What is the RPW approach to being told you should lose weight?

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2017-04-19T10:18:05+00:00

First of all, you mentioned you brought up a topic that upset him and then he retaliated with a comment on your weight. This seems strange to me. It's like he couldn't stand to be upset around you so he attacked you instead - what exactly did you say to him to warrant this response? Does he also have low self-esteem?

Secondly, you are aware that you need to lose weight. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it feels bad for someone you love to tell you this bluntly. But this is reality, and you are in your power to lose that weight if you choose.

HobbesTheBrave · 2017-04-19T13:08:11+00:00

"I'd like you to lose weight."

Being too heavy, it is linked with depression, for many different reasons.

He might be giving you the usual insensitive, facts-only, but loving man-talk. The kind of talk which works wonderfully between men but sounds so cruel in the ears of women.

I should be around 145 to be at a healthy weight. I'm aware of this and keep telling myself I need to get the ball rolling.

Should doesn't do anything. Stop telling yourself. Find some sport you'd willingly do. Find a sport you'd love to do. If you do find one you like, then you're going to be too busy to worry about this.

din0r1n0 · 2017-04-19T20:53:15+00:00

It seems like he said this in retaliation to whatever you said and that it was a blow he knew would hurt you. Regardless of it being true or not, it's not OK to say something to your SO to intentionally hurt hem. If he wanted to bring this topic up with you, he should have done it in another conversation without it being a reaction. I think it is not grounds to break up, but it is grounds to talk about how you communicate. Let him know that intentionally hurting your feelings in an argument is not how you want to communicate. Once communication gets fair, your relationship will flourish.

VigilantRedRooster · 2017-04-19T17:38:20+00:00

What is the RPW approach to being told you should lose weight?

The long-game approach would be to lose weight if there is any objective truth to the statement, however insensitively delivered.

gixxerthouguy · 2017-04-19T10:33:18+00:00

Hey, RP man here. Losing weight is hard, I am currently doing this myself, as part of my own self improvement. Infact, it's almost gym time! Here are a couple of harsh home truths from a man's perspective...

All men look at other women, even if they love their SO. It's just how we are wired.

My SO needs to lose a few lbs. She knows it, I know it. She tells me she wants to lose weight. I tell her if she gets any fatter she'll do it alone - with a joke and a smile of course! She calls me shallow, and I agree. But I won't lie to her.

If you lose weight and look more attractive, you will feel better about you, and you will feel better about your relationship. I promise you that your SO will find you more attractive, even if he says he isn't worried about your weight. Deep down we all want to date a smoking hot chick.

No-one likes to see their SO cry, but RP is all about being the best you can be. So be the best, find a diet you like, stick to it. Use my fitness pal to track calories or join a slimming group for support. Get your SO on board too. Stop snacking, or eating fast food. I love Chinese food, but I have not been to my local place in a long while.

Make that change, decide to do it now. Forget about yesterday, last week. Start now. Good luck.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2017-04-19T17:07:52+00:00

Why bring up this topic if you know you're significantly overweight? Is it possible that your SO was upset at being trapped into a question where the obvious answer is "yes, you need to lose weight because I'm not as physically attracted to you"?
Never ask a question that you don't want to hear the real answer.

TheCandiest · 2017-04-19T11:14:48+00:00

He just has a preference. And honestly, probably every guy would feel/react the same in your scenario.

I know that it hurts, but it's often that pain that drives us to grow.

I'm aware of this and keep telling myself I need to get the ball rolling.

Get the ball rolling.

Rivkariver · 2017-04-19T18:30:29+00:00

Do you think he said it to be hurtful, or because he is concerned for your health? This is important.

pewpsprinkler · 2017-04-19T11:31:29+00:00

I've had several GFs around 5'6" and they were all 105-125 lbs. So when OP is saying 145, that is still pretty chubby looking.

If you care about SMV, your goal weight should be 115-125. If you don't care about SMV, then you aren't really following red pill strategy.

the_baumer · 2017-04-19T20:05:48+00:00

Love all the men telling her to get to 120. She's gonna look like Skeletor.

OP shoot for 135 and make sure you focus on putting on some muscle while you lose weight. Don't get super thin like I did. I had a guy make fun of me for being super thin at 5'7" and 120. Countless people told me to eat more. Ever since I got between 135-145 I never get negative responses. I just look normal and healthy.

humanbynature · 2017-04-19T21:41:56+00:00

I recently read that many of the things we don't like in other people are a mirror of something we don't like about ourselves. I was mad at my boyfriend for not helping me make a big decision and realized I was only upset with him because I am so indecisive myself and need help with big-girl choices.

On the surface, you're upset that your boyfriend was so blunt and damaging to your self esteem. Beneath the surface, you are actually upset that you have been lying to yourself and holding up a facade of being fine with your weight when you're not. You're unhappy with your low self-esteem. If your weight wasn't an issue in your mind, you wouldn't cry and instead you would laugh off his comments. Why would you break up with someone after lassoing them into an answer that you don't want to hear? Strengthen your mind to avoid these self-destructive confrontations and to lessen unnecessary friction between you and the BF.

TheCandiest · 2017-04-19T23:01:11+00:00

What do I do about this?

Explain what sensitive topic you brought up first. You rationally expect to get good answers without us* knowing the full details? That is unless you're trying to get a specific answer.

Bpgiissues · 2017-04-20T13:46:24+00:00

This one hits home for me. I am on the opposite side of this. I'm in a relationship with a woman who is likely similar in body outlook. She is the classic apple shape with too much around her hips and thighs . I am very fitness conscious and have been my whole life.

She was very inexperienced in bed before we met. She has also put on weight across the duration of our relationship. If I had to guess I would put her in the 180 range at around 5'8 or so. I can pick her up and move her around but it's a significant effort which compared against many previous women i've been with who I know we're in the 140 range I could move around easily.

I am with her because she is an incredibly good woman and we have a lot in common. However, between her inexperience and the way her body is going I absolutely struggle with our sex life. It is just not working for me. I also have no idea how to bring up the conversation. There just is no good way to tell your SO she needs to lose weight because you are finding her way less attractive than you used to and it's a problem.

The point I'm trying to make is that guys will often try to overlook this and make things work because they want to see you for your good qualities etc but the reality is that weight is going to impact your sex life.

GayLubeOil · 2017-04-21T01:49:24+00:00

I think your approach should be to replace all your starchy carbohydrates with vegetables.

Willow-girl · 2017-04-19T11:06:35+00:00

It's really up to you, but if you decide to reduce, be careful not to get into the cycle of yo-yo dieting. (Lose, regain, rinse lather repeat.) When I was a child, my favorite aunt did this and it wrecked her self-esteem. She'd be on top of the world when she was thin, but inevitably those lost pounds seemed to find her! :-o

akanachan · 2017-04-19T12:10:35+00:00

If my man retaliated that way to any sensitive topic (and I only bring these up politely), I'd pull everything to a screeching halt and re-evaluate if he's worthy of me.

I don't mind if my man tells me to lose weight (I'd just work on losing it, no issue), but I wouldn't be ok with him using that as a cheap retaliatory insult -- because that's the kind of behavior exhibited by low quality people.

Even if you brought up the sensitive topic without tact, he should've been a better person and not resort to that kind of low-blow statement. And he knew his response was uncalled for, because he tried to back-pedal and tell you "it wasn't an issue" and that he "wouldn't care", after telling you how he cared.

Either way, if you know you're not at a healthy weight, you should fix it. You owe it to yourself to be the best woman you can be.

TheCandiest · 2017-04-19T15:16:43+00:00

unless your BMI is 19-21, the proper response is to lose weight.

I should be around 145 to be at a healthy weight.

this is the absolute minimum. you ideally want to aim for 19-21 BMI, not 25 BMI. at your height, this means 118-130lbs. i'd say aim for 125 lbs at your height.

What do I do about this? Does this warrant a breakup?

virtually every woman is given the pussy pass nowadays... that is she never faces the consequences of her actions, regardless of how stupid those actions are. redpill, both TRP and RPW are against this. the redpill is bitter and hard to swallow for men and women alike. you know you're overweight, and you know you need to change. you shouldn't be taking it out on him. you should be thanking him for mustering up the guts to say it.

the BMI formula is perfectly fine. there's only 2 times anyone gets a free pass from it... (1) you've been doing 5+ hours of olympic lifting per week for 4+ weeks straight, or (2) you were pregnant within the last month. don't think about any of this as a problem. think about this an opportunity to grow your relationship. as you said what was leading up to this upset him, it sounds like you were probably talking about his fitness level (or lackthereof). if he's not fit, you can use this as an opportunity to get fit together.

[deleted] · 2017-04-19T12:30:10+00:00

At your weight, it has little to do with appearance. You're relatively average for an American and your health isn't majorly at risk. Obviously he's attracted or he wouldn't be here. The problem is your self-esteem issues and that is your problem, not his. If you feel bad about your weight, diet, workout. If you don't, own it. Confidence can bridge the gap here, but right now, you're overreacting and creating drama. If anything, he might break up with you for it.

Boobear3 · 2017-04-20T01:34:17+00:00

I'm curious, Is your boyfriend overweight? What is his height and weight?

If you get down to a normal weight and had more confidence, would you leave him for someone who is more active? He should probably get on a diet and exercise as well, if that's the case. When one partner has a dramatic body change, it can destroy a relationship.

testmypatience · 2017-04-22T14:32:16+00:00

It warrants you getting a thicker skin. Anyone saying those things to you should not give you that emotional reaction.

Title	What is the RPW approach to being told you should lose weight?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	12
Comments	89
Date	April 19, 2017 10:04 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6699iy/what_is_the_rpw_approach_to_being_told_you_should/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-is-the-rpw-approach-to-being-told-you-should.167248 https://theredarchive.com/post/167248

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