First, I want to point out that asking someone out and dating has never been the universal norm. For most of history, marriages were arranged in different forms. Sadly, child marriages werealso common then consentual adult marriages in many societies if we look back only a few decades not even centuries. Even today, the "ask, date, then marry" model is mostly associated with Western cultures and a few highly urbanized regions. In many rural communities, relationships still develop through friendship, family involvement, community connections, or semi-arranged introductions.

When I say "asking someone out," I mean approaching a stranger at a club, bar, concert, church, or any public place. I also include asking out a colleague or an acquaintance who is not your friend.

To be clear, I am not arguing that we should return to arranged marriages, let alone child marriages. My point is that modern society often treats asking someone out as the default, or even the only, way to express confidence and pursue romance. I think that view is heavily shaped by romantic media and pop culture.

Personally, asking someone out rarely feels meaningful. Sometimes it resembles catcalling. Other times it feels like seeking validation or hoping for attention from someone you barely know. It can also feel uncomfortable to approach someone when the only reason you're interested is their appearance or superficial charm. Physical attraction is natural, but it seems like a rather shallow criterion to become the first primary filter for choosing a potential life partner. and most times those are the only things you know about person while asking them out.

Context also matters. In places like bars or concerts, asking someone out may be interpreted as an invitation for a hookup. In some cultures that is perfectly acceptable. In others, it can be seen as inappropriate or disrespectful. Every culture has its own courtship norms, and I do not think one should be judged solely through another culture's values.

Human societies have always formed relationships differently. Some cultures historically practiced bride or groom kidnapping. Others had community matchmaking or marriage markets. Even today, arranged or family-assisted marriages remain common in countries such as India, Pakistan, China, Japan, and South Korea. Every system has its own strengths and weaknesses.

As someone from India, especially an urban area strongly influenced by Western media, I find myself somewhere in the middle. I support individual freedom and have no issue with people choosing modern dating. I simply do not find pickup lines, asking strangers out, or dating culture as profound or universal as they are often portrayed. Outside the West, these customs are often adopted only partially, making them feel awkward or culturally out of place. (I just want to clarify that I am not defending or endorsing arranged marriage. Personally, I also find most aspects of the traditional arranged marriage system in India to be shallow, and I would rather remain single for life than enter an arranged marriage. I'm not virtue signaling for arranged marriage.)

Ultimately, I do not think there is one correct way for relationships to begin. Friendship, shared experiences, mutual circles, family introductions, and direct dating can all lead to healthy relationships. My point is not that asking someone out is wrong. It simply should not be treated as the universal standard or the ultimate measure of confidence and romance.