Have you had sexual thoughts of other people whilst in a committed relationship? Do you think it’s ok to entertain these thoughts?

TheRedPillRipper · 2025-09-25T23:39:26+00:00

Do you think it’s ok to entertain these thoughts?

Certainly. As long as it doesn’t impinge on how one treats their partner. It is that simple.

2025-09-26T00:20:49+00:00

I don't think finding someone sexually attractive and even having some thoughts about them is the sign of a failing marriage/committed relationship. Our sexual urges don't magically disappear when we get into committed relationships. The real key here is making sure you don't act on random sexual urges and cheat on your SO.

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2025-09-25T23:55:21+00:00

I’ll act as a “really bad baseline” since I’ve cheated on someone before, and haven’t in a long time:

Yes, it’s normal to want to. If someone approaches me in a way I find appealing, I’m going to be really tempted, at least internally. I’ll probably show no external symptoms.

My only current improvement from that previous state is that I don’t currently have stress related depression, so I have stronger motivation and morals.

Puzzleheaded_ghost · 2025-09-26T01:27:38+00:00

Fantasy is a biological response to testosterone and there is a linear relationship on a semi log graph of fantasy per hour and testosterone levels. Normal men are 300 to 1200 and women are zero to usually less than zero ( I joke) women are about 10 to 100 and higher indicates disease. Getting hungry is not evil. Killing you neighbor for his birthday cake is bad manners

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-09-26T04:13:44+00:00

I just doesn't happen I have tunnel vision and he is the only man in the world in my eyes.

ThatBitchA · 2025-09-25T23:37:40+00:00

I've never had sexual thoughts about other people while in my relationship.

I don't think it's okay to entertain. And I'd be questioning the state of my marriage if my husband had sexual thoughts of other people or wanted to entertain those sexual thoughts.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-09-26T01:36:44+00:00

Yeah, of course. Just because you’re on a diet doesn’t mean you can’t look at the menu. I know exactly who’s in my husband’s spank bank, and he knows who’s in mine. Tom Hardy’s in there, not the guy at the grocery store. Having the thought isn’t the issue, acting on it is.

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flexible-photon · 2025-09-25T23:55:03+00:00

Have I had sexual thoughts? Definitely! I don't think there has been a single moderately attractive female friend of my wife that I haven't thought about in that way. It seems to me to be pretty natural for a guy to imagine any moderately attractive woman in that way if only for a fleeting moment. Or maybe I'm just too damn horny but from discussions I have had with other guys it seems to be pretty normal. What matters is how you keep it contained. Is it okay? Well that depends on your definition of okay. Most likely your spouse doesn't like it but it seems to be almost a primal instinct in me that I can't help. I suppose I can help it if I continue to linger on the thoughts but the initial thought is visceral.

Turbulent-Company373 · 2025-09-26T00:16:58+00:00

Even if one has had 1001 different people one is always thinking about the next one and/or the one who got away. The married guy is thinking about casual sex and the casual sex guy is thinking about long term attachment. There is a difference between thinking and doing which are different.

CancerMoon2Caprising · 2025-09-26T01:02:15+00:00

My mindset is quite different from when I was younger. There are many attractive people in the world. When i look at them I do think "wow theyre hot", but it ends there. To me the most valuable people are those that support me, are consistent figures in my life, and those who have a good bit in common. A stranger begins and ends at their appearance, I dont know anything about them, the chances of having things in common is low unless out at a niche social event of some kind, who knows if theyre mature or not. So I dont linger on hot men. I still find my boyfriend very attractive in the years I've known him because weve supported each other (without complaint) in sickness, deaths, and other situations. That goes well beyond a skin deep person.

If i was not into my boyfriend sexually and emotionally i would not be with him. I dont believe in "settling". I did a ton of individual development before I met him and couldnt bring myself to fake interest in someone that bored me to death. We have a lot of fun together as a couple, weve cried together during tough conversations, and that transparency that we have keeps us strong. I can say that such energy and emotional transparency didn't exist with exes. So its why i can look at a stranger, notice hes attractive but have no further interest. Im not a validation-seeker, I dont get bored having sex with him, its still daily unless one of us is quite sick. Women flirt with him but hes pretty firm about boundaries. There's a very low chance that a stranger would measure up to the depth my boyfriend and I have. 2.5 years, no kids, we're the same age.

Ive never cheated in a relationship. Out of 4 exes, 1 guy cheated, and I most definitely started texting someone else shortly after finding out and ending it. But thats about it.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-09-26T01:42:02+00:00

Of course. They’re not significant

Itscatpicstime · 2025-09-26T03:22:56+00:00

A passing thought about how someone is attractive is pretty normal.

Entertaining it beyond that in a monogamous relationship? Nah.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2025-09-26T04:29:35+00:00

To what level?

Watching a film and finding someone hot it very different from thinking about your co worker during sex

ohdiddly · 2025-09-26T05:45:52+00:00

If you’re a normal person who has a normal libido then yes. People try to cope and lie about this because they like to do thought policing and think having a fantasy is cheating, but anyone who has a sex drive does this.

bjwindow2thesoul · 2025-09-26T08:05:57+00:00

Personally in previous relationships ive only had fantasies of others in a rough patch. I dont believe its that the relationship is doomed as its normal with ups and downs. However I dont believe in "thought-crime", but I dont think you should entertain it either. You should pour that energy into your relationship or work. If its about a friend ive distanced myself a little or set clearer boundaries

kalashhhhhhhh · 2025-09-26T08:26:04+00:00

Yes, in my previous relationship. In this one I'm basically repulsed by the thought of another man touching me.

abaxeron · 2025-09-26T13:48:01+00:00

Have you had sexual thoughts of other people whilst in a committed relationship?

Of other real people, No. But I'm a huge fan of erotic fiction.

Intelligent-Insight · 2025-09-26T22:26:37+00:00

Of course. And of course it's okay to entertain and even act on those thoughts if the other person is a woman. This applies to all partners in a relationship. Can even be the same woman and at the same time. It's well established that nobody likes when their partner sleeps with men, but sleeping with women doesn't necessarily imply that marriage is in trouble.

onlyaseeker · 2025-09-27T07:33:14+00:00

Yes to both.

The mononormativity is off the charts in this subreddit.

SexCrispies · 2025-09-29T13:15:18+00:00

Of course I had them. Just today. I also have sex with other people whilst in a committed relationship. I also have thoughts about other people while I have sex with my committed partner. I think it's ok to do so. Read about sociosexuality. There is a question about this topic in the scale (SOI-R). Answers range from "never" to "every day/several times per week".

bluestjuice · 2025-09-26T00:11:07+00:00

Yeah. Not tons sexually — I probably skew a bit demisexual so I’m more likely to have random romantic thoughts before sexual ones. But yeah.

I’m polyamorous so in my current relationship structure this is specifically not a problem, but from the perspective of monogamous relationships I’ve had in the past — finding someone else sexy or attractive is normal and to be expected. I think entertaining mild fantasies privately is also fine if it’s not dominating all your internal sexual landscape. If you’re thinking about this person all the time, actually tempted to escalate to action in some way, or it’s affecting your relationship with your partner negatively, you’re in problem territory.

Brilliant-Block-8200 · 2025-09-26T00:33:56+00:00

For me, no. I think of my partner when I’m horny, I fantasize about them and the times we’re together. I don’t think about other people romantically or sexually at all. If I happen to see a really attractive person, the best way I can describe it is like seeing a work of art or a nice sunset. It’s beautiful but I’m not actively attracted to it

I don’t think it’s wrong to entertain thoughts, as long as you are honest with your partner. Some people see it as a dealbreaker and that’s ok, it just means you are incompatible. I think it’s only a big problem if a partner lies about it because their partner doesn’t like it

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-09-26T01:59:29+00:00

While I can see an attractive woman and admit she’s attractive, it’s never gonna go deeper because no amount of sexual attraction is going to make me forget how much I love my wife, how much I love the mother of my children, how much I love my best friend. (And that’s not even putting into account how attractive I think my wife is)

It’s not really hard to say that there is no level of attraction that’s ever going to make me forget how lucky I am to have an amazing woman in my life.

Just cause the cinabon smells good at the airport doesn’t mean I’m gonna forget about the thanksgiving dinner I’m coming home to

LaFrescaTrumpeta · 2025-09-26T02:28:05+00:00

my gf and i are big on fantasizing about our fav celebrities with each other, watching porn together, saying “she’s so hot” about the latest W player we’re obsessed with lol etc. i don’t have a problem with her self-sex life not revolving around me 100% of the time, i don’t expect my partners to only satisfy themselves with me and thoughts of me and i don’t expect that of myself either

Title	Have you had sexual thoughts of other people whilst in a committed relationship? Do you think it’s ok to entertain these thoughts?
Author	Past-Shoulder-631
Upvotes	1
Comments	58
Date	September 25, 2025 10:31 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1nqkpdu/have_you_had_sexual_thoughts_of_other_people/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/have-you-had-sexual-thoughts-of-other-people.1562821 https://theredarchive.com/post/1562821

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