles at all, so this really wasn’t something I expected, and I’ll admit, I’m still trying to wrap my head around it, not that it’s necessarily a bad thing.

We’re both thrilled that she’s pregnant and that we’re finally growing our family, but I can’t help but wonder—will our son love his freckles, or might they make him feel self-conscious?

Have any of you been surprised by your partner’s donor choice? And for those with freckles (or parents of kids with freckles), do you think they’ll be something he’ll embrace, or could they be a challenge? Would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks.