[Update] "Main Event coming up tonight"

ChngChek · 2016-06-20T13:06:31+00:00

When you talk to your wife about how you're going to improve yourself, it's like showing your hand of cards at a poker game before betting. You lose edge, mystery and power.

Archwinger · 2016-06-20T13:53:34+00:00

Calling your wife childish names is stupid and shows a lack of masculinity. I'd have apologized, too.

Getting butt hurt over being called out for a very legitimate lack of masculinity and storming out is even more childish.

Then, verbally puking all over your wife about your shitty, broken manhood and explaining yourself to her with an "I'll show her" attitude, almost like giving up your toxic nice guy life is an act of revenge is just about as pathetic as you can get.

Women talk. Men do.

But you don't. You talk instead. So your wife has to be the man of the house in your absence. And you just verbally told her that she needs to continue being the man with your continued feminine actions.

bogeyd6 · 2016-06-20T13:00:21+00:00

I realized that my first attempt on MRP had been nothing but giant covert contract to get laid more.

Concordantly, while your first reason may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant. Time and time again this is how people start their journey. You are finally unplugging when you realize this covert contract. While a necessary evil, it will separate the men from the boys. If you can recover from that, its all downhill from here.

Sure you took the very first thing to do and skipped it. Most people do, and then they get in this spiral of why isn't everything working. Lifting is not just to get you sexy and lifting. It's more hidden purpose is to increase your confidence and get you out of the house. Wise men build their house on the rocks, not the sand. This time you are lifting, and I would implore you to do nothing for the next two months but Lift&Read^tm. Don't worry about passing her shit tests for awhile and just work on being a better you.

You call it dread level zero, but what it's actually called is unplugging. The first few weeks where you think you found this whole secret to fucking your wife more often so instead of doing what the successful members have done. You look for that better way and that easy path that no one else has been able to do. What no one ever told you it's the failures and how you recover that makes you the better man. The success are just little treats along the way.

So you finally choked down that red pill. I wait for one day you to post about how once you get rolling, it's like you can never stop.

its-iceman · 2016-06-20T13:43:04+00:00

I cracked up at you apologizing for calling her a jerk like a good little boy, her smirking at you, and then you seething like a little bitch. She's your daddy dude, and I'm betting she doesn't even think of it that way. It's just her natural reaction to your child-like butthurt.

You're overthinking, over analyzing, and just spewing your feelings all over the place.

Guys fuck this part up so much: the goal isn't to be a miserable cunt who gives her orders like she's a retard. You don't need to demand her respect from day one like you're leading North Korea. You need to be a man who gets respect because he's worthy of it. Storming out of the house because she got you to apologize for calling her a jerk is laughable.

Fit, fun, smiling dad who has his shit together and leads his family gets respect and his dick sucked.

Angry, brooding, butthurt dad who commands respect while acting like a cunt gets smirked at and jerks off with his own tears.

You need to chill the fuck out, laugh a lot more at her and yourself, stop talking so goddamn much, and improve yourself. Don't tell her your plan of action. Be a mystery. And for the love of god: Stop focusing everything on her. She's sick of it too.

The_Litz · 2016-06-20T12:57:53+00:00

You are slowely coming around to the point that you realise just how much work you have ahead of you.

You still talked waaaayyy to much.

You DEER'ed over and over, and left the house butthurt.

The glimmer of hope I see is that you see that you still had a covert contract in place.

Baby steps brother. Pick your fights carefully untill you sober up captain.

stonepimpletilists · 2016-06-20T14:06:54+00:00

Yeah, you're hearing it a lot. You gotta shut the fuck up.

I think you're getting it, theres a malfunction between brain and mouth though.

Remember this, your explaining and talking and promising? That's how one talks to an authority.

If you want to be the captain, start by not treating her like the captain.

Good luck, 2 steps forward, 1 step back.

alphabeta49 · 2016-06-20T16:05:48+00:00

Foot, meet Mouth.

You had better damn follow through with your promises of improvement, and beyond. If you do not achieve EVERYTHING you told her you would, your words will be the cause of your setback, and everything will be worse than before. You've essentially made yourself accountable to her. Fuck man, did you think about that?

spexer · 2016-06-20T14:45:28+00:00

I know you are trying, and I don't want to discourage you - but dude.

Talking is easy- and it aint an accomplishment.

Stop talking. Just stop. If you are going to do MRP, then Acta Non Verba. You dont tell her there will be a new you - you SHOW her.

Shut the hell up and let your actions speak for you.

Countpudyoola · 2016-06-20T15:36:06+00:00

Going to just echo Spex : "I know you are trying, and I don't want to discourage you - but dude."

But Dude, indeed.

Talking about your MAP and frame is not the same as creating one.

At least you got her acceptance by telling her all about it though.

:-/

Expect worse shit tests now that she can anticipate this is some sort of new fad.

An hour later she is giggling again.

Oh yeay! Happy wife happy life! Can you see where you're glee over this is 100% the wrong mindset?

You've essentially told her: I'm a fat fuck who's committed to exercise and a diet, watch me exercise and diet in the upcoming months.

"Hey , I bought a fitbit!"

You know who talks about how much they're going to exercise? Fat fucks who are going to stay fat fucks.

You know who knows they're just blowing hot air and are going to fall back into an old routine?

Everyone they tell this to.

README Stop talking about your goals.

You didn't create this mess in a day.

You're not going to fix it in a day.

Or with one conversation.

OR WITH ANY CONVERSATION. Unless you reach the end of the road and it's F.M.O.F.Y. (fuck me or fuck you).

You need to back up and add a bunch of STOPS to your game plan.

Mentally yell this to yourself every time you want to talk this shit out with her:

I MUST STOP GIVING A SHIT ABOUT

DIFFUSING ANYTHING
CARING ABOUT THE COLD SHOULDER
SEEKING IMMEDIATE RESULTS
HER APPROVAL

If you don't already have a lot of go-to outcome independent activities...I'd start racking up now.

Now that you've shown her what you're holding, you're going to have to play this hand probably twice to three times as you would have for her to believe it's real. Knuckle in and dig and even deeper trench.

I stayed away for couple of hours

Should have made it more, at least until she fell asleep or this brilliant idea of explaining where you're going to go instead of leading her there went away.

You can do this. You just need to regroup. Like square zero regroup. That would definitely be 0 on the dread scale.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-06-20T16:46:54+00:00

I told here that what she had just done was probably the most disrespectful thing she had ever done to me, and left the house.

I like this. No arguing. Simply stating the facts in a single breath and then leaving the hamster to stew in her own private Hell. This is why I think it is good:

I wasn't caring how she felt

As for this:

I let her know about my plans in advance, so she knows what to expect.

Once you stop patting yourself on the back STOP TALKING. Why do you care if she "knows what to expect." This is some hard truth right here- MARRIAGE IS A COMBAT SPORT. Even in a friendly boxing match you DO NOT TELL YOUR OPPONENT YOUR STRATEGY. This makes no sense whatsoever.

TLDR: STFU

Chump_No_More · 2016-06-20T17:15:27+00:00

Hey, I get it. As a newly unplugged who's still in the 'purple haze' of both worlds, it's totally logical to tell your wife that "you're improving" because...

"hey baby! look, I'm communicating!"
She may stop disrespecting, nagging, etc and let you do your thing.
Now that she knows they're forthcoming, she'll give you a 'cookie' for each improvement you make.
A little harmless validation is a good thing, right?

What you've unknowingly done has put your marriage on 'super hard mode'. I know, because I thought and did the same thing and it backfired on me, as it invariably will you and any other fool who tries it.

First, based on what our fem-centric culture tells her and the need for her hypergamous sexual strategy to win, her idea of 'improvement' is for you to double down on your beta servitude. When the covert contract that you unwittingly handed her blows up (and if you're doing it right, it will), her hamster will spin up to ludicrous speed the shit testing will be orders of magnitude worse than if you'd just STFU.

2nd, it's going to take her longer to internalize your changes as real. It's one thing to have internal covert contracts about why you're improving... bro, we all start out doing this to "get laid" or "save our marriage", it isn't until substantially later that we have the epiphany that we're actually saving ourselves... but, it's quite another to telegraph your intentions and give your wife the opportunity to 'armor up'. Those old "my hubby is a pathetic loser" neural pathways will become most stubborn, harder to kill, and spawn some "he's a desperate faker" cousins.

These covert contracts that you create are voracious 'nice guy' beasts that will viciously gnaw on your Frame when she doesn't feed them... and you know she won't.

Lastly, as others have said, "women talk, men do". The sooner you purge the blue-pill "embrace you feminine side" bullshit, the easier your internalization of masculine stoicism and becoming your mental point of origin will become.

Bottomline, all communicating your 'improvement' intentions do is create unnecessary drama and dials up the hard mode setting.

While 'embracing the suck" is what men do, you're better served by keeping it to a sustainable level... you're in this for the long haul.

Sepean · 2016-06-20T14:25:17+00:00

for the first time I felt what a frame might feel like. I wasn't caring how she felt, I told her what I thought about it. She tried to bring our previous fight into the conversation, I shot it down. I told there will be new me, so she knows what to expect in upcoming months.

If you didn't care about how she felt, if you had frame, then wtf did you tell her about it? Ask yourself that question.

What is the answer? Does it matter what she thinks? Do you want a pat on the back? Do you feel good about sharing your amazing plans with her?

dread level Zero. I don't know what to call it exactly, but I was there a week ago. I was not even ready to pass her fitness tests, as I was afraid to tell her my intentions so that she would not be able to challenge them. I though I didn't need her permission so I didn't tell her.

And here I though my previous questions would make it so clear to you, and then this grade A hamstering comes up. There was no frame or dread in telling her. It wasn't gutsy. Not only do you want her permission, you've hamstered it into something you should get.

Bro, you are so solidly in her frame.

Nobody gives a flying fuck when some fat dude tells people how he is getting in shape starting next week. It's just embarassing to listen to, the guy is pointing out he's too fat, looking for approval for shit he didn't even do yet, and everybody thinks he is going to fail anyway. What you're doing here is no different. Just STFU about your amazing plans. Just become a bit more ripped every day, grow your frame a bit stronger, and eventually people will notice it.

trp_dude · 2016-06-20T19:02:18+00:00

Yeah, it's better if you hadn't apologized, but it's not such a biggie. Calling her a jerk is borderline inappropriate so an apology is OK.

Your biggest problem is talking too much. STFU. Don't talk to her about red pill. Don't talk to her about Mr. Nice Guy. Stop. Talking.

Also, don't sweat about the setback. One thing you will learn is that there is no running score. What happened yesterday doesn't matter. This is both good and bad - if you were red pill yesterday but beta today, you'll be treated like a beta. And vice versa.

ReddJive · 2016-06-20T12:20:12+00:00

No. Dread level zero?

You have no frame. That's what the concept is called. You exist completely within her emotional context.

There's a difference between A&M and her laughing at you. Make sure it's the one and not the other.

At least your lifting? what?

you want a cookie or something?

dandar4600 · 2016-06-20T13:56:59+00:00

Shit you're getting some tough love here. I think you had some good self reflection and you're making some rookie mistakes. We all made so rookie mistakes so don't think for a second you're some kind of fuckup based on the responses you're getting.

Some advice:

1) STFU. Really, if you want to talk to her about your feelings and plans for your family. Don't. Just stfu. Actions > words. Words she can and will use against you to point out how big a loser you are for not living up to what you told her. Just STFU and let your actions speak for you. Even when she says that she never knows what you're thinking and she wants to know. The truth is, once she finds out you lose the mystery factor and by default she is less attracted to you. I know that's just fucked up and it would be so much better if it weren't so, but AWALT. By telling her your plans and your feelings your dread level and attractiveness take a hit. If your SMV is high enough it doesn't matter much but at this point in the game you can't let yourself to have a luxury for weakness. So just STFU for now.

2) At least you're lifting. See lifting at first is for looks and an increase in SMV. For me, by now it evolved into feeling well and doing it for my long term health. Well that and the looks, haha. If you do it for her, you're gonna quit. Do it for yourself.

So lift and STFU and that's half the battle. This shit is easy. Holding frame and passing shit tests is what is hard. Beyond that is the kino. Gaming your wife. I myself need some work on that. Take it easy, read, learn implement it into your life. See what works, see what doesn't. Half the time you will fail. Learn from your failures, rinse and repeat.

At least your wife is still engaged and interested in what you have to say. Some here start from where their wives are indifferent. That's a much deeper hole to dig themselves out of. In that you're ahead of the game. You're now on the right track. You have the tools (sidebar), now you just need to learn how to use them.

irateMD · 2016-06-20T14:06:33+00:00

Remember the "abandonment" and "toxic shame"? Well think your worst and the double it.

You're not a special snowflake. Quit the victim routine.

You actually did pretty well. The main event is when you establish your frame and start to fill her in on how she fits into your life. It's what happens when she has been analyzing the changes that you have made, wondering what it means and how it will affect her. It's the point where you have the strength to lay out your vision for what comes next. It's the point after which her anxiety and yours will usually settle down. You've shown the hamster the way out of the maze. She can finally start to understand that she has a role to play in improving the marriage.

sh0ckley · 2016-06-20T14:50:30+00:00

I removed "I'm sorry" from my vocabulary when speaking to her.

Instead, I use "I shouldn't (whatever)" or if I was a total fucktard then maybe "it was wrong to (whatever)"

It's been effective in maintaining a positive attitude about my journey.

redearththeory · 2016-06-20T16:30:42+00:00

Finally, she said: "So you aren't even going to apologize the fact that you called me a jerk".

This is about her asserting her right to decide how you will act (whether or not you will call her a jerk). Whether or not you let her make that decision is 100% within your control and inside your head. You are completely in control of this. Next time, simply decide that you have made the decision that your behavior was acceptable, you've considered her opinion, and you've rejected it. The way to verbalize this is "What I did was fine, there's no reason I would apologize for it." And then go broken record on that.

But also, there are better ways to handle the original situation than name calling.

esired · 2016-06-21T01:18:15+00:00

You talk too much. I can only imagine the ear beating you gave to your wife.

screechhater · 2016-06-21T01:20:38+00:00

Just STFU, be calm, lift and be upbeat. Even during a shit storm. but most important now, after showing your hand remain in frame by always doing what you say you are going to do

Pinelero · 2016-06-21T01:27:34+00:00

You made rookie mistakes - don't do them again.

Just be careful about unleashing any repressed vindictive anger about your horrible past BP behavior and mannerisms toward the SO. Just let that shit go and re-channel it into lifting. You can't change the wimpy past and your future self needs to be the oak - the oak is not an asshole.

BetaFeelz · 2016-06-21T23:46:06+00:00

Calling her a jerk is something to apologize for...

Why did it bother you so much to apologize for calling her a jerk?

Scurvemuch · 2016-06-20T12:57:39+00:00

epic fail.

do yourself a favor... the next time you open you mouth in this relationshit for anything other than logistics or to give commands or solicit opinions, punch yourself in the mouth.

Jesus

Oh and, You are a Pussy, McFaggot.

And here is the break down :

So, that night, nothing happened. We were civil, little bit icy, and I went bed early. Next day was about the same until after the dinner. She stopped me and asked when I'm going to apologize. I told her we had a fight and the moment she stormed out of bedroom it was over. From my point of view there is nothing to feel sorry about. So she tries couple of more approaches, I turn them down.

So far , so good, STFU mainly working well

Finally, she said: "So you aren't even going to apologize the fact that you called me a jerk". I cannot believe what happened next. This is nothing. I should have gone broken record on this, I knew it at the moment.. but I actually heard myself saying... "Yeah, that was a stupid thing to do. I am sorry I called you that". So she gave me a quick smirk, got up and went to play with the children. It was nothing but scheduled shit test.

Yup, no frame. I will not same frame broke, but you did not have one developed yet. As you know, she literally set you up for a shit test. Almost any other response would have been Ok. Even "Yea, I could have been more specific than to call you a jerk"

An utter rage consumed me from inside. First towards her, but within seconds it was me I felt angry for.

Good, realize you are the only one to blame for letting her shit on you like this without consequences.

I mean... four months and what? Zero progress. She seemed happy her blue pill husband was still here. So after five minutes or so, nothing good was about to happen. I told here that what she had just done was probably the most disrespectful thing she had ever done to me, and left the house.

More talking... at least you left.

I stayed away for couple of hours. I calmed down. ( insert male hamster here ) = all the crap you wrote

Look, you ran away being butt hurt. The idea is to have something to do... Go to the store, go get starbucks, Go get some tools or something. If you need to sit in a parking lot and fume, do it... But decide on concrete actionable small things, not big plans like " I do I"

I came back, found her still awake and we talked.

Yea, talking again. Since you were good at it up to now. /s

And then you told her how you were going to go be a big boy without getting mommy's permission.

Do not do that. Improve for you. Let her know of the logistics IF AND WHEN they will affect her or the kids. Have contingency plans, make yourself a routine.

I would like to introduce a new concept. The dread level Zero.

That's not dread, that is realizing how badly you have fucked up your life.

aka unplugging .

Griever114 · 2016-06-20T14:22:57+00:00

When you talk to your wife about how you're going to improve yourself, it's like showing your hand of cards at a poker game before betting. You lose edge, mystery and power.

Title	[Update] "Main Event coming up tonight"
Author	HandsOutOfMyPockets
Upvotes	13
Comments	39
Date	June 20, 2016 12:08 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4oyf7e/update_main_event_coming_up_tonight/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/update-main-event-coming-up-tonight.199848 https://theredarchive.com/post/199848

Comments