How to get rid of LVM if they try to approach you in public?

verityspice · 2020-09-19T10:06:22+00:00

I walk away. Don’t even look at them. Just grab my things and move. Sometimes I laugh at them if I’m feeling up to it. It’s not your job to be polite.

nat890 · 2020-09-19T13:50:44+00:00

Why the hell do us women think we need to be nice all the time? Honestly any excuse will do, don’t let some random stranger take up five minutes, let alone an ENTIRE HOUR of your time!

MistressSelkie · 2020-09-19T13:52:27+00:00

I feel like a lot of these comments are great advice for situations when someone approaches you while you’re walking around, but it gets harder when you’re inside of a venue. Having to leave to get away isn’t fair to you and you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your night for a creep.

When I’m in the situation where anyone is talking to me that I don’t want to talk to I just say “No, thank you” and do not engage further. If he keeps talking just say “no, thank you” again. I think that tone is important for this to work. Do not say anything else, especially not anything personalized. I say the same thing to guys asking for change, running tourist scams, and trying to get a date. When done right they don’t usually get hostile and just walk away embarrassed by your “mistake”.

abirdofthesky · 2020-09-19T14:43:04+00:00

A lot of these suggestions to walk away aren’t useful in the situation you describe - what if you don’t want to leave your seat?

In my experience, bluntly saying “I’m not interested.” is actually fairly effective. Use your instincts and stay safe, but I’ve found that it doesn’t even register as rude to them because they’re just going to keep on trying to talk to you. So you say you’re not interested, they keep trying, you maybe say “leave me alone” or something along those lines, and then just stop engaging entirely.

I’ve found it to be incredibly freeing. One, you have power - you actually get to say what you want to happen! It’s liberating! Two, it shows you how much being hyper conditioned to not be rude at all costs is really this big lie we’ve all internalized for the benefit of men.

SunsetOwls · 2020-09-19T11:14:30+00:00

Go mute. Act as if he didn't exist and continue doing what you were doing before he came along.

Alternatively, you could cough and pretend to be sick.

2020-09-19T11:27:25+00:00

“please don’t talk to me.” with a straight face and walk away lmao

Novemberinthechair · 2020-09-19T12:39:04+00:00

Pretend to get a phone call that you have to take. I could swear Chelsea Handler developed an app for that.

wHAtisLife59 · 2020-09-19T12:19:35+00:00

You don’t have to be polite to them, just walk away or tell them to f off.

shakethat_milkshake · 2020-09-19T20:09:57+00:00

Always remember that they have no problem being rude to you.

Summerisle7 · 2020-09-19T15:51:48+00:00

This is not what the Social Group Strategy flair is for. Being approached by LVM is an experience that’s universal to all women.

hakunnamatatamfs · 2020-09-19T17:43:36+00:00

I haven't had to put up w this since the pandemic but before I used to pretend I'm a conspiranoic. Picture your craziest conspiracies than even a conspiracy theorist would think it's stupid and go for them. I had this guy approaching me and negging w an 'your mouth is curious but kinda cute'. I stared at him w crazy eyes and started talking about how the global warming was a hoax to hide that unicorns exist and are the product of alien rape towards horses. The dude laughed a bit but tried to keep going w an 'do you come often here?' I kept interrupting him and saying more and more idiotic stuff without letting him talk. He left running 😕

Shaakie · 2020-09-19T17:46:59+00:00

I just ignore them and go on my phone. Or i say that i gotta go and leave.

DoeEyedBrownSkin · 2020-09-19T16:59:00+00:00

He wasn’t polite to you, intruding your space.

Polite for what then?

Next time, scream “security!!”

Lol nice for what??

eucalyptusiscool · 2020-09-19T13:00:57+00:00

If you want to be polite,You could say that you don’t speak English, just google translate that phrase into another language and learn it. For Spanish,which is common in the states so it might make sense to use, I think it’s “no habla anglais, lo siento”

nr2596 · 2020-09-19T17:07:48+00:00

Be rude af. Like put on the nastiest attitude. Even go so far as to tell him to fuck off. I promise you he will leave you alone.

2020-09-19T13:39:41+00:00

Tell him you have to go to the bathroom, you need to call your friend, you need to answer some work emails alone, or your uber is here. Don’t wait for a response, just walk away. Remove yourself from the convo. If he approaches you again, you can use one of the other excuses I mentioned. You can also just look down and start texting and ignore him completely. When he mentions you are ignoring him, say sorry! And then just keep doing it. Don’t stare at him smiling, nodding, and responding because that will make him think you are enjoying the conversation.

feminologie_ · 2020-09-19T15:28:32+00:00

You should only be polite the first time you tell him to leave you alone. Come up with any excuse. Sometimes lying about waiting for your bf or husband works. If he keeps persisting, then start being rude af. You don't owe him any more politeness. Go on your phone. Literally start a phone call in his presence and walk away, ignore him completely. Interrupt him and start talking about yourself. Or walk away and start a conversation with a different person. You don't owe them anything.

22leafclover · 2020-09-19T16:14:11+00:00

I just get up and leave without saying anything.

Practice at home for former pickme recovery, it's hard to do it in the moment when you haven't practiced. Sit in a chair and get up and walk, sit in chair and get up and walk, SIT IN CHAIR AND GET UP AND WALK. Put on an annoying youtuber and sit in front of it then close it and get up and walk away.

**edit: Hmm well if you don't want to lose your seat in the show, I would suggest saying "Thank you for your company, but I scheduled this evening to be by myself/with my friends. I'd appreciate you let me/us be." With a respectful attitude and end it with a smile. If he tries to say something after that, offer silence. If he's still trying, keep ignoring him. People can't feel ignored for too long without getting uncomfortable so he'll just leave for the next person to bother.

SlightlyCapsized · 2020-09-19T13:44:08+00:00

In that case say you're just there for the show. If he wanted to talk during the stand up, he's the one being rude, shushing them so they don't interrupt the entertainment you paid to watch is normal.

If it was before that while just drinking and hanging out, I'd get up to get another drink or use the bathroom or anything and change seats if possible. Someone said go silent, I advice not to do that, since they already don't want you to talk, they love the sound of their own voice. We have to build the confidence to speak up assertively and if that's not possible yet, to not be 100% polite when the situation calls for it.

I don't mean that you should be flat out rude, but I at least interrupt wordy people because conversation is a two way dynamic. I even go out of my way to recite a good one minute monologue. Usually these type of people are waiting for me to finish my turn or also interrupting because they don't care what I have to say, they just wish to keep talking. Some are self aware enough that when the tables are turned and they can't focus for a tiny bit of time on what the other person is saying, they'll get bored and stop the conversation.

2020-09-19T17:08:17+00:00

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DSnWvRDytrfU&ved=2ahUKEwjlv_Wf2vXrAhUHV8AKHcIqBcoQwqsBMAV6BAgIEBw&usg=AOvVaw3LBbBoC-VlgR8u4sGYCE5s

This is how and I love it 😁

blue_nirvana · 2020-09-19T17:34:50+00:00

First attempt only, if you want to be polite say, "I'd rather be alone, have a great evening." That's polite, plenty, you don't owe anything more.

Literally pick up your phone and ignore, if you don't want to leave your space. If they get verbally abusive, you can try shouting "go away!"

If you approached a guy and he said he'd rather be alone, you'd respect that. Any human being should and if they don't they're trash that needs to be removed.

AppropriateHoney6 · 2020-09-19T19:32:34+00:00

What struck me the most was your line “I don’t want to appear rude”. Why DONT you want to appear rude?! Girl these shrimps are monopolizing your free time and energy for free! They’re just chatting you up for an hour in public with nothing to show for it! You need to just get away as soon as you sense these types of men approaching. Lie if you have to. You need to think of any sort of excuse to get out : I’ve got to go to the bathroom, I’m actually here with someone right now, I’m going to do xyz, can’t talk now.

Novemberinthechair · 2020-09-19T10:22:59+00:00

[deleted]

Gutterslutcunt · 2020-09-19T14:49:23+00:00

Well if you get a word in edgewise you can say something like, 'well it's been nice chatting but I don't want to waste your time. I'm not single (lol available) but good luck'.

2020-09-19T23:29:23+00:00

Sometimes I start barking like a deranged dog.

bear_sees_the_car · 2020-09-20T01:49:16+00:00

Ignore, say "stop talking". No amount of polite sounds to them like "no". That guy probably was stand up comic wannabe, given how much he talked. Or worse, you never know if the guy isn't mentally sane. you do not owe anyone being polite, if he keeps wasting your time for an hour.

lunatigre · 2020-09-20T05:42:19+00:00

Being polite doesn't work. Subtle hints doesn't work. Straight up ignoring them (unless you get up and leave the scene) doesn't work. I am just very direct and it is only perceived as rude from the assumption that women are supposed to be accomodating and nice at all times.

"I don't want to have this conversation." "I would like to be left alone." simple statements, don't explain or justify or add any gentle words like "kinda" that just gives them something to work with. If we women did this more collectively it would save so much wasted time for both sexes.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2020-09-20T19:07:40+00:00

I think a classy “Please excuse me” is a good choice if he hasn’t said anything rude, if he’s just mildly annoying. And then take your purse and drink and just go elsewhere. No explanation necessary.

Title	How to get rid of LVM if they try to approach you in public?
Author	CakeSprinklesUnicorn
Upvotes	84
Comments	45
Date	September 19, 2020 10:01 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ivptgr/how_to_get_rid_of_lvm_if_they_try_to_approach_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-to-get-rid-of-lvm-if-they-try-to-approach-you.252202 https://theredarchive.com/post/252202

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