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Wife escalates with physically assaulting me during arguments

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April 16, 2019
13 upvotes

I'm 35, wife also 35, married for 2 years, together for 2.5 years. 1 child (1.5 year old son).

Discovered red pill around 6 months ago and mrp reddit 4 months ago.

Going to the gym for almost 3 years, but was doing mostly fuckarounditis and going only twice or even once a week.

Exactly 2 months ago I started with serious Stronglifts 5x5, 3 times a week.

Height 192cm (6 feet 3.6 inch), Weight 100kg (220.46 lbs), bf estimation between 13-17%.

Squat 5x5: 97.5kg (214.9 lbs)

DL 3x5: 112.5kg (248 lbs)

BP 5x5: 97.5kg (214.9 lbs)

OHP: 52,5kg (115.7 lbs)

BR: 70kg (154.3 lbs)

Finished MMLSLP, Rational male, NMMNG 2x, reading WISNIFG at the moment. Read about 15% of the sidebar.

Posted my first OYS.

Soon after we married, she became extremely controlling, and started having regular anger outbursts. Some of the worst shit (breaking a lot of stuff in the house and slapping me and hitting me with objects) happened when she was pregnant and my gut was telling me I should just endure and tolerate it until pregnancy is over. I felt like a weak faggot and grew a lot of resentments towards her and myself.

After our son was born, breaking of stuff stopped but the physical attacks continued.

The shit culminated one day with us physically fighting while the newborn was in the same room. I started hitting her back when she wouldn't stop hitting me. A total fucking shit show.

I finally discovered redpill and mrp.

After discovering /mrp started STFU-ing worked like a charm towards goal of creating my frame and maintaining it. Failing less shit tests than before. After failed shit test, I make a mental note and prepare for another. Working on not being butthurt, reseting every day. We don't argue as much ,and the arguments last a lot shorter thanks to STFU, AA, AM  and a lot of less DEER-ing. 

Sex was never the problem, her lack of respect towards me was (I am aware that's my fault) and inability to have a civil discussion or argument without raging.

She became less and less aggressive and I found the ways to defuse the behavior before it escalates to the point of no return. 

I don't manage to do it all the time though. So about month ago was the last time she wanted to hit me, I looked her in the eyes and told her : "If you hit me, be prepared to be hit back, I am a lot stronger than you, I will not put up with being hit by you." She stopped for a second hesitating, but still hit me in my face. 

To be perfectly honest, In that moment, I wanted to ram her fucking head in the wall until it pops. I looked her in her eyes with anger but did nothing, I stayed still. I just kept looking at her, made a "I'm very disappointed" head gesture and walked away. 

Later she apologized, cried and told me she will go to therapy. She kept her word and told me she is very aware of her problem, but also told me I'm the part of the problem (I'ts my fault that I constantly "deliberately push her buttons"). 

She told me she did that shit in relationships before me and told me that her dad often physically disciplined her. 

I'm not sure if I acted good in this situation, so I would appreciate any advice on how to deal with wife physically assaulting you? I tried 2 approaches - being a pussy bitch and even begging her on my knees to stop (makes me wanna puke when I remember how low I felt), that didn't work, I tried hitting her back after she wouldn't stop (she seemed to respond best to this, she would cry, calm down and apologized and but I know this is not healthy, and not normal and I don't wanna do that shit).

The "not acting out on my rage and making a disappointed face" is the last thing I did.

This time I wanted to show her that even though I wanted to fucking kill her, I endured and kept my cool.

I am yet to see if this reaction worked on her or not.

When this shit starts again, I must be prepared. I would appreciate any feedback. How to address when she wants to break your STFU by physically attacking you?


Post Information
Title Wife escalates with physically assaulting me during arguments
Author go-RED-go
Upvotes 13
Comments 64
Date 16 April 2019 06:06 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/225722
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bdx48s/wife_escalates_with_physically_assaulting_me/
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Comments

[–]coinbaserep27 points28 points  (5 children) | Copy

Time to install audio and video recording devices in the home and catch this shit show on record. Put the recorders in kitchen living room and hallways. (None in the bedroom)

It’s the only way your gonna come out is this in a positive light

She’s going to destroy you if you don’t leave

Take half your shit and you will end up in jail

[–]FoxShitNasty8314 points15 points  (4 children) | Copy

At least in jail he will be getting anal.

[–]coinbaserep11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

My wife said we could do anal tonight

I am really excited. It’s my first time and she promised she will be gentle

[–]doohicker3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Is your wife's name Ben Dover?

[–]coinbaserep1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No it’s Phil Mckrakin

[–]Ilikebiggurls0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

But will he be giving or receiving?

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (7 children) | Copy

You need to start by following through with your discussed consequences.... the REAL trick here is actually choosing consequences that you will FOLLOW THROUGH WITH. Otherwise your just talking with no authority of follow through.

Don't threaten her with returned violence (unless you are going to do that shit.. which i don't suggest.) Instead tell her that the next time she lays a hand on you that you will remove yourself and her kids from the house. Whatever... you just need to DO what you SAY and don't break down.

I also wouldn't recommend waiting for her to be in a heated moment to discuss your boundary. People in an emotional state cannot process logical things properly. You tell her as soon as you figure out what your action will be

[–]Mazi2593 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

Agreed. OP stated in another comment that he owns the apartment. So the recommended action would be to kick her out whenever she hits you. Sit her down for a talk (let her understand the seriousness of it) and warn her in advance of this boundary and consequences in breaking.

[–]go-RED-go[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

I plan on doing that today.

[–]Mazi2590 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

How did it go?

[–]go-RED-go[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Told her about the boundary and the consequences.

First she tried to redirect : "Why do you bring up the past? I thought we were doing well lately, why do you have the need to make things worse by mention the past? What happened to you? You changed. You are acting unpredictably. You never talked with me like that. Who did you talk to before this? Why did you chose this moment to talk about this? This is the worst moment you could ever chose..."

Then she was in defend and excuse mode for a while.

Then she started crying really hard and cried for about 20 minutes, making few comments like: "You think I am the worst mother, I'm not of any worth to you. You will kick me on the street like a dog."

I told her calmly I understand that she is upset about this talk and even though I knew this talk would be unpleasant, it's something that had to be done.

When she stopped crying I went to the gym.

Got back, she acted mildly hurt and offended, we went to sleep.

In the morning I reset and acted like it never happened.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like it went as expected. She wants you in the box she built for you, but you are now building your own box and stepping out of hers. She doesn't like that. She will cycle through all of the "tools" a woman has for manipulation. Probably trying each multiple times, especially ones that worked in the past. Probing for a weak spot, like the raptors in Jurrasic Park. Don't have a weak spot.

What you need to do before you go looking for answers is to figure out your question. The question isn't "how do I get my wife to ....". There is only one question covers EVERYTHING you need to know. "What do I want?" You figure this out first, THEN think about what it will take to get there.

[–]Mazi2590 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think you handled this well. Of course, the hard part will be to actually act on this boundary if she ever crosses it again. Let’s hope for her that she doesn’t.

[–]Eminencemiddle0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Call police. She will probably call police on him,regardless.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

You leave.

Leave the fucking house. Have a go bag in your car and fuck off. No negotiating, no arguing, no texts, no contact.

You get hit, you go away.

Reset in the am. Don't reengage. Don't negotiate.

She hit. You leave.

Period.

[–]tspitsatgp2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

...and when you come back you have a recording device in your pocket - at a fucking minimum - to record her apologising for hitting you. You do not hit her or threaten her with physical violence, that’s only going to end badly for you. Just leave.

[–]bliceroquququq8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

My friend's wife got physically violent with him one time when she'd been drinking. He didn't hit her back, but did give her a push to get her off of him, then told her he was done with it and called the cops to have her arrested.

The cops showed up, she yelled about how he had shoved her, and they arrested him for domestic violence. He'd also kicked a hole in his garage door out of frustration so they popped him for criminal mischief as well. Then they noticed his face had been punched and so they arrested her for domestic violence. They both spent the weekend in jail and then over a year with court mandated counselling and being bled dry with various legal fees.

I'd tell you that you should get a divorce and push for sole custody of your kid, but be prepared for her to tell the court about how you beat her since you've already admitted to it on the Internet.

[–]Tiway226 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

You are being abused. There is help for this. Begin collecting and recording evidence and save your child from this awful woman.

[–]Ilikebiggurls2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Amen to this. If her dad used physical 'discipline' on her and she uses it on you, she will likely do it to your child.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Later she apologized, cried and told me she will go to therapy.

That's what the feminazis call "the cycle of violence." It gets shorter and more harsh each time.

You need to arm up with video cameras, document each incident, and make sure you have pictures of your cuts and bruises. Then, assuming she doesn't kill you, you have an almost 50% chance of not ending up in prison.

begging her on my knees to stop

She get's pleasure from your suffering. Don't show it. Don't beg. Order her to stop. Then don't hit her, learn some basic self defense and take her down in a basket hold or arm bar. Also, your an idiot for staying there in this situation.

[–]helaughsinhidden2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I find it really amusing that when I read your comments, I can hear your voice in my head from having watched your youtube videos. Thank you for that by the way, it was my very first exposure to MRP. I then immediately read MMSLP from your recommendations and found this subreddit.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"19 points20 points  (7 children) | Copy

You and your whore wife are providing a fucking terrible environment for your child.

Get the bitch arrested, preferably thrown in jail, divorce her ass, get yourself in therapy, and raise the child properly if you have it in you to do so.

If not man enough to do that, then get both your asses in therapy.

And stop doing that shit in the presence of the kid, asshole.

[–]mrpthrowa14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

Get the bitch arrested

Dream on. Duluth Model. Without cut clear clear video evidence of you literally staring at the floor while being hit, you're automatically the aggressor.

Be careful with this shit OP.

I would physically remove my presence all together if i smell a hint of aggression. Make a mental note of how long you will endure this, no ifs no buts. If it still persists beyond x weeks (8?), move on with your life.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed that clear video evidence needed to get the bitch arrested.

With that said, I still recommend getting the bitch arrested.

Edit - mrpthrowa - I recognize the inherent shortcoming of my reply to OP: I, personally, understand the need for clear evidence of battery in order to get his wife arrested and should have articulated as much, especially since I've been here for ages and read plenty, and OP is a n00b asshole who clearly doesn't know shit.

With that said, I find it hard to believe that unless you are "literally staring at the floor while being hit you're automatically the aggressor." That sounds bogus and like one more example of some of the trumped-up misogynist bullshit in the "manosphere" that's taken out-of-context because some douchebag put it on youtube or posted a blog about it.

Where's the evidence for what you're saying?

Crickets.

[–]ImNotSlash4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

And stop doing that shit in the presence of the kid, asshole

I remember my mom throwing a frying pan at my dad and the house we were living in. That was some time up to the age of five. You follow, OP?

[–]go-RED-go[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I do. I also remember my mom hitting my dad with a shoe, when I was around that age.

My wife's dad used to discipline her with slaps.

I want to break the pattern, and i'm sure she wants also (she started terapy) couse she is aware of the concesquences to the child, but I feel if I become a proper leader, she will follow.

Things are not getting worse post-red pill, they are getting better, but I know if she's hardwired for responding to anger with violence, this wont be an easy road.

[–]ImNotSlash7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

I want have to break the pattern

FTFY

If you insist on managing this, this is the advice I'd give you. My wife is diagnosed BPD and had surgery that seriously fucked up her hormonal balance. So, while I am not a doctor, I do have some experience. This is what I've learned for my situation. YMMV

First, understand you have no control over her. You can attempt various peaceful resolutions but ultimately she's either going to rage or not.

Start being proactive. Identify her triggers and get ahead of them. Log every fight. Record every detail as soon as possible right after it happens, even during. You know why police interview victims ASAP. Cause fucking memory sucks during high-stress periods. Details get lost. If you can do the voice recorder, do it. What events led to the fight? How was her mood yesterday? The day before? Has she told you anything recently that could be an indication of stress? Is she taking on all the baby responsibilities or are you helping? How's she sleeping? And ask the same of you. Moods are contagious. Are you falling into her frame? Or are you keeping jolly spirits and bringing her into yours? Are you working every day to make every day a fun day? All of it.

Third, get her to open up as much as possible. Yesterday my wife started talking to me about something at work. She's been doing this more lately but not often. However, I was in a rush to do something else and had to bail. As soon as possible, I came back to her and got her talking again. Don't solve her fucking problems. Just let her talk. Take her side. Or just shut the fuck up and listen. Ask questions where applicable. Open her the fuck up.

When she starts throwing fits, you STFU and take it. You take it because you decided to. You take it because you can. But you STFU. Don't make light of her anger. Don't laugh. Don't crack jokes. You STFU. Over time you may develop the skill of asking probing questions. Move wisely. "You didn't fucking take out the trash last night like I told you to." "Yes, I probably should have." Listen to her tone and watch her body language. Note every detail and then how the conversation transpires after that. One of the best things I've been able to do with my wife recently is anticipate what she's going to say. After 13 years I should've been able to do this a long long time ago but over that time the points haven't really changed. Don't laugh. Don't smirk. Stay in control.

IF she escalates it to physicality, you remove yourself from the situation. Go to your office or kitchen, garage, whatever. If she follows you and continues, you vacate the fuck out. Don't take your son (unless you think he's in harm - you haven't disclosed that which is a pretty important fucking detail). Just leave. She'll text. She'll call. IGNORE. Block her fucking number if you have to. Come back after a few hours. If she's still raging, leave again. Get a hotel. Go camping.

At some point she'll calm down. At this point, don't talk about it. Don't bring it up to her. Pretend it never fucking happened. You're still in your frame and your frame has been unmoved. She's your wife. You still love her (right?). It's just a normal fucking day. Now, she may want to talk about it. And, if so, then fine. Repeat steps above. Or she may just want to let it go. If you can get her to open up about how her day's are going and how that bitch Stephanie in the office is a fucking cunt, then she'll be fine. You ignore her, and you're destined to keep repeating.

Lastly, there is no fucking score. You didn't win so if that thought pops up into your head you shoot that shit down immediately. You did your fucking job that you have chosen to do. You don't get kudos. You don't get a pat on the back. Don't fucking come her or MRP and seek validation or approval. You acknowledge you held frame, learn your lessons, seek ways to improve to no physicality, and you keep your head down and fucking work at it every fucking day the rest of your marriage.

Or just fucking get a divorce.

[–]go-RED-go[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you for this man, I really appreciate it.

[–]ImNotSlash10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

How to address when she wants to break your STFU by physically attacking you?

You fucking leave. What the fuck is wrong with you?

I looked her in the eyes and told her : "If you hit me, be prepared to be hit back, I am a lot stronger than you, I will not put up with being hit by you."

And so she tested your boundary and you failed like a bitch.

Your woman sounds like a real fucking piece of work so on behalf of males everywhere, thank you for getting her out of our way.

But, this shit is real simple. You can exercise your STFU, AA, AM, whatever. If she becomes physical, you fucking exit. Do not fucking touch her cause once you do, you're in the crosshairs. You have no idea who she may have told that you, not her, are the physically aggressive one.

If you insist on trying to manage her behavior, my advice to you is to get a voice-activated recorder or even put some cameras in the home, and to turn on your location tracking on your phone.

/u/red-sffplus went through some shit like this. Read his post history.

I'll close with this: if the cops get involved and you get arrested, you may get off and be found innocent. Cool. But, at what costs? You're risking being branded an abuser. Not many nowadays give a fuck about whether you're innocent or not; it's about what they believe. And if people believe you're a wife-abuser, then you're a wife-abuser.

[–]ImNotSlash3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'll leave my comment up but I should delete it. It's shit advice.

OP: either leave or or raise your son to be a bitch like his dad asking internet strangers 30 years from now how to manage his psycho wife.

[–]mrpthrowa11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

Dude you are getting a lot of shit advice in this thread, to get the kid and run, or to report her to the police etc...

Be aware that reporting this to the police is likely going to make you in the frame for DV, regardless of the facts. All she has to do is lie. Google Duluth model - this is how the police work - DV suspicions, automatically arrest the male and remove him to "empower" the woman, because duh, women are statistically weaker.

Absolutely do not go down this line without talking to a lawyer first and forming a plan.

you could ruin you life with this.

[–]helaughsinhidden2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sad but true, even though she's in the wrong, she still has an entire system that supports her. If she breaks a nail punching your face, you will be the one arrested.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Did you stick your dick in crazy or just do a bad job vetting? Women who hit are usually too broken to be redeemed in my opinion. Its like a dog that bites people in the face, its not safe and drastic measures need to be taken in response.

The fact that you hit her is pretty fucked up. How would you respond if you had a little 12 year old girl who hit you? Would you hit her so she cried and stopped?

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

See a lawyer so you understand your boundaries.

Your life today is the life you fostered and encouraged because you lack frame and leadership. Your wife has no reason to want o change because you are weak.

IANAL - Domestic abuse will fall in you, much easier than her. So file a police report today. Talk w/ your local precinct and talk about options and guidance. Start getting some video of her flipping out on you. Never touch her. Leave the area. Meet with your priest or pastor and talk about your situation to find out if they have any resources and support for you. This will also be helpful if there is a false 911 domestic abuse call from your wife.

It’s time to start getting your Go plan ready for immediate launch. Why? She’ll easily put you in jail with a 911 call claiming abuse. The. You’re fighting from behind and your legal bills begin immediately. Cancel joint credit cards, get cash off the books as unnoticeable as possible, start looking for a place to stay with a moment’s notice (phone call). Start looking for a new place to live.

[–]resolutions3165 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

If she hits you she will hit your kid.

[–]ImNotSlash4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not necessarily true. Blood is different from a civil partner.

[–]resolutions3163 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

The underlying issue is impulse control.

Let’s just put it this way: I wouldn’t let this person near MY kids.

YMMV.

[–]nobsyoga2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man, this is a tough situation. My wife used to get physical with me until I fought back by restraining her and she ended up with bruises on her wrists. I told her that if she came at me next time, I could not guaranty that she would not end up in a cast. Your woman seems different though. She is flying off in to blind rages and when that gets going, usually the only course of action is to walk. It's not always the case that men get the full blame for domestic violence. While things are still tilted heavy in the woman's favor, police are getting better at spotting tell tail signs. Getting the recording devices put in the house is a good idea, but ultimately you need to get the hell out of there for the sake of you and your child. You are in a straight up physically abusive situation and only years of therapy on her part is going to fix that. If she does not want to put the work into herself, there is nothing you can do and you need to at least separate to get out of the situation. I would prep yourself with a togo bad and backup money and a place to stay in case you need to go somewhere. Good luck and I wish you the best.

[–]Grimsterr2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need evidence of this, else you are the one who will end up in jail.

[–]helaughsinhidden2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you run from almost any kid of large predator like grizzly bears, lions, tigers, etc their instinct is to chase and maul you because you are acting like prey.

Likewise, when a woman is shit testing you, if you act wrong, it also sends her a message like the animal. If you are butt hurt, you are acting like someone immature, selfish, or weak. If you are defensive, you are acting like you are in fact guilty of something. If you make an effort to explain yourself, you are acting like either that person is above you or that you are caught in a lie and trying to convince them of your version of the story.

See, DEERing isn't just a "less effective" way to talk to your woman, your kids, your friends, coworkers, etc. It is more effective because it doesn't incite additional aggression, frustration, apathy, hurt, or ill will in the person you are speaking to. By DAREing, you are diffusing the situation, dispelling doubts and fears, confirming mutual trust and affection, or are at least not causing further damage.

I can understand a man wanting to leave in your situation. If you wish to break it off, don't do it this way. Be mindful that you have a child together. That child will see you sabotaging a parent that they care for, will feel that as a personal betrayal, will absorb that pain, will learn both of your methods of communicating, and will be cursed to repeat them. You also have at least 16 more years of sharing custody of a child, so if you stay or if you go, you WILL have some kind of relationship with her, so is that how you want to go out? Being an insufferable asshole that pushed a woman's buttons that had an abused childhood and almost zero impulse control?

I can understand a man wanting to leave in your situation. If you wish to break it off, don't do it this way. Be mindful that you have a child together. That child will see you sabotaging a parent that they care for, will feel that as a personal betrayal, will absorb that pain, will learn both of your methods of communicating, and will be cursed to repeat them. You also have at least 16 more years of sharing custody of a child, so if you stay or if you go, you WILL have some kind of relationship with her, so is that how you want to go out? Being an insufferable asshole that pushed a woman's buttons that had an abused childhood and almost zero impulse control?

As men, we are called to be the leaders, that's the underlying glue to all this that makes RP work. We are to be the prize, we are to be the mature one, we are to be the smarter one, we are to take the high road, we are to set the right example, we are to show grace, mercy, compassion, and wisdom. Not just slightly better because she hit me, which is about all I can gather you have over her right now.

[–]Luck-672 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get the hell out of there. Don’t touch her, divorce NOW and take over the kid with 100% custody . She is 5150 and will eventually be a danger to your kid once he/ she “pushes her buttons”.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

One thing: Do NOT let her get away with hitting you ever again. Yes, yes, it's all been said, etc....but, one thing that you must realize: One, just one, unlucky shot by her, and you may end up missing an eyeball. I know, I know, you're the new Conor MacGregor, or WTF, but...well, there's nothing more to add.

[–]JudgeDoom694 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

When she becomes aggressive or physical, turn her over your knee, and then take it from there

[–]FFDGTDS0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Physical abuse is a default setting with some, most learned it from their parents, This is what your child will learn.

If you don’t have enough self respect or care enough about yourself to leave, think about your child and the absolute shit-show of a family he is growing up in.

As I have said on here before, when it comes to abuse, the first time you’re a victim, the next time you’re a volunteer.

[–]RPeed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

how to deal with wife physically assaulting you? I tried 2 approaches - being a pussy bitch and even begging her on my knees to stop (makes me wanna puke when I remember how low I felt), that didn't work, I tried hitting her back after she wouldn't stop (she seemed to respond best to this, she would cry, calm down and apologized and but I know this is not healthy, and not normal and I don't wanna do that shit).

Have you tried removing yourself and the child for safety, followed by an emergency restraining order?

The courts could follow up with mandatory therapy.

Thus protecting you, your child and your wife.

Seriously bro: it takes two for DV.

[–]40mullet-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

How to address when she wants to break your STFU by physically attacking you?

What does that mean? You are giving her silent treatment?

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

So she's assaulting you. That makes her a criminal. You are married to a criminal that commits crimes against you.

She hits you because she loves you.

Anyhow, with that joke out of the way, you have a great way to beat this. Go sign up for martial arts, learn submission techniques, learn to physically disable her and anyone else that might ever mess with you.

Or divorce her ass on the grounds that she's an adult that can't stop from attacking someone she claims to love. She's busted, you deserve better, I'd leave and take everything I own away from her. Violence is something a child does, fuck that.

Best of luck dude.

[–]donmcde-3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not enough responses from the OYS thread I take it?

[–]go-RED-go[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I figured OYS is mainly done for myself, to keep track of my progress and to break the ice as I never posted. Wanted to ask a specific question, for some advice, therefore made this thread.

[–][deleted] -5 points-4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Grab the kid, tell her that your son isn't going to be raised in this sort of environment, and walk out the door. Don't let her stop you, don't answer the phone or respond to her messages, and don't come back until enough time has passed that you're both calm. If she starts again when you get back, repeat the process and wait even longer. If it comes to a 3rd time, let her know upon your return that if you have to leave again you'll be returning with the police behind you and divorce papers in hand.

[–]go-RED-go[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks for the advice. I feel this could work.

[–]Eminencemiddle0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

One thing to note: You really don't have a choice once you take the child from the house as to whether or not you call the police-You don't call them and she will, saying that you beat her and stole the baby.

[–]redismyfuture0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Grab the kid, tell her that your son isn't going to be raised in this sort of environment, and walk out the door. Don't let her stop you, don't answer the phone or respond to her messages, and don't come back until enough time has passed

Oh dear God don't do this. Parental abduction.

If she hits you again, call the police. Have that documented every time. Install cameras and have that shit uploaded to the cloud. And start planning your divorce.

Regardless of proof she can claim abuse (and you know this woman will...) and get a temporary restraining order on you. Again, go read red-sfpplus post history.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh dear God don't do this. Parental abduction.

There's a reason that I specified coming back at every step. Removing a kid from harm's way is in no way parental abduction.

[–]ManguZa-5 points-4 points  (7 children) | Copy

What about restraining her until she calm down?

[–]go-RED-go[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yes I tried that. Full mount on the floor and grab her wrists. She would go wild until she got tired. But this leaves bruises on her wrists. The thing is this is not a long term solution to this shit.

Few times I exited the apartment. But it's my apartment, I feel like this is also not the solution.

I was thinking if she does it again, to kick HER out with some clothes and shoes and send her to her parents to sleep over and think about here behaviour. And tell her Ill do it every time she does it, I dont need a wife and a mother of my cild that behaves that way.

Im feel like there must be a way for me to solve it first, before thinking about going the divorce route.

[–]ImNotSlash1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Im feel like there must be a way for me to solve it first

I'm honestly conflicted on this myself. I understand your desire. But, it's not your job. I left my son's mother who was a fucking saint compared to my current wife in terms of behavior and temper when he was an infant. Specifically because I refused to allow him to grow up in that type of environment. I felt it was healthier for him to have seperated parents - both a very active part of his life - than married parents always fighting and shit.

[–]ImNotSlash1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yea, cause nothing calms a situation like restraining a raging woman. Good call!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

My friend got murder charges and hard divorce rape for this. Awful fucking idea.

[–]ManguZa1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fucking immoral society !



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