Crushed

Key_Display_4189 · 2026-02-08T22:20:08+00:00

My divorce 4.5 yrs ago ...sharing a young teen....was bad enough ...found out this past July she has been serious and sleeping with someone ...that hit me harder than the actual divorce. Still painful 6 months later ...children will keep you bonded forever but if they are independent it'll get easier with time

Time will be your friend but be patient....it's a fkd up journey

EitherBedroom2341 · 2026-02-04T10:57:26+00:00

Find a cutie under age 25. Even if you pay it cures heartbreak.

Chemical-Eye-1828 · 2026-02-04T04:20:33+00:00

That’s a hard thing for anyone to deal with so I understand why you feel like that. Use this as a catalyst to self transformation and focus on self improvement. Rebuilding yourself self into the best version of yourself possible will ultimately make your life better with or without your wife. Commitment to your goals and aspirations will help take the focus off of your pain. On the other side of pain is growth

eratosthenes777 · 2026-02-04T02:51:45+00:00

I also got divorced when she turned 40.but I dint ever think she cheated on me nor same here. I had a few traveling jobs pre and post covid. We kinda grew apart but bills paid and spending 2 days a week was great. Decided to come back home 2 yrs now. And living 7 days together she had her routine I had mine. Sex was still good she vlbecame extreme germaphobe.

Her OCD. And nagging daily just eventually took its toll, a childhood friend of mine is an attorney. After an argument she kept putting me down I went to my friend asked for him to sign papers I regret it now because my 13 yr old so also went through divorce. He didn't ask for it.

But girl me went good. 5050 no child support and she kept her retirement I kept mine. But here is the kicker may work out for you.

The first 6-7 weeks she hated me. But they say absence makes heart grow founder. She was depressed I was lonely and didn't want to find some whore at a bar or something...

Slowntalk sending positive vibes extra thanks when she on time dropping my son off. Just treating her like I wanted to be treat got us back on the path. She stayed overnight 2cweeks ago when my son was here, went bowling Saturday came back my house watched movie, and came over today after work. I doubt we will live together again but we are like BF & GF now.

My advice in court make it all about kids, even tell judge you still love her. Don't make it anymore. Also her attorney might tell her to as a secret microphone or camera so act like you are being recorded in your own house IMPORTANT! Also no legal talk in front of kids! Huge no no. Get yourself a discrete recording device. I bought one on Amazon less 40 bucks records 1000s hrs and stays charged 6-7 day's. It us the size of a 50 cent coin a bought 5 times think.

She is going to do anything she can do to get dirt on you. Best thing is judges know how to look through BS.

My ex bashed me didn't want any over night with my son. I'm a working man and only thing she had against me is alcohol. She went all in. Judge even called my son to testify in another room we got to watch TV screen. She realized that PARENT ALIENATION was present seen through it all.

I'm not saying all this to brag but I came out exactly where I was supposed to in my state because I followed the law. Document everything. Don't leave the house Sge will try to get you with abandonment. Treat her like queen and kids stay out. Good luck sending good vibes your way.

Keep us updated. But there is hope but she going to make you look like a monster. Be prepared!

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2026-02-03T17:00:03+00:00

Let me guess. She’s around 40, just hit perimenopause, had a troubled childhood, tends to be avoidant and shutdown?

Unsainted_smoke · 2026-02-03T14:31:57+00:00

Go get yourself a therapist or join a men’s help group. I can tell you how valuable being around other men in the same situation is. You’re not alone mate, DM me if you want chat about anything

Several-Eagle4141 · 2026-02-03T13:32:08+00:00

This is your denial affecting you

FirelineJake · 2026-02-03T11:06:18+00:00

The pain you're feeling isn't really about her sleeping with someone else. Rather it's the finality of it making the divorce real in a way paperwork never could, and that grief hits different because your brain finally can't pretend there's a way back anymore, so let yourself feel it without judgment and know that this gut punch reaction is normal even when the marriage was already over.

leonredhorse · 2026-02-03T04:38:57+00:00

Hey man, it is tough. There is no magic tonic. You have to focus on being smart and not doing anything rash.

I've known for a year a divorce was probably coming with my STBXW. We finally had the talk and planned it amicably. It hurt a lot seeing my family torn apart. Now I've stumbled onto evidence of an affair. I don't know how long the physical part has been going on, but the emotional part is definitely prior to her and I talking. This has been a co-worker that she's talked about a ton over the last year or so. Super obvious candidate. She doesn't know I know.

In an odd way, this is giving me closure. There is no old place to return to. No temptation. I resent her. I still have to live with her for a little bit longer until she gets her place, and I'll be friendly because I love her family and its good for the kids, but her as a person, there is just nothing there I care much about at all.

R0factor · 2026-02-03T02:43:08+00:00

When I went through my early separation period I connected with an old friend who’d endured the death of his spouse and both parents in a very short time period, and recommended having lorazepam on hand for the “pull cord in case of emergency” panic attack moments, along with Trazodone when you absolutely cannot sleep. So maybe talk to your Dr about getting Rx’s for these. It’s better to have them and not take them than the other way around.

Basically every divorce comes with an adjustment disorder, aka situational depression. You’re in the thick of it and it can take a while for things to feel clearer and brighter. Also for the love of god, do therapy. It can work wonders.

But to be frank, if she asked for a divorce 7+ months ago and you’re passing out because she just slept with someone, it sounds like she’s moved on while you’re still holding out hope that you’ll reconcile. And to that, I’ll paraphrase the advice my therapist gave me at our first session… Don’t wait around for someone to change their mind.

KingJon85 · 2026-02-03T00:35:10+00:00

I have been apart from my ex for 4 months. There were signs that she was cheating and seeing someone but it wasn't confirmed until about a month ago. Her sister told me that she knew the guy from work from a job 2 1/2 years ago.

She was on vacation with the dude a week after the divorce was finalized. This information hurt me much worse than the initial separation and divorce.

The one positive is that it ripped me right out of any feelings of denial.

I was with my ex for 18 years.

It will get better.

Koi_Fish_Mystic · 2026-02-03T00:31:38+00:00

Get therapy if you haven’t already. If you have proof she cheated while you’re still technically married you use that against her in court. Good luck & my heart goes out for you. #StayStrong

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-02-03T00:29:12+00:00

Divorcing mainly because of you. Can you elaborate? Why would you be the only one at fault?
Like she is some kind of angel?
Nope, please take off the rose tinted glasses my friend and see her for what she is. The sooner the better.

TeddyPSmith · 2026-02-03T00:17:56+00:00

Man I’m so sorry. I know the feeling. You have to feel the pain I think. Just sit with it. It’s miserable. It will pass and then come back again and then pass again

North-Permit-1021 · 2026-02-02T22:53:33+00:00

Man thats very tough.. specially finding out that there's already a 3rd party while we still have feelings left for the woman.. what I did before was focus on the kids first

WhydIJoinRedditAgain · 2026-02-02T22:48:42+00:00

I found out my wife was having an emotional affair and it was like a light turned on. I had blamed myself for months and was beating this shit out of myself, completely confused about what was happening because it didn’t make sense.

This explains everything.

It isn’t all your fault.

bluephotoshop · 2026-02-02T22:46:54+00:00

She’s divorcing you because, while you were passed out, she slept with somebody? Just wondering.

Title	Crushed
Author	ModernRidesWraps
Upvotes	17
Comments	37
Date	February 2, 2026 8:09 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qu6420/crushed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/crushed.1572588 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572588

Comments