I’ve made a mess of my relationship. I haven’t led. I haven’t owned my shit. I put all of my effort in to trying to save a dying relationship and I have failed. I squished the bunny in my big dumb hands.
The last 2+ years we have been ‘working on it’. It’s really just an extended anger phase for me. She’s been trying any easy way to deal with it. Pills, booze and time away.
Things have changed. I’m way more independent. When she dropped the ball on our shared finances I picked it up and didn’t complain. When she fucked up our dogs medication I picked that up too (still angry it caused him pain before I caught it)
I’m in the BJJ gym a minimum of twice a week. I’m working on adding a third session. My body broke the last time I did. I’m much stronger now though. My diet is much better too.
This isn’t even close to fixed, but I am a better man than I was 5 years ago.
March, She said she was done. She wants a divorce. She agreed to go to half hearted therapy. I got a lot from it. It helped me to clear the anger, to see how detached she was. We argued again in October, she said she wants a divorce again and I finally let go. I told her that I would never be able to change her mind about us and said that we should follow through this time.
I started making moves toward our end. Arranging our finances to split them. Looking for a new home. Setting my budget. We decided to wait to the beginning of the year to sell our home. No kids to worry about.
The holidays were approaching and we normally spend time with her family out of state. I thought about it for a while and decided that if we were divorcing that it would be easier on me and her family if I didn’t go. I told her that I had decided to holiday alone.
A few days later she came back and said that my decision made her sad. That she wished that I would reconsider my decision and go with her. She said she didn’t know what it meant, that she didn’t want to get my hopes up, but she wants me with her.
So MRP, what do I do? Do I go with my wife or do I stay home.