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Approaching 30

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December 14, 2016
8 upvotes

Yes its happening. I'm approaching the age of 30. I'm so thankful to have found RP at this time and its allowed me to solidify my beliefs as a late 20s man.

I would like to hear from 26-39 year old guys here who believe in starting a family and having a great family life. What advice can you give us late 20s folks when it comes to dating aspect of life at this stage.

I'm generally a very optimistic individual but also realistic, and realize that with age my pool of potential high quality mates is going down. Is it really important to buckle up and look for serious relationship with a <25yo girl?

Im not really looking for career related advice because I'm well on my way to a very successful 30s if everything goes great. So thats covered. I'm however worried about my 2nd dream of raising a family, at least starting in my 30s.

Am i gonna end up as a successful 30s man with a mediocre CC ridden late 20s girl. Revolting thought.

Happy December.


Post Information
Title Approaching 30
Author kabhi23
Upvotes 8
Comments 60
Date 14 December 2016 08:09 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206774
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5i9g1c/approaching_30/
Similar Posts
Comments

[–]HeyItsHarvey10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy

Am i gonna end up as a successful 30s man with a mediocre CC ridden late 20s girl. Revolting thought.

There are plenty out there. I would suggest signing up for a website like OkCupid, you can filter out the single moms, who smoke, do drugs (whatever other preferences you have) and after a few dates you can get a feel for a person.

There is no such thing as unicorns. I met mine online, she's late 20s, wanted children, has a career, has a degree. Not a lot of previous partners but a lot of previous LTRs. Perfect, right? Wrong. There is always going to be something. Those LTRs set her standard of what a relationship looks like. I had to break through that expectation early on.

Other non-related advice (I am 34): take care of yourself. It's too easy to end up like the other guys who are getting fat, letting go, etc. I suggest a home gym. Or at least a nice set of heavy dumbbells and a pull up bar. It's going to save you a ton of time when kids come and the investment pays for itself.

At this stage in the game so many other men are just... turning into slobs. I'm not saying it's easy to wakeup and workout every morning, and you're going to be more prone to injury, but that it will be easier for you to stand out to other women at this age. Quit smoking if you smoke, quit drinking excessively if you drink excessively. Above all else, just take care of yourself.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

This right here is gold.....never let yourself go. I made that mistake and it was single handily the biggest reason my sex life suffered with the wife but I was just too blinded by Disney fairytale "love" to realize she just didn't want to fuck a fat slob. She was also too kind to just come out and say it.

Second most important, make sure you actually like each other and enjoy spending time together. So many of my friends and coworkers are married to people they literally can't stand. If you're constantly second guessing wether you want to be around this person, bail early. You already have your answer. Even when we weren't fucking I genuinely enjoyed spending time with my wife most of the time. No ones perfect, but they should be worth it most of the time.

And finally, never stop gaming your wife. Treat her the same way you'd treat her when you were still trying to get her interest. I've realized that being boring really is the worst thing you can be. Give her feelz, don't be afraid of pissing her off, let her ride her emotional roller coaster while you remain unaffected. Never stop having fun. The minute you do that she stops looking at you as her lover and starts treating you like her roommate at best, like her child at worst.

That's been my experience over 20 years starting as a young cocky Alpha, slipping into Beta bitch territory, and now building my way back to where I started.

Edit: forgot to add. Don't have kids with someone who doesn't share the same family values as you. This is huge. I hear from a lot of friends who's kids are completely fucked up that they want to discipline them, while their spouse coddles them. You can't raise children properly if they can play mom and dad against each other. Whatever your values may be, make sure you're both on the same page, and that you're relationship with each other is a higher priority than the children.

Remain firm, fair and consistent with your discipline of your children. Nothing fucks a kid up worse than being told they can't do something one month, then letting them get away with it "just this one time", and then expecting them not to do it again. Yes means yes, no means no. And above all else, never discipline out of anger. Holding frame applies to children as well. If you're losing your shit constantly they will have no respect for you authority. Discipline your kids because you love them above all else, never out of anger or rage. Always make sure your kids know how much they mean to you.

[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

she just didn't want to fuck a fat slob. She was also too kind to just come out and say it.

This was it for me. My wife didn't want to hurt my feelings, or just didn't have the words to say what needed to be said. Hell, I'm sure if I asked right now, she'd still try and sugar coat things.

Fuck me for falling into a rut, and fuck me for failing to see it. Thanks to MRP for opening my eyes and giving me a mirror so that I can be my own judge.

[–]Skiffbug0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think the keeping fit is absolutely key.

This week I've had a visit from some professional sailor friends I hadn't seen in over 7 years. They are obviously very fit given their demanding profession, but they were all astonished that I still looked the same after 7 years. No flabby gut, wide shoulders, good posture, etc.

Nothing quite complements the wisdom of age and experience with a body as fit as a 20 year old.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So true -I just watched two dads hamstering to each other how they don't lift weights anymore because of their "injuries" -both doughy and reeking of estrogen

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (8 children) | Copy

You know, as rampant as the female imperative is not all women are whores. I work with a wicked nice & shy chick who could probably be a freak in the sheets but she'd rather work, go to school, and paint.

They aren't all beef curtain hags out there lol

Go to places where high quality people go & become someone worth speaking to, then meeting again, then reproducing with.

Also, read posts on running a family without marriage.

[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Go to places where high quality people go

No doubt. If you go to the bar, you're gonna meet bar girls. If you go to the soccer game, you're gonna meet soccer moms. If you Tinder, you're gonna get Tinderellas.

Find someplace where (a) you meet a cross-section of people, (b) where you can show off your SMV, and (c) you have a chance to practice game and C+R.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

He goes to concert

[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Cold approaches at the the store or coffee shop are fine if your a TRPer willing to play the numbers game, meeting a few dozen people to number-close one or two.

Do something that genuinely interests you, and perhaps something you excel at: join a co-ed sports teams or recreation groups, take an evening MBA class, try salsa dancing or BJJ, join a church or volunteer at a non-profit. At the very least, you get to have some fun or do something constructive, with the added bonus that you will meet people with a common interest.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am choosing a dvd for tonight

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Anything sporty. Running groups, climbing gym, sporting good stores even.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You went to home

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm glad you enjoyed the blog and as a dude who turns 30 in February, it's good to see other motivated men continuing to grind.

With that said, you just need to get out there. You've got the information, now put yourself in a position on the 'battlefield' of life and see what comes of it.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I work with a wicked nice & shy chick who could probably be a freak in the sheets but she'd rather work, go to school

That biiitch. What a waste.

[–]Aaren_Augustine6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

36 years old. Got 3 children. Having kids is part of a full human experience.

Pick a girl that's going to add and NOT bar you from a full human experience. For me, it's not about CC anymore, because you can't change anyone's past. Because you can't go at it thinking you'll find a Snow Flake or a Unicorn.

So what are your standards? Less then 10 cocks? Not a party girl? Didn't go to College? Didn't have one night stands? Or a "Cancun stand"? Didn't date a Chad? Didn't Branch Swing or cheat in her past relationships? Has never had a STD?

Lets say you find a girl that's roughly not like that. Think that might give you a flare up of Oneitis? My point is you need to be rational in these decisions, not fear potential outcomes.

[–]redearththeory8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

I would like to hear from 26-39 year old guys here who believe in starting a family and having a great family life. What advice can you give us late 20s folks

38 yo dad of three here.

1) The real commitment is not marriage, its kids. Unless you have strong religious beliefs, you can walk away from marriage with little consequence. That being said, there is very little reason to get married, but kids are amazing.

2) Whether or not you get married, or stay married, or if the sky falls, you are going to see the woman you have kids with for 18 years, because seeing your kids will be worth almost any price. Plate the hot crazy ones if you want to, but only marry or have kids with a woman who is submissive, sweet, loves her father, is happy being a first officer and is attracted to you. They will lie about this to secure commitment, screen for it. Old fashioned in a red pill wives way is even better. The choice of a woman to have kids with will be more permanent and have a greater impact on your life and happiness than almost any other choice you make. Be conservative.

3) You have the right to leave any relationship, at any time, simply because you want to. As long as you don't have kids yet, you should exercise this right if you ever feel the need to, and simply go find another woman. As a man you don't need to feel rushed. 40 yo is a great time to have kids.

4) Learn all of this MRP stuff, implement it in your relationship, decide what you want, go find it. Don't be like most beta idiots and let creeping commitment and a sunk cost fallacy decide what you'll settle for.

[–]Snowdog19731 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I needed this 20 years ago.

[–]redearththeory0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, me too.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

He is choosing a dvd for tonight

[–]redearththeory0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think general advice is that dating should follow plate spinning best practices (lots about this on the main rp sub) and then, if you want to move into an LTR, there is a process for letting her earn your commitment and investment, which she should be actively pursing. Almost all of our MRP theory on how to handle a wife applies to LTRs. The difference is that everything should be easier with an LTR and no kids since you can walk away with fewer consequences, and that's the real power a man has.

[–]innominating2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Keep developing yourself and spin plates until you are 35-40.

[–]Griever1142 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

The best advice that you should probably tattoo on your forehead so you see it every morning you wake up and look in the mirror is, as mentioned below,:

Pick a girl that's going to add and NOT bar you from a full human experience.

Seriously, this CANNOT be stressed enough. If they start taking away from your life/hobbies/etc, stop thinking with your dick and realize that this is the just the beginning of a shit-storm.

Remain resolute as there is a significant level of pyscho's as you hack your way through the briar patch.

Personally, I would skip Okcupid. Unless you want some seriously damaged goods. Almost all of the dating i did there was pure validation seeking and SERIOUS daddy issues. Avoid free sites like the plague.

Frankly, i prefer going to Meetups of your favorite hobbies (specifically physical ones) or sites behind a paywall (avoid Eharmony as its a shithole). This ENSURES that you meeting someone with similar tastes and know that they at least TRY to take care of their body.

Your priority at ALL TIMES should be YOU and NOT finding a spouse.

Pick a girl that's going to add and NOT bar you from a full human experience.

If you go into the mindset of "finding someone" they you will be more likely to "forgive" bullshit and shitty behavior since they are filling a need.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is the best advice here, OP. When you're dating, all women want to be the cool girlfriend. She'll support you in whatever hobby or career or whatever is important in your life. Even the first couple years of marriage, no woman wants to be the bitchy spouse. But slowly over time she will fight tooth and nail to chip away at your frame and freedom. She wants to drag you into her reality. Personally, OP, I wouldn't marry. I'd get a surrogate or adopt and pay a nanny to watch my kid during the day. It's a lot cheaper than a wife and will add years to your life.

But if you persist in marrying, you must maintain your identity 24/7. Never compromise who you are and be willing to let her walk at any time.

[–]Griever1140 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

QFT.

CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. They all "claim" to be the fun loving and "chill" SO. But that slowly fades away as they want more and more fucking time away from the things YOU like to do.

Soon enough, that chill SO who "TOTALLY GOT" how much you like sports games, video games, time with bro's etc, is now calling you an asshole for not wanting to spend more time with her.

MRP, is RP on hard mode. You are already waist deep in the river of shit called marriage... and MRP is lifeboat that's there to get you out of the water.

Moral of the story, DONT FALL INTO THE LAKE OF SHIT AND START DRINKING.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The best way to choose is to know what your choices are. Get out there and start talking and dating women.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't get legally married. If you refuse to follow that advice (as I know you will), get the best prenup you can possibly get.

Get hot and stay hot. Never ever ever let up on your career or your social life. If you have social issues or awkwardness, get it handled.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Separate your wishes, from your observations

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What you want:

  • …is a woman, regardless of her past that desires you completely.
  • …is for that woman to completely enter your frame, because it is a good place for her to be.
  • …is to always work hard to improve yourself in every way.
  • …is to always be willing to walk away if you have to.

If any of the above makes no sense to you. Lift more, read sidebar more.

[–]dandar46001 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I find that having a child in your early 30s (late 20s for mom) is much easier than in your late 30s (early 30s for mom.) It's about sleep, energy levels, etc. So if you want to start a family, do it earlier rather than later.

You can still get an early 20s college chick and knock her up. That way you won't get a mediocre CC ridden late 20s girl. The longer you wait though, the greater the disconnect will be between you and your LTR partner.

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Oh, and bro... don't start a family until you have EVERY PART OF YOURSELF ON LOCK DOWN. Once you have kids, you're stuck. Abundance mentality, outcome independence, and stoicism become things you have to fight tooth and nail for. When the mom knows you'll carry the weight of the world for your kids, she's got the power.

[–]Chinchilla_the_Hun0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So much this OP. Although, don't stymie your pursuit while still progressing along with your own improvement. Just be aware of your non-negotiables.

[–]postscript1114-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is true. They become things that are harder to obtain. Not because they are out of sight or impossible, but because there are greater things to focus on. Kids do change you. For the better in the long run, but you have to realize the focus will change from you to them.

I'm going through divorce right now with kids. I have begun to unplug, but the process is slower with children. I am willing to sacrifice my own gains for the gains of my children at the moment, but I'm okay with that. This, OP, is something you will have to realize. It's not a bad thing though. Those here that have children will agree that it's a tough explain in words.

[–]mrpthrowa2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

DO NOT MARRY.

Modern marriage is the biggest turn off for women - EVER.

You may find it appealing to LTR, in which case, DO NOT MARRY.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You need to learn that only you can make your decisions. Right wrong or indifferent they were yours and yours alone.

Own them and make shit happen any way.

A bad plan violently executed is still the right one.

[–]blimblamp0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

This is a bit old but it's something I've thought about recently as I'm chatting with women on Tinder. The girls who are still in college are too young for me at the same age as you. They're bouncing from cock to cock and don't want to settle down. They haven't felt the burden of what it's like to have a real job and have to pay rent. It's better to meet women who have had their teeth kicked in a bit by reality and who are done riding the CC. The 21 year old at a party school expects free dinners, constant adoration and gifts, and generally thinks she's above you. You will never be a priority for her.

My plan is the date women around 25 years old for the next 15 years. They have a couple years of real world experience under their belt and have developed a lot more character. As long as I stay working on myself and stay fit I don't think it's going to be an issue. College girls are probably fine for fucking if that's all you want.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I go to Egypt

[–]blimblamp1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's a normal thought process. Most guys are fat and gross and worthless at 40. Being the exception isn't hard, it just requires putting in the work.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

I'm generally a very optimistic individual but also realistic, and realize that with age my pool of potential high quality mates is going down.

Where did you hear this nonsense? SMV actually works the opposite. Men are like wine, women are like milk.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

You went to home

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

You're simply wrong.

The formula for finding a compatible (age) partner at your best SMV is as follows: Male Age/2 + 7 = Female Age.

Examples: (M)26/2 + 7 = (F)20, (M)40/2 + 7 = (F)27

One needs to age appreciably before accepting a post-wall CC warrior over 30. Men are the prize, women are not - RP 101.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Male Age/2 + 7 = Female Age.

I thought that was the formula for dog age?

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're on to something there, as dogs are more loyal and easier to live with.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not sure why you'd want a relationship with a girl younger than 25 anyway. They're stupid and not in a good way. The only reason a young girl wouldn't dig an attractive older man is if he's creepy. Don't be creepy

[–]anythingincRed Beret0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

What advice can you give us late 20s folks when it comes to dating aspect of life at this stage.

Everything is going to be okay. Don't worry about this shit. Take care of yourself, self-actualize, build a quality life and it will be easy to find a quality woman who wants to live in your frame with you, you'll find her or she'll find you.

realize that with age my pool of potential high quality mates is going down.

Not at all true OP, and the biggest misconception. I thought the same thing after my divorce in my mid 30s without children after 13 years together.

The real truth...the low quality mates are just getting easier to identify. Hell, some of them put neon signs up to advertise it because they think it will work in their favor, and it might, just not with you. The most important thing is for YOU to have the value needed to attract and arouse the women you desire. As you gain value the potential dating pool goes UP, not down. Look at the data...more women are not getting married, more women are holding off on children...they are waiting on YOU, waiting for you to come along so they can build their life around you and your children. How long do you want to wait OP? If you want a family go find that woman, there are a fuck ton of them out there. If you want to serial date and fuck around or waste a year here and there with women that you know in your heart you would not marry, then fine, do that, but don't cry about where all the good girls went, that's some scarcity mentality bullshit.

Am i gonna end up as a successful 30s man with a mediocre CC ridden late 20s girl?

Only if that is the life you choose. The most import thing is your value, your passion, your desires, and her genuine desire, attraction, and arousal towards you. If you are open to it, you will know it when you have it and a good LTR will happen and progress and feel natural and organic.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I agree with all of what you said except the dating pool going up as your SMV increases. Yes, the pool gets larger as more people will be attracted to you. But the actual women you'll be interested in will be fewer. You won't want fatties or girls with baggage any more. That takes out at least 90% of the population.

Not to say he won't find a suitable girl. But cute girls who aren't crazy or entitled are very very rare.

[–]anythingincRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You won't want fatties or girls with baggage any more.

cute girls who aren't crazy or entitled are very very rare.

crazy or entitled

Those girls were never LTR material anyway, and are now just easier to spot. Are we imagining saving them at some point before they got fat, crazy, entitled and developed baggage?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My point is that men with low SMV or lack of abundance will settle for an ugly girl who's nice or a cute girl who is nuts. High SMV men (as OP should be) won't settle down with crazy.

I always attracted cute girls. Settled down with my wife, who is pretty and successful but is a PITA more days than not. I had a lack of abundance mentality.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You looked at them

[–]anythingincRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What resonates with me is how you said a good LTR will seem organic and natural.

When everything is going accordingly it really does. You're woke now bro. You're not going to do the unnatural blue pill beta shit. You are not going to settle for a woman who doesn't desire you. You are not going to force a relationship with a woman who doesn't desire you. You're not going to allow women who don't add value into your life. You are not going to put a woman on a pedestal above you to try to facilitate a subpar relationship. You are not going to "Man Up" and "Do The Right Thing" by satisfying the wrong end of the hypergamous equation. That is the shit that feels unnatural. That is the shit that you feel in the pit of your stomach.

Natural/Organic/RP:

  • Man has value
  • Man initiates with woman and/or woman is attracted to man
  • Man escalates and closes sexually
  • Woman shows genuine desire/attraction/arousal towards man
  • Man and woman enter sexual relationship
  • Woman vets man and begins to use relationship/comfort building strategies
  • Man vets Woman for LTR value while continuing sexual relationship
  • As vetting continues, man begins to responds to relationship/comfort building strategies in a positive, reciprocal manner
  • Woman tests man; man allows woman to enter his frame
  • Relationship progresses

That's RP as fuck, that's natural as fuck, that is organic as fuck. Both people feel great about the relationship. It is when you don't have value and frame and outcome independence and abundance mentality that shit goes south. It is when you don't vet properly. It is when you chase women than are not into you. etc...

Dating pool size

Every attractive woman deserves a chance to experience your cock. Every attractive woman that shows desire/attraction/arousal deserves a second round of your cock. Every attractive woman that shows desire/attraction/arousal and deserves multiple rounds of your cock also deserves a chance to show you their value. Every attractive, valuable woman that is now addicted to your cock deserves the chance to try to start a relationship with you. At this point you have potentially multiple attractive, valuable woman who love your cock and are using comfort and relationship building strategies to escalate your relationship. If they add value to your life, if they want what you want, if you are compatible, if they want to live in your frame...then let one in, respond in a positive, reciprocal manner.

Rereading that...I'm not struck by how limited my options are.

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

with age my pool of potential high quality mates is going down

Bullshit. I'm 29, got started making a family 5 years ago. Way too early.

This would be my do-over dream. In late teens, get started in a good career where I liked the type of people in that career and can stand the work, something that doesn't have me sitting behind a screen 8 hours a day. Build my career and fortune. Save a ton. Travel a bit. Sculpt my body. Bang hotties. Explore spirituality. At 35, begin to start looking for LTR quality girls in their early to mid 20s. By 40, settle down with some fertile, submissive, low-count, mid-20s chick. Yes, that's a 15 year gap.

The more I read and watch, the harder I see men having to work to lock down women their own age. The easiest way to get a girl to follow your lead? Be older than her.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Vas is pushing 50, he's finding girls younger than alphabets as well.

with age, it only limits options if you're a fat fuck

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Its the social norm for a guy to get fat and ugly when he gets old. And you know what we think about social norms. OP needs more unplugging. You hold him down and I'll yank it out.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

He is going to concert

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Welcome to the real world.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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