714,030 posts

On Beards...

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May 2, 2018
7 upvotes

Stats: 40, married 18 years, 4 kids. 175 lbs, 15% bf still skinny fat abs barely visible. Lifts: sq 235, bench 185, op 110, dl 240, row 130

5 months rp, dread level 2 entering 3. Sex 2-4/wk

WARNING: some blue pill thought and experiences here because I was still very blue pull the last time I grew a beard. Trying to break these thought patterns.

Q: “Be attractive - don’t be unattractive” The question is how much to tailor my appearance to the tastes of what my wife finds attractive?

I like my beard. I grow a solid and well groomed beard. It takes a while - about 3 months to look the way I am really happy with.

I last grew one a year ago. Blue pill but becoming aware me noticed a difference in interactions with strangers male and female and more IOI including outright compliments from women aside from my wife and her little hypergamous collective of besties.

I know. “What do I want?” I want my beard. I also want to continue to game my wife, and be attractive since for now I have decided to keep her around and stay monogamous.

I recognize shaving is a covert contract to get laid. Hell I used to use not shaving for a few days, then resisting her for a day or two and then shaving to get her to kiss me and fuck me again. I also realize that by worrying about being attractive to her I am living in her frame and not my own.

Historically I would grow my beard about a week or two before the asking me to shave, then pleading me to shave, then endless shit tests broke my pussy frame and I would cave.

Doesn’t help that I hate the look of my beard weeks 3-10. Although perhaps that was insecurity that I can deal with better now.

Last time blue pill me set a shave date to mitigate my wife’s shit tests and I grew it out. I fucking loved having it. Kids loved it. People treated me differently and especially women.

I kept it a week past the shave date and then shaved it off to get laid. Fuck me. What a pussy.

Still question remains do I grow it for me or shave to be attractive to her? She hates them. Won’t kiss me. Sex didn’t really go down during my 3 month adventure but we were only once a week then anyway.

I did notice in retrospect what seemed to be dread levels increase when other women outside her clique’ would say they liked it. I would always get laid that night. Her clique was all firmly on her side and shit testing me along with her. Found myself wishing her friends would like it thinking that validation might influence the herd animal mind in her.

I think this time passing shit tests might actually be fun rather than DEERing and arguing like I did last year. She asked me last week why I was so obsessed with the gym now since it was just her that had to see me naked. I just STFU. Laughed a little, slapped her ass and kept going out the door to the gym. I’m not passing all the shit tests by far but I have fun when I do and it’s hard not to celebrate.

Anyway enough words.

Thoughts?


Post Information
Title On Beards...
Author alphasixfour
Upvotes 7
Comments 50
Date 02 May 2018 08:04 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204545
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8gkfap/on_beards/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
dread gameframemonogamyhypergamyshit testgamethe blue pillcovert contract
Comments

[–]6TimesDown7TimesUp13 points14 points  (5 children) | Copy

I have a beard. I like it. Therefore I keep it. Clean. Groomed. The way I like it.

Why would I care if anyone else likes it or not?

[–]alphasixfour1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I guess my question stems from reconciling doing whatever the fuck I want and being attractive enough to get laid on the regular.

I know red pill doesn’t mean your wife will fuck you, but like many I was attracted to this place by the praxology of getting laid.

For now. I choose to pursue that with my wife.

Just like wearing nice/trendy clothes. If I was single and I knew that a particular look would increase my game I might pursue that avenue.

I’m obviously overthinking this.

[–]2ndalRed Beret10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

You gotta realize it's more unattractive to align your personal grooming methods to the whims of another instead of unabashedly owning your own identity even if someone says it is unattractive. Ignore what your wife says, do what you want to do. She'll come around.

[–]paniconomics8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Your wife doesn't actually care. She's just owning your frame. Ask me how I know.

[–]alphasixfour1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Punch in the gut. You’re right. Thanks.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s the exact same reason your wife says to you “Buying new shoes? You have to check with me first.”

It’s not about the shoes. Or the beard.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Any faggot can grow a beard.

Only a man knows how to wear one.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, these days every doughy soyboy has a beard. I don't want to be associated with these guys. They make it look bad.

[–]officerkondo8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thoughts?

Yeah. You're a pussy. Grow a beard or don't, but do it because it is what you wish to do. Don't take a fucking survey of your wife's friends, for Pete's sake.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. Yes I was. Blue pill survey monkey to the max a year ago, that craved validation. Working on that. Thanks.

[–]BobbyPeru7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

She says she doesn’t like the beard, yet she’s all over you when you get validation from other women about the beard.

Look at her actions, not her words.

Most importantly, do whatever you want to do.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

this is the TL/DR

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I have had beards in the past, and women loved them. I did not like them as much as they did.

I like a clean shaven face better. So be it for me.

What I do with the hair on the top of my head, my face, or my hairy ass, is only up to me.

OP do not negotiate your appearance; you will only lose your self respect and lose others respect for you.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Agreed. Negotiating away my self respect has been a strong beta tendency of mine for a long time. Dammit I didn’t use to be like that. Never again.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You will probably only gain it back as fast as you gave it up. Be mindful of that.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

i got a good chuckle out of this post and comments

the beard shit test is the same test as the "i don't like guys with muscles" with shit test. it's two fold. first as is pointed out by many, it's simply "get back in my frame bitch, i make the rules around here". two, i honestly think in their hindbrain women want their husband to be LESS attractive to other women. after all, she already captured her beta Pokemon.

i grew my beard out last spring, at the suggestion of a plate actually. wife shit tested me multiple times about it

her: i don't like your beard

me: i don't like your haircut

or

her: i won't kiss you with that beard

me: that's not what my girlfriend says

there haven't been shit test and we make out with the beard now . . . since she found out i had girlfriend(s)

i like my beard a lot. i am able to grow a full beard and groom ala "John Wick" style; although mine is salt and pepper. i judge it's attractiveness based on the response of all women; not one particular woman.

one of the things i like about my beard is pussy juice. when i eat her pussy and she gushes all over my face is fills my beard with pussy juice. so much so that i can wring it out with my hand and get a good palm full of liquid. if i could swing my neck like a St. Bernard i could spray the walls . . . LOL. plus, then i can smell my wifes pussy wafting up from my beard all day long. i don't think the beta's at the meeting are bathed in hot Asian pussy juice.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hate beards. I can grow a full beard in 4 days. It's course, hard. FUCKING HATE IT.

Maybe it was all those military years, I don't know. That and I look like a silver fox WAAY before I am ready to.

[–]ArticulateSavage2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

“What do I want?” I want my beard.

I fucking loved having it. Kids loved it. People treated me differently and especially women.

Beards are very "in" right now. Your wife doesn't want you to have one because it increases the risk that her little slave (YOU) may leave the plantation for freedom, or another plantation. Grow the beard.

I did notice in retrospect what seemed to be dread levels increase when other women outside her clique’ would say they liked it. I would always get laid that night.

There you go. Beards are attractive.

She asked me last week why I was so obsessed with the gym now since it was just her that had to see me naked.

She's the only one who get to see you naked...for now.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Agreed though I thought the “for now” comment would come off as fake LARP dread given my current frame level. Chose to just STFU and laugh. It worked. I did get laid that night.

[–]ArticulateSavage0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well done. Keep that beard, brother. You like the way it makes you look and others seem to like the look on you.

Ask yourself this: why would your wife want to sabotage her slave's appearance?

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Grow your beard, alphasixfour, Son of Durin!

A while back before red pill I grew a beard, and was shit tested quite a bit. I ignored it because I thought I looked good in a beard. Now, my wife thinks it looks really good on me. And yes, I get compliments from the ladies on it as well.

I maintain it pretty well, and I look sharp with it.

Just grow the beard, pass the shit tests, put some beard oil in daily, and enjoy the hairiness of being a man. And bloody maintain it if you're going to do it.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you. Last year it was groomed and oiled daily. Looked fucking awesome. Like a Viking danish ancestry showed through. I realize at that time it was just LARPing masculinity but damn it felt good.

[–]amalgamator0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ditto

[–]InChargeManRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's a lot of words to ask internet strangers if you should grow a beard...

[–]alphasixfour2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. I’m a wordy sonofabitch.

[–]CheesePursuit2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

"If you shave your beard for a woman, you don't deserve either one"

I remember this whenever my wife bitches about my beard getting too long.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This comes up with surprising frequency.

Grow it, don't grow it.

Whatever you do : own it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is not about the beard.

You're manufacturing a covert contract....

"I'll do something I don't want to do, I'll get more pussy because of it."

Your beard is NOT the reason she fucks/doesn't fuck.

You want a beard? OK. Who's the captain, and who can jump overboard at any time if she doesn't like the job?

[–]SepeanRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I have a confession to make.

I shave my balls. It’s not a personal fashion statement, in fact I don’t really like doing it because sometimes I knick my sack.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but the truth is I only do it because my wife likes them that way.

In all seriousness though, some things are important to you, some things are important to your wife, and some things your wife pretends to find important just to shit test you. If you can see which is which with clarity, you have mastered MRP.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Difficult. But then again, frame-wise I probably should move forward not caring about her motivation, treat it like a shit test and let her work it out for herself.

If she is going to go over a beard, or stop having sex with me, when by all accounts I am more attractive than years past and my beard is stylish and well received... then fuck it she goes... she wouldn’t make it anyway if something that petty ends it.

[–]the_grizzlebee0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No shame guy - I'm stay very tidy, I think of it as a professional courtesy? She spends a lot of time down there. Also it looks better. *shrugs*

[–]dcapt460 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Similar situation. I grow a solid beard but last time I had one was... when she and I met. Coincidence? Funny how I could get her then yet I caved in to her for years about staying shaved. Regrew recently and decided to shave the central portion keeping 'mutton chops' think wolverine. It makes me very memorable and I decided I didn't like the itchiness on the nose and neck.

Grow a beard if you want to. Don't if you don't. OI/IDGAF attitude if she turns you down due to beard will lead her to thinking you are getting some on the side.... When you are attractive enough and don't care you can get away with it. I suspect the drop will be temporary for you.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Funny. I have a beard in our wedding pictures. She never saw me without a beard until she blue pill shit tested me into shaving it a few months after we married.

My beard at 22 was shit compared to my beard now.

[–]Red-Curious0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

The question is how much to tailor my appearance to the tastes of what my wife finds attractive?

This was literally just said on r/RPChristians by u/Deep_Strength:

My wife is noticeably more attracted and turned on when I have longer styled hair than short. Same if I wear more "hipster-ish" type clothing than what I usually wear. She helped me select out the glasses that she liked.

There's nothing wrong with catering to her particular tastes to help her along.

It doesn't quite sit well with me, as I tend to prefer the "do whatever you want" approach. But what if what you want happens to be unattractive? Should the man do what he wants, or should he be attractive?

My guess is the MRP community will tell you that having a beard is attractive to some and not to others, so it doesn't really matter, as long as you're not trying to cater your attractiveness to one specific woman, which demonstrates a lack of abundance and a shift into her frame. But I'd be happy to be proven wrong on that too.

Regardless, how would that analysis change if a guy just wants to lounge around the house in a baggy set of gym shorts and a t-shirt that are objectively unattractive as a fashion style, but he likes them because they're comfy anyway? Do it or not?

Right now I just do whatever the heck I want. I feel like catering to my wife in the hope of "attracting her" implies a covert contract: "If I cut my beard like she wants, maybe she'll have sex with me more." Screw that.

I too would like to see this conversation more generally and not just about beards.

[–]2ndalRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Regardless, how would that analysis change if a guy just wants to lounge around the house in a baggy set of gym shorts and a t-shirt that are objectively unattractive as a fashion style, but he likes them because they're comfy anyway? Do it or not?

Context matters.

When I'm around the house in gym shorts, it's because I am either going to or coming from the gym, or headed to coach my son's baseball team.

If I make a habit of slothing it on the couch with gym clothes, your goddamn right that's going to be unattractive—but it's not the clothing that does it.

[–]Deep_Strength1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

I don't think it's so much as "do your own thing" vs "what she finds attractive."

The reverse analogy is similar to your wife putting on that sexy dress and high heels or lingerie cause she knows that you think she looks great in them. It's good for her to do that because it makes you want to do her and she considers you important.

I don't care about my hair style, so if there's a particular area like that where there is an option to increase sex and intimacy then I'll choose that. It's not like she's trying to force me to do it or anything unlike 'falling into her frame' when she tries to argue or tries to tell me to do something.

Right now I just do whatever the heck I want. I feel like catering to my wife in the hope of "attracting her" implies a covert contract: "If I cut my beard like she wants, maybe she'll have sex with me more." Screw that.

I agree that men need to avoid this mindset though. If I choose to do it, it's because I want to do it, and I consider her important to me. I don't expect that it will do something in particular (even though I know it will in my case).

[–]alphasixfour2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Wife still won’t wear lingerie so why should I be jumping for the razor?

NOTE this is not a covert contract of Lingere=Shave. If offered that deal I will shut her down right away. I no longer negotiate desire.

[–]Deep_Strength1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I just read the OP. This is not like my case where I simply don't care what to do with my hair.

You do you. If you like it one way, go with it. There's evidence that she does find it attractive as she married you with a beard and just wants to play hard ball. If she wants hard ball, give her hard ball.

[–]the_grizzlebee0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I'm curious what the take here is if you were to make it an "overt" contract?

It doesn't sound like your relationship is in the dumpster, you're just grabbing a tip. If you are otherwise being fun and flirty etc., why not make a game out of it and straight up offer to shave up how she likes in exchange for whatever sexy/fancy/trashy look you'd like out of her?

"Sure I'll shave but you're gonna wear _______ and do ______ , or no dice." *sly smile*

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

No fucking way. Fell for an overt contract early in my MRP.

https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7gnthr/noncovert_contracts_just_contracts_how_to_handle/

I don’t negotiate desire or sex or lingerie. She still doesn’t wear lingerie for me and I no longer give a shit. She'll come around when I improve myself, the rope pulls taught and her desire for me increases. Or she won’t.

I suppose in trade for her adding pink streaks to her hair like I like or something but she has already been doing that stuff more since MRP so why offer if she will do it just to keep attracting me?

She does threaten to stop shaving her legs as one of her primary shit tests when I start growing my beard. Plan is to call her bluff this time. “I’ve always wanted to fuck a hippie granola chick once just to see if they are crazier in the sack. Go for it!” 99% chance she won’t.

Plus once I shave it is a long process to regrow. Whatever she does in return is over a lot quicker. Disparity of outcome.

I posted this to try and reconcile if it was better to be myself or be what my wife SAYS she finds attractive. Our relationship is great in some ways and shitty in others. All of them my fault. But slowly improving.

[–]the_grizzlebee0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

YMMV. I don't have a lot of the problems other folks around here have, so a lot of the time I see these kinds of things as opportunities for fun.

Edit: To sound less cunty. I read your post. That'd piss me off too.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m fortunate enough to not have some of the deep problems others have had ether. I’m also fortunate enough that I had just enough of them to get pissed off and find this place.

It’s amazing I have what I have given what a drunk captain I’ve been. Glad I found MRP to kick me in the ass and improve ME. All the relationship and even sex is secondary benefits.

[–]Red-Curious0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I track with you.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Great summary. This is the deeper discussion I am after.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My wife doesn't care for beards. I have one, and have for 20 years now. She dated me. She married me. With a beard. She still tells me from time to time "I don't really like beards, but I like yours."

That's what you're after. As paniconomics said in another comment "Your wife doesn't actually care. She's just owning your frame. Ask me how I know." There is something to be said about tailoring your style to something your wife finds attractive - within reason. But to do it to achieve a desired outcome, that's a Covert Contract.

[–]gameoflibidos0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"I did notice in retrospect what seemed to be dread levels increase when other women outside her clique’ would say they liked it."

This is why she doesn't like it. Period. Her withdrawal of affection when you have it is attempting to punish you for having it because of the above.

Same reason you start going to the gym and working out and start looking better and suddenly the wife thinks the gym is a waste of time and money and she doesn't like muscles now. Same fucking thing bro.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

There is only one time I would say listen and maybe not grow a beard. Some women can develop a rash from the course hair. So unless you were going to go full hair treatment regimen and soften it. Consider that.

I am not into beards myself. I just don't have the look to go with it and it feels dirty to me.

that said here's a little thing from the MRP sidebar that I am sure you missed.

[–]alphasixfour0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Actually did read that sidebar but only skimmed it since I started balding in my early 30’s and began shaving my head. (Clippers no guard 3 times/week)

Combined with my baby face that always made me look way younger when I had hair, the shaved head looks okay but boring. I’ve always kept a soul patch since shaving just to break up the look of my stupid face.

Had a few women tell me I looked like Jason Statham when my beard was growing out last time. I don’t really see it, but I’ll take it.

[–]lololasaurus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I like my beard. Thus I have a beard. If I ever stop liking my beard, I will shave it. Then I will not have a beard.

Stop overthinking this. If you want a beard, keep your beard. If not, don't. The end.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The question is how much to tailor my appearance to the tastes of what my wife finds attractive?

The answer isn't to look good catering to your wife's preferences but women in general. If other women find it attractive, your wife will find the other women's attraction to you attractive. I've always said, the greatest gift you can give your wife is the jealousy of other women.



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