Project man? Established man? Something in between?

Growing up as a woman I've heard two conflicting messages from my elders and the culture at large:

"Don't expect a fully formed package. You have to be willing to grow with a man and help mold him into the man he's meant to be."

-and-

"Men aren't pet projects. Don't date a man hoping or expecting he will change."

Both seem like great advice until you realize they're contradictory statements.

• The first suggests that you should date a man who isn't your ideal, but mold him into it. This can work wonderfully or be disastrous. Also fairly risky.

• The second suggests you should only enter relationships with established men or men where most things about them are what you want / like / respect / admire / lust after. This is ideal, but seems like one's options become hella limited at this point.

What are your thoughts?

Are these the only options?

Of these options, what are the pros and cons?

Is there a more nuanced approach?

Men, what do you prefer?

Women, have you heard these statements? Have you done something similar to either in your approach to dating men?

Discuss!