Is this inverse true?

DebatePony · 2019-03-23T23:15:09+00:00

Imo both genders are the gatekeepers for both since we (or I at least) don't live in a society where one person can force someone to do something they don't want.

beachredwhine · 2019-03-24T01:46:26+00:00

Pretty much in my experience. I am average looking, and I can easily find relationships, but I can never get casual sex. However if I look at guys who can get casual sex easily, they are everything I am not in terms of looks. My buddy also struggled awfully, he acted like an alpha but is objectively unattractive. Led me to believe it has nothing to do with personality, it’s all determined how hot you are.

decoy88 · 2019-03-24T08:44:31+00:00

My hottest friends and gf all have had more offers of commitment than my less attractive friends.

Less attractive friends got more offers of casual sex than my hotter friends.

I think there’s a “gotta lock that down!” Sentiment when some guys come across a hot girl that’s not present for more average looking women.

The inverse is true. There are many women that are super anxious and wary of having an LTR with a significantly attractive man. Especially if he is much hotter than she is.

Glawen_Clattuc · 2019-03-24T08:28:06+00:00

If you don’t agree, why not? What are your observations?

It fails to take into account all the other factors that motivate people and which drive desire.

I'm not denying that we are biological beings with drives, but just pointing out that we are also highly intelligent, articulate and complex animals that have to negotiate a range of emotions some of which are in conflict.

OK, so examples:

1) Anecdotally, I've known three women friends who have let slip that they knew what was basically an unattractive man but who, when they were feeling horny for want of a better word, they knew they could call up at all kinds of unsocial hours, go round to his place, and screw. He was not, according to them, at all attractive or the kind of man they would normally want to have sex with let alone date, but he served a purpose for want of a better word. (Of course, I only have their word for his lack of attractiveness - for all I know, he was a muscle-bound Conan the Barbarian type, but anyway, this is what they said).

2) More of a question really - are you really saying that men "when just looking for sex" don't look for the most attractive women in the room?

3) For both sexes, having to live with someone on a long-term basis is a completely different experience from "just" sex - there are so many conflicting needs that I don't think you can distinguish the preferences you're talking about. Besides, are there really people who marry someone they're not attracted to at all? That strikes me as unlikely, especially as compatibility in the bedroom is surely quite an important part of an LTR (even if the frequency of sex drops off over time).

4) People, men and women, will sometimes sleep with someone as much (if not more) to fulfil or satisfy a primarily emotional need or want rather than simply a need to get off. People do this all the time - the woman who needs an ego boost; the man who basically wants a warm body to cuddle up to as much as anything else - and vice versa (a lot of people, including the men themselves, won't own up to the latter, but I swear it's true in more cases than people expect).

321PK · 2019-03-24T00:29:50+00:00

I don’t agree. Trp just came up with the myth that men are the “gatekeepers of commitment” just so they could have something. Basically women are in charge of the toll booth of every on ramp.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-03-23T23:30:51+00:00

I found the opposite for myself, I fucked a lot of men I'd be ashamed to have an LTR with in front of my family and friends etc., but was pickier for LTRs

RoyalAugur92 · 2019-03-23T23:11:21+00:00

If you agree is it actually summed up the saying that men are the gatekeepers of relationships and women are the gatekeepers of sex

No, women are the gatekeepers of sex and relationships. Men can be the gatekeepers of status.

SeemedGood · 2019-03-23T23:21:52+00:00

I would generally agree.

beachredwhine · 2019-03-24T05:01:13+00:00

I totally agree. Men are the gatekeepers of relationships it's just that their are a lot of vocal men who struggle and post online a lot who think that they should keep their gate wide open. Any girl could walk through that gate. BTW guys that makes you unattractive. Girls will see that you lack that boundary.

If guys realized that no, guys, you do indeed have that choice, you do indeed have options, the world would be a better place. And in real life many guys do know that they have options and choice even if the choice is no. No you can't come through my gate. We can hang out, Netflix and vodka, but no you can't move in. Even if that means you won't Netflix and beer with me anymore. My gate does not have a lock that can be opened by any key. Only the right key opens my gate.

Online people get strange ideas because the guys who are just successful don't end up finding perpaderpaland. So we here do hear from a lot of guys who do verily declare, my gate is wide open, I have no standards, and still no girl is walking through to put a ring on all this. In reality there's a lot of guys who date a lot of girls, and when she starts trying to move in with him, she knocks on his gate and he says nobodies home. Go away.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-03-24T08:52:09+00:00

There's something that we often miss when we talk about this topic and it's relevant: peer pressure.

Men may bed ugly/fat women in their horny/drunken stupor but they will not want to present an "unworthy" woman as their girlfriend to their friends and family. This is a HUGE reason why men won't go into relationships with these women.

Your partner is status token. Women openly show men as their trophies/catches. Men also do the same, but they seem to be a bit more discrete about it.

blackedoutfast · 2019-03-24T00:16:36+00:00

IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT LOOKS.

women care about a man's SMV for short term sex, and they care about his RMV for relationships. looks are a part of SMV/RMV, but looks are not the only thing that matters. and same is true with the genders swapped.

-TheGreasyPole- · 2019-03-23T23:39:21+00:00

Women are more selective on looks when it comes to sex by itself than when they are trying to get into a relationship

Yes, I think this is right.

men are more selective on looks when it comes to trying to get into a relationship than when it comes to sex by itself.

I think this is true too. Men will quite happily have NSA sex with many girls in their age group if single.

If you agree is it actually summed up the saying that men are the gatekeepers of relationships and women are the gatekeepers of sex

I think thats true, but unrelated to "where looks are more important". This is related to how the two sexes trade off their goals. Whether they're good looking or ugly.

or do you think other things are the cause since this is only taking into account looks rather than the whole package?

Other things.

If you don’t agree, why not? What are your observations?

Aside from look women are interested in lots of other traits in an LTR mate. Men are also interested more in other attributes.

It's not really a "de-emphasis on looks" so much as "an addition of a whole load of other things that take up the oxygen in the room".

Men are indiscriminate in STR, women are much more looks driven there. Women are driven by lots of things for LTRs and men are much more discriminate of all womens traits, including looks, as well. Perhaps wanting better looks/more youth... but perhaps also wanting "not fucking crazy" and "gives good blowjobs" too. Cooks a mean dinner. Brings home some much needed cash. Whatever floats your boat in an LTR that you don't worry about "shagging that girl from the pub".

Although "not fucking crazy" is a good goal for a female LTR candidate, it doesn't seem to stop guys trading this off for "smoking hot". That seems to be a popular compromise... so if you're crazy gals, for your own sake you also need to be smoking hot :)

SporkydaDork · 2019-03-24T04:49:09+00:00

Women complain about being and staying in a relationship. Most guys complain about getting sex and getting it regularly. I've never heard of a guy complain that he can't get into a relationship. Most guys aren't even looking for a relationship and try to figure out how they can get the sex without the relationship.

So I would agree based on what I've observed as someone who has never been in a relationship and struggles to get sex on a consistent basis.

deathbedof7 · 2019-03-23T23:20:18+00:00

Most relationships don't lead to marriage, so I disagree.

decoy88 · 2019-03-24T06:22:52+00:00

I don't disagree. I might be good looking, but the dude I'm fucking right now is just sliiiightly above me. I don't fuck him with the hope of being in a relationship, but in the back of my mind it's like I know that if I just told him "I want to be in a relationship" it would be out of my control, just like how I control the sex.

Rough world we live in. Although my FWB is sweet and hot he's dumb as rocks so Idek if I'd seriously want a relationship with him, it's still weird to think about not being in control of that situation.

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[deleted] · 2019-03-25T14:01:57+00:00

Nah women are less selective on looks when it comes to paying the bills as a single mother.

And even then the man has to pull double time for "the privilege" of being beta bux.

If she had the choice she would not have even dated her current husband much less married him.

LLL3peat · 2019-03-25T16:03:53+00:00

Looks start the interaction and potential for sex. It opens the conversation. That’s it. Quick one night stands might stick around and people connect on other levels, but it goes attraction first, relationships later.

welcometothejl · 2019-03-24T00:50:57+00:00

Agree. As a man I get more from a woman out of a strictly sexual arrangement than I do out of a relationship where I gotta deal with all their problems. On the flip side a woman probably gets consistent disappointment out of a strictly sexual arrangement with me, but I bring a lot to the table long term.

CainPrice · 2019-03-24T11:13:45+00:00

Nope. That statement is internet manosphere fantasy rage. It only comes into play in rare situations.

Normally, women are the gatekeepers of sex -and- commitment. If you're an average guy that she doesn't want to hook up with and have a purely casual sex relationship with, she's not going to want you to be her boyfriend either, just so she can have one. It doesn't matter if you want just sex or if you want to date her seriously. She's the gatekeeper of both.

Where this idea comes from is the small percentage of guys who are both hot and fun enough to be part of the casual sex culture -and- stable and kind enough to make good boyfriends. If a guy is just the first, the woman is the gatekeeper of sex an commitment. She'll hook up with him, but even if he wants to date, she won't want a relationship. If the guy is both things, then he becomes the commitment bottleneck. She'll either hook up with him and see if he wants to date for real or refrain from sex to avoid getting attached until she's sure he likes her (it's not like she's facing a sex shortage by not starting an immediate casual thing with this one guy). In that one rare situation, the guy becomes the one making the commitment decision. She still has to want it and be open to it, but so does he.

As far as male sexual strategy goes, it's often better to be the kind of guy who is hot and fun enough for casual sex, but not good boyfriend material. When a woman decides she likes you for a relationship, she delays starting anything casual, or ends the casual thing if you'd already started it. You get more hookups more reliably by not playing boyfriend games.

decoy88 · 2019-03-24T03:21:11+00:00

Reality is cold on average. Society has warmed the heart and given natural selection a serious turn on it's head.

Sometimes people do what is best for the species and they find the most optimal partner before breeding. Plenty of people do not. Love can be so deep, genetics are a shallow surface to them.

To me it is a disaster, we should breed for the future of the species. People are so confused.

Title	Is this inverse true?
Author	deathbedof7
Upvotes	40
Comments	121
Date	March 23, 2019 11:04 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/b4pffb/is_this_inverse_true/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-this-inverse-true.256623 https://theredarchive.com/post/256623

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