Before finding out about RP, have you ever thought about casual sex distribution?

Creation_Soul · 2019-12-06T15:09:05+00:00

I missed most of the entire hook-up phase as the highschool/college I went to had a pretty non-existent hook-up culture. it's not that people didn't have sex, must most were in the "serial monogamist" lifestyle (also most found stable LTRs before an N-count of 5 or higher).

I think the 80-20 is pretty wrong because they measure two very different base values. Most men are into casual hook-ups while most women aren't (or at least not on a consistent basis). So my assumption (might be totally wrong on this one) is the 80-20 are percentages of people who are actually interested in consistent casual hook-ups. There are more man interested in such relationships than women so that skews the numbers.

Christian_Kong · 2019-12-06T16:26:50+00:00

I did after working various jobs at bars and hanging around bars for more than a decade. I would say 90/10 is more realistic. There were very few guy sluts I knew but the few I did know typically hooked up with dozens of women I knew. They dated average ones here and there(women typically jump from guy to to guy to guy and are seldom alone) but pretty much every somewhat good looking girl had a run in with the "Chads" of the area.

cxj · 2019-12-06T19:00:38+00:00

Yes, lots. I remember being floored by an experience I had when I was 23....

It was thanksgiving/Christmas, can't remember which, one of those times where everyone returns to their hometown for the holidays and gets together with old friends. Me and the drummer of my band had been gone 8 months out of that year on tour, and we were flat broke. We went back to our parents house. No jobs, no cars, like 12$ in our checking accounts, we basically owned music gear and backpacks filled with clothes.

A friend called me up and said they were all going out to the bar tonight, and I was like dude I'm broke. "Its OK, we all are LOL!" "No dude, I mean I have like 12$ to my name and live with my parents." "ohhhh shit, times are hard, we got you, I'll pick you up and pay for your food or whatever."

After a night of hanging out and talking about life, the subject came to girls. Of the 10 or so bros I had from high school, the amount of girls they had ranged from 0-2. Me and the drummer each had more than the whole rest of the group combined, and we were by far and away the biggest losers. We also weren't necessarily the best looking. Even the "Chad" of our group who was tall, handsome and presented well had two long term, hot girlfriends, both of whom dumped him. "I thought we were supposed to get mad laid in college?" Was the general consensus. This was during the peak recession years where people were doing poorly in spite of having degrees, or finished trades apprenticeships etc. None of these dudes were hideously ugly or very short, or socially awkward. A few were very tall and handsome. Yet we were the only ones who's phones kept buzzing with texts all night from girls hitting us up. I turned down pussy that night to hang with the bros, because I only got to see them once a year and could get laid easily at that time.

That was the first time I fully realized how asymmetrical dating and sex was.

rus9384 · 2019-12-06T16:17:37+00:00

I just thought normies go for relationships and then some outstanding types just go for casual.

Turns out I was correct, because I relied on my eyes. And ears. ~~And my axe.~~

MisterJose · 2019-12-06T19:30:00+00:00

First of all, internet dating is not real life. It's all the shallowest aspects of dating without the human connection you get from have an actual living, breathing human across from you. What people do in that environment does not reflect the exact choices they would make if they were in a room talking to those same people.

Second, internet dating becomes a numbers game. Sure, no guy, no matter how attractive, is batting 1.000. But he doesn't need to, because there's so many women there. A really attractive guy is not going to get every woman interested, but he is going to get maybe 10 times as many hits as an average guy, which of course makes a huge difference.

As some other people have also pointed out, you just don't notice unattractive people, sadly. Even as I guy I can lament lack of success, and you could point out that her or her or her was into me, and I can callously think, "Yeah, but...they don't count." My mind is purely fixated on the portion of women I see as candidates, and ignores others.

Mr_Smoogs · 2019-12-06T15:13:09+00:00

I stopped trusting girls who claimed they disliked those types of men. Especially if they shamed him for “only wanting one thing” or being “arrogant.”

I don’t think girls and women in general realize they are slut shaming when they do this. Nor do I think they realize they are contributing to the “nice guy” phenomenon. They call men who only want sex assholes and then other guys sit there wondering why only assholes seem to get sex lol

I don’t really know what you are saying though. It appears you are saying that different women only find attractive individual men and not all the same man. If that was the case, then everyone would be equally attractive, which is obviously false.

geyges · 2019-12-06T15:00:00+00:00

20% is actually a substantial number. Its larger than what women on here typically claim 1%-10%.

If you got 20 guys in your class 4 of them will be generally attractive to women. Maybe there's another 4 that individual girls will find attractive. But the other 12 are invisible to women, so they don't really think about them.

Just like I don't think about fat chicks.

diffdedbed · 2019-12-06T16:02:27+00:00

Guys here make the mistake of falling into the "everyone else has had more sex than me" queue the bunny trap.

I never thought about it, I just thought about me not getting what I needed at the time when I was extremely horny but didn't have a LTR (19-21). The fact that other guys weren't having this problem didn't get my boxers in a bind since I knew I had to work on myself. If they were better looking or whatever, fine, I just had to plug on.

So I figured out game on my own, figured out I should lift on my own, I still dressed like a college hobo but lifting and knowing how to talk to women overcame that mistake.

So I went from the 80% to the 20%? Maybe? I got attractive enough and was dating 3 women at once, married one of them. Interestingly thinking about it, my even nerdier and less attractive friends all hit an LTR about the same time. Envy isn't helpful and the internet is great at spreading envy.

merrill1400 · 2019-12-06T16:41:53+00:00

I didn't think much about casual sex distribution or 80/20 when I was younger (before RP)

The 20% situation is a consequence of mimetic desire and culture. There are three components to female mating strategy

Mimetic desire: women desire men that other women desire, just as men desire things that other men desire (never thought about buying that Corvette until my buddy got one--now I want one). A girl might not find a guy attractive until one of her friends goes after that guy. Then he suddenly becomes desirable. This is sometimes found among men in regards to women as well, as in the case of the "trophy wife" (don't really even want her, but I know other guys do, and that satisfies my ego)
Hypergamy (dual-mating strategy)
Mate-switching: keeping a "back up" or "plan B" male in her orbit, even if she is happy in her current relationship

So when you fake a crush, you are experiencing Mimetic desire

samwise-gamggee · 2019-12-06T16:37:32+00:00

It was the same in high school (for guys) there were like 2-3 girls that everybody universally agreed were hot. But like they were so “popular” that must people wouldn’t even speak to them. And yeah you tended to have a crush on other girls you knew were also cute, but actually knew you existed.

KV-n · 2019-12-06T19:14:09+00:00

yes i did. I lived in college dorm and together with HS experience it was very very very evident that females only like the top guys. I mean you would have to be deaf and blind to ignore it.

And when i started googling shit like "girls only like popular/extrovert/talkative guys" i ofc found trp in no time.

dylang92 · 2019-12-06T15:10:12+00:00

I guess I thought being a man in your 20s meant that you can have strings of casual sex until you meet someone you really like and settle down with that person. And then when you guys break up it’s right back to casual sex. And it wasn’t something that was only reserved for the top 20%, I thought at least average men can do this. And this was because the media pushed this idea that Ted Mosby was sensitive but still banging hot chicks left and right. I came to my senses pretty quick.

TheFinalWatcher · 2019-12-06T14:59:00+00:00

I never cared. The only focus I had was women who were attracted to me.

churnthrowaway123456 · 2019-12-06T15:32:23+00:00

I've never noticed the "top 20%" rule to be the case anywhere. I went to high school and college in a very traditional region with little hookup culture, and people of all attractiveness levels pretty much got into relationships with their "looksmatch". Now that I'm in a more normal region, there's still a wide variety of people hooking up, dating, etc.

People confuse "top 20%" to mean "the most attractive", when really it means "the most promiscuous". Attractive people have more options, but there's still an element of personality, the social circles and environment you're in, and simple preference and happenstance (maybe you're hot but you meet your soulmate at 21)

Amazing_Rope_Police · 2019-12-06T17:21:35+00:00

In highschool no, but after getting more into online dating in university (not enough girls to go around in engineering, and I had some issues that I had to work out too), I started thinking about it (obviously because I wasn't getting any matches). So yeah. You start thinking about it when it becomes a problem. I suspect that is why many women find the idea of attraction distributions - or in fact any kind of statistical analysis of attraction and relationships - offensive - because they've rarely been stuck in a rut in terms of finding a partner, and didn't have to think long about how attraction works. It's the same as how people are against hunting, until they move onto a farm, and wild hogs destroy their vegetables every other day.

bonusfruit · 2019-12-07T02:45:50+00:00

Bottom 80% of men don't exist in the conscious mind of women

toddfan420 · 2019-12-06T17:58:43+00:00

the more microcosmic your dating pool is, the more clear the effect is seen.

that's why it's laser sharp on OLD.

in schools, you see it but not as clearly.

in a store that hires a lot of younger people that is like a little community / ecosystem, you will see it.

there is often a guy who is a chosen one who seems to rake it in, and nobody can figure it out. even the girls who say he's gross but accidentally bang him later somehow. he often has drugs.

it's hard to see it in the grownup world, but for perspective, look at celebrities. those are your 20 percenters. it's just that women can't get to them. of course our ladies would cheat on us if brad pit entered the local dating pool.

kandyapplez · 2019-12-06T16:03:17+00:00

no i assumed everyone was having sex with each other like musical chairs because thats what the casual sex situation was at my high schoool/college lol. i thought even the ugly nerds were having sex with the other ugly nerds

NorthrnSwede · 2019-12-07T00:19:59+00:00

I'm new here and kind of in shock right now. What grown adults put this much thought into casual sex that other people are having??? Why do men in this sub keep speaking for women? Just weird. Perhaps all of this energy you're putting into other people's sex lives is part of the reason you're not getting laid right now? I don't know, just a thought.

Editing to add...thats some serious cherry picking using a single "study" of a dating site swipes to make a sweeping statement about half of the population. There are many many much better, more applicable studies on this topic that do not show anything like a 20/80 split. You have to be a moron to believe that.

wtknight · 2019-12-06T15:39:00+00:00

No. Because I’ve never been interested in casual sex. I’m more interested in the dynamics of long term relationships.

corey_trevorson · 2019-12-06T19:58:36+00:00

I think many, including myself to some extent, read more into the 80/20 stat than I should have. It's important to take into account the fact that people's behavior is clearly different when they're interacting with others online.

However, I also know that in the past 5 years the dating scene has definitely changed, and feminism has marketed the idea that men and women are at odds in a "class struggle" based on gender.

I think it's a combination of the feeling that something about dating has changed, and men seeking answers to why they have that feeling

DubsPackage · 2019-12-07T04:01:06+00:00

80/20 isn't red pill.

80/20 is black pill.

Incels took over red pill pretty much and now the two are conflated.

sh0t · 2019-12-07T17:16:41+00:00

Watch 90s nerd high school movies

Workaholiconew · 2019-12-08T02:51:07+00:00

I discovered the red pill concept in my youth, so technically, It is because I was thinking about the casual sex distribution that I discovered the red pill.

So... how on earth did we come to accept the 20/80 thing (with some making the % even smaller than that) ? Except based off okcupid stats ??

The pareto principle, or more precisely the zipfian zeta distribution always shows up when dealing with perception, we can only perceive things in such distribution as a group. None knows for sure why, but some suspect is related to how neurons work. That is why the pareto principle happens so much. It is literally linked to our biology and how we perceive the world, literally. I am pretty sure that it happens in the OKcupid stats exactly because of this same reason. Women cannot 'hold into memory' all men, so they forget a enormous amount of men because they are humans.

wenoopic · 2019-12-08T21:26:21+00:00

It is irrelevant if the number is 20% or 10% or whatever.

The point is that most blue pilled men believe, wrongly, that there is, for magical reasons, one women designed for every man, so the women distribution should be one woman for every man.

The point about the pareto distribution is to show how wrong is to assume that.

Same as the prettiest women are all desired by most males, some men are desired by most women, and those men have most of the sex.

There is no equalitarism. There is no "soul mate", and is not a numbers game. The man that pursue women get most of them. That's an observed and empirically verifiable claim.

lilpumpski · 2019-12-09T13:03:26+00:00

Generally no but my curiosity about it grew and I started questioning things.

Blightning421 · 2019-12-06T18:19:56+00:00

This used to be the case, but no longer. Social media has skewed what most women find attractive now, so the standard is now ridiculously high, and that's exactly what OLD stats show us

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k995 · 2019-12-06T16:11:59+00:00

So... how on earth did we come to accept the 20/80 thing (with some making the % even smaller than that) ? Except based off okcupid stats ??

Its only 'accepted' in subs like trp, in reality and anyone thats actually older then a teen usualy knows its BS.

2019-12-06T20:07:31+00:00

Before finding out about RP, have you ever thought about casual sex distribution?

Yes I did, and I thought it was something like 0.000000001% of the population. I thought that I needed to be in a committed relationship in order to sex. Boy I was wrong! #LOL

LotBuilder · 2019-12-06T20:31:36+00:00

Not really. There were guys that get woman and guys that don’t. Often times it has less to do with looks and more to do with effort or game. Think late 90’s. The good looking shy guys were not slaying like they are now. Girls couldn’t make it easy in DM’s. They had to go out and hunt like everyone else. They had to approach and push through shit tests like everyone else. If girls were interested they made it easier but they didn’t just show up at his house DTF.

And we all know guys that are not very attractive that slay like crazy because they are charismatic, they approach everything and try harder.

Title	Before finding out about RP, have you ever thought about casual sex distribution?
Author	Maybelowsmv
Upvotes	23
Comments	94
Date	December 6, 2019 2:50 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/e6zp6v/before_finding_out_about_rp_have_you_ever_thought/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/before-finding-out-about-rp-have-you-ever-thought.298049 https://theredarchive.com/post/298049

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