Let's say you've "done the work": You got the job; you've got a place; you've worked on your social skills and made some friends; you have hobbies; you work out and eat healthy; and you don't have any major psychological issues holding you back. Still, trying to date seems to be a struggle.

Where you live and where you go can have a major impact on the dating opportunities available to you. Demographics and local culture affect things like the age people tend to get married and start having kids, the ratio of men to women, how open people are to meeting new people, and what they value and like to do.

Currently, I live in the suburbs of a mid-sized Midwestern city in the U.S. (about 2.9 million people living in the metro area as a whole). I'd say dating is basically dead here (depending on how far you're willing to lower your standards at least).

I've lived elsewhere before, and I've been doing some travel in the past year or so. Things truly are worlds apart in some places:

  1. People are friendlier.
  2. People tend to be fitter and healthier (in some parts of Europe, I hardly saw any obese people at all).
  3. People may wait longer before they get married, if they choose to do so.
  4. In some cities, the women actively make the approach, and sometimes they can be almost aggressive about it.

So the long and short of it, the demographics and culture of a place may be making dating unnecessarily difficult for most people of your gender and orientation, or a city's "personality" may not be a particularly good fit for you.