Why can’t we be friends?

i_have_a_semicolon · 2018-12-21T19:41:12+00:00

What do you mean by attracted, I'm the kind of person who finds many people of the opposite sex attractive because I have eyes. But that doesn't mean id jepordize the bond with my man , either.

I'd stay friends with the man without a doubt but if I find myself getting too attracted I'll overly focus on his physical flaws to sort of quiet the mind.

I think women and men can definitely be friends but it's probably a bit harder for men?

Also love to all the PPD folks, no shout outs needed. You know who you are :)

wobbleelbbow · 2018-12-21T21:04:37+00:00

Most single guys would hook up with their female friends if they were down for it.

Littleknownfacts · 2018-12-21T19:41:19+00:00

Do you think men and women can be just friends? If one party is attracted, can that person deliberately stay as a friend or should there be no friendship if attraction exists?

I think men and women can be friends. I even think they can be friends even where attraction exists... In theory. However, in practice this really seems to not work out so well for at least one of the people involved. That being said, I guess we only ever hear about it when things go wrong. If guy and girl are friends and guy develops feels for girl but never acts on it and eventually the feeling passes (cause let's be honest, it almost always does) then it really doesn't change the dynamic.

LSTW1234 · 2018-12-21T20:05:05+00:00

Yes men and women can just be friends, and I don’t think finding someone attractive means you can’t be friends with them. If you’re in love with them it’s gonna be difficult but if you simply find them attractive it’s not that big of a deal. Especially as an adult.

Edit to add: by “attraction” I mean physical attraction. If you have romantic feelings for them too, it’s going to be more difficult.

Workaholico · 2018-12-21T20:42:27+00:00

Do you think men and women can be just friends?

Women can be friends of men, The opposite is harder and rarer, but exist sometimes, mostly gay men thought.

If one party is attracted, can that person deliberately stay as a friend or should there be no friendship if attraction exists?

For me, It is better to not be a friend if you are a man with a female friend. For a woman it is always more efficient to have male friends.

333i · 2018-12-21T20:50:57+00:00

One of my best friends is a woman. We were friends before puberty though (we’re now in our 30s), I wonder if that helped (in terms of not being attracted to each other), it’s almost a brother-sister bond.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-12-21T19:45:48+00:00

Do you think men and women can be just friends? If one party is attracted, can that person deliberately stay as a friend or should there be no friendship if attraction exists?

i was once friends with a man i was CA-RAZY about who had a GF and didnt want to be my BF. we were good friends. the part where i liked him sucked sometimes. i dealt with it. sometimes things suck. why is this an earthshattering intolerable heartbreak of terror and horror from which there can be norespite

poppy_blu · 2018-12-21T20:59:00+00:00

Generally yes. Ive seen it and done it enough.

There will be some people you aren’t capable of being just friends with though. There is one particular man I cannot be friends with ever. Good thing he lives on the other side of the country and I unfriended him so I won’t know when he’s in town. Shut that door for good.

My other male friends, even the ones I find attractive, no worries.

[deleted] · 2018-12-21T21:20:09+00:00

If you're a sociable adult I'm not sure how you could get by without having friends of the opposite sex that you don't sleep with. Most people I know are paired off now, it's really easy to avoid sleeping with someone if you know they're taken. On the other hand, you don't have the time to get very close to people like when you were at university.

But yeah it's perfectly possible.

SlimLovin · 2018-12-21T19:41:10+00:00

Yes. I have plenty of female friends whom I'm not interested in sleeping with. The idea that you can't be friends with the opposite sex comes from bitter, rejected people who tried to make it more than friendship, or who never had any interest in being friends in the first place, except as a stepping stone to fucking.

Ihateyouandeveryone · 2018-12-21T19:44:45+00:00

people can be friends. red pill people cant because they have actually taken the lizard people pill and are full on reptiles now.

321PK · 2018-12-21T19:59:45+00:00

I just don’t see it happening. Not for me anyway but I guess maybe it works for other ppl.

Unconfidence · 2018-12-21T20:23:00+00:00

Yeah, but it also depends on the person. I can't. If I'm genuinely attracted then it's not going to work out with someone as a friend. But attraction for me is like walking a tightrope, and few people can manage it for very long. It's really not been an issue past the age of 23 or so.

verticordia · 2018-12-22T23:00:57+00:00

I think men and women can be friends. But not like, best friends. There's always going to be attraction. I wouldn't be friends with someone (male or female) I wouldn't fuck. I love flirting with my friends. It's only impossible for male/female friendships to exist when one person's fantasy of the other overshadows reality.

peterlongc · 2018-12-23T10:56:37+00:00

people can remain platonic friends even if both would enjoy mutual copulation. it can add a nice spice to things.

i want to give a lot of shoutouts, but i'm lazy.. maybe i'll edit this in a bit. for now i'll say I like Physiologymatters and Uncommon_Sensed_1234 and I'm pretty sure they're batting for the other side. Oh, I shouldn't forget: flamingoinghome, whatyoucallaflip, Salty., Atlas.,beachredwhine,Exile_In_Redditville, Civil_Seaworthiness, bitter_samsara, Workaholico, and lots of other interesting people .. this place can be pretty amusing.

i like the idea of this thread PPD bro (or sis, w/e)

LewisCross · 2018-12-21T20:03:34+00:00

Do you think men and women can be just friends?

Only if both parties are not attracted at all to each other. Even then, i question the benefit to the man of that friendship.

If one party is attracted, can that person deliberately stay as a friend

No

or should there be no friendship if attraction exists?

Yes, no friendship.

hammerhaunts · 2018-12-21T19:41:44+00:00

Do you think men and women can be just friends?

The only people who don't think this are retards or sitcom characters

goatismycopilot · 2018-12-21T20:00:58+00:00

If one person is attracted, nope if no peoples iz attracted maybe. Men people still want to bang female friends unless they are three headed bat ladies even then I don't know they might if wasted enough. At the individual level it is still quite plausible but in general nopers.

decoy88 · 2018-12-21T20:28:26+00:00

of course people can be friends. just because some of TRP aren't able to do it doesn't mean that others can't. they should speak for themselves but they try to speak for all of humanity.

oh well. The proof is the existence of plutonic friendships literally everywhere.

I agree that if one party is attracted that complicates things and maybe it's best to either make a move or step away.

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toronto87 · 2018-12-21T20:07:34+00:00

If both the man and the woman are sexually satisfied elsewhere, sure. If not, it is inevitable that one of them is going to develop attraction for the other.

the_calibre_cat · 2018-12-21T20:16:38+00:00

Yes, I think they can, but I tend to think that this is rarer than the alternative, where one party has strong and unrequited feelings for the other.

ThrowawayCactus6012 · 2018-12-21T20:21:25+00:00

Do you think men and women can be just friends? If one party is attracted, can that person deliberately stay as a friend or should there be no friendship if attraction exists?

I think it would depend on the basis of the friendship. If it's just one in a group of friends, that might be one thing, but if it's some sort of closer "best friend" kind of thing, then that might be problematic if one is attracted to the other.

Besides physical attraction, there's also an emotional component to friendship which can be just as true among friends of the same gender. Some people might have a small, inner circle of close friends, while there might be others on the periphery who think they're closer friends, but really not.

Friendship itself can seem rather shallow. Just like when people in Congress say "my good friend" about each other. They could hate each other and be bitter rivals, yet they'll still say "my good friend" about them - because it's traditional.

cn283 · 2018-12-21T20:25:42+00:00

As long as each party respects the others boundaries, totally.

I have/had friends I'm attracted to and vice versa, we've even been aware about that attraction...but I/they know I'm not stepping out on my husband (unless pre-approved) so it would never go anywhere.

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2018-12-21T20:49:56+00:00

I suppose its possible. But most male/female friendships I've witnessed have bombed terribly.

TheBookOfSeil · 2018-12-21T21:35:47+00:00

We can be friends, yes.

However, everyone has different definitions of what “friends” are, but they mostly mean a period of bonding for shared, mutual benefits.

How people carry out this bond is in the details. Some might use the other person as a temporary form of entertainment and mutual gain until they find what they’ve been looking for, while others might legitimately stay, or attempt to remain “friends” with the other person.

In my experience, the former is a much more common behavior.

ZodiacBrave98 · 2018-12-21T21:42:34+00:00

Sexual interest will detract from a friendship. Things friends wouldn't think twice about doing together can be second guessed, even if only internally.

Any kind of "Mike Pence Rule" followed for the sake of your SO will preclude activities friends do, and harm the friendship.

It certainly won't make friendship easier.

darksoldierk · 2018-12-22T02:53:13+00:00

Well,in my experience, it's a pretty rough deal. I've had plenty, and I mean PLENTY, of female friends, but man, I'll be damned if for each and every one of them, there wasn't a point in time that I didn't think that they wanted more.

For some of them, I was right, for others I was wrong.

You know, I remember this one girl, I'll never forget her. She was the girl that hugged me longer then everyone in our group, she once was like "I love you", and I was like "aww, thanks, we love you too!", she's like "no, I love YOU differently then everyone else". She was the one who got jealous when she saw me slow dancing with another girl, and made a big fuss about it. She sat on my lap wearing some pretty skimpy clothes and when I told her "hey, this is really uncomfortable" cause I was was getting hard as she stationed her ass right on my dick, she was like "oh, it's okay, it feels nice!". Now, mind you, this is a girl I was never interested in. I mean she was hot, like really really hot, but she was, well, I dunno, She cheated on her last boyfriend and that was something that I just couldn't come to terms with. We are still friends to this day, mostly cause there was a time when I got tired of her advances, and I told her very subtly (I'm actually proud of how subtle, yet concise it was) that I wasn't interested and I didn't appreciate her behavior.

There's another girl now, who I'm pretty close with, but I'm beginning to suspect that she wants me to ask her out. I've known her for a while and I know enough to know that her behavior changes around me. She focuses a lot on me, on my day, on my life even when we are surrounded by many people. She pays me random compliments. Now, I'm not saying "she wants the d" I'm saying, if I asked her out, she probably would be down, know what I mean?

On the other hand, there were a lot of women who I thought were hot, but I wasn't trying to show interest, I was just trying to be friendly, yet they said or did something that made it clear as a bell that they weren't interested in me. For example, about a year ago, I was at a wedding, and you know, I just really didn't want to be the guy sitting at the table bored and watching the clock, I wanted to have fun, but I was in a table with 2 guys and 4 girls. So I made an effort. I scoped out the most social girl, and kinda slowly tried to, ya know, just have some fun. Not sexual or anything, I just thought she would be receptive, and we could dance together, do some shots, you know, things that are pretty normal to do at a wedding even with strangers. And we did that, we did all of that, but at the end of the night, everyone was smashed, I started asking people if they wanted water, and she was talking to this guy, then when I was asking them, she turned around and gave me this look of death. I know that look, it's the "man, I'm not interested in you, leave me alone" look that guys get when they get rejected by girls. Keep in mind, I wasn't on her all night, and she was the one that pulled me onto the dancefloor. Hell, I didn't even flirt with her, I was just being friendly. So it wasn't like I kept asking her to drink or talk or dance or something until she got annoyed with how much I asked and said "fuck, fine, I'll do it just to get this guy off my case". It seemed like a mutual thing where we both just wanted to have fun by doing wedding things at a wedding.

I can go on and on and on. The point is, I have a general rule to not get romantically involved with women who are in known by my other friends. I like to keep my life departmentalized. Work people at work. Family during family time. Friends during friends time etc. I'm not a fan of mixing, so I've never actually made an effort for women known by my group of friends, they were just off limits. And I'd be lying if I said that it hasn't been hard. The hardest thing is that women think that you are hitting on them even when you are just being friendly. I'm a pretty blunt guy, you'll know that about me 5 minutes after you meet me, if I wanted to fuck you, you'd know.

Anyways, it's not easy, but I think it's possible. I don't think it's worth it though, especially for men.

diffdedbed · 2018-12-22T02:53:22+00:00

I can be friends with a ugly woman without issue.

I can be friends with an attractive woman but I'll always wonder if I could have sex with her. Being I can control myself I won't try, but I'll be thinking about it.

CatchPhraze · 2018-12-22T04:35:22+00:00

Yeah, Im not denying its lead to a couple of confessions and ended friendships, even in my case but some of my best friends are men.

I think as children we can bond more easily with boys and girls and those friendships grow into adulthood more often without romantic feels but not all the time.

I don't think staying unrequited is a good idea so single men I'm more wary of, but I've met men whom are married and have become good friends.

I mean I have a ex roommate whose not very attractive and she has tons of male friends. So I think the less somone is your type the better chance you have of it staying platonic.

jkonrad · 2018-12-22T17:55:27+00:00

Yes but it requires a great deal of maturity and experience.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2018-12-23T04:08:21+00:00

Nah fuck it 😂

__Some_person__ · 2018-12-23T10:49:09+00:00

I seen ya I seen ya I seen ya 'round for a long long time

I really I really I really remember when you drank my wine

Why can't we be friends?

FieldLine · 2018-12-23T17:30:05+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8kpYm-6nuE

trail22 · 2018-12-24T08:38:30+00:00

I think they can be friends, but good friends? I dont think as a guy I could be emotionaly open to someone who I was attracted to

Exile_In_Redditville · 2018-12-21T19:44:08+00:00

I think they can be friends, I don't think they should stay friends if one is attracted. It's an imbalance of power that flies in the face of friendship. The person that's not returning feelings can too easily take advantage of the other (knowing or unknowingly) and the one who is attracted is vulnerable and getting curb stomped to the feels while going "this is fine. We're FrIeNdS!" It's not good for either I don't think.

Salty-Bastard · 2018-12-21T20:38:28+00:00

Men and women can be friends but not in the way a same-gender friendship operates. A friendship between a man and a woman will never be the same as a friendship between two men or between two women.

Happy holidays.

a_nus · 2018-12-22T05:32:49+00:00

Yes. I have female friends. I've even hooked up with some back in the day, but we're strictly platonic nowadays. They have their own partners, and we're not sexual/flirty in the slightest. We've all grown up and are good friends now. I can see how it'd be hard for teenagers though. I definitely wouldn't have been able to strictly be friends with a girl as a teenager.

SkookumTree · 2018-12-22T00:01:02+00:00

Yes, men and women can be friends! My best friend was a woman from age 14 to age 19. Neither of us was ever attracted to the other.

Bedtimeshine · 2018-12-23T16:12:58+00:00

Men and women can be friends but by in large... they just aren’t. Attraction is the most important thing on earth and it’s the great motivator. Most busy adults don’t have the desire to interact with the opposite sex without attraction being involved.

Title	Why can’t we be friends?
Author	EchoZeroEleven
Upvotes	9
Comments	108
Date	December 21, 2018 7:36 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/a8djma/why_cant_we_be_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-cant-we-be-friends.258420 https://theredarchive.com/post/258420

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