We can't link stuff post from other subs here and I'm not using Chrome so here's the original text:
First of all, please don't ask me who I am and my YouTube alias. I want to keep this anonymous.
Ann and I have been married for 9 months, we've been together for 3 years. Our relationship has been pretty smooth, and I love her to bits. However, we have a big personality clash. We've lived with it in the past but its affected her more than it has affected me. I'm more of a 'keep it all in' guy and I prefer to deal with my issues by myself. She on the other hand, talks about her issues with me, and we work through them together. I've always been a little "cold", maybe steely is a better word. I'm not too emotional, not that its a good or bad thing, its just the way I am.
My wife and I were forced to put down our dog recently. He was my dog before we met but he became a big part of our family. She loved the hell out of that dog, and I did too. When I lived abroad for a year, he kept her company and she was very close to him. So, we came back from the vet, and she was crying all the way. I was feeling really sad but I wasn't really showing it. She asked why I wasn't feeling sad, I told her I was. She started screaming at me for not having feelings, me being inhuman, me being cold, and her being scared of me for that. I told her that I cannot force myself to cry and I was feeling terrible inside.
We get home and she went off about I'm barely human and I'm basically an automaton. She then went on and on about how she has never seen me cry. Not when we had broken up 1 and a half years into our relationship, not when my mother died, not when I was leaving for a year to work abroad. I told her that me crying doesn't solve anything and she should quit bothering me. I went to bed.
Next morning, I wake up and decide to edit some videos I wanted to upload. I work from home and I have one main computer to work from. It has 3 hard drives. The first one is my OS drive the other two have recordings on them. I wake up to find the other two completely wiped. I freak out and irrationally think that it might have been some software or something. I try and see what the cause was, and I can't figure out anything. I had put in so much work recording these videos, so much effort had gone into them. I broke down. I had backed up only the recordings from 2 months ago. I'm sobbing hard and I just feel pathetic. I'd lost so much of my work and I couldn't figure out how. My wife then comes in, sees me. I tell her what happened. She tells me she did it. She wanted to see me cry and didn't know how else to make it happen. She's is happy she got to see that some part of me is human. She tells me it was healthy for me to let my emotions out. I swear to God, that's the first time I have ever wanted to hit her. I would have strangled her. I packed up a few things, laptop, phone, got in the car and told her that I'll call her when I am ready. I'm staying with a buddy of mine right now. And I need to figure this shit out. She was all apologetic and loving when I was leaving and was acting confused. I feel nothing but hatred towards her right now, but I need to be tactful in handling this situation right now. Help me figure it out ?
On the update, the wife said that she always felt that she's the weaker one in the relationship so she did that really fucked up shit to break him. Like, whoa, but this guy is more or less red pill in his reaction (to be exact, it's just the reaction we're talking about), specifically, going away, talking to a friend about it instead of sobbing to his wife (yeah, I can imagine some emotionally weaker guys doing this), and keeping his emotions to himself, and when he finally breaks, he went to his friend to vent out. I think the bad part here is when he thought of maybe consoling her a little when she's emotional, but if he's thinking about being some sort of a rock to her storm, then all is well.
While reading this, I thought, do you think emotionally strong guys should show some token displays of vulnerability, even if a fake one? Or this is a damn if you showed vulnerability (she'll lose attraction) and damn if you don't (she'll delete your work) situation?
EDIT: It's clear that it's the woman's actions that got the better of him, but apparently, it's because his work were so important to him. For some reason, I think the woman knows deep inside that he gave in not because of her, but because something terrible happened to his life's work and the woman he married did it of all people and much worse, for ridiculous reasons.
That thought is kind of playing in the corner of my head because most of the time, shit tests are directly related to the woman or the dynamics between the two of them. For example, girls will bring up guys hitting on them, talking about going to a girl's night out, directly or indirectly insulting his self-esteem, anything and they're usually confined in the realm of mind games (which they are so well aware of), so yeah, this one's really... uncommon.
UPDATE: They reconciled. The guy was thinking that isn't enough of a ground for a divorce yet, despite the woman saying she'd understand if he divorces her. Using shit test goggles, this means -- I will do something very shitty to your work for my shallow reasons and because you like me so much you will still forgive me. I agree that the guy was rational in saying that it wasn't enough of ground for divorce. This is in the sense that it's not the extreme reasons we usually hear, so it might be seen by the courts as a one-time incident rather than a series of shitty behavior, that will be corroborated with the cat incident and perhaps other things not addressed. However, his rationality be damned. It is very likely that the woman in this scenario will still see it as him liking her so much he will not divorce her after doing that very shitty act. I don't have a theoretical way of explaining this, except that this is similar to how girls think you're their bitch once you hold her purse while you wait for her to finish using the girl's comfort room.
[–]JumpXVI 162 points163 points164 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]1independentmale 43 points44 points45 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheRedPillOverdose 29 points30 points31 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nineteenseventy 12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]The_Americano 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 173 points174 points175 points (20 children) | Copy Link
[–]abcd_z 33 points34 points35 points (17 children) | Copy Link
[–]hero707 10 points11 points12 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]curveball21 12 points13 points14 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]icallmyselfmonster 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]trp_gremlin 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Endorsed Contributorzyk0s 2 points3 points4 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]betarex 6 points6 points6 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]1neveragoodtime 8 points9 points10 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]alpha_n3rd -2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]alpha_n3rd 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Endorsed Contributorzyk0s 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]betarex 0 points0 points0 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]1kulrajiskulraj 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]crazyex -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1neveragoodtime 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TRP Vanguard: "Dark Triad Expert"IllimitableMan 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Titanstone 207 points208 points209 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]1aguy01 101 points102 points103 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1grendalor 50 points51 points52 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear222 15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]schema9000 27 points28 points29 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]caucasianinasia 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MazeMouse43 points [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]the10thrider 27 points28 points29 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]CockBruises -1 points0 points1 point (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]the10thrider 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]CockBruises 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]the10thrider 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TimPartendale41 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]LifeAtPeace 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 64 points65 points66 points (18 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 28 points29 points30 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Tqbfjotlds13 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]thrway1312 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Tqbfjotlds2 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]LifeAtPeace 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1grendalor 16 points17 points18 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TRP Vanguard: "Dark Triad Expert"IllimitableMan 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]1grendalor 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] -20 points-19 points-18 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG 17 points18 points19 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]captainramen 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TekkomanKingz 16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]prodigyx 13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]the_red_scimitar 12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]dunder_mifflin_paper2 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NeopolitanAfterglow 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]OKJaded 9 points10 points11 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]LeeChurch 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Senior ContributorMentORPHEUS 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]soccerplusaviation 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]chadeusmaximus 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1User-31f64a4e 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Cryocasm 12 points13 points14 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Cryocasm 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RPthrowaway123 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ioncloud9 4 points5 points6 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]B_Campbell 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]LifeAtPeace 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]WeCantHaveFun 11 points12 points13 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]LeeChurch 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sharp7 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1favours_of_the_moon 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1Zanford 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]deaddoe 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]El_Serpiente_Roja 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]R2-Digits 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1sailorJery 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Overzealous_BlackGuy 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Gold_Mouth 5 points6 points7 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]dj10show 15 points16 points17 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]martypete6 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]occupythekitchen 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dj10show 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]juanqunt 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]abcd_z 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Dubiousxy 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Riusakii 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ThisShitRules 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TRP Vanguard: "Dark Triad Expert"IllimitableMan 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HappyNacho 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AndreaDworkinsDildo 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1R_E_D_1 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]chrisindub 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]GritsConQueso 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]themasterof 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1favours_of_the_moon 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]moltar 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Transmigratory 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Newdist2 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]stemgang 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Ausei 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]1R_Model_07 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Ausei 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]1R_Model_07 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Ausei 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Endorsed ContributorBluepillProfessor 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dark-hokage 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LifeAtPeace 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]cherrypoptart27 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]watersign -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] -6 points-5 points-4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link