Do you think BDSM is healthy/fair, either in the context of the bedroom or as a lifestyle, why or why not?

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-05-05T00:10:02+00:00

Safe, sane, consensual. Talk about limits. Safe words and gestures. Don’t forget aftercare. Have fun.

RelativeCondition915 · 2026-05-05T00:57:24+00:00

Redact decided this post had to go, so away it went. Deleted. Removed. Mass deleted even. Privacy and security are the big wins here.

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the_scar_when_you_go · 2026-05-04T23:45:07+00:00

It's awesome, just like any other kind of consensual, risk-aware activity. Arguments against it tend to be based in logical fallacies and perched on a slippery slope.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2026-05-05T01:30:23+00:00

Why not. What consenting adults choose to participate in is no one’s business but theirs

toad-wrangler · 2026-05-05T02:03:34+00:00

I think anything sexual that requires clear communication and clear consent has the possibility to be a healing experience for people who have been treated with carelessness and disrespect or worse.

bondepart · 2026-05-05T08:41:38+00:00

Nothing wrong with it so long as everyone involved is consenting, there is good ethical negotiation of what’s going on, and safe risk-aware practice.

I personally also have a policy in BDSM of not engaging in any dynamics that replicate societal oppressions, e.g. no misogyny, transphobia, racism etc. There’s a lot of problematic stuff out there.

pie-mart · 2026-05-04T23:48:36+00:00

I don't like the idea of STDs and shit. I don't mind experimenting as long as we talk about limits and we see each other as people. But I'm not gonna be too into too much wild shit.

I think as a woman, I make so many decisions all day. And get decision fatigue. And same with men and dating cuz they are constantly asking for your input and constantly asking for your opinion and asking you to make a decision about literally everything.

So, sometimes its nice not to have to be asked to make constant little decisions 24/7

KayRay1994 · 2026-05-05T03:02:45+00:00

I think long as it is communicated clearly, consent is respected and it isnt a detriment on your life (ex. Becomes a major time constraint, messes with things like self care, makes you even more stressed, etc) then it can 100% be a healthy outlet

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-05-05T23:52:46+00:00

IMO, if you’re doing it out of boredom or excitement, it’s healthy.

If you’re doing it to cope with, “heal” or reenact trauma, aka pathological circumstances, it’s not

When sex is approved of as a treatment for psychological conditions, I will change my mind

ArtisticLime9769 · 2026-05-05T09:59:27+00:00

Dom/Sub dynamic yes, sadistic aspects - no.

Acrobatic-Monk9735 · 2026-05-05T00:52:06+00:00

I kink shame and I think any man who enjoys seeing a woman get degraded or being in pain is not a good man.

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fakingandnotmakingit · 2026-05-05T04:05:37+00:00

In bed and everyone consenting? Fine I don't care about what other people do in bed

As a lifestyle?

I don't think it's healthy and fair necessarily because it depends on the people, the circumstances, or the attitude behind it.

Same with religion. You can have a healthy and non toxic religion and you can have a unhealthy and a bad one.

If this is something everyone consents to whole heatedly yes, that seems healthy to me.

If someone in the space looks down on people who aren't into bdsm then no it is not healthy

If someone has beliefs tied to gender (aka all women are submissive to the right man) then it is toxic

If someone goes around with a ball gag around the house around children or people who are not consenting to be part of that scene it's abuse

Now lifestyle is obviously trickier because it may crossover into other implications. What happens if the sub actually disagrees or doesn't want to do something. Say moving cities or is unhappy about something. Will they then become an equal in that scenario?Essentially safe wording out of that lifestyle? If yes, then it is potentially healthy.

If that sub doesn't get a chance to voice out real disagreements and have that opinion be equal in weight and value to the dom? then it is unhealthy

In the course of this lifestyle would the sun be put in a position where they become legitimately vulnerable (aka no money of their own) then no it is not healthy

It also depends on if children are involved. I don't think it's right to model a relationship to your daughter that her mother will do whatever her father says. (Or the other way around). If you do have that lifestyle 24/7 you will need to ensure 100% that your children understand that both parents are equal and that this is not an expected outcome for them.

You will also need to ensure your children understand that the power lies with the sub and the moment a safe word comes out all the domimamce stuff stops. And that any and all discomfort should be a safe word

Like honestly for cases like that you need to be an even better parent and communicator than all the vanillas around you

Werevulvi · 2026-05-08T00:50:13+00:00

No I don't think it's particularly healthy. Seems to always be some kinda cope, whether from traumas or some variant of sexual dysfunction, porn addiction, emotional issues, self-esteem issues, etc.

I used to be into bdsm stuff, and told myself it was healing. Maybe for some time it was, but long term, absolutely not. Now that I've actually healed, the whole bdsm thing seems really maladaptive. It's off-putting to me, and I generally try to avoid it, even in just conversations with friends.

I get that everyone is damaged to some extent though, and everyone is at different stages in healing. So I try not to judge people who are into bdsm stuff, too much. Unless they're doing it in public, then I'm gonna express my dislike for it.

But generally, if you're only doing it in private with consenting adults, and there's no serious risk of physical harm, I will gladly accept it's none of my business and keep my butt out of it. Like I don't think it's morally wrong or anything like that. I don't think people who do it are bad people. And I'm not really in the habit of giving people unsolicited advice either, especially about their sex lives.

Gwynplaine_Batz · 2026-05-09T16:25:31+00:00

There is such a thing as consenting with prejudice; one may deny the request but it possibly will affect the well-being of their family and especially their children, etc. some will do anything to protect a sense of order in ones life, every week a pound of flesh, eventually you run out.

Suddenfury · 2026-05-12T12:17:03+00:00

15 years in the scene. Many report it as calming which would be healthy. Is it fair? i don't know.
BDSM is a way of playing with power relationships which is very common even in vanilla situations, it's just more subtle.

Advanced-Ad8490 · 2026-05-04T23:35:27+00:00

I'm also wondering the same. Emotionally it feels liberating. Being with people who are open-minded, adventurous and free spirited. But the risk of STDs is real.

Fairness is a subjective emotional experience only between two people.

I love being part of a interesting and fun community. Especially since I'm not religious and other communities couldn't keep my interest. They seem too normal, fake, boring, bland, too safe.

I'm guessing it's all good until you have kids. Then it's all extra problems ontop of already troublesome kids.

Throwaway0-285 · 2026-05-05T04:01:00+00:00

To a certain extent. People are allowed to what they want it’s fair in that way. As a life style tho? Ehhh ethically not really that big of a fan.

I think it’s fine to play out fantasy’s but some fantasy’s are too far in some ways. I also think making it a total life style is too far as well. Bdsm is inherently sexist and misogynistic (I know that’s pretty intense statement and I’m not gonna argue that just google it and it’ll take u to somewhere on Reddit where they can explain y better. U agree or u don’t).

I really struggle with it being that way but then again most things are pretty sexist when it comes to romance. I think small doses here and there are fine if u acknowledge that it’s really just an act but if ur like no this is me then i think it goes too far.

Listen I ain’t gonna kink shame people they free to do as they please it just ain’t my cup of tea

Title	Do you think BDSM is healthy/fair, either in the context of the bedroom or as a lifestyle, why or why not?
Author	EzrawrreUwU
Upvotes	5
Comments	73
Date	May 4, 2026 6:32 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1t3qcrp/do_you_think_bdsm_is_healthyfair_either_in_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-bdsm-is-healthyfair-either-in-the.1579613 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579613

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