It's all just one big covert contract

bogeyd6 · 2017-03-30T19:43:49+00:00

It an interesting thing occurs once you remove sex with your wife as a goal.

cholomite · 2017-03-30T16:11:17+00:00

Nice post man, you're already ahead of the curve.

This place isn't here to help marriages or relationships, it's here to save the men who are in those relationships. The kicker is that once those guys let go and start taking care of themselves and putting themselves first, the relationship usually begins to turn around for the better.

Everyone is different, and will come to their own conclusions. For me, it was the realization that my girl, who I thought was so different and unique from other girls, was still exactly like every other girl. She is AWALT to a T. I also realized that she doesn't really care about me the way I want her to, and that she never will. She sees me as a resource, either money, shelter, status, sex, whatever. If those resources dry up, I know she will go and get them from someone else, even though she tells me otherwise. Your wife is no different. She views you as a resource to take from, so use her as a resource to take from. That's what high value guys do, they take from women and leave them wondering what else she can give to keep him around. If you're unwilling to drop your wife in an instant, this will never work out for you.

Honestly that's the hardest part for a lot of guys. They come here because they want to save their relationships, and keep their women around, and happy. You can't have that mindset though, and however you can break out of it is up to you.

resolutions316 · 2017-03-30T16:12:54+00:00

I'm not completely there yet - I still have a long way to go.

But for me, my wife did things that both hurt me and permanently changed the way I viewed her. She knocked herself off her own pedestal, so to speak. And so my focus shifted from "Get my wife to fuck me" to "Make my life fucking awesome." I had realized that I could get divorced and still be happy, healthy, and an awesome dad. And hell, probably have more sex.

My relationship with my wife is better than it's been in years. That only happened when I stopped focusing on sex as the goal.

But I think it's fine if you're not there. Really. Just practice being aware of your motivations. Go through the process. Let it take time. The changes will happen gradually and be nearly invisible at first - which was incredibly frustrating. But the changes do happen.

Don't quit!

Redpillbrigade17 · 2017-03-30T16:32:29+00:00

Maybe I missed it but did you thoroughly read SGM. Also assume you're tacking her period?
She knows you're too eager to have sex and you've lowered your standards for so long she's trained into thinking you just want to/ NEED to get off. The moment you start rejecting the starfish because you genuinely have better more fun things to do is the moment her hamster is going to take notice.
If I were you I'd go for quality sex less frequently. Once she starts seeing that sex wiht you is a lot more fun, then you up the frequency. She will crave it, look forward to it and will enthusiastically participate.

creating_my_life · 2017-03-30T23:49:25+00:00

I don't have much new to add, the comments here are very good and on-point.

I came to MRP to fix my sex life in my marriage; I ended up learning that I needed to fix me.

The turning point for me is knowing I don't need my wife--for anything. I'm only judging myself against my own goals, and I'm not working for her goals in any way. She's welcome to do what she wants--I'm welcome to ignore her. When our goals align--GREAT! When the don't, I don't give a fuck.

She's heard my whining for too many years about a shitty sex life; and she's definitely seen the changes in me post-MRP. It's a subtle, but significant shift. I'm happier, she's happier. MRP works.

TL;DR: how did you personally master IDGAF and OI?

It's having the confidence and success to know you really don't give a fuck. Really internalizing YOU are the prize. Really OWNING YOUR SHIT and being the BEST FUCKING MAN YOU CAN BE. It's chasing your goals and vision for your life like a rabid hungry dog after a piece of steak, and not letting a damn thing--including your wife--slow you down.

VengefullyY0urs · 2017-03-30T18:44:34+00:00

For me it was when I had women making advances on me, giving numbers. Telling me the polar opposite of what my wife did (love your touch, you smell great, you're sexy, fuck me, etc.), especially woman who were either better looking or more established than my wife.

All the lifting, reading and pursuing my passions turned me into a man with value, and self value, and plenty of options. Soon the little value my wife was giving me presented her as a much lower priority in my life. Eventually she was more of a hindrance than a meaningful part of my life and the rest is history.

Long story short, having real life tangible options, with a combination of internal and external validation from people who were not my wife.

Also I learned dread isn't something you give, active or passively, but rather a bi product of a man with value and options. Not once did I ever think "I am applying dread", but rather took the steps slowly and focused on the content (read 12 stages of dread)

SexistFlyingPig · 2017-03-31T03:26:23+00:00

You are a prize. 5'10" @ 170lbs, squatting 225, bench 205, I'm guessing low body fat. You make bank. So, what's not to like?

Here's the thing: you can always find someone better than you in some way, shape, or form. I squat 285 5x5, but I'm shorter and fatter than you. My GF has sex with me at the drop of a dime, literally whenever I'm up for it. She cooks, she cleans. It's great. But if tomorrow, she said, "I've found someone who loves me more than you do", I'd say, "Let me help you pack." I like spending time by myself.

I don't give her attention unless I want to, and so she values and craves my attention when I do give it to her. I value my time and attention, even when I'm playing computer games or writing on Reddit. But this was not always the case. Back when I was married, I doted on my wife. It made her feel as though she was hot enough to get someone a lot better than me! She lied to me and we divorced. (She's now single, maybe some light dating, living with her mom in Wisconsin. She's allergic to dairy and she's living in the land of cheese.)

I have fun with her, but the moment it's not at least interesting, we're done. We might stay together another 50 years, but only if it stays interesting.

markpf73 · 2017-03-30T16:26:07+00:00

Here is my experience in reaching IDGAF:

1) set goals in all areas of your MAP

2) when each goal is reached you are not done. Set a new a new goal. If you don't know what goal to set you need to read/research more on that area to find your inspiration. Inspiration for your goal will come from this new knowledge. When I am not inspired I am ignorant.

3) perfection and your MAP is not a fixed point. You never reach it. Perfection feels farther away each time I progress.

4) for me my covert contracts and doing this for the sake of getting the type of sex I wanted in my marriage disappeared somewhere after the first round of MAP goals were reached and I set new goals. At this point I could have become disillusioned with my mistaken approach of "swallow red pill" = have the relationship you want. I could have quit because nothing was different in my ability to generate desire in my wife. Did I quit, no. Back to the MAP with bigger and better goals.

5) IDGAF happened by way of the process. If you don't get disillusioned and quit you will reach it. It is liberating when you return to your native state of being your best self for the one and only reason you should be - you.

ReddJive · 2017-03-30T18:12:57+00:00

Frame.

You lack it.

A lot of guys are not withdrawing their time and attention as they should. YOu will have frame when you can up from lousy sex and say.

Not feeling it.

or smack her ass as you walk by just because you want to feel that sexy firm ass.

She may not like it but so what? She going to withhold sex from you?

right...that's happening.

Go do something else. Yet it requires you to be happy fun guy. She is viewing sex like feeding the dog. She has to do it to keep the dog happy. Sure it's a biological urge but you are in control. This is what you need to show her. That she denies it, phones it in...no fucking big deal. Get yours, then go do something else.

Like a cat toying with a mouse she loves it. Sick eh? Sex is fun for everyone right? Win win...who wouldn't like it? Who the fuck would mess with someone like that when they are supposed to love them unconditionally? guess there are conditions after all.

Despite all your successes odds are you have no idea how to manage her emotional storms, nor evoke the most simple desire in her. BUT I caution that even if you can manage to get her into bed and you have some wild ideas about what you are going to do you must manage your frame in the event she just shuts the doors. If you have no frame wild and freaky sex is not going to work.

You get to IDGAF and OI, which are pieces of your frame, by realizing that you control something far greater. Your time and attention. Learn to use. Learn to give it out sparingly.

She shuts it down. Go out to the bar. Come back late. Take shower, and crawl into bed. Not a word. Nothing.

crimson_chris · 2017-03-31T00:41:10+00:00

Once you really realize that it really is all about you.

Convo with my wife last week....

Me: I got a baby sitter for Saturday. I want to see "Get Out". Are you my +1? (trying to make it fun and light).

Her: You have options?

Me: We both do, but we choose to be together. So, you my +1? 😘

I realize that I am choosing to make my life better. She has the option to be part of it. Start being the person you were before you got in a relationship. Realizing that was a turning point for me. Still have a long way to go.

Balldogs · 2017-04-04T22:09:32+00:00

Jeez, your wife is not as enthusiastic about the sex as she used to be, and you have a baby in the house that I guess she's looking after what with you being an alpha....well fuck, no, I can't figure out why she might be acting that way. Nope. Not a clue. It's a mystery.

You fucking donut.

A_Rex · 2017-03-30T16:50:35+00:00

Try cultivating abundance mentality to help with OI and IDGAF. Run game on strange women, play catch and release if you want. Once you internalize that you can be fucking other women with relative ease, your OI and IDGAF will become more natural.

Also, are you fun? Are you actively flirting with/gaming your wife? Women rarely get the urge to jump on a cock out of nowhere. They need to be turned on. I'll add some of my posts as an edit so you can maybe try some new things.

Edit: this will get you started. Check my other posts for other great ideas, including the Coconut Spa

nastynickdr · 2017-03-30T18:20:15+00:00

Well yeah, if you are doing it because of your wife then its a covert contract. You should be doing it for you. Its up to you to live a happy, fullfilling life on your own terms, with the quality and quantity of sex that you want if you are willing to put in the work, but its not guaranteed that will be with your current wife.

Once you ingrain into your head that you cant change/control other people, that your wife is not obligated to desire you/fuck you, and you are not obligated to remain married to her, things will start to change. Everyone is free to make their own choices and you are your own judge.

Keep reading, improving yourself, working on your MAP, figure out what are your goals and what you want from life, set a deadline for things to turn around. If they dont, then you start considering new woman (women?). And 170lbs at 5'10 is kinda skinny, unless you have sub 10% BF. You should work on putting some muscle.

Idunnowhy2 · 2017-03-30T20:37:00+00:00

Passionate sex is a good outcome, but not the goal.

The goal is your happiness, which is impossible if it's tied to someone else. Don't put the pussy on a pedestal, as they say.

screechhater · 2017-03-30T21:12:25+00:00

You are completely mind Fucking this to death.

MRP is sexual strategy, pure and simple.

Keep your eye on the prize.

The benefit of the work applied, is so deep, it's almost impossible to describe the benefits to a man, except perhaps some mental peace for an incredible future.

You are so deep in her frame and pedestalized her so heavily, you are paralyzed Read about dread, building your frame, OI, removing time and attention.

Remember this, if she is killed tomorrow are you ready to game other women ? Do you have what it takes to land a solid valuable woman ?

When it comes to gaming your wife, applying kino and all the strategy here, to fuck her, get the info needed and apply to your situation. But remember, OYS and soar

donedreadpirate · 2017-03-30T22:52:44+00:00

I'd say you're ahead of the curve dude. Cut out the "talks" and develop your frame. Focus on you! You deserve a satisfying sex life. Will she give it to you? We'll see. You'll get it, though.

RBuddDwyer · 2017-03-31T03:05:12+00:00

Somewhere between Be a Man! and Do Girls Want Sovereignty? is when it first clicked for me. That followed by The Way of the Superior Man somehow reprogrammed my world view such that it all clicked. I was now able to get it, all of it. Rollo Tomassi, Roissy, Pook, RSD, hell even the old school PUA stuff made more sense after that.

weakandsensitive · 2017-03-31T03:56:44+00:00

What's the cost to your wife of not fucking you? Sounds like the answer is nada.

Chinchilla_the_Hun · 2017-03-31T04:43:43+00:00

Two thoughts: 1) consider a modified monk mode. abstain from sex, don't initiate, and if she brings it up, treat it the same as if you'd stop mid-starfish and say that you'd be happy to resume when she's interested again. 2) are you gaming her regularly? Generating tingles and desires so she actually wants to fuck when the time comes?

UEMcGill · 2017-03-31T12:47:28+00:00

What's your mission brother? Have you ever written it down?

I suspect you're a validation whore:

(don't knock it until you try it)

You're worried about what the world thinks. Supplicating your wife was your old mission, now you've found out that it doesn't work. And that depresses you.

You also want her to love you the way you love her, hence the big covert contract, and again part of you being a validation whore.

So go back to my question: What is your mission? It all starts from there, because until you have something to focus all this energy on you're going to be looking around the room waiting for that magical validation to come.

Griever114 · 2017-03-31T13:53:13+00:00

I dont really see anyone addressing the problems at hand. But i will take a swing:

You need to get your frame together.

But I have been very guilty of having a weak frame, setting up covert contacts, failing shit tests, and trying to negotiate desire.Learning about these concepts and how to incorporate dread were huge lessons for me and I still have a lot of work to do in these areas

You look like chad but act like butthurt beta resource. Basically, you still care about her. Stop that. You need to really learn abundance mentality and not only KNOW you can get an upgrade but start acting like it. Are you approaching other women and trying to pull numbers for skill checks? What level dread are you?

You need to start rejecting sub-par behavior in bed and in life.

When lousy sex occurs, I have been reluctant to reject the starfish but instead will go caveman on her. I have started to leave the house after a rejection, but it is hard to do without making it look like I'm punishing my wife (i.e. being butthurt).

You are allowing this shit to happen to yourself and she (like a shark) can smell weakness like blood in the water. the next time she gives you starfish, bounce. Caveman isnt working and she isnt interested... why the fuck should you be? Remember this, she is giving starfish, and YOU ARE ACCEPTING IT. That makes you accountable. She provides duty sex and you are GIVING duty sex.

The big point im trying to make here is you have all the tools necessary and ready. You need to learn that you wife will never care as much as you do. The second you take the pussy off the pedestal... the better you will be.

People often forget that you are never supposed to stop "dating." The second you get comfortable and "assume" they are always there... thats when shit goes downhill fast. Be realistic, would someone dating give starfish sex? Are you being as much a man/alpha as you can be?

TLDR: You still care what you wife thinks, which means your frame around her is shit/suffers, which means she doesnt respect you, which means she (barely) gives you duty sex/let alone startfish. She has no dread of you leaving (wanting to make you happy) so why should she put in the effort?

trp_ocd · 2017-04-02T11:00:11+00:00

The turning point is having your wife observe passive dread.

I appreciate all the typing happening in response to your post, but this will get you monkey sex strapped to the ceiling fan quicker than the waitress can give you her phone number on the check.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-04-02T15:57:41+00:00

those who have developed a true IDGAF attitude, what was the turning point for you that made your journey about you and not some big covert contract?

My turning point was when I watched Fight Club with the closed caption on and a notebook in my hand.

First you have to give up, first you have to know... not fear... know... that someday you're gonna die.'

It's only when you've lost everything that your free to do anything.

“At the time, my life just seemed too complete, and maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves.”

“I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.”

“You are not special. You're not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We're all part of the same compost heap. We're all singing, all dancing crap of the world.”

Scurvemuch · 2017-04-02T16:01:02+00:00

Life is a dream walking, death is going home.

I needed a reminder.

If at the end of each day , you did your best ( not "whaa, I tried but... ") No. I mean you DID your best, what else can you ask of yourself? Ever?

discobolus_ · 2017-03-30T18:46:05+00:00

I don't know where the advice to leave when your wife denies sex originated from.....I first encountered in BPP's book. But I have found that to be a tough needle to thread, especially if you're new. It may work for some, but I find druganswer's comments I link here to be far more productive for the novice. Read the whole response thread.

how did you personally master IDGAF and OI?

Kill the oneitis.

I read Rational Male about 6 times in 2 months. Reading that book, and obsessing over all ego crushing BP worst nightmares like 'what if she's cheating on me' or 'what if I found out my kids aren't mine'. Hypergamy doesn't care Realize your wife is capable of all of it, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

If your wife ain't special, there's not so much to GAF about.

stonepimpletilists · 2017-03-30T19:33:21+00:00

Never again will I be taken advantage of.

And I set forward to ensure that I never am forced to. I mastered it as best as I can, by preparing for my ability to say fuck you and bug out

Title	It's all just one big covert contract
Author	8lack5wan
Upvotes	12
Comments	44
Date	March 30, 2017 3:56 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/62et9z/its_all_just_one_big_covert_contract/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/its-all-just-one-big-covert-contract.206339 https://theredarchive.com/post/206339

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