Me: married 8 years; 2 kids (7 yrs and 9 mos. old)
Where to begin...
My wife has always made an effort to have sex with me once per week and will even throw in a bj or two every month or so. We don't have what one would call a "dead bedroom". She knows sex is very important to me (lord knows my beta bitch-ass has talked about it enough...).
The problem I have is that the sex I get is almost 100% of the time boring, starfish duty sex. When I met my wife, the complete opposite was true. She was adventurous and spontaneous in bed. And she actually WANTED to fuck ME. Now she won't even let me fuck her doggy style or ride me without rolling her eyes or complaining about it. If I try to have sex more than once per week, it's almost always a guaranteed rejection.
I'm in shape (5' 10", 170lbs), have a pretty decent physique. Current 5x5 numbers: 205lbs bench 160lbs barbell rows 225lbs squat 285lbs deadlift 115lbs OH press
I have hobbies: I train bjj about 2-3 times per week (currently a purple belt; started in 2012 after my first kid was born). I compete in bjj tournaments. I hit the gym 3-4 times per week. I go to the movie theatre often with friends or by myself (don't knock it until you try it). I meet up w/ friends several times a month for beers, etc.
When it comes to leading the household, I handle 100% of the finances (my career is in finance, so this has been true since day 1). I earn six figures (about 40% more than my wife's income). For the most part, I am the captain of the ship. There are things I could be better at, but I do more than my fair share of chores and taking care of parental responsibilities. All seems fine in my marriage except for my sex life- I am deeply unsatisfied in that department.
I found MRP on January 10th, 2017 (only 3 months ago) and swallowed the pill immediately. I read NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, and countless blogs, articles, etc on red pill theory.
Staying fit, dressing nice, and looking sexy has always been a no-brainer for me. But I have been very guilty of having a weak frame, setting up covert contacts, failing shit tests, and trying to negotiate desire. Learning about these concepts and how to incorporate dread were huge lessons for me and I still have a lot of work to do in these areas.
I realize this journey is long, especially with me having a 9 month old baby in the house. I have been trying to take things slow. But I can't help but feel my MRP journey is still just one big covert contract to get my wife to passionately fuck me. To desire me. I have been getting better at not being a butt hurt pussy when rejection occurs and FAKING OI (I still care, I just try to hide it). When lousy sex occurs, I have been reluctant to reject the starfish but instead will go caveman on her. I have started to leave the house after a rejection, but it is hard to do without making it look like I'm punishing my wife (i.e. being butthurt).
My question: those who have developed a true IDGAF attitude, what was the turning point for you that made your journey about you and not some big covert contract? As hard as I try to develop the right mindset, I know deep down I'm just doing all of this for my wife.
TL;DR: how did you personally master IDGAF and OI?