Rewiring My Brain

Subject-Pair-1467 · 2026-03-05T17:33:32+00:00

Last week, things finally clicked for me when she started speaking erratically to me and threatened to take our child out of state. We originally separated back in November, even though we were still living in the same home. I put a lot of effort into trying to reconcile, and for a while, it seemed like we had, but in reality, I was only delaying the inevitable. We’ve been separated again since January. She expects that we can continue living together indefinitely and that we’ll divorce whenever she decides she’s ready.

What she doesn’t know is that I have recordings of her threatening suicide, being verbally harsh with the kids, threatening me, and passing out in the middle of the day with alcohol next to her in bed.

I filed last week, and she should be getting served soon.

SaaSWriters · 2026-03-05T16:09:45+00:00

Good. So now start respecting yourself. Don’t wait for a woman to disrespect you before you discover your self-worth.

Ok-Strike6033 · 2026-03-03T23:38:02+00:00

Got any advice on how to rewire it? I’m deep into the crappy part of the divorce but almost done with it. I really want to not think about her ever again but it’s hard not too when you’re this deep into it. For what it’s worth I find her ugly now, after sleeping with her through half the separation, and she’s not ugly at all.

I’ve read some books on neuroscience, been eating a stack of mushrooms to open my brain up again, have done somatic exercises, etc. Really been actively working on rewiring my brain yet I still feel miserable and can’t stop thinking about her (mostly negatively, but also obsessively).

Chemical-Eye-1828 · 2026-03-02T01:24:39+00:00

I’m happy for you and I would suggest that you deep dive further into yourself and see where you can improve. Use this time as a catalyst for self transformation and you may find that even if you are still attracted physically to your wife it won’t matter because you are looking for something more substantial. Turn inward and focus on yourself. Again congratulations on being able to redirect your energy away from your wife.

Best of luck

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2026-03-02T00:19:25+00:00

Yeah, mine turned into a hateful, cruel and malicious monster (because I found out she cheated) - every bit of attraction I held for that woman for 24 years has died forever. She's always been beautiful and looks great for 40, but I don't even want to look at her anymore.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-03-02T00:06:25+00:00

Love is blind. Stop loving them and you stop being blind.

BigBubbaMac · 2026-03-01T23:28:26+00:00

Yeah, for me it was like a swith flipped. Similar story. Her personality changed over six months and I scratched and clawed to make her happy but to no avail.

In the end I she said some nasty things about me to her friends and to my face.

Looking at her disgusts me. I wouldn't touch her with a 10 foot pole

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2026-03-01T23:06:07+00:00

Wish I could get there. Two years post divorce and I still find the woman hot. Wouldn’t ever live with her again but would be willing to pull a Chad on her.

RabbitGlass5578 · 2026-03-01T21:05:46+00:00

Yep, it’s weird isn’t it…just one day one of her actions….the tens of thousands of negatives she will hurl at you…but then one will just make you go poof! It’s a light switch…your attraction to her turns off…and it won’t turn back on..

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-03-01T20:51:32+00:00

A person can only take so much rejection for so long before they realize that in fact there is no other way but detaching and letting go.
Instead the futile efforts in the end I think just builds resentment.
We should not choose people that does not want us.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2026-03-01T19:57:35+00:00

100%. When your STBX starts acting very manly, becomes crass, calloused, argumentative, unapologetic, accusatory, fails to take accountability, attacks your manhood, etc. well, that's a major turnoff. Very unfeminine! Not sweet as spice and everything nice. Your own friends wouldn't treat you as harshly! I believe most women have been brainwashed into being boss girls who want to act like men by suppressing their natural feminine emotions, and are completely ignorant of the fact that their personality is the driving force of attraction in long term relationships.

LoveCrispApples · 2026-03-01T19:54:07+00:00

Turns out we have a switch we can flip, just like they do. Only they can use a finger, and we need a crowbar.

But it's interesting, isn't it? Once they think they no longer have a reason to be with you anymore, their true feelings about you are revealed. Lack of respect, lack of accountability, lack of decency.

Sure, my ex is still attractive to me, but what she turned into made her quite ugly. I think most of us discover this after a while.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2026-03-01T19:43:07+00:00

Right on. You will thrive without her as long you keep your wits about you. Moving on is the best!

Candidate_Worldly · 2026-03-01T19:40:47+00:00

'The way she has talked to me, treated to me and blown up our family has literally rewired my brain.'

I know exactly what you mean.

Once I had time to consider, its amazing how I went from missing her to resenting her for destroying our family. I just feel a serious lack of respect for her now, and she used to be someone I respected the most in the world. I wish I never had to interact with her again but kids keep you chained together.

EnvironmentalRate853 · 2026-03-01T19:35:27+00:00

Same for me… once I realise there was no point trying to work hard to save the marriage, I started seeing the STBXW in a whole new light. She’s still a relatively attractive woman, but her personality is ugly. We’re still co-living, so I’m smiling every day as I think of a future that gets me away from her.

dpatron · 2026-03-01T19:35:07+00:00

Its a revealing phenomenon. I had the same experience. The binds of oxytocin and dopamine. Once those chemicals aren't produced, you realize she was always a just a stranger. I stumbled upon "attachment theory" scrolling on YouTube randomly. Very enlightening to the man and woman dynamic.

Lilbitysquirt · 2026-03-01T19:26:40+00:00

Get out of my head. Same story for me, almost to the letter. Divorce final this past fall from a woman I no longer recognize. It gets easier, just have patience and grace for yourself.

TheConjugalVisit · 2026-03-01T19:21:30+00:00

I'm going into 9 months out of 13 years. I fought every single day since since still wanting to fight for her. Sucks. Emotionally draining and frustrating. I hate still feeling loyal to her.

Koi_Fish_Mystic · 2026-03-01T19:13:15+00:00

Turning the corner on emotional connection will make moving on easier. Congratulations on that.

Title	Rewiring My Brain
Author	Delicious-Curious
Upvotes	58
Comments	35
Date	March 1, 2026 7:00 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ri5q1p/rewiring_my_brain/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/rewiring-my-brain.1574520 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574520

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