How to Build a Social Life That Attracts the Women You Want?

mabowden · 2025-02-04T19:35:05+00:00

Hey buddy, I feel you.

Building a really strong social group is very similar to finding great women, in my opinion. Just like in Models, you want to look at demographics.

What types of friends do you want in your life? What characteristics do they have? And then sit yourself down and ask, do you exhibit those characteristics?

I've built a lot of great friendships in the last year. Most of them through my active hobbies. For example: I love to golf. I golf about once a week, give or take. When I find a playing partner who I gel with, I push the "hey, this was fun. We should exchange numbers and I'll let you know if I have a golf opening. I also have a text chain with others in it."

I only do this for folks that are the type of friend and exhibit the characteristics in friends that I am looking for. I am not needy about it. Sounds familiar?

After that, the group has kind of maintained itself. I push a lot of tee times out, I'll from time to time set up a fun driving range day. I've been invited to a few birthdays, etc. Between that and my other friend groups, my social calendar is pretty full.

One thing that doesn't hurt. I used to consider myself an introvert. Everyone around me now considers me an extrovert, however I would consider myself a "learned extrovert". People like being around fun, positive, somewhat gregarious people. At first, I learned if I exhibit those characteristics (fake it till you make it) I will make more friends. Once I started exhibiting those characteristics, all of my insecurities around being an extrovert were self taught and life is generally way better being a fun, positive, somewhat gregarious person it just became natural. Self-confidence was ultimately what I was lacking when I considered myself an introvert.

Put yourself in the driver's seat. Work on yourself. Be the type of friend you want in others. Be agressive- Not once have I ever been turned down to "hey, this was fun, we should exchange numbers". After the exchange, do something about it. That is how you build friendships.

GO_Zark · 2025-02-04T17:48:46+00:00

Sure so this is a fun topic for me cause I've been essentially rebuilding most of my "going out" network since the pandemic scattered the last one.

You're kind of doing a little bit of everything, including shit that you really don't like. You've gotta dig in a little bit more on the kind of person you actually want to be hanging around with and then go where they are. It sounds like you might want to try to find a good hiking / nature walk / trails club, most major cities have something like it (I'm in Baltimore, which is mid-size at best and we've got at least six that I know of), which would be a great way to meet people who are actually into something you enjoy. As a fellow nerd, that makes connection a lot easier than circlejerking about the sport du jour for a 2-3 hour game.
Day game is more of a filtering process, you get to meet all types of people but in your specific case with what you're looking for, you should focus in on getting numbers and setting dates with the people you really vibe with. It can be difficult to find your type of women in day game if your style is "spray and pray" in a touristy area, but it can be quite easy if you're going somewhere that your type is abundant. Example: let's say you've got a real thing for women in accounting. CPAs just do it for you for some mysterious reason that I really don't want you to expand upon. If you're just approaching women randomly, you're probably not going to find a lot of accountants BUT if you know that there's an accountants' convention in town, setting yourself up there will give you a significantly deeper pool of people to draw from. "Luck" is just where preparation meets opportunity and that's just as true for meeting people and dating as it is for anything else.
The best way to get groups moving isn't to form them yourself, but to join groups that are already established. It's much less work and much less frustrating. The overall process is roughly the same, but the rules vary widely from group to group. You go to where these groups of people hang out doing their thing, befriend the big, outgoing personalities in the group and they usually bring you along. This could be something like hyping them up when you see them out, buying them a drink, helping them with something, etc. you get the picture. Asking them for advice is also big - you ask for advice, you TAKE that advice, and then you roll back to thank them and let them know how it went. Basically they think you're fun / cool and bring you in and introduce you around. From there, your main objectives are two-fold: 1 Be Cool and 2 Don't be uncool. 1 is mostly do cool shit, invite people places like out dancing or rock climbing or hiking, help them out, etc generally be their friend and most groups will reciprocate. The reverse of this is don't make the group feel awkward or unsafe around you, don't immediately hit on the girls in a weird way, don't start preaching, don't drag the vibe down, etc. Once you're in a crew (and try to be in 2-3) you can try to date in that crew but you'll probably have significantly better luck mentioning to people that you're looking for a serious relationship and to point you at people who like xyz and who are abc.
Apps are mostly for hookups. If you go in looking for hookups you'll be fine. If you go in looking to turn a hookup into a relationship, you'll probably have a bad time.

Medical_Tutor_7749 · 2025-02-04T16:34:07+00:00

What you're looking for (an active social life with groups of people) is not too common once you hit your thirties. That is for young people who are in school or who have fuck all to do after work, while everyone is still single.

Your transitioning to your 30s/40s. At this stage of life, all that partying and going out starts to die down. People settle down, get married, have kids. They still socialize but it would be within small friend groups. And this starts to die down eventually too because people have to find the time and energy to do it.

But since you're looking for a regular girl to settle down with (as opposed to playing the field), it shouldn't be a problem. Your extra-curricular hobbies should more than suffice for this. Just be a bit more aggressive when you meet a girl you like.

InternationalSwan162 · 2025-02-04T17:10:03+00:00

This is why I advocate for dating apps. I meet socialites without having to figure out how to integrate into aspects of society I don’t want to.

LA influencer? We swiped right. That’s all it took.

My “social life” is business, always. And chilling with actual friends. I don’t want it to be anything else.

knavishly_vibrant38 · 2025-02-05T10:14:06+00:00

I hear and relate to you OP. People here are quick to give you advice, but really, you’re just at the part where it’s luck and time at this point.

It feels bad to have things be out of your control, but it really is to a degree.

A lot of people were doing something, got lucky and then attribute that success to whatever they did and then that’s regurgitated.

There is no cute, happy, linear solution of “just do x”. All we can do is keep trying and hope to “get lucky”.

It’s not your fault, just keep your head up — when you do get lucky (we all do), be extra grateful and appreciative and remember how bad this time felt.

zebekias · 2025-02-04T18:30:06+00:00

I had my smallish social circle until I met many guys through the community (local seduction lair), then I became good friends with a few of cool guys, we grew common social circles, plus a co-worker gamer who had big circles too, so I had a few big circles to hang out with, parties etc.

Eventually I started doing pretty good but honestly it was never because of social circles, it was because of me. Social circles do give you a "home base" so to speak (going out alone sucks), however nobody will do the heavy lifting but you, if anything, get that single truth in your head. In fact, I can recall a few times my own guy "friends" would seemingly "sabotage" me haha, now I look back and laugh because it's all normal, guys are guys :) Female friends on the other hand are helpful when they know what's up and they have game. It's not uncommon for a hot hired gun friend to come give a huge hug and kiss when she sees you with a hot date. That's very helpful.

So you don't need a social life to get the women you desire. You can do it on your own. Having social circles is a bonus.

Western-Month-3877 · 2025-02-04T23:03:35+00:00

A major flaw in your question is in the last part: “… that attracts the women you want.”

Other people shouldn’t be the focus of your life. You build it because you love doing it FOR YOU.

Ampboy97 · 2025-02-05T00:37:36+00:00

My cousin would date girls, get introduced to her social circle, befriend them, then drop her. Maybe try that but less Machiavellian.

notathr0waway1 · 2025-02-04T23:53:04+00:00

Man.

Build a social life, and life in general, that FULFILLS YOU. That's it. If it's making model trains, if it's sim racing, if it's acro yoga, if it's being an insufferable gear geek for some outdoor activity like hiking of skiing...just do it!

There's someone out there for you as long as you're comfortable with your self.

Chicagoj1563 · 2025-02-04T17:14:57+00:00

I hear the same thing over and over. "I don't like bars, but I want to find the perfect girl." That is like saying I want money but I don't want to work.

Things are getting back to the way they used to be in the old days. If you have no options, which is fairly normal, then get socially active. Go out to bars to work on your social skills. And get involved in activities and follow personal interests.

You have to learn how to escalate, at least to get a number. And you need a social life. It's not complicated. The problem is guys don't want to leave the house, or if the do, they hang out with their guy friends who also mostly don't have a dating life. Learn how to meet new people. Get out, get active.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2025-02-04T18:14:13+00:00

I ask people to hang out, "Nah, man, no time, I'm only here for this."

You need to research social and dating skills and keep practicing. Whats helpful is to talk to people about what each of you do for fun, and if the connection is great with them then ask them to do that with them. Emotional energy is important and you have to say this in a way that its not a big deal and going to be fun. Very important to not come off as needy and demonstrate high value.

I understand day game, I can get decent amount of numbers and the occasional date if I really focus it, but as a lot of people will tell you, meeting your girl is a long shot in day game.

If you are getting dates from day game then meeting your girl isn't a long shot. Keep improving your game, looks, and make sure you aren't messing up dates.

I'm in a bad location for that kinda personality, but I don't wanna give up my career, and I'm okay with that compromise.

Try to transition to a good job in a good location. This is the single best thing you can do because maybe your location is shit. Or take a class at a local university.

Thing is, I'm not a big drinker, I like to smoke a little weed, and I'm more outdoorsy than down to go to a nightclub.

If you want a social lifestyle and hang out with people who like to be social then you absolutely should be going to nightclubs and partying. Younger people tend to be more social so have a more youthful style, keep in good shape, and have a playful adventurous personality and lifestyle.

If not hookups, theres a ton of baggage being thrown around that I don't have the experience to handle.

Do some research into mental health which will help you anyway since you are in therapy. There are some basic skills for active listening and emotional support for helping your partner with her baggage.

The rec sports seemed most promising, but to be honest, I was stretching my interest hard there.

Sports is really good for your health and building your social connection.

Hell, at my dance classes, I would create a group chat with everyone in the classes to see people wanted to go practice at the dance halls, fucking no one ever wanted to.

Its kind of weird to suggest people practice dancing together outside of the regular class. Do an invite to a fun social thing and only do a group invite if it appears people want to socialize more. Otherwise only invite people you connect with well.

So, I'm mostly only getting dates through the apps, and I will eventually probably land something I can be happy with

Improve your pics, looks, and messaging.

hunterpua · 2025-02-04T18:37:22+00:00

This might help.

epimpstyle · 2025-02-04T19:06:35+00:00

I like to smoke a little weed,

In the beginning you said: "I'm in therapy and I have a good exercise program".

What kind of therapy do you follow when you mix it with weed?

Don't you ever want to get better?

how to build a social life that causes people, but eventually quality women

When things don't go your way, you have to adapt to the way they are. Women are not going to appear in your life out of nowhere (unless you're a VIP, a celebrity), if you're a normal person like most of us, then you have to make your own opportunities. I said "make opportunities", that means do not rely on luck, but "make your own luck". If you see a girl on the street, do not expect that maybe she will look at you, maybe smile, wink, trip over a stone but you will catch her in your arms.... never! Only in movies, in real life, you go up to her and start a conversation and I mean a normal conversation not "I saw you and I thought you're cute".... just am innocent normal conversation and then you build from there. Look at an example VIDEO or VIDEO filmed with a spycam in Ukraine, I start innocently and build from there. That's what you have to do.

Now you're thinking maybe I'm a top model, right? Well...I'm 46, only 170, even getting gray in my hair and I look almost like Phil Heitlinger, far from being a top model. If it works for me, it will work for everyone. Make your own luck, do not expect the chance to get in your way with hobbies, social circles, group games.... At least you have experience and you can see that it is not as easy as it looks in theory.

The_rock_hard · 2025-02-04T23:11:37+00:00

I don't understand how this can happen? I'm also a social dancer and girls just like...give me their phone numbers. They make up all kinds of excuses. Recently, one told me I needed to guess her cat's name. There was another one who I watched film the demo, then turn to me and say her phone was broken and she needed me to send her the video. And often, the girl texts me first. I guess I am in very good shape and it shows, but I'm not that attractive, like objectively I have a below average face for sure.

I hate to be that guy but maybe you're doing something wrong.

Let's go through each step to isolate the point of failure.

Are you getting girl's numbers?

rich_god · 2025-02-04T20:07:46+00:00

I’m 32. I don’t drink, I don’t go to bars or clubs, I like to go to bed by 11pm, I don’t use dating apps or any social app, and I have a very active social circle that makes it so I don’t have to do any cold approach to meet plenty of new women every week.

You need to find your tribe. During your meditation, try to call them in. Who are the friends you’re meant to be having ? What do they do ? How are they actively trying to meet you ?

My way was to go to ecstatic dance / cacao ceremonies / small festivals / mantra singing / workshops / creative spaces / polyamory events / sex-positive events / Shibari classes / tantra spaces…

Then get friends with the leaders, the ones that organize those events, and start to create your own. Become the lighthouse so that your tribe can find you.

I’m now getting paid to meet plenty of amazing beings, including beautiful and powerful women, and to create a space when those people can meet and mingle in different ways. 6 years ago I was alone, depressed and addicted to weed and video games.

Wing_Inevitable · 2025-02-04T19:17:26+00:00

How to Build a Social Life That Attracts the Women You Want?

I will need to know what girls you like to tell you if that is even possible.

Keep in mind a lifestyle won’t make the women come to you - it will just make them want to stick around you.

I wanna open a dialogue on this because this appears to be kinda late game strategy for a lot of guys, and there seems to be attitude that “it’ll come naturally” that I’m not finding to be true.

It won’t - You will actively have to work on it.

, a loser with a girlfriend over a year ago.

Hey good for you.

Also NO one has called you a loser with a gf - stop lying.

Now I’m having to learn all this at 30 instead of in my 20s, don’t be me, younger bros.

Ok - add to notes - quickest route.

“see myself as the prize”

Pls dumb that mindset - it will lose you sooo many opportunities.

Just know that “she likes you”.

“You are good enough” - is also a good replacement.

I read Models, and damn, its a great book,

You are too old to be wasting time.

My favorite hobbies are D&D and philosophical debate.

Ok. You can keep that to yourself. I like D&D too - I eon’t go telling people.

dancing, rec sports, instrument, bar trivia. rock climbing.

Great.

Now I will ask you a question : “What does that do for me IF I want to date you?”

To which - the answer is nothing. So those aren’t exactly “attractive hobbies”.

your social life will naturally “take off”

No it won’t. It takes actual effort and you being “cool” for that to happen.

Fucking how mate?

We live in 2025. This is advice for 1997 - when people didn’t have shit to do. Or a supper computer in their pocket.

“Nah, man, no time, I’m only here for this.”

Yea. Besically

I was stretching my interest hard there.

Well you better dumb your interest.

Find the interest of the girls you want and do that. Which BTW I still don’t know what they even look like.

I’m not a big drinker, I like to smoke a little weed, and I’m more outdoorsy than down to go to a nightclub.

So no hot girls. Gotcha.

I want a very generic nice girl, decent looking, wants kids, family oriented, some shared interests.

Ok so decent looking and very generic nice girl, wants kids, family oriented, some shared interests.

Are mutually exclusive.

I’m told this should be easy.

Who lied to you ?

If not hookups, theres a ton of baggage being thrown around that I don’t have the experience to handle.

First Duhhhh. Thouse are the women no one wants IRL.

Second : “Little baggage” - to girl description

Can we please get some insight in how to build a social life that causes people, but eventually quality women, to enter your life?

Ok so

This is the description of the girls you want

“very generic nice girl, decent looking, wants kids, family oriented, some shared interests. Little baggage”not hookups” “Little drink , may smoke a little weed, outdoorsy instead of nightclub.”

I will say join a church.

I have 0 idea - what okish 7 likes D&D has 0 baggage (D&D girls tend to be insane).

Otherwise she can’t be under 35 and have those criteria met (besides the baggage)

It would be better for you to decide the girl you want first before you fix your life for that girl. Than change you life to be able to meet more of them.

I could tell you what an attractive life looks like if that is what you are asking - though it is the exact opposite of what you are. And it involves a lot of shallow relationships.

racarbel · 2025-02-04T22:15:58+00:00

For me the only advice I’d give you will always be around “don’t chase, attract” and that could be by concentrating on yourself, on being the kind of person that attracts the people you want in your life (male friends and female companions). I read one comment about people being older and not hanging out in groups anymore, but one thing that has always worked for me is people offering to introduce me to other people. There’s always that single friend.

Apart from that, I feel you’ve been doing just fine, stick to the activities that get you out there consistently and keep working on yourself. Everything tends to fall into place eventually.

I would suggest group sports, running clubs, even walking somebodies dog could get you to meet someone interesting.

Loud_Contract_689 · 2025-02-04T19:09:37+00:00

Become a regular customer at Starbucks but make it a rule that you never ask out the female baristas, just focus on being friendly and developing social skills. One of them might start crushing on you.

Title	How to Build a Social Life That Attracts the Women You Want?
Author	Snowdrift742
Upvotes	133
Comments	59
Date	February 4, 2025 4:11 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ihl8hu/how_to_build_a_social_life_that_attracts_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-build-a-social-life-that-attracts-the-women.1542953 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542953

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