Before I came across this sub, I was under the impression that if you showed a woman that you would love her and provide for her then she would value you more than someone who didn’t love her and wouldn’t care. This is wrong. The opposite is true. Here’s why:
Women want to optimize their chances of having successful offspring. In order to do this, they select a mate (or mates) who has the best chance of producing successful offspring. The best way of choosing this mate is to find someone they perceive to be better than them. They cannot be attracted to someone they believe is below them.
However, women cannot trust what men say because men lie. If all it took to sleep with a woman was to tell her that you were the shit, then this sub wouldn’t exist.
As a result, women are constantly assessing a man’s actions and the way he carries himself. They are constantly checking for Honest Signals that a man is what he claims to be. Honest Signals are the qualities a man unintentionally reveals about himself to a woman about himself. They are qualities that are not easily faked, and thus she can use them to determine whether or not she should associate with a man.
A few Honest Signals include:
How he looks
How he speaks and what he chooses to say
How he handles resistance (shit tests)
How he takes care of himself (grooming + fitness)
How other men and other women interact with him (do they respect him?)
Most importantly: How he spends his time (what does he value?)
The most important (and most honest) of these bullet points is: how we spend our time. Our time is the only finite resource we have. We can fake our looks, we can read pickup lines, but we cannot fake how we spend our time. As a result, by showing how we spend our time, we reveal what we value and thus who we truly are.
What we learn from this is that if you immediately respond to a girls’ texts, text multiple times, pick up every call, double checking to make sure that she’s arriving at a certain time, you’re revealing to her that you care more about her than she cares about you.
The Principle of Least Interest states that those who care the least have the most power. If you care more about someone than they care about you, you’re the bitch in the relationship. The key to being perceived as better than them is to:
Limit Your Attention by focusing on shit that isn’t them.
Lift, Read, Build something, talk to other women - it doesn’t matter. If you spend too much time on them, you’ll prove to them that they are more valuable than the other things in your life.
As the great Patrice O’Neal once said “A bitch don’t want to be your #1 priority.” Operate accordingly.
TL;DR: You subtly reveal who you are based on your behavior. Show her that she isn't the best thing in your life.
Edit: It seems some people didn't comprehend the message I am attempting to convey.
I am not suggesting you become a completely uncaring asshole. You should still give a fuck about her.
I AM saying that caring too much is a problem.
If you didn't care at all, you wouldn't ever respond to anything wouldn't dedicate any time to her. But on the whole, most people care way too much. You can still show affection and all that other shit, just not more than her.
The real way to not care is not to just "DGAF, bro". The real way to not care is to have other shit in your life that matters to you. I promise your relationships will be much stronger if you have shit that matters to you besides her.
She doesn't want to be your focus. She wants to be an accompaniment.