Question about communication. Ex wife continually call my kids when they are at my house for the week

conceptcreature3D · 2025-09-20T01:42:13+00:00

I know an ex that does this all the time. He needs to feel in control even though he cheated on his wife & both are remarried. It comes down to control—it really does.

Suspicious_Dot6179 · 2025-09-19T17:30:56+00:00

Bro, I see my kids every second weekend. We chat once or max twice in the week. A phone call is not at all like time spent together. Its basically a little formality, to say 'oh I spoke with the kids' to all her friends and family. The kids get absolutely zero from it. I have 3 girls, from 5 years old, to 16. I know kids (I honestly believe) and I need to emphasise this: fuck that b****, this does zero for ur kids, its YOUR time. I actually got annoyed so much reading this that I had to comment while in the middle of dinner lol.

notconvinced780 · 2025-09-19T17:28:34+00:00

I’d send her a note about having a conversation establishing boundaries around communication on the other parent’s time. Discuss what mutual set up she and you are comfortable with. It should be the same for each both ways. I’d propose 5 minutes before dinner each evening or every other evening for a call. No texts. If there is something that needs to be communicated to the kids, the non-custodial parent can send that text to the custodial parent for them to disseminate as they see fit during their parenting time.

houserj1589 · 2025-09-19T15:58:41+00:00

Start calling them on her time. See how fast she goes full Karen 😂

Least_Attorney9006 · 2025-09-19T15:46:03+00:00

I disagree with everyone else.

You need to set boundaries with her.

Set a call time every day. 6-6:30 pm for example.

She doesn’t need to call them five times a day.

It’s not “interfering” with the kids relationship with their mother. It’s setting appropriate boundaries for separate households.

Because once she starts calling multiple times a day, her incursions into your life are going to continue and get worse.

It’s your house and life. You get to run it the way you want. And you get to decide what’s best for the kids during your time, not her.

crashohno · 2025-09-19T14:31:37+00:00

Ooof, this one is hard.

Ultimately, your feelings need to not matter. (Which is usually an awful continuation of your relationship with your ex lol) It's 100% about the kids. Make that your North Star.

What is best for your kids? Connection with their mother, unless there is a court order and underlying issues, is the right call. Don't make them choose.

And it seems like you're still playing from a losing playbook - "I have a way of looking at the world, and she doesn't match that, and now I'm feeling resentful because it isn't equal and fair." (I'm projecting hard here because this was a losing strategy for me in my marriage.) You're not going to get equality, you're not going to get perfect. And ultimately, you can't change her. You can talk to her, you can tell her that you think calling twice a day during your time with the kids is disruptive to them - that you've tried to give space for her and the kids to fully bond during her time. Tell her you don't mind texting and 1 call a day.

And you might not get what you want here, unless it's written in a parenting plan. And even then, emotionally immature people do whatever they want.

And you? Throw your playbook away. Connect with your kids when they're at moms. Play Minecraft with them, or madden, or wordle, or any shit to keep a connection. Call them. You calling them more when they're with her is probably better for them than trying to tamp down the calls she makes to them. (though 2 is... extra, seriously)

Kids with 2 parents that want to talk to them and connect with them? You can even make a question of the day. Make it fun, short, and let them know you love them. You'd be shocked at how much that might do for them.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-09-19T12:45:03+00:00

My ex wife does this. It's their mum, completely natural for them to have that communication daily with her.

In the beginning when you still haven't forgiven and are bitter it can be hard hearing her grating voice still in your home on the regular. In a few years you'll be happy they get to have that relaionship with her. Before too long your kiddos will be grown and out of the house and you will only have to communicate with your ex/see or hear her a few times a decade.

I wouldn't say you are being a baby. She hurt you, its natural right now to feel the way you do. My advice take that anger to the gym rather than let it affect other areas of your ife or your kids' relationship with her. Do some reading on how to forgive and start the work - it's the best gift you will ever give to yourself and your kiddos.

Legitimate-Error-633 · 2025-09-19T12:09:09+00:00

When my ex started doing this, I asked the kids to talk to her in their rooms. I didn’t t tell them the reason though, which is that her voice is triggering me.

Once it became clear to my ex that I wasn’t aware of when she was or wasn’t calling, she stopped calling so often.

I also told the kids no screens/phones between 8pm and 8am, as it interrupts bedtime and getting ready for school.

Reflog1791 · 2025-09-19T11:27:21+00:00

If they are otherwise well behaved and getting good grades and have good routines, I would leave it alone.

If they are missing the bus and showing up tardy to school I would say no phones until you’re ready for school. The night time phone call at a reasonable and convenient time sounds fine. If the calls were at an inconvenient time you can just make a house rule: phones away from 730 to 8 when we sit down and eat at the dinner table together. You’d have to make dinner and get them to help set it and clean it too.

In other words if it’s not a disruption to a reasonable routine I would just leave it alone.

DivorceBro · 2025-09-19T10:56:49+00:00

I can see raising the issue with her if it's disrupting your time with them (e.g., morning routine, dinner time, homework time), if the kids are annoyed by it, or if you sense that she's just lonely when the kids aren't with her so she's relying on those phone calls for emotional support and connection. I'm curious how long you've been apart. If it hasn't been very long, maybe the calls will become less frequent once she makes some new friends or gets a boyfriend.

StandardButPoor500 · 2025-09-19T08:24:53+00:00

It's not your time with them, it's their time with you. Kids always have more rights to their parents' time than parents have to the kids' time.

They have a say in how to spend their time with you.

If they are annoyed by mother's calls, you are in the clear to help them avoid those. But only if they are annoyed, not if you are.

Boglehead101 · 2025-09-19T08:07:56+00:00

Yep she’s doing it to piss you off. Nothing you can do. They know and work the angles.

Comfortable-Might240 · 2025-09-19T07:13:19+00:00

Just don't answer if you don't feel like it. A lot of the time, my kids aren't even interested in talking to their mom while they're with me. If my kids are asking for her, or they've been apart for a while, or there's a reason they should talk, then fine. But yeah, she can cope. I mostly ignore calls and don't make them too often either

CRobinsFly · 2025-09-19T06:56:10+00:00

What does your parenting plan say?

My ex was using daily calls during my parenting time to essentially spy on me whilst simultaneously suppressing my parenting time to below the "standard order" of some states. She testified during a hearing about what she saw in the video calls - it was petty and stupid whining on her part that the judge gave zero shits about. After that hearing, I sent her lawyer a letter, "In accordance with our parenting plan, I am open to video calls. However, this does not mean your client can call whenever nor even without notifying me at least 24 hours ahead of an intent to call at a certain time. Failure to adhere to my requirements around my willingness to agree to video calls will result in unanswered calls." Her lawyer has sent several angry letters to me (threatening essentially nothing) and even recently put it in a contempt response filing that I wasnt allowing mom to call to wish child good night - false - I am completely open to it, but without 24hr notice, she cant just call me and interrupt my limited parenting time. Unsurprisingly, she has never even tried to video call again.

AppropriateCat3444 · 2025-09-19T06:48:00+00:00

Grow up and do the same. Call your kids when they are not at your house because you care 24-7.

Title	Question about communication. Ex wife continually call my kids when they are at my house for the week
Author	the_money_meatsack
Upvotes	13
Comments	28
Date	September 19, 2025 6:41 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1nkwc3i/question_about_communication_ex_wife_continually/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/question-about-communication-ex-wife-continually.1562340 https://theredarchive.com/post/1562340

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