My dates are awful

The_Reddit_Jester · 2018-03-01T18:26:16+00:00

Based on what you said, my advice is to do an activity for the first date. That was a game-changer for me when I started going to pool halls/barcades for dates because they worked out much better than just bar dates. You have an activity going on that you can talk shit and make fun of the girl while being funny.

Also, I feel like you change up your personality on a first date so you kinda appear different from how you portrayed yourself at first. Consider letting the true personality out, within reason obviously.

Those were my issues on dates for a while. I came off boring because I limited myself thinking that's what I should do. Now I don't care. Women agree to go out with you because of how you behaved when you first met them. Then when you go on a date and act differently, they think "wtf happened?". That's what I was doing at least, especially since I do a lot of online dates. Enjoy the girl's company. LISTEN to her.

trpmkb12 · 2018-03-01T15:28:38+00:00

Explain to us what you do on your dates. Coffee shop/bar/walk outside exc...More context around your go to plan would help everyone give better advice. Add it to your original post above.

galak-z · 2018-03-01T18:42:01+00:00

I don't suggest doing this specifically, but I recently took a girl to Ikea for our first date. I needed to buy a few things and it was going to be raining all day so our plans to walk around a local shopping centre were already ruined, I just said "Fuck it". Turns out, she loves going to Ikea. Basically as long as you get her in a fun situation where you can both not take yourselves so seriously and just be spontaneous, a date will go well. We got smoothies afterwards and she invited me to her house, same day. I didn't fully close that day but we made out and she's invited me back a few times since then. Made sure to close the second time

ViciousKnids · 2018-03-01T16:45:21+00:00

Do something. Sitting and talking isn't fun. At least, not at first. Break the tension and nerves with activities. Go to pong night and be a team. Ice skating. Bike rides. Bowling. Mini golf. These things are practically designed for dates. You associate that fun with each other, and subsequent talks will have less pressure because now you're comfortable with each other. Even just walking around helps. You don't feel "trapped."

HunterRave · 2018-03-01T18:15:44+00:00

Oof... "performance" on dates... sounds like some approval seeking behavior.

Just relax and do stuff on dates that you find fun. Don't really be too concerned with how she feels about it. Invite her into your world and let her see that you're fun and fuckable

alias_guy88 · 2018-03-02T02:12:57+00:00

I find that performance during actual dates really sucks. Or at least far from what it could be. I think I come off as boring.

To me over performing, trying to do X then Y proceed with Z protocol, never really worked. In fact, it usually screwed up the entire date.

This scenario made me change my thinking about perfomance. I was on a date with an incredibly attractive girl so I went aloof, asked her a bunch of questions, kept it about her, without really exploring myself (not opening up emotionally). When she would ask me about myself I would have a witty comment to retort with, and may let a little bit of my identity go as the date progressed. I wasn't me, in fact I felt so awkward on the entire date that I may as well have been sitting on another table watching from afar. Well you can guess she wasn't really interested, but she was at the beginning, and I could see that. This has been the result of a lot of dates where I was over performing, with other women I found I was too overly invested in and felt like I had to 'act' in a certain way to validate my self worth. The dates were boring and stale, and not only were they obviously just not enticing for the girl, but I was bored as well.

The easiest way to sleep with someone (if that's your intention) is to open up, make your intentions clear, but wthout being needy. It makes the dates interesting and she will inturn start to emotionally open up to you, and attempt an emotional connection between you two. If you both open up and there's friction then you know right away that it's probably not going to work and you're better off not investing anymore time in her. So there's not much risk by being open and bold to her. Tell them about your passions and interests, but keep the conversations going with predictions and cold reading. This has been by far the best method with girls I have been on dates with. I'm no expert, and I'm still learning sedcution today, so take this as advice that works for me. But here's an example, it usually goes something like this:

I ask her a few questions, and if I'm actually interested in the topic or I want to know more, I'll suggest and find questions from things she's saying, basically I lead the conversation.
I'll talk about myself a little bit, I'll be honest and open. At this point I may talk about my intentions, what I want, a little history if she asks about anything I'll usually tell her. I'm pretty positive about my past in general, so talking about ex's usually finishes with something positive. I got to this point myself personally though through self improvement and understanding my self value. An example of what I might say, 'But it was a great experience, I learnt a lot. And hey, I got a new bag for University out of it'. I'm usually upbeat and confident about my past, because I genuinely am Okay with most of past, I'm honest.
I let her talk, and if I'm interested in her physically, I'll start to flirt and make sexual innudenos. If she pulls back or goes quiet I know I've made her uncomfortable, so I won't persist, but I'm still comfortable being bold and making flirty chatter, and I might try again a little later on in the date. Light touching is something I don't really explore too much, but I do recommend it, but again I personally don't need to explore it too much as it kind of just happens for me.
I'll usually lead the date onto another place either mine, another outting place or maybe I'll even suggest hers. But I'm always upfront about it, if I want sex I'll be honest, and ask her to come back to mine for a few drinks. I don't tell a girl, 'Hey let's go back to mine and have sex', because that's extremely polarizing, and I like the idea of keeping her guessing in respect to what will happen next when we do get to mine.
If I don't find her attractive or have LOST the attraction. I'll tell her it's getting late, and I want to go home. If she asks how the date went, I'll probably be open and honest about it, 'I'm reserving judgement' or perhaps, 'You're a really awesome girl, but I think you and I are very different'. If she isn't interested in me, I just tell her it was a good night, and was a pleasure seeing her and all the best. If I polarize early on and she walks, it saves me a lot of time and energy proceeding with a date, which is again, a good thing. I get a little annoyed when a girl I feel I had a connection with passes up on the potentiality of meeting up for a second or third date, but I'll reflect on the date and see if there was something I could have done differently, from there I get over it.

Sometimes we'll say and do things that make women feel uncomfortable or whatever, sometimes I'll go a little too far with sex talk. But whatever, by establishing interest there and then, and being honest about my intentions I'll know what I need to know. I have found a lot of the time, women get quite interested in sex talk when they feel comfortable. If they're not comfortable or think "this guy is just after a one night stand" and her values are differing then... you'll come across as overbearing.

So anyway, inconclusion. I wanted to give you some suggestive advice, that perhaps it's not about what's going on in respect to the 'place', but more so what's going on during. To have a fun and non-boring dates, I'm a firm believer of just being honest and open and having a good time. I don't want to follow a set of rules, 'If she plays with her hair, touch her arm'. I don't believe set rules are meant to be followed, but in saying that, there's a lot of good PUA advice.

smokesomeweed420 · 2018-03-01T16:47:05+00:00

I used to have some good dates but most were awful. The ones that went well were because me and the girl had nothing in common.

After i started practicing Mystery Method/Neil Straus opening lines and DHV stories and that sort of stuff all of my dates went well. Also I would get better as I went on more dates and practiced more MM.

My recommendation: have 3-5 prepared DHV stories about yourself. Exaggerate a bit if you have to. Have 3-5 interesting questions if conversation dies down. Also for the love of god toy with the girl a bit. By this I mean if she touches you say something like "hands off the merchandise" or "that's expensive" or "that will be 30 dollars". Have fun with her, she's looking for a fun date.

I used to come off as boring too. A lot of people would say "Oh you're so quiet". Get some canned material and things will go much better.

anonymau5 · 2018-03-01T19:53:40+00:00

Ask her questions now and again.

ImJustSo · 2018-03-01T20:36:37+00:00

Were you a boring child? Did you have an imagination? Did you go ask if the neighbor girl could come out and play? What did you do afterwards? Tell her stories and brag?

Dude, have fun, you're in the company of a woman you chose. Enjoy life, quit trying to impress her and try to enjoy everything going on.

GuyFromDaStore · 2018-03-01T22:19:20+00:00

Don't be boring. A girl sees in a guy a potential mate who excites them, intrigues them, and makes them feel good after a hard day at work or school.

So be that guy, quit worrying about social proof theory, weasel words, negs, kino escalation and kcloses.

authenticsociallife · 2018-03-01T23:10:47+00:00

It's actually really easy to fix.

First, make sure you don't ask too many questions in a row so it doesn't come off as an interview. Instead, ask a question, make some comments about your experience with what she's said (or your lack of experience with it) and then ask more open ended questions. Women bridge the gap through talking and she'll feel you have more of a connection.

Also, imagine that the woman you're with is the most important person in the world. You'll be more enthusiastic in the exchange.

Where are you going for your dates? And where do you sit? If you're doing dinner and a movie that's going to kill the sexual energy. Also, sit next to her rather than across from her as you'll be experiencing something together.

Here's what I wrote for someone else with a similar question: "Now onto the subject of "meh". If you're having this effect it's because you're not engaging the woman enough. Ask the woman leading questions; "What are you passionate about?" "What do you enjoy?" And take an interested in them and those subjects. Women bridge the gap through talking and if you ask leading questions and let her talk she'll think you have the best connection ever.

Next, talk about what you do but in a good way. You have some solid things that most women could connect to; weightlifting, college, engineering. You could talk about why you're passionate about those. For the things that some women might not connect to, feel her out before throwing that at her.

Also, develop a pleasing personality. Take some comedy classes. Develop improvisation. Talk with enthusiasm. Escalate when it's time to. Also, where are you taking them for dates?"

zfgee · 2018-03-02T00:25:39+00:00

If you're pretty normal, you are boring.

Two tips:
- Change venues a few times. e.g. drink then dinner then miniature golf
- Ask questions and let her do 80% of the talking.

That's it. EZ.

RayMilano009 · 2018-03-02T03:23:49+00:00

Here are some tip to make any conversation interesting:

Talk about your passions - When you talk about yourself and your passions, you can become very interesting and you will draw her in. Ask her questions about her too to keep her engaged.
Be playful - Make jokes that YOU find funny. As long it's not making fun of her. You could make fun of yourself sometimes, just don't overdo it.
Be physical - No matter how funny you are or how passionate you are, you're going to have to be touching her. Just build up the kinds of touches you give her. Start small and touch her and release. Keep repeating this so that you don't make her uncomfortable. As a side note, if you don't kiss the girls you meet during the first date, they will likely not respond to you the next time you call or text them.
Move them around - You will need to change the location of where you're at. It gets pretty boring if you're just sitting at a cafe talking. If you're in a cafe at a mall, walk around with her and continue to lead her. Girls love to be led. There's just something about it that makes them invest more in you.

Try these out. These have been field tested.

V4refugee · 2018-03-02T04:14:51+00:00

Usually I’ll go to a bar near other activities for a first date. A bar by a club where you can dance. A bar by an arcade. A bar by a bowling alley. Basically I plan for the date to be at a fun venue but to first meet at a nearby bar. I feel like having this next event removes the pressure from how the date is going at the current venue.

SmoothPrimal · 2018-03-02T05:46:29+00:00

Dude even your post bored me.

Just get yourself excited. If you are not excited, they wouldn’t be either.

When you say things and it gives you goose bumps you are doing it right.

Daniele_Lyon · 2018-03-01T17:06:10+00:00

PM me.

Title	My dates are awful
Author	zenplus
Upvotes	49
Comments	29
Date	March 1, 2018 3:20 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/815zfp/my_dates_are_awful/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/my-dates-are-awful.1442475 https://theredarchive.com/post/1442475

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