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Difficulty accepting my new reality.

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September 21, 2018
14 upvotes

I was made aware of this sub a couple of months ago now after having a personal crisis about my wife being away and fucking some Chad from her work. (Still don't know if she did or not but that's not why I'm writing now) The story is still there in my post history if any one actually wants to read it, but I'm sure you have seen the same story a thousand times before. I was a bit of a wreck, it felt like my world was just collapsing around me. Then I was guided here.

I was confronted with the hard truth, I was fat, weak and mentally lost. I have started running to burn of the fat, 8kg gone in two months. Bought some dumbbells, to get some form of strength. I know I should be at the gym, but I really was so weak that it would have been a complete embarrassment. I have also started counting calories and paying attention to my macros. I have learnt a load about building muscle and I am applying what I have learnt. Physically I am slowly getting bigger and leaner week by week.

I have immersed myself in the required reading. I'm continual learning about the true nature of women and I can see I have done it all completely wrong with my wife for 20 years. I have come to the conclusion that the whole of my relationship with my wife I have been so far past beta its untrue. I was a rebound guy for her, we did LDR, she moved into my house straight after that, I've negotiated desire for most if not all of our relationship, I threw away my career to look after the children when they came to make sure she had hers and now I am currently almost completely financially dependent on her. I can go on and on.

As I am internalizing all of this new knowledge I am starting to realize that my wife is with me because I am the comfortable option. I suppose I'm coming to terms with the fact I wasn't the prize for her. The thing is this is starting to piss me off more and more every day. I seems I have a new epiphany every day about something my wife has done in the past, why she did it and what it shows she truly thinks or tought about me. To borrow another Matrix quote, "We have a rule. We never free a mind after a certain age, it has trouble letting go." It feels like that red pill is sticking and catching all the way down.

I don't quite know what to do about this, where to put my mindset. I'm finding myself actually feeling resentful of my wife, our relationship's dynamic. Is this just how it is? Suck it up change it? How do I stop going too far and over compensating? I don't want to chuck the relationship in the bin, I want it rebuilt differently. Does it have to be knocked down completely first, or is that what I am mentally doing at the moment? Is there a book that deals specifically with a red pill awakening while married? I feel like some sage guidance now will help me move in the right direction, and could possibly stop me destroying our family completely.


Post Information
Title Difficulty accepting my new reality.
Author helloredditjhere
Upvotes 14
Comments 79
Date 21 September 2018 10:58 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203995
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9hoj8f/difficulty_accepting_my_new_reality/
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betaChadLDRthe red pill
Comments

[–]SepeanRed Beret17 points18 points  (9 children) | Copy

The anger and bitterness over wasted years and opportunities, that she never told you, use it to fuel your improvement and drive. Eventually life becomes so much better and fun, and time and daily BJs heals the wounds.

I don’t think there’s more to it. Been there, done that. Do the work, don’t blow shit up over some feelz that are only temporary, and enjoy red life.

[–]2ndalRed Beret7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

also: sunk cost

[–]RPSigmaStigmaRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Good point, but maybe explain it to OP or at least give a link.

[–]2ndalRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

no thanks. i'm not gonna do his work for him

[–]RPSigmaStigmaRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why are you commenting? If you don't want to be useful, why just sling jargon? You just here to feel like you belong to something? This is literally a question reddit

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Thanks probably all I need to hear. Stick to my MAP and it WILL work.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

I've been struggling with anger and detachment as well. It's way better than depressed and listless.

I haven't been mired in this marriage as long as you, but things are looking up.

Build and follow a plan. STFU. Stay physical, take supplements, the rest will follow in time. This shit works

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm definitely in a better place than I was two months ago. I have seen improvements already.

I really don't want my anger, which I can feel building inside me, to derail the process I have begun.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Who said life wasn't difficult pussy?

Stop whining.

That should be your first concrete step in the right direction.

p.s. I don't say this to be terse or trite - I mean it. The moment you butch up and stop wallowing in weakness is the same moment everything can look much different.

You're not a weak little boy anymore. You're a man.

[–]innominating0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We all experienced the anger. Learn to STFU when angry and you won’t derail anything.

[–]innominating14 points15 points  (8 children) | Copy

It doesn’t go away. It will probably get worse before it gets better. Then it will come and go in waves.

Don’t Rambo. Internalize the anger and use it to drive you to be the best version of yourself. Remember she is just a woman being AWALT. You’re really angry at your former self and your misguided beliefs.

You sound like you will be prone to wanting to cough up the pill, and revert back to comfortable ignorance. I doubt you can, but that feeling will come and go as well.

You’re going to have to be willing to destroy your family, as you see it, to complete this process.

Your wife clearly has already been ready to destroy the family if she’s fucking Chad. The person with the power is the person most willing to walk away. Until you get there, she’s the one with the balls.

Here’s a start: get a gym membership and start a lifting program and track your progress. Don’t be afraid of the gym.

Nobody there gives a shit about you, no matter how skinny fat you are. You could literally have a heart attack and die in the gym and everyone there would continue with their day and go to work and forget your sorry ass within a couple of days.

You don’t matter. There is nothing to fear. Google fuckarounditis. Get in there and make yourself proud.

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Thanks probably the most useful reply that I have had. It's good to know that the anger is transient and the real root of it.

I don't think I can either, the pill is down now.

[–]drty_prRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

You really need to pay attention to his gym comment. I'm the guy who spent 18 months on dumbells and did nothing but grow biceps. Been 7 months at the gym and the gains are indescribable. I still do dumbells at home for an accessory for arms, but 5x5 compounds have built every part of my body.

I'll also add that if you don't turn your wife's desire around, latent anger will always be residual. Believe me, I know this bro. You can apply all the MRP tactics you want, but if your wife won't play ball, then where you go from there is a decision you'll need to make.

For me, my kids growing up in one house has always been at the top of my mission. So I'm left with the decision of accepting my life is immeasurably better than it ever was, accepting she will only put out a few times a month and realizing I'll need to get my needs met elsewhere if I want more; or leave. While the latter would be easier, the former is what I intend on doing.

What you really need to understand is that MRP is a journey. Every time you tell her no, to every time you go do some shit that she doesn't want you to, to every time you hit a set at the gym you thought you fail, to every time you get hit on by a random chick, to every time you dabble in extramarital activities. Take the whole experience as an act of self growth. You'll never get to a finish line, but the ride is fun as hell.

GET TO THE GYM MOTHER FUCKER!!

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I am paying attention all the gym comments. Have just been in touch with a mate who lifts. He is going to take me to his gym show me about. He was quite excited about showing me some lifts that will help me bulk.

Your right about the dumbbells though. After a couple of months my biceps are getting bigger, and I'm starting to remove the fat from around them so my arms don't look like sausages.

I am hoping my wife is receptive to it, but time will tell. I know what you mean about kids growing up in one house. It shapes all of my other decisions.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am hoping my wife is receptive to it

da fuq? you won't go anywhere until you drop this "does mommy approve" attitude.

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know what you mean about kids growing up in one house. It shapes all of my other decisions.

Understand that is a very unpopular opinion around here and very much limits your potential for success with your wife. If you're wife isn't making your life considerably easier, than staying together for the kids is futile IMO.

[–]innominating0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

https://leangains.com/fuckarounditis/

Read that a few times and come back to it periodically. It tells you or links you to most of what you need to know about lifting and diet.

[–]2ndalRed Beret9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know I should be at the gym, but I really was so weak that it would have been a complete embarrassment.

Good. You should be embarrassed. When I started I was at the gym doing SL5x5 lifting the 45 pound bar on all lifts. You need that embarrassment to crack the thick layer of fat ego that surrounds your life. Get the fuck out there and be embarrassed. You will kill two birds with one stone: you will drop fat and gain muscle, and you will drop ego and gain confidence.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

You will be angry until you realize that this anger is directed at yourself.

Are you going to let your past dominate your future? Or are you going to do the hard work.

And buddy, you have a shitton of hard work to do. Your health, your mind, your job, your spirit. You need to STFU, put your head down for six months and fix all of these things. You have bigger problems right now than sex. Read and reread the sidebar, and go lift heavy things.

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It is slowly dawning on me that it is me that made the decisions in my life. I know my health is on its way, but the rest needs a lot of work.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need to embrace abundance. You look at the past instead of the future. Most guys would get fucked in divorce, but if you choose that path, likely you'd do well as a SAHD. You're Fat, but have the luxury of flexible schedule to get jacked. You have the freedom to start a business out of the house. You could go back to school for a higher degree. The list goes on.

Stop dwelling on the past, don't get so stuck on all the "could have been's,...".

What would you do right now if you could start from scratch? That's what it looks like your options are too me.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (10 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

Your right being a fat fuck, didn't bother me.

They are MY children.

I think the plow horse status will only go away with work. I am under no illusion that change will just happen by its self.

Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups. It is my family and if I end up going full Rambo on it, I am more than capable of fucking it over. I know more than most about society's feminine responsibility for the family after spending 8 years looking after MY children as the full time care giver.

As for destroying a family its simple really, kids do much better in a home where both parents are there. Split the parents up and they are much less likely to achieve and become adults that contribute to society and don't take from it. You don't need a superpower to stuff up a kid's life, it happens all the time.

[–]Red-Curious4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

They are MY children.

I think you missed the point that /u/Rian_Stone was making. He wasn't asking if you were raising someone else's kids. He was asking if you take ownership over the fact that they're your kids.

Your post makes it sound like you're their nanny, taking care of her kids until she gets home. Take the reigns back. Your language matters. This will shape your psychology within your marriage.

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks for pointing this out. In that sense I very much do take ownership of my children. They are looked after, entertained, educated and disciplined well. I'm often complimented on their behavior and they are happy kids and well likes both among their peers and adults that know them.

You have probably caught onto the fact that sometimes I do feel like I am her nanny taking care of her kids until she gets home. Also her cook, cleaner, builder, mechanic and the multitude of other jobs I do.

Perhaps it's more of the crux of my anger than I think.

[–]Red-Curious5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's because you're in her frame. If I were you, my framework for perceiving the balance of responsibilities would be: "This is my house, my kids, my dinner to cook, my deck to fix, my car to repair. She's the girl I send out to get me my money so I can take care of business."

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuckin’ A right

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Still, it is a sad fact.

At least I know that my marriage was heading that way anyway and I'm in a position to do something about it now.

[–]hack3geRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Fuck your marriage faggot - worry about yourself first.

Lift, STFU & sidebar - see you in 4-6 months.

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Short and to the point, I'll post again after Christmas.

[–]Bedtimeshine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What you said about your kids growing up in two homes is untrue.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

Hey man. Definitely can relate to what you're saying. I've been a huge beta my entire life as well. Once you realise how insignificant you are, and that you probably only matter to your parents, your kids, and maybe your siblings, it really helps you to realise there really is no reason to try to please others or worry about what they think. My wife sees me as a workhorse and nothing more. I'm getting into pretty decent shape though, so that should change a bit. She'll see me as a workhorse that's receiving contract offers to work elsewhere, which should help me get my dick wet a bit more often.

Look at it this way. You can spend all your time worrying about what your wife thinks about you or if she fucked someone else. That won't help though. If you think your wife may have cheated, that can be a good thing. Once you get into shape, opportunities will arise and you won't have to say no to them. Just don't get caught, and you get to do it guilt free.

You only live once man. Do you want to live as someone else's disposable slave, or do you want to plan out the shit you want to do and then do it? Being a stay at home dad is awesome. You'll get to connect to your kids in a way I could only ever dream of. When that's all said a done though, you need something to move on to. Start thinking about what you want and go for it. Good on you for working out. You want Turbo results, try the keto diet. It's like a secret cheat code for getting ripped super fast.

Best of luck to you bud, but look at it this way. You're with a woman who may never see you the way you want to be seen. It's like being a square and trying to fit into a circular hole. Unless you're absolutely hideous, there is probably a perfectly shaped square hole just waiting for the best version of you.

Reading this back to myself, I'm not sure how understandable I am. These are all thoughts that have helped me out personally though. Just thought I'd share them.

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks, it great to read your thoughts on the situation.

The line that really got me was the one about my wife never seeing me how I want to be seen. Something for me to chew and reflect on.

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

One thing: Don't be afraid of divorce. If it comes, get alimony and child support from her.

[–]catchpull1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your thought do make sense sir. Thanks.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Its normal, you are going through the anger phase. Just make sure you dont get stuck in it. You have been lied your entire life. Now, its up to you to turn your life around.

Also, dont blame your wife. She is just doing what women do, and she will continue to do what women do. Its not her fault you chose to be weak, lazy and a doormat.

Your story is no different from most of others here. What you do? Keep pushing that GAS. Make sure you get a GYM membership and start picking up heavy shit off the floor and putting heavy shit above your head and quit the "im weak" excuses. Define your mission, objectives. Read the MAP book if you havent, it will give you directions. Also make sure you read the way of superior man to make sure you wont go back to beta bitch mode. Define your mission, goals and start putting in the work to make it happen. Your wife doesnt need to like it or accept it. Be the best and strongest man you can be, for your own sake and your kids, they NEED it. Then, when you have unfucked yourself, when you have decided what you want to do with your life, when you are a better man, you set a timeline for your wife to decide if shes onboard with you or not. If shes not, you go split ways and life goes on. Remember, the stay plan is the go plan.

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the direct advice. I have been working under the stay plan = go plan assumption.

Thanks for pointing out, its just the nature of women. It is not her fault I let her walk all over me for years.

[–]helaughsinhidden5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

I suppose I'm coming to terms with the fact I wasn't the prize for her.

Become the prize and do it for you! My wife jokingly called me the "golden ticket" a couple weeks ago even though for nearly 20 years she's thought and/or acted like I was the lucky one to be with her.

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's where I'm aiming. I know its a long road though.

Many a true word said in jest.

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's what "the golden ticket' means, dude!

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (6 children) | Copy

Do yourself a favor. Forget your home dumbbells. Go to the gym. Start with 5x5. Lift just the bar if you’re that weak. No one cares about you at the gym and most veteran lifters are happy to see someone trying to better themselves.

Just watch some vids on gym etiquette and you’re golden.

Running is going to make you look like a skinny bitch. Go lift man.

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Thanks, I've done the whole skinny runner and don't intend going back there. Two months of dumbbell has made a difference, your right its time for the gym now.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

If you’re trying to lose weight at all you might consider a weighted jump rope. It burns a lot of calories and is good for your heart. 30 minutes is supposed to be about 440 calories burned. It’s brutal though.

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks can't hurt to give it a go.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh no, it CAN hurt, but thats the point. More importantly, get a gym membership.

[–]JudgeDoom690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No one else at the gym cares what you are lifting. Everyone is concentrating on doing their own thing. Watch the Strong Lifts 5x5 video on Youtube and download the app. You start out just lifting the bar, which is 45lbs, and no one else cares. Before you know it you'll be huge. It really works.

[–]juliusstreicher1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Brutal isn't the fucking word! If you can jump rope for 30 minutes, nobody here can tell you anything about health or fitness!

[–]simbarlionRed Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

You have to let go of the past and look forward.

There is no greater reward than doing the hard work, and letting a bit of passive dread sweep away your troubles.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

BTW, I read your infidelity post. Based on the info provided you are clutching at straws.

Focus on your on upward trajectory from here on

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's already fucking other men though, would you bother?

[–]Red-Curious2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

I don't quite know what to do about this, where to put my mindset.

Not here:

I have a new epiphany every day about something my wife has done in the past, why she did it and what it shows she truly thinks or tought about me

Why do you care so much about what she thinks about you? Why does it matter why she did that stuff in the past? You don't have a time machine. You can't go change it all. You know how women operate today. You know how your wife thinks today. Don't worry about connecting old dots. Start making new ones.

I'm finding myself actually feeling resentful of my wife, our relationship's dynamic. Is this just how it is? Suck it up change it?

Of course you're resentful of the dynamic. Your relationship sucks. You've been a pussy and she's been wearing a strap-on. Yeah, change it.

That doesn't mean you have to get a job. I've seen women who are eager to make money and shower it over a high quality man. But being jobless does put you at a disadvantage. Regardless, I'm more talking about getting your act together in the first place. Why are you someone she should want to follow?

Here's the thing: in modern social economics, money is power. It hasn't always been this way. For a time, money didn't exist at all. Raw strength was power. Social status was power. Intelligence was power. She has the power of money. What are you going to do about that? How are you going to take the dominance back in the relationship? Because right now she has you trapped in a little psychological prison that you term as "I am currently almost completely financially dependent on her." Stop thinking that way. If you wanted to, you could beef up your resume, get a decent job, and make a successful life. It might take you a few years to complete that process, but I've seen people do this as late as their 60s and be just fine. She's not the only access you'll ever have to money. She's just the only access you have right now. Do you have options? Then you don't need her. Nevertheless, you can enjoy what she brings to the table and know that you're essentially divorce-rape-proof in the meantime. Sure, it gives you a more difficult time earning her respect and attraction, but it also means you have nothing tying you down to the marriage anyway. She's the one who's going to get stuck paying you child support if she leaves. Turn that into your advantage.

How do I stop going too far and over compensating?

Don't be an idiot. Have a reason for taking control of your life again and what you're going to do with it. Just acting more dominant for the sake of acting more dominant will certainly come off as pathetic, like you're building your frame on sand instead of on a rock. What are you trying to do with your life? What direction are you taking things? How can you change the frame in the relationship so that she works as financial support toward your mission rather than you taking care of the house and kids to support her work?

I don't want to chuck the relationship in the bin, I want it rebuilt differently. Does it have to be knocked down completely first, or is that what I am mentally doing at the moment?

I often take the view that you can't turn ashes to wood. When you've burned something to the ground, it's dead and there's no coming back from that. You can start something new with the same person, but you can't just apply a bandaid to the parts that weren't working and think you're somehow whole again.

Without regard for where you've come from in the past of your relationship, decide today what you want things to look like tomorrow. Imagine that if you were dating someone brand new you just met on Tinder how you would lead the relationship into becoming that. Now imagine she's entering the relationship with the same baggage you gave your wife and contemplate how an effective leader would unpack that baggage - or if he would at all before moving on to the next girl.

Is your wife really that high value that it's worth trying to stick it out with her? If her job is really that great, maybe. After all, you seem to have a pretty cush life. But is all that monetary power going to go to her head in a way she'll never overcome? You've got to figure that out on your own.

Is there a book that deals specifically with a red pill awakening while married?

BPP's book on the sidebar addresses it. I'm also writing one, albeit from an r/RPChristians angle.

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just wanted to say thanks for this reply, and your other. Both have made me think. I am have read and re read this one. You have very clearly stated where I need to put my thoughts at the moment. I think I need time to process it. I will write a more full reply when I get my thoughts in order. Again thanks.

[–]catchpull1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Please keep us all updated how your book is coming. Thanks.

[–]Red-Curious1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well, after having written about 30% of it I scraped my outline and started over. Much of that previous content will be recycled and modified to be used in the new draft, so it's not a total loss. But I wanted to do a much better job targeting an audience in the book rather than raw information dumping.

[–]albus_scirocco2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Go lift. Honestly, no one gives a shit about you at the gym. That's your insecurity. Seriously: 100% of the people at the gym give no fucks about you. Stop making excuses - it's your mental weakness, not your physical weakness, that's holding you back. Don't get me wrong, you're physically weak, too, but you will never be physically strong if you're not mentally strong.

Squatting is hard. It takes mental strength to squat twice your body-weight. You want to give up. You want to cheat. But you don't, because you're mentally strong.

This is said so many times it's fucking irritating - just shut the fuck up and lift. Go to the gym, do StrongLifts 5x5, and stop making excuses.

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Squatting is hard. It takes mental strength to squat twice your body-weight. You want to give up. You want to cheat. But you don't, because you're mentally strong.

I love that feeling of almost getting stuck at the bottom and fucking pushing through that last rep and then fucking doing one more rep for good measure. You don't know your limits until you push past the discomfort.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You just need time, bro. Slow and steady wins the race. Don't stop reading, don't stop making yourself a more interesting being. Just as you bear the responsibility of getting yourself in this mess, you possess the capability to pull yourself up out of it. And learn from your mistakes. Welcome to being a Man 101.

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, that is how I have been going about my days now, ow can I be better than yesterday. Just make a small change. They are starting to add up already. I'm really interested to see where I'll end up in two years.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yeah, we all kind of sound like Sith lords here, but you really have to let the anger flow and channel it. But unlike creating purple bolts of lightning for evil you self direct it into motivation.

Like others have said, it runs out, it subsides, it will resurface at times... you just have to learn what to do with it and how to direct it.

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks, use it for motivation and not for blowing my top. Got it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

It hits most of us in the beginning. Another little early tip if you are prone to blow ups due to all the sublimated years of broken covert contracts is learn to walk off the moment you start feeling like laying into her and/or participating in a shit test to get out your fweels.

Eventually you'll not need to as you get better with AA. AM and your internal noise subsides. And as a result your relationship will improve. At first because you're not there to fuck it up worse and later because you're leading it.

Good luck.

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the tip.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you can afford a cell phone you can afford a gym membership. If you have a hard time getting away in the evenings lift in the mornings before work. There are plenty of skinny and fat people at the gym I go to. There are also people who are ripped. Nobody gives a shit. In fact, I actually have respect for the ones that come in weak or overweight, but are consistent and you can see them change over time and get stronger. It's the ones I see once every week or two that haven't changed a bit that I don't have respect for.

No excuses. Lifting is for life. Both duration and vitality.

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dont fool him about the costs of a gym membership- they'll fucking load on fees, costs, and annual charges out the ass. I went to one of the cheap ones, and was hit with about 150 bucks out of the gate. From what I hear, Golds is about 2 or 3 times that.

It may be worth it, but, it's not the walk in the park you may be led to believe.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I know I should be at the gym, but I really was so weak that it would have been a complete embarrassment.

Start here. Not giving a fuck about other people's perceptions of you in this context is fundamental. And it gets you out of the house. And if gives you somewhere to go when she's being a tool. And you can cultivate new friendships there outside of your marriage. And and and. See how that goes?

Consider your next move from the gym.

It's mrp 101.

[–]helloredditjhere[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, got a mate introducing me to a gym next week now.

[–]catchpull0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes follow this.

And as a man who has been going to gyms for 35 years, the guys who come in and work hard from a starting point, don’t give a fuck AND are consistent and steady get as much or more respect than the jacked guys where things come easy. Remember this is from a guy who has been around and seen guys come and go. Just get in there. Head down and work while being humble.

[–]hystericalbonding1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start with The Red Pill main sub's sidebar, then this one.

my wife being away and fucking some Chad from her work. (Still don't know if she did or not but that's not why I'm writing now)

What's Cad's new username? OP needs to follow him while he's getting started.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

She shaved her pussy because she's fucking other men. Do you even want to be with this woman?

How much energy are you going to spend policing her now. Who has the time for that.

Is this the example you want to show your kids? If your lover and life partner sucks and fucks co-workers is acceptable behaviour?

It's your life man, we all walk our own path. What is it about this relationship that adds value to You?

saying you are sticking it out for the kids is a copout and an internal excuse to avoid ownership of your own mess. A mess that only you can clean up.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Agreed that shaving is a gigantic red flag - the fact that she flaunted it even shows how little respect she has for OP that is on him not her and shes even telling him the type of guy shes fucking. Sometimes the truth fucking hurts but it doesn't change the truth. Fuck his marriage (second time I've had to say this) and fuck his wife (OP please don't actually do this) Use the anger to fuel the improvements be a man that women would cheat on their husbands with not the husband women would cheat on.

Fuck man shes a breadwinner probably will have to pay him alimony and child support - OP is lined up to get cash and prizes plus his freedom.

[–]Red_Ninja71 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also, consult with a divorce lawyer. You may be able to do some things while still with her that could help you in a divorce.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't want to chuck the relationship in the bin

You may not want to, but you have to be willing to do so.

Also: hit the beginner's guide on the MRP sidebar. I know the guy who wrote it. He's a real dick, but it works.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Bought some dumbbells

No! Damn it! No! Get thee to the Iron Temple my friend. Breathe in the man stench and testosterone and sweat, and add to it. I do dumbells- AT THE GYM. There is a difference. Believe it.

That is your first and gravest error.

I have come to the conclusion that the whole of my relationship with my wife I have been so far past beta its untrue.

What is truth? You were lost and now you have been found. It's like a cult man. LOL.

We have a rule. We never free a mind after a certain age, it has trouble letting go." It feels like that red pill is sticking and catching all the way down.

Try unplugging in your late 40's. I took that pill and was not content to swallow it. I chewed it up into a burning, gagging froth of spit and bitter, sharp chunks, and it chafed, burned, and cut all the way down.

I don't quite know what to do about this

Yes you do.

where to put my mindset.

Yes you do. You know exactly what your mindset needs to be. You just don't know how to get there.

I'm finding myself actually feeling resentful of my wife, our relationship's dynamic.

This is diagnostic of the Anger Stage and it passes. Are you angry at the wife or angry at yourself for letting it get like this?

Is this just how it is?

Yes

Suck it up change it?

Dude you are on a roll! MRP in a nutshell.

How do I stop going too far and over compensating?

Be aware of this question. It is critical and forms the core of my coaching practice. Guys discover the Red Pill and I think they lose their minds. We say go slow. Chill out. Assess first. And they go nuclear, hit on girls in front of their wives, and start ordering her around. Don't be those guys. Chill out. Don't do ANYTHING because you are emotional or angry. Do it after careful thought and cunning plans. Most important? Don't be a dumb ass. Change takes at least a year. Not a month or two. Not after your read a couple books.

I don't want to chuck the relationship in the bin, I want it rebuilt differently.

Rebuilding a relationship depends on the current foundation that you have so there are no canned answers. In my last youtube video I talked about how changing a relationship is like peeling off a scab in order to reveal the fresh new skin beneath that can grow and heal. However if you rip off a scab quickly it hurts bad, and if you rip it off early it bleeds and scars badly.

Does it have to be knocked down completely first, or is that what I am mentally doing at the moment?

Absolutely not. Build from your strengths. Both you and your relationship. Begin by shoring up your weaknesses.

Is there a book that deals specifically with a red pill awakening while married? I feel like some sage guidance now will help me move in the right direction, and could possibly stop me destroying our family completely.

I could shamelessly plug my book but the truth is that is definitely not the first book you should read after a RP awakening! Check the sidebar my friend. There is a detailed reading list arranged in order. Order the books. Read the posts and books in approximately the order on the Sidebar.

This is a review of the MRP Sidebar:

Click Here if you forgot what it is like to unplug.

[–]djxput0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I liked the above post here from RPC. Great info.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Welcome Now kill your “Victim Mentality”

Read. Lift. Lift until it fucking hurts. Turn all that hate into the new you.

When your are coming in her mouth so she can keep you, “Angry Spurt”. Just saying

[–]djxput1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Which reality are you having trouble accepting?

The one where you feel you love her more then she does? The one that you have put just as much effort or more taking care of the family or more then she has?

The one that you feel you don't get the respect you deserve for looking after the home and children while many women live under that same dynamic, guy works and woman doesn't? Or the reality the part of you whom you feel helped cause all of this? ... Helped cause her to resent you, not be loving, and maybe part cheat on you?

A lot of feelings rolling around ... Anger toward her and as I alluded too yourself too.

Now don't get me wrong do I feel it's ok she cheated on you? No. That she treats you will disrespect or maybe even contempt? No ... That she doesn't appreciate you? No.

But this is the way it is.

As people mentioned you can play the victim or do something and sounds like you are doing something. I'm just starting this journey myself and I think it can be hard to not drop into her frame or over-compensate. Easiest way forward is as people mentioned is to improve yourself and become more worthy of other people's respect but mainly yours.

We are on a similar journey. Enjoy the journey, GL

[–]adeptintact0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't know why most people's responses to pitiful posts like this is to lift. I would say lifting is not the priority. If one has inner confidence and game, your physical fitness means nothing unless you're a fat slob.

Become more alpha, man up, have your own mission in life, get your career back in order, and stop being pathetic. She cheated and has no respect for you. Time for you to leave and move on.

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your kids or hers?



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