714,030 posts

She's shit testing me right out the door.

Reddit View
September 28, 2017
12 upvotes

My question: Is it ever her fault? If it is, what does that look like, aside from personality disorders and obvious addiction problems/slut behavior?

Now, before you give me the knee jerk, keyboard smashing, foaming at the mouth "ITS ALWAYS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY" answer I am expecting, hear me out.

Women shit test. I get this. I see it. Regularly. The problem is, I'm getting really fucking tired of it. To the point that when it happens now, I just stare up at the ceiling while simultaneously clawing at my face and start listing off the pros and cons of being with her. Yes, I could surely turn around and give her a wink and a witty remark, but I just don't have the energy. I did this for a while, but the thought of putting up with her shit for the rest of my life makes me want to end it now. It is often said on here "Women will never stop shit testing", but is there a point when it moves from shit testing to "this twats broken"?

I have often had the outlook on life that everything is my responsibility. With my discovery of redpill, this has confirmed even more so that it is, and I still maintain the idea that "If my GF is doing X then I need to 1) lift more, 2) read more, 3) smack her (ass) more often, 4) fuck her more aggressively, 5) be more active in setting boundaries 6) etc".

I have three thoughts:

  1. my love for her has been eroded by other experiences with her, and without that foundation, I don't care enough to deal with her (which she has probably noticed and has caused a negative feedback loop on the shit tests).

  2. as has been pointed out by other members on here from my past experiences with her that I have posted about: it really is 100% my fault. I am not leading enough. I am not being alpha enough. I am not DOING enough. I am not passing shit tests enough.

  3. related to two, but when we first met I was in a really bad place. Depressed, hated myself, had strong OCD, and I can count off at least 5 times I cried in her arms and had complete meltdown. I am not there anymore, and I have been actively fighting to kill the person I was back then, but I wonder if she will never forget my past (even though she never brings it up in arguments or shit tests about it) and thus will never be comfortable looking to me as her oak.

I appreciate the feedback.


Post Information
Title She's shit testing me right out the door.
Author RedishPill
Upvotes 12
Comments 97
Date 28 September 2017 04:16 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205372
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7315eq/shes_shit_testing_me_right_out_the_door/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
alphashit testliftthe red pill
Comments

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (58 children) | Copy

My wife shit tests me NEVER.

I come and go as I please. I spend money freely. We have sex regularly.

Yeah, yeah, I know... She's not special and I don't have a unicorn. And AWALT is only a heuristic, right until I say my wife isn't like AWALT. Then suddenly it's bullet proof rationale that never fails.

Point is, there are women out there that don't shit test you every minute of the day. Sometimes a woman is just a cunt.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret7 points8 points  (29 children) | Copy

I come and go as I please. I spend money freely. We have sex regularly.

really like hearing a man say this without using the "she let's me". i puke a little when people tell me how grateful i should be that my wife "let's" me live like a grown man.

your snowflake sounds real special and has peaked my curiosity:

  • is she hot?

  • does she make good money and other own her shit?

  • what's up with shit testing NEVER, that's interesting

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (23 children) | Copy

I'd say she's a HB8.

Not really. I'm the primary bread winner. However, she's a VERY traditional girl that very strongly supports gender roles. She accepts (and loves) me as the head of the household. She's very okay doing her "wife duties", like making dinner and cleaning the house, and in return expects me to do the "manly duties" of fixing shit, mowing the lawn and killing spiders.

Honestly, when I first found MRP, I was like, "I have to be missing these shit tests." I had a whole post dedicated to helping me find them, because I just wasn't seeing it.

I do have a theory though... Men who have great wives have no need to find MRP. So, in our little corner of reality, AWALT makes sense, because you're in a community where yes, all the wives ARE like that. If everyone you surround yourself with confirms it back to you, of course you're going to start believing AWALT. But the reality is, MOST women are decent, functioning adults that don't have a need to shit test their men. But you don't see that because these men don't need to Google "why won't my wife fuck me", and won't find MRP.

[–]drty_prRed Beret11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

But the reality is, MOST women are decent, functioning adults that don't have a need to shit test their men.

MOST is a little bit of an overstatement IMO

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ahh functional probably, decent situationally.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Possibly.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

Nah man. Most women shit test constantly if you are perceived anywhere near their SMV. Either you're a 10 or your wife's not really an 8.

As long as she believes you are near the top of what she can get, she has no reason to reaffirm it via shit testing. Sounds like you run a tight ship at home and are at least two SMV points above her but it also sounds like you have wife goggles because an 8 would 100% shit test anyone with the time to post to MRP.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Under rated comment.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

This is the dumbest comment I've read all day.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

You clearly haven't internalized the side bar.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Again, AWALT is "just a heuristic", right up until someone says their wife isn't like that.

Then it's all SHE'S NO UNICORN!!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Whatever man. I don't care that much. But I think you've definitely got wife goggles.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Quite possible. My wife is hot to me, and that's really all that matters.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

MOST women are decent, functioning adults that don't have a need to shit test their men

yeah i don't subscribe to the women are children meme; but honestly i have never known a woman that did not shit test her man although with a good woman the testing is very playful and flirty

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely. I agree that all women shit-test their men, but there is a scale of shit-tests. Some are mean and nasty about it, and the shit-tests are more frequent, while others are playful and fun about it, and the shit-tests are less frequent.

You're just calibrating the scale by calibrating yourself.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women being decent and functional has little to do with the subconscious need to shit test a man.

How easily can you make her mad?

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Most women are women.

What's with this mark Manson shit today?

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Also, that's now what AWALT means.

Its not a placeholder for shit chicks do that we don't like, even though plenty of guys do that

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'll answer to if to increase your sample size.

My wife is HB8 for her age 37. She is a SAHM, but she 100% owns her shit around the house. Always with the kids school, PTA secretary and keeps herself busy. My wife does not shit test, but she does comfort test quite a bit.

We are equal, if not I am slightly higher in SMV than her, but when she pops the girls in a nice shirt or rocks a short skirt, well there is nothing I can do about that. I get tons of IOI's from other women, with her around and even not. I am very outgoing and flirty and game pretty much everyone all the time. Part of being in sales.

I have always had the right mix of AF/BB through our relationship, and we have been together since High School. We were each others first.

Since I have found RP a few years ago and became "consciously aware" of what I was doing naturally it has allowed me to round out the edges. It has taken a really good relationship to even higher levels.

[–]AmericanViking641 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ive talked to angels_fan in the past, because I rarely get a shit test that I notice and he helped me out back when I got started.

Wife and I rarely fight. I did let her walk out the door for a couple of years about 10 years ago. Didnt chase after her. Probably should not have taken her back, although I dont regret it.

She is about as hot as it gets for a blonde white girl in America (age 37, fit, we have 3 kids). She makes better money than me and I have her dad and myself to thank for not responding to shit tests (or basically any bitching).

She does comfort test quite a bit, and if I see a shit test its almost always tied to her looking for my validation. I used to be the man and I slipped up for a while like most here, but I got my shit together and were closer and 10x more intimate than even when I was chasing after her in HS.

We are both born again Christians (since childhood) and honestly shes pretty much like most women at church, just super hot. And I did turn her into my porn star. She sexualizes things now more than I do. I gave her her first orgasm ever though on my parents couch when we were dating. Not sure exactly how that detail fits in as far as cause and effect but I do think it is important. My SMV has never been higher, and a lot of people say I look like Vin Deisel (although Im almost as big as Rob Gronkowski). My biggest battle is my ego and I fight it every day.

[–]trp_dude1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Mine hardly shit tests any more. When I first found MRP, the shit tests were flying at supersonic speed, left and right. Several times an hour.

I'd say it's almost disappeared. Maybe once every couple of weeks. There is a lot of dread now, without my even trying. Other moms coming up to her and telling her she's lucky she's married to a such a good looking guy. Young women flirting with me.

Frankly, it would be very hard for my wife t branch swing to someone even close to my SMV now. She was probably HB8 when young but 6.5 now. I was probably SMV 6 when I found MRP, but probably at least 1 or 2 points above her. And my beta credentials are impeccable. Great dad, great provider.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed.

I live a very similar way.

[–]470_2_700_nm2 points3 points  (23 children) | Copy

Your wife shit tests you never? Is there any fun in your household?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (18 children) | Copy

To be quite honest, it's so god damned pleasant in our house that sometimes I wish we could have a good ol' fashion fight! I miss that passion.

In 8 years, we've probably have a grand total of 4 "big" fights.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

this is pretty average for a good marriage i think.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (14 children) | Copy

good ol' fashion fight!

is it like, sanitorium pleasant? a bit fake? or what?

otherwise, "wtf is wrong with you dude"

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Naw... We're just good at seeing the others point of view and compromising.

[–]470_2_700_nm-1 points0 points  (12 children) | Copy

Why are you not stirring shit up? I'll tell you why, because you don't push boundaries.

Frankly you sound boring.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

Yeah, I prob am. I'm okay with that.

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

Why?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (9 children) | Copy

Because I don't have a desire to be "exciting".

Especially if it means manufacturing fake drama. Gag. You might as well be a high school chick.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Youre the one whose bored with an unexciting broad.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ok

[–]straius1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Doesn't have to be fake, just play up a small one. Make a small problem a bit more intense if things are too routine/coasting.

That need won't change even if you swap another woman in. You don't have many options if you're unwilling to introduce any excitement. Otherwise, suck it up and find another way to break up routine if it's so distasteful to you.

Not fighting doesn't = well balanced.

[–]SgtSilverBack1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

In a marriage like he has the only excitement needed may actually be them doing shit. For some women, going to the Opera provides the feels. Going to Starbucks and making fun of people, tickles under the table. All that kind of stuff is the replacement feels for arguments.

Still AWALT, just at a different place on the feels spectrum than a drama queen that needs to to fight for her honor to get feels.

[–]470_2_700_nm1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

If you don't have the desire to be exciting, you are doing it wrong.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I've been thinking about what you said for the past day and I think you misunderstand.

I do things to keep her on her toes, just not in the form of manufacturing fights.

My main go-to is that she's a pretty conservative Mormon, so I like to push her buttons in the crudeness area. I'm constantly saying things to her that no respectable Mormon would say, and it makes her have an "open mouth, I can't believe you just said that, giggle" kind of reaction.

I've also stepped up my game in the dominance department. I was fucking blue pill as could be before I found MRP. I believed fully in equal partners, even though she was non-verbally screaming for me to take the lead in the household. I have since taken the lead, fully. I ask for her input, and then make the decision. We are a 2nd marriage and I live with her lazy ass kids. Blue pill me was content not to over-step my bounds with them and let her parent. Fuck that noise. I tell them what to do now.

I'm also much more aggressive in the bedroom. Blue pill me believed that women want to be romanced and lots of foreplay and sweet tender love making. Which, sometimes they do. But now, more often than not, I just caveman fuck the shit out of her. That has been VERY well received.

All in all, I've taken the parts of MRP that are focused on self improvement and implemented them to my situation. MRP was never meant to be a one-size-fits-all solution. Every man must determine what parts will work for him and what doesn't.

I went rambo when I first found MRP and it was ruining what was a perfectly great marriage. I had to really dial it back. But I'm a much higher value man now than I was pre-MRP.

[–]2gunsgetsome0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

To be quite honest, it's so god damned pleasant in our house that sometimes I wish we could have a good ol' fashion fight! I miss that passion.

Hide her gloves.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol

Now there's a great throwback!

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Maybe one or two times a year. Comfort tests yes.

My 8 year old daughter doesnt even shit test me.

Tons of fun.

[–]470_2_700_nm1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Mkay.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Now here's where we diverge.

My 13 year old daughter shit tests me CONSTANTLY.

It's exhausting.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, I expect that will start to happen more as she "matures"

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hear hear! Yes, sometimes women really are just unbearable cunts not worth a minute of your time.

[–]straius1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Same, issues are centered in different areas. Never get shit tested. Never experience histrionics. She does not try to control me. Many AWALT aspects do not apply to her very well. Just reinforces that MRP is a way to think or view the world, but every man has to individualize it to their situation/dynamic and their desires.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

I reviewed your post history.

Let me be honest ... you still suck. Your frame is shit; you have a big, fragile ego that's a gigantic, inviting target; you don't fully own your shit; you're an unemployed slacker. You just suck.

Maybe your woman sucks, too. Some do. But much more likely, she's just reflecting you.

You posted this looking for us to give you excuses to blame her rather than yourself. No. Quit looking for excuses and blaming others; that's why you still suck. Get to work, own your shit, and fix yourself.

Once you know what not being a piece of shit looks and feels like, you'll be able to evaluate yourself whether she's capable of responding in kind. But not before.

[–]RedishPill[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You posted this looking for us to give you excuses to blame her rather than yourself. No. Quit looking for excuses and blaming others

And this is why I know I need to take a good look at me. Thanks.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your reply suggests that you don't suck quite as much as I thought, so I'll give you a bit more:

Look at how she treats others, especially those she's known long enough to feel comfortable with. Is she a bitch to everyone, or just you? Does she have and keep old friends? Do others who come to know her like her, or do most think she's a bit of a bitch, or entitled, or selfish, etc.?

There are enough ballbusters out there, men and women both, who are tough on everyone else but sweet with their spouses, to make the above not absolute, but they may give some indication of how much of a "project" she'll be, and how quickly she'll backslide if you do.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Then why come here for the pity party with this 0 value shit?

[–]blarggggggggggg3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I get where you're coming from but you're asking the wrong question 'is it ever her fault'.

The right question is, 'am I doing 100% of what I can to fix my shit and this relationship'? Lifting, making the effort to pass the shit tests, owning your shit and responsibilities around the house, building and holding frame, kill covert contracts, sidebar, etc, etc.

Only when the answer to that question is 'yes' can you begin to decide if she is worth dealing with anymore, or if she will never change her own view of you due to your excessive negative past.

I don't know how long you have been in the relationship but you probably could use at least a year to build yourself up.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do you ever have trouble remembering your username? I would be like typing it in to login and then be like, "did I type in 10 g's or 11 g's?"

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Examples of constant shit tests please

[–]WesternhagenWinner2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

The other end of the spectrum is, she never shit tests you because she just doesn't care and has totally checked out. So there's that.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

5 pages of comment history, zero mentions of lifting.

You fail at MRP. Restart, sidebar is on the right.

[–]RedishPill[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Lift 3-4 days a week for the past few years, though that has gone down to 2 days the past month as I've taken on a labour job and bust my ass all day.

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ok if you have had enough of this bitch and have been MRPing it hard and to a T then it's plate time. Really. That's it.

Some of us are wondering if you have put that time in. Beacause other woman will want you, and this should either 1) reinforce your value to your wife so that she appreciates you and you enjoy life with her or 2) give you options.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

bla bla bla

what do you want?

and do you think the next one will be different for you?

[–]RedishPill[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

From her: 2 days in a row where she is pleasant to be with all day.

For me: My career to get off the ground (applying and getting feedback/interviews, just a matter of time), a steady income so that I can start saving money for a down payment on a house and I can start building my life financially after all of the years of scholastic investment, a project house and acreage to spend my time building into my dream, and for this nagging shoulder injury to go away so I can get back to pressing 135 over my head again.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

why would you share this with this woman

[–]RedishPill[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Well, I don't remember specifically sitting her down and sharing this with her, but are you saying it's bad for me to talk about my goals for the future with my GF? I have a path. This is where my life is going. Walk with me or walk away. Have I fucked up somehow?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

nah. thats not what I am saying.

but she doesn't sound like someone I would have a conversation with anyway.

by share I meant why would you share your better future.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

/u/reddishpill I wholeheartedly say not to talk about your future goals with your current gf. Lead from the front.

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"I just stare up at the ceiling while simultaneously clawing at my face and start listing off the pros and cons of being with her.". This is like rolling your eyes at something in the world. Very woman like. Change that.

"Is it ever her fault?" Are you looking for her to articulate that she feels it is her fault? Because even if it is her fault and she knows it, she will rationalize why it felt like the right thing to do and thus even in the process of admitting it is her fault she will still feel it is not. So to answer your question, NO.

[–]Leadralan1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My replies to shit test come off effortlessly and I take it as amusing banter. I laugh in her face and game the shit out of that woman. Gotta fuck her properly later.

[–]Chinchilla_the_Hun1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Look at it in financal terms. She made am investment of commitment in you. (You did the same with her, but let's ignore that part of the equation/analogy) Your negative behaviors were like massively compounding debt that accumulated over years and you've been putting off payments until recently. The monthly invoices turned into thrice-daily (or more) harassing calls. Now that you're finally owning up to the responsibility of payments, you're upset that you're receiving these reminders and want them to stop.

My guess is that - in her mind - you haven't paid off enough of the debt to warrant a reduction in the frequency of reminders that you're in poor standing; this is all regardless of how you feel. My advice for the short term is to adjust your attitude towards the process and ramp up your self improvements when possible.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Two words

Cognitive Dissonance.

[–]RedishPill[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm not doing everything I can to be the best fucking man I can, while simultaneously blaming her for not being the woman I want?

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Is this a statement? It reads like one but you have a question mark at the end of it. What do you mean here?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How this fuck is this cog dis?? He's very much owning his role in things.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Depends. You didn't give s time frame of when you took the RP or if you read the sidebar.

My gut tells me you need to give it more time. You came from a very beta place, so of course she's going to shit test the fuck out of you. She's having a hard time believing your changes, and on some level she's right, because internally you are in turmoil.

What I used to do early on is just leave... Not to punish her, but to take some take and get my internal frame back. I think you might be in the anger phase.

Ok, onto your question- some chicks are just plain bitchy and you need to leave those. I don't think you're far enough along to make that determination yet though.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Only way to know is to:

Up your SMV% to the point where you are fighting off other offers with baseball bat (or not) and see how she acts.

Where are you at in the looks, style, career and NGAF department? Why are you still sitting there after a minute or two of her running at the mouth?

Hint: if her shit testing is making you MAD, then you're out of your frame , hoss. Time for OI

If it's disappointing, well you have the right attitude but she doesn't see it yet. Time for OI

If it's cute to you and steerable, you're in the zone.

[EDIT] and just a reminder the rule of thumb is (results may vary) it takes at least a month for every year to turn your ship around. And that's if you're doing everything correctly with no set backs.

[–]RedishPill[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Looks and style: Great. Sure, I need a hair cut (booked), and trimming off my beard was a bad idea (it's growing back, thank you jesus). My bulk went too good, and I am in the process of losing 10-15 to get back into fighting shape. Career: applying for jobs and getting responses. Just a matter of time. NGAF: Needs work.

Sometimes she runs her mouth, and I often leave the house and do my thing in these cases, but often times its a bitchy/condescending tone when responding to a comment of mine that is there and then gone. It is not cute. Clearly that is still my problem. It's disappointing and often makes me angry.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Gotta give examples of the never ending shit tests or nobody's gonna know which way your problem's swinging.

[–]RedishPill[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

condescending tones when talking to me/answering questions, using 'hangry' as an excuse to be rude, putting me down in front of our friends, telling me what to do. The vast majority of it is talking to me with a shitty tone though

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

putting me down in front of our friends

I take a hard stand on this myself man. A lot of people frown against the verbal bitch slap, but I simply don't tolerate public ridicule of any sort. IMO, that's one of the biggest boundaries a women can cross. I cringe when I see some guy letting his wife disrespect him in front of the group. The fact that she does this, coupled with telling you what to do, shows you're really lacking in that frame department.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If it's respect issues then AM and AA probably aren't appropriate and you may be misdiagnosing respect problems as shit tests.

There's a similarity there and I'm sure there are legit shit tests in the mix, but respect problems are solved by focusing on 3 major variables.

  • Setting clear boundaries about her behavior and her understanding that they demonstrate a lack of respect.
  • Consistently punishing transgressions (make sure you have clearly outlined and defined the problematic behavior / boundary)
  • OYS

The OYS has to be on point independent of her behavior or you won't have the proper environment to see her behavior change. Otherwise what's the point from her perspective on acting better?

Lifting and looking good sweeten the pot and will get you more compliance.

That's my take.

[–]markpf730 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So your 6 months in based on your Reddit age - time spent lurking under a different user name doesn't count.

You can either beta out and quit - have fun MGTOWing.

Or you can alpha up. I'll allow you this victim puke this once on your marathon run that is your red pill journey. Take a quick swig of water, wash the smell of puke off your chin, and keep running like a Clydesdale (slow, hard working, and grinding without much finesse)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The problem is, I'm getting really fucking tired of it. To the point that when it happens now, I just stare up at the ceiling while simultaneously clawing at my face and start listing off the pros and cons of being with her.

Your frame blows. That's why you get shit tested so much.

It is often said on here "Women will never stop shit testing", but is there a point when it moves from shit testing to "this twats broken"?

They're all broken. It's not a bug. It's a feature.

If you don't like this one, go pick a different pretty girl off of the pretty girl tree. There are plenty of them out there. Just realize that one is going to treat you like shit too until you solve this frame issue.

[–]2235520 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Until a week ago, I had same mentality as you, I thought, I improving here for 9 months, and nothing is working, must have just got unlucky with this particular woman. Over the weekend, I had a huge mindset shift, and finally saw, how over the years, of being weak beta, my wife developed resentment, anger, and frustration towards me. I can't change that now, I can however, work on me, which in time may create new attraction. Women don't forget anything.

Its quiet likely, that your GF is still acting the way she is, is because of your past. She is not acknowledging your new you yet. That is something that will take time.

[–]BirdManBrrrr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You take her too seriously. Someone here once said "Someone else's opinion of you should not matter, especially hers" or something to that effect. This is part of the "You are your own judge" concept from WISNIFG, which you should read ---->

You care about what she says and you internalize it and here you are. Once you change the way you view her and view what comes out of her mouth you won't feel this massive frustration when she's shit testing constantly. Sure, maybe she's just a miserable cunt and she's programmed as such...but you have a lot of work to do before you can accurately discern between the two. At some point her nonsense should become amusing to you, even if shrill and bitchy. That's when you know you're making mental gainz.

Everyone else is correct on your OYS (or lack thereof), Frame (or lack thereof), sidebar(...), etc.

I wonder if she will never forget my past (even though she never brings it up in arguments or shit tests about it) and thus will never be comfortable looking to me as her oak.

In the middle of this myself and can relate. The only way to know for sure is to become fit and awesome, then you can see if she's worth keeping around or if its easier to start over. The stay plan is the go plan. Takes a lot of work to get there also.

She also doesn't consciously realize what's going on, or its highly unlikely she will; she won't wake up one day and tell you "Oh good job ReddishPill you used to be the biggest faggot now you're my big strong man omgggg". It will be totally feelz and if you change your behavior she may (or may not) change hers in response. Stay on your path for your own benefit and see how she reacts over time, how her behavior changes, etc.

Get to work.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When will you new its realize that Shit Tests are an invitation to play and have fun?

You sound very low value at the moment. Why would she want to stay with you? These are the shit tests that hurt the most; the ones that remind us of how much work we have to to before we can have fun.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2020. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter