The year is 2018. What's the status on the "three date rule"?

Artpop_ · 2018-03-03T20:04:17+00:00

It’s more of a guideline than a rule. It’s just to check if he’s worth the time in theory. Most people don’t really care about it.

tiposk · 2018-03-03T21:07:16+00:00

I always understood the 3 date rule to mean 'don't sleep with him before the third date'.

From a woman's perspective I think she should sleep with him whenever she feels like it, but understand that if she wants him to stick around long term then waiting a bit is wise. Depends on age as well.

haunting-you · 2018-03-06T10:53:14+00:00

echoing sublimemongrel a little...

i was going to say that the rule was probably not closely adhered to, but if you're not even really going on 'dates' and just hooking up or whatever instead (AKA, not doing what the rule would apply to in the first place), then it doesn't matter anyway.

i do wonder what effect it has had on those who do still engage in formal dating, though. i would imagine that older people dating are pretty lax about it (late 40s-early 50s), but younger people dating may even wait longer than 3 dates.

as for me personally... 3 dates would likely be the minimum because i'm not interested in hopping into some guy's bed right away (rather than clinging to any 'rule'). i just don't get intimate that fast because i think of it as something special to share with someone, so it would take multiple or even several dates to get there.

wtknight · 2018-03-03T23:22:45+00:00

My rule is when I'm in love with the person. Three dates is too early for that. Most women don't mind a guy who is willing to wait a little longer.

themoderation · 2018-03-04T15:07:24+00:00

I find this ‘rule’ fucking hilarious, especially coming from guys that also expect their LTRs to have a 0 - low N-count. They want to have their cake and eat it too.

I have sex when I feel comfortable being vulnerable and when I genuinely desire deep intimacy with them. That’s never occurred after just three dates. I’m sure other women are able to reach that point earlier than I am. But the idea of it being a rule is just silly.

GridReXX · 2018-03-03T21:21:35+00:00

I never acknowledged that rule.

My only rule is I don’t immediately engage sexually with people I like a lot or have been crushing on for a while.

Why? If I’m sexually intimate with them and they don’t feel the same feelings I feel for them and thus “leave,” I’m going to feel worse.

OfSpock · 2018-03-03T22:16:42+00:00

This is why the friendzone thing has become so prevalent. In order to avoid having sex so soon, women are getting to know men while being friends with them. Which has absolutely nothing to do with being friends with guys, but some of them can't tell the difference.

Jammerly1 · 2018-03-03T22:29:28+00:00

I really hate that rule because it’s nonsense. To be honest, if I’m super attracted to a guy I want to hold out longer because I’m more emotionally invested in the outcome then a guy I’m just “meh” about.

Salty-Bastard · 2018-03-03T20:06:25+00:00

When I was young it was ABC and lets get to it. I like to play out the seduction nowadays so 3-5 is preferable to me. Plus I don't respect a woman that will fuck me on the first date.

Uncommon_Sense_123 · 2018-03-03T21:51:52+00:00

More a guideline.

If she hasn't gotten physical by date 3, the attraction's not there. Hell, I'd expect sex by date 2, if I were single.

Simple reason is that if by the second or third date she is still resisting escalation and physical contact, she's telling you the attraction isn't there, and you should next her.

sublimemongrel · 2018-03-03T22:12:23+00:00

No idea, I don’t think the trend is towards people formally “dating”, so I don’t know what this translates to in a more informal setting.

Entropy-7 · 2018-03-04T01:11:32+00:00

There are two ways of looking at a "rule". One is having a plan in your mind as to how you are going to run things. The other is an observation about how things play out in reality. For me, the "three date rule" is informed by the latter but I consciously pursued the former and only carved out rare exceptions.

The one exception was a gorgeous Chinese girl who was 26 years old - to my 48 years - and while we were heavy petting by date 2, it was several months and several dates later before we did the deed and I was fine with that because she seemed so high quality.

Otherwise, the way things have always flowed is that there is sex by date 3 and if not we realize that it is not going anywhere.

I had another weird variation with a fashion model here in China. Older but beautiful although YMMV. We met in Shanghai and she seemed like good arm-candy so I didn't make a move on her and rather just enjoyed our time. We lived in different cities so I only saw her once a year and both second and third time I played the perfect gentleman. But on that third time she jumped all over me. Something might be lost in translation but I asked her what that was all about and she said "You are a nice guy."

The thing is, I almost exclusively used online dating (not swipe apps - those arrived after my time) so we all built a rapport through messaging over the course of days, sometimes weeks and rarely months, so first date sex was not uncommon.

Dating is like volleyball: bump, set, spike.

Personally, I think there is something wrong if you can't figure it out by date 3.

Blackdragon has noted that women who are age 33+ are bad for dragging things out and having their own "two month rule" or whatever that involves several expensive dates before they put out.

stats135 · 2018-03-03T20:30:08+00:00

Its important to follow the spirit of the law rather than the letter of the law. The whole point (from the men's perspective) of this "rule" is to limit costs. If you have already sufficiently invested in a women (emotionally, financially, or otherwise) and she still hasn't put out, then you need to cut your loses. Three dates is just a nice guideline that if she still doesn't put out, then just take the sunk costs and move on.

[deleted] · 2018-03-03T21:18:07+00:00

Nononononono

It's fucking and then if she seem nice she gets to go on dates with me.

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TheBookOfSeil · 2018-03-03T20:07:13+00:00

Not dating so I don’t know.

Also, as someone else pointed out, it’s more of a guideline than a rule. Some will still hold out longer than others.

SDW137 · 2018-03-03T21:10:24+00:00

I'm a guy in college and I've only taken out a girl on a date once. I wouldn't think any less of a girl who would put out on the first date, but I'm definitely not expecting it. On the other hand, if I was dating a girl who wasn't waiting until marriage (or saving it for "someone special"), and we went on 3 date and still didn't sleep together. I would question how interested she was in me.

theambivalentrooster · 2018-03-03T21:24:28+00:00

Lasted two dates for my wife.

washington_breadstix · 2018-03-04T01:22:41+00:00

I think it's just a guideline to prevent a man from getting too invested in one woman who may not even like him. Three dates is plenty of time to decide whether there's chemistry or not. So if the woman has gone three full dates without being receptive of the man's physical advances (or vice versa), the person should accept the lack of chemistry/desire and start looking at other options. Life is too short to spend more than 3 dates on someone who isn't attracted to you.

newName543456 · 2018-03-04T23:48:21+00:00

What is a date anyway?

Some meetings are specifically arranged for hookups. If sex doesn't happen on such meetings, you are done when it comes to that relation.

1UPZ_ · 2018-03-06T09:12:53+00:00

Lol your friend is being used for dinner and a "night out".

Dmva100 · 2018-03-03T21:48:03+00:00

One date. If she doesnt put out, next. Shes probably banging some other guy right afterward.

Always looking to trade up.

blackedoutfast · 2018-03-03T22:00:41+00:00

we live in a post-sexual-revolution hookup culture world. contraceptives are freely available. if she's sexually attracted to the guy, and the guy knows what he's doing, they should fuck on the first date.

the reason it's a 3 date rule and not a 1 date rule is because there are some common circumstances that aren't really the woman's fault. i've taken a girl home and she was DTF but she just happened to start her period right then and was too embarrassed. that shouldnt be a strike against her.

also a lot of women still have cultural baggage and internalized slut-shaming that leads them to feel very particularly guilty about sex on the first date. but second date isn't the first date so not a problem.

exhibitionistcouplez · 2018-03-03T22:41:40+00:00

If it takes longer than a week to have sex regardless of the amount of contact I'm losing interest tbh

Title	The year is 2018. What's the status on the "three date rule"?
Author	zenplus
Upvotes	2
Comments	130
Date	March 3, 2018 7:57 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/81sjeu/the_year_is_2018_whats_the_status_on_the_three/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-year-is-2018-whats-the-status-on-the-three.263393 https://theredarchive.com/post/263393

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