Told my ex I was going for my PhD she said they don't make much.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-04-08T03:55:19+00:00

Can you prove her otherwise? I mean show her the facts or does she 'feel' that her truth is undisputable?

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2026-04-05T15:28:05+00:00

You seem like duxx one because you care what she thinks or even tell her.

Mysterious_Mix_5034 · 2026-04-04T12:20:42+00:00

Well, not true, PhD here, worked for pharma and biotech and made great money, after 20 year career moved in academics teaching which a great career for my age w summers off

suspicious_bag_1000 · 2026-04-04T10:41:32+00:00

Why would you tell your ex what you’re doing? If you don’t want to hear what she has to say don’t tell her.

interspeciesMama · 2026-04-04T09:35:02+00:00

Instead of celebrating you. Good on you for your choices.

Legitimate-Error-633 · 2026-04-04T08:56:46+00:00

Universities pay well, at least where I live. And they have a clear career path, from research fellow, doctor, associate professors to professors. And within the uni you can be course director, associate head of school etc.

Professors in Australia earn over 200k per year. I know because my ex hooked up with one :(

ColdEstablishment172 · 2026-04-04T06:27:24+00:00

Why tell her anything? Goodness, you guys make the rest of us men look like weak sauce. She doesn't need to know anything. Period. Keep all to a minimum. In fact, you are too busy to talk to her.

henrysmyagent · 2026-04-04T05:51:42+00:00

I recommend The Grey Rock method of communication even with a non-combative ex-wife. Hell, I recommend using it with most women.

No woman will actively help you reach your goals. At best, most women will be a minor hindrance by nagging and being generally negative about your aspirations.

And some women, often called wives, will actively sabotage you.

Best to keep your feelings and your goals to yourself when around women.

SeaworthinessOwn9328 · 2026-04-04T05:30:59+00:00

I did my Masters and my ex said, well it couldn't have been that hard if you could do it. Women, lol.

EnvironmentalRate853 · 2026-04-04T04:19:32+00:00

This is the generation of women who believe that being a mum “is the hardest job in the world”.

PhD? Pfft, not hard. Laying a deck? Pfft, not hard. Moving 10m3 of garden mulch? Pfft, not hard. Cooking for three kids? OMG!! Hardest job ever!!

FUMoney · 2026-04-04T01:54:29+00:00

Told my ex

^ Found the problem.

Salty-Amoeba-3139 · 2026-04-04T00:52:53+00:00

When I was working on my PHD in the 1990s, I was making $12k per year while my wife made $34k per year. When I finished 4 years later I was making 13k per year while she made $60k per year

30 years later I make $200k per year and she makes $400k per year

CowBoyDanIndie · 2026-04-04T00:08:12+00:00

Your first mistake was telling your ex. The sooner you stop making her privy to the details of your life the happier you will be.

ebmattman69 · 2026-04-03T23:56:13+00:00

lol reminds me of the time I had anxiety after my ex left me and I was trying to get home from out of town cause I promised my kid I’d tuck her in that night. Long story short the kiddo goodnight went well and was chatting with the ex after about my trip and life since she walked out. Told her about how I hit rock bottom but getting stronger everyday; she responded “until the next rock bottom”. Yeah never tell your ex a thing you got going on, in the end it’s all just toxic petty energy from them

Ojozojo · 2026-04-03T23:38:34+00:00

There is a lot of information missing here. I think where you should start is by separating your ego from reality.

Right now, it sounds like her comment hit something personal, and that’s worth acknowledging—but it doesn’t automatically make her wrong or malicious. Objectively speaking, she’s not entirely incorrect: many PhD paths don’t lead to high-paying outcomes, at least not immediately, and depending on the field, sometimes not even long-term compared to industry roles.

But that’s only one dimension of the decision.

The more important question is: why are you pursuing a PhD? If your motivation is intellectual curiosity, research, long-term career goals in academia or specialized fields, or even personal fulfillment, then her comment is mostly irrelevant. If, however, part of your motivation is tied to status, validation, or proving something (to her or anyone else), then it’s worth reassessing.

Also consider the context: she’s your ex. That changes how you should weigh her opinion. It may not be coming from a place of support, but that doesn’t mean it has zero informational value—it just means you shouldn’t take it personally or let it steer your decisions emotionally.

In short:

Separate the emotional reaction from the actual content of what she said
Evaluate whether your PhD decision aligns with your long-term goals
Accept that financial trade-offs could be real - explore how real, but not the only metric of success

If you’re confident in your reasons, then her comment is just noise. If you’re not, then this might be a useful moment to clarify your direction.

EnvironmentDazzling9 · 2026-04-03T23:38:17+00:00

What do you plan to study? Are you going to work in the industry or teach? My wife has a PhD and works in tech. No comparison to a professors salary

SaaSWriters · 2026-04-03T23:23:15+00:00

If you're doing your PhD just because you want to do it, then by all means, do that.

But your ex may have a point.

Also, "much" is relative.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2026-04-03T23:17:20+00:00

Here’s an idea. Don’t tell your ex your life plans. She’s only going to shit on you.

If you want to win, live a well lived life.

Title	Told my ex I was going for my PhD she said they don't make much.
Author	nomohydro
Upvotes	18
Comments	40
Date	April 3, 2026 11:10 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1sbsw4t/told_my_ex_i_was_going_for_my_phd_she_said_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/told-my-ex-i-was-going-for-my-phd-she-said-they.1577093 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577093

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