Women Want To Be Approached, But Want To Feel Like It "Just Happened".

dakru · 2016-11-21T13:59:39+00:00

This post is written like a statement or a declaration rather than an attempt at discussion, so I'm changing the tag from Discussion to CMV.

trpobserver · 2016-11-21T14:02:08+00:00

If you don't even try approaching them because they proclaim they are not interested in being approached, then she has successfully filtered another weak one out. This is not a conscious effort.

MasterTeacher88 · 2016-11-21T17:51:51+00:00

The worlds population wouldn't be 7 billion if women only accepted advances from guys in socially acceptable places. Your mom was probably picked up by your dad in the sandwich line at the local deli.

Zoidbergluver · 2016-11-21T16:26:37+00:00

I have no problem with guys approaching me in bars, or extremely social situations, but that's about it.

If I'm grocery shopping/working out/studying/ at the bank/ pretty much anything else, don't try to hit on me. I am doing shit. If you really want to talk to her, make a short comment and see how she responds. Don't ask for her number, say she's really cute, or anything too flirty. Just say "wow long line, huh?" Or something casual.

As a general rule, don't "hit on" anyone not in a super social situation. Being out in public does not mean I want to talk to more people than I have to.

Skratt · 2016-11-21T17:36:48+00:00

Because all women are different. The same women fussing and bitching about men approaching them are not the same ones PUAs are taking home.

goatismycopilot · 2016-11-21T15:35:59+00:00

I go to the gym and I see lots of attractive men and they register for a moment, oh, he has a nice body, or I like his face, and then I am back to working out. Never do I think oh stop the world, he must approach me. The thing TRP does not get is not only do many women not want to be cold approached by whoever they think is unattractive, many women do not care if they get cold approached by attractive men. I want to go to the gym to work out, I want to go to the grocery store to grocery shop, ect ect. I can appreciate the visual appeal of an attractive man but so what? Women know that when men are cold approaching them they just want sex or the chance at sex. I know everybody in TRP thinks women just want to jump on a bunch of dicks and if they were just buff enough and suave enough it can happen but there are lots of women who do not want to jump on dicks and those women are not going to give a rat's ass if the guy is super attractive or no they are still not going to jump on his dick.

If you are a woman and you want a relationship and you have some self respect you aren't going to go around jumping on dicks from cold approaches.

If you are a very, very attractive woman ( I am not talking about me specifically, this is not a biography of me ) you have even more practise ignoring this because it happens regularly and you have the exact same bullshit from men a thousand times and it does not register at all, ever. Men say the same things and do the same things. TRP acts like this whole charming/act cocky/be funny routine is something attractive women have never seen before. Because they think women are these dumb emotional reactors who cannot critically think or cannot make logical decisions they think this shit is original. It is not, women already know many men think they aare dumb cows who are just floating along on an emotional reaction grid with no ability to critically think. Most men telegraph pretty loudly, people are not giant unreadable mystery stories.

cxj · 2016-11-21T15:30:55+00:00

Women want to be approached by chads. That's about it. Its expected men to approach only when women are of a certain age(late 20s+) and more open to the interest of beta males because they are looking to cash in on their fading looks.

Also, women have no problems approaching. I know you'll hear a bunch of red pillers who'll say they've always had to approach or whatever, but I'm talking about high smv men. men who are 9/10 or 10/10. They have women approach them - including hot women - all teh time.

Andress1 · 2016-11-21T18:54:18+00:00

This all goes back to wanting to feel special. It's hard to feel special when the guy who's chatting you up has tried and failed to score with every other woman in the place, and you're just his last choice. Now reverse that, and imagine a non-desperate dude who had no intentions getting laid or getting girls' numbers, but he just saw you and knew he had to talk to you, and things "just happened" from there. If it "just happened", then the connection is more genuine and special.

Also, women definitely approach men. The man just has to be exceptionally appealing to offset the risk of rejection. Most men just aren't hot enough for women to bother approaching.

[deleted] · 2016-11-21T14:17:16+00:00

This is a very simple example of the hot/creepy dynamic. If you're hot you could literally flirt with her after having a car accident, and it will be welcome. If you're not hot anything you do will be seen as unwelcome and creepy.

hakosua · 2016-11-21T19:54:20+00:00

Being ambivalent about overt expressions of romantic interest from strangers is different from wanting to feel like it "just happened."

Nobody (male or female) likes feeling like they're getting mass-spammed by someone out of desperation. Nor do most people (male or female) enjoy saying 'no' to other people. Poorly executed or otherwise unwanted expressions of romantic interest tend to leave people feeling irritated (nobody likes spam) and depressed (most people would rather not overtly reject others.)

This isn't to deny that those doing the approaching don't also have legitimate reasons to be frustrated. Plenty of people have trouble making sense of what is and isn't appreciated in social situations. It's hard to figure out how to tailor an approach while leaving room for your target to bow-out gracefully. This is also true when women do the approaching and may be why many prefer to be approached.

Fortunately, there is such a thing as a mutual approach: I sit close, he makes eye-contact, I smile, he smiles, someone says some awkward shit, we both look away embarrassed for a few minutes, more awkward shit is said, risks are taken on both sides... This, I think, is what we tend to fantasize about: not an "it just happened" so much as a "we did it mutually."

BiggerDthanYou · 2016-11-21T14:44:39+00:00

Even the most attractive of my male friends don't have girls just coming up and approaching them, so thats pretty rare from what i've seen.

Girls approach in a more subtle way, but there is barely any use in approaching if she doesn't make the first move by making herself visible and showing that she wants to be approached.

These girls want to approached but at the same time don't want to be approached.

You explained it yourself:

So it seems like women have all these objections to being approached in situations that would be perfect for meeting new people.

They don't want to be approached by someone that's just there to approach; they want to be approached by someone that enjoys the same activities as she does.

They don't want to meet someone they can have sex with. They want to meet sometime they can share a nice evening with that may end in sex, but doesn't have to.

Just because you personally don't enjoy social activities doesn't mean that others can't. Those mundane things are enjoyable if the fun is shared with others.

What use is it to beat around the bush and act like you just want a friendly conversation or just happened to meet when you are actually interested in being more than friends?

You don't want to be more than friends. You want to have sex without being friends.

It's totally possible to be show that you want to be friends as well as something more. Being hot and being interested are not mutually exclusive.

Rarely, I think, do things just happen in dating. Because women take a passive role most of the time, men are to plan their approach to women, meaning it never just happens and we have to put on a non-nonchalant face to make it feel like it was all by chance.

It "does happen" if you are just spending time with each other and start to develop feelings. This is in contrast to going to a meat market with the sole intention of getting laid where it was planned to happen.

[deleted] · 2016-11-21T17:36:52+00:00

When they say they don't want to be approached it's to an audience, and who is that audience? It's the internet nerds and losers who don't really know how to socialize or flirt with girls. If you're asking advice then you obviously have no idea what you're doing and they don't want to have to deal with that.

[deleted] · 2016-11-21T17:40:53+00:00

Women want plausible deniability, so they don't get slut-shamed.

PoopInMyBottom · 2016-11-22T04:15:26+00:00

Women tell you they go and don't want to be bothered. They don't tend to tell me that. My female friends tend to tell me who they're trying to pull before they tell other girls.

They want to be approached and they don't care if it's natural. The reason they say this is that either:

They don't want you to approach them.
They don't want to look like sluts.

Here's the thing. Girls are fucking neurotic about seeming like sluts, because everyone and their mother drills it into their heads that it's worse than shitting yourself on national television. And when girls do admit they like sex to guys, the response is a tidal wave of vultures desperately looking for their one chance at a meal.

If you want to get them to admit they like attention, you have to show them that you aren't judgemental and you need to make it clear that you won't get creepy once you know they actually like sex. Make it fun. Make it a game to admit things to you. Take the piss, take the pressure off. Make it clear that they aren't risking anything by being honest. You'll get much better feedback if you do that.

Don't tie yourself in knots around this. The most logical explanation is not that they want something paradoxical. The most logical explanation is that they are lying to you.

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jonathan88876 · 2016-11-21T16:48:23+00:00

When I've been in the SMP I've almost exclusively either used Tinder or parties on my college campus to get laid. Solves this problem.

[deleted] · 2016-11-21T21:57:01+00:00

If you can't get the woman to approach you then you're failing.

[deleted] · 2016-11-21T23:02:40+00:00

You could replace the word 'but' with 'and,' remove the quotes, and more people would agree with this statement.

Women Want To Be Approached and Want To Feel Like It Just Happened.

Nothing really changes except perception.

[deleted] · 2016-11-21T23:20:49+00:00

You're seeking for a method of behavior that frees you from the possibility that someone will see your advances in a negative light.

But that's more control than any of us will ever really have. In life, real life, we just be us, be ourselves, and things fall out as they do.

People will not like you, sometimes. This is in any social context, I'm talking about. If we care a lot about it, in this particular context, it means we have a deep sense of shame about our sexuality. If we didn't have shame, a girl turning her nose up at us, would just be another thing. "Oh, I guess she didn't want to party", or whatever.

As men, we often come right up against our sexual shame in the moment of approaching.

If you want to develop power, always seek to bring the focus of your investigations, back to yourself: what am I doing here? In what ways am I influencing the outcomes I'm seeing? And then recognize, if it is in fact the case, that there is a lot of fear, anxiety, and possibly shame there.

Its ok to be afraid and say "Wow! I'm afraid of attractive women!". Younger people on reddit may scoff, but don't let that get to you. Its cool to know that you're afraid of something, you can say: Today I learned that I'm afraid of approaching a beautiful woman.

And then you can look at that fear, and get curious about it. You can ask questions about it. You can seek to learn more about yourself.

Instead of trying to either mastermind a situation, or intellectually criticize society, for not allowing you an easy, forthright path to the expression of your sexual desires. Its true, society has created a frigging minefield of roadblocks for us. Its breathtaking, really. But by recognizing that the largest of those are internal roadblocks, internalized from early on in life, you can begin to find, question, heal, and move beyond these things that hold you back.

[deleted] · 2016-11-21T23:24:20+00:00

It's called plausible deniability. It means men will approach and she can choose whether to reject or accept without having to do anything. The burden is on the guy entirely.

Offhisgame · 2016-11-23T23:43:44+00:00

18 to 21 year old women arent all. Women gain alot of confidence into their 20s and will def approach after those early years

redmachines · 2016-11-21T15:28:35+00:00

Play stupid games and you win stupid prizes. These women can lie all they want. At the end of the day, the woman showing the most enthusiasm and initiative is going to sleep with Chad while the other entitled princesses will end up with Bob.

Title	Women Want To Be Approached, But Want To Feel Like It "Just Happened".
Author	StoicStone_
Upvotes	29
Comments	251
Date	November 21, 2016 1:56 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5e44q0/women_want_to_be_approached_but_want_to_feel_like/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-want-to-be-approached-but-want-to-feel-like.271736 https://theredarchive.com/post/271736

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