Why do you believe online dating sucks or sucks just as bad as it does for men?

pngmafia97 · 2019-12-30T04:44:49+00:00

OLD sucks because a lot of people, disproportionately women (including yours truly 😅), use it as a distraction, hot or not game, test the waters to see what’s out there. A lot of people have no commitment to looking for another person (don’t have a problem being single, only casually looking) so they are too lazy to follow through with a date.

Personally, I prefer to meet people in person and I have to be SUPER attracted to and REALLY hit it off with someone to be incentivized to set up an ID check date. I simply would rather spend time with my friends and/or meet people organically because I don’t have to rearrange my social schedule.

From a female’s POV, a lot of guys I see on OLD are: * way too ugly/low status to ever consider * have such shitty profiles I can’t tell who they are in the pics or how old the photos are * really really really weird IRL despite having a high quality profile (I started texting this one guy who seemed well traveled and successful but then he told me he took a heroic dose of mushrooms SOLO on Thanksgiving Day. I love drugs, like, a lot, but that’s weird, man, and not in a good way, especially to share with a girl you barely know.) * the rest who are normal and attractive are usually non-committal as described previously. they’re using OLD the same way a woman might.

OHG1 · 2019-12-30T06:38:49+00:00

online dating sucks because its impossible to replicate the magic of meeting a guy IRL for the first time. like the very format of OLD is more suited for men's attraction, women are never going to take to it as strongly for that reason

QueenCousland86 · 2019-12-30T05:31:28+00:00

The last time I tried online dating, was the only time, and I quit after about a month. For every one decent dude capable of having a normal conversation, there are a hundred assholes and weirdos.

After a week or two you start to become kinda jaded. How long until this otherwise decent dude acts like a prick? How long until the next entitled, obnoxious random calls you a fat cunt because you didn't respond fast enough?

OLD doesn't paint a flattering picture of either gender.

heythere360 · 2019-12-30T15:45:00+00:00

I consider myself a catch and I haven’t had any problems dating using OLD.

I would HATE to be a man OLDing.

GennyX · 2019-12-30T05:48:52+00:00

I think OLD is worse for men. I can get tons of matches in a day, but guy friends of mine will get maybe one a week. Guys are always asking me how to get matches while i can get another date every week and not pay for a single one if i want. Harder for men, absolutely.

Why i don't like OLD is because it is time consuming and a numbers game. If i go on enough dates with enough losers, I'll eventually find the good ones sure. However you need to be able to assess and scrutinize people accurately and efficiently in order to reach them. Thats not always easy. OLD for anything long term is more often than not a let down.

ontherailstoday · 2019-12-30T09:07:35+00:00

Well, from what I see of the youngsters around me using Tinder, it is like being offered a bag of Bertie Botts every flavor beans isn't it? Alas, earwax.

Only it isn't earwax it is a fucking psycho who tries to stop you getting out of his car... or a clingy stalker who works out where you live and where you work and shows up there to convince you it was meant to be... or a dude with visible herpes lesions who throws a fit when you won't touch his dick... or a tourist who wants a marriage of visa convenience... or a guy who who is fine until he stealthily removes that condom... or a dude who doesn't even want to buy his own coffee he's trying to talk you into going around to his place and bringing a bottle of wine with you as the first date.

Social circle dating is a much better experience in general.

PlainSlim · 2019-12-30T05:21:47+00:00

For me it's annoying because you can't really tell if you will have a connection with someone based off a few pictures, a short description, and some texting back and forth. It's exhausting to set up date after date with guys who look decent from the app, but we meet in person and there's 0 chemistry.

I do think online dating for most women is better than for guys who just can't get matches. I agree that sucks. But it's frustrating when some guys on here think it's as easy as picking up tinder to go boyfriend shopping and I should never have any complaints ever in regards to my dating life because I can get a match on tinder.

goatismycopilot · 2019-12-30T11:04:52+00:00

Online dating sucks for men because they want casual sex/ONS and most of them aren't great looking, have bad conversational skills, shitty pictures, and most of them aren't going to get casual sex. If they get casual sex it will be with women they consider "beneath" them, Stacey still does not want them or find them interesting just like she did not in high school. Because of this the PPD men and men in groups elsewhere are going to complain endlessly. Also a lot of men are as weird and gross in conversations in OLD as they are here in PPD so the kind of woman who is going to casual sex them after hearing all that has a bucket load of issues. They would have done better in the 70's and 80's when people got toasted in bars and hooked up. Lots of women hooked up with men who they would never normally even look at because they were drunk and they just b roke up with their BF or something similar. Plus, even average men in the 70's and 80's were not as fat and despite some questionable fashion, better groomed/turned out.

WicGoingAnonymous · 2019-12-30T04:44:19+00:00

I think that it's worse for men. Because trying and trying and getting rejected sucks.

But that doesn't mean that the flip side is good.

I swipe 50 people and get 10 of those emediatly in my mailbox, online and talking. Which is already a lot lower then it used to be since I colored my hair in a bright pink. I'm not saying that as a brag, I'm saying that to signal that what I'm saying next will be worse for a lot of women.

Getting 10 matches is going to sound like a dream for people that only get rejected. I'm now going to explain to you why it's not.

I can't focus on talking to 10 people at the same time. Luxury problem, I know. So I'm now having to have to quickly reduce that number to something manageble like 3 people. Which means that I'm playing the 10 questions game with every match I get.

I don't want to do that. I wanna talk. I don't have that luxury.

And I can't do less matches because the male side seems to swipe everyone. So most of the time, I get 10 people and I get rid of all of them for obvious incompatibilities (like "Oh you have pink hair? Can you die it?") and then go back to swiping.

In the meantime, more people come online from my swiping before. The next day, for some reason it's 30 people all at once. And my mailbox is constantly a mess. There's always people getting mad at me for taking to long to reply. There's swearing. There's dick pics. There's sexist bullshit.

And it's not fucking fun. It's constantly doing the 10 questions game while that's not what you want to do, but there's no other way. It's like work. It's motions that you have to go through in order to get the job done. Question1, question2, NEXT. And I repeat: not a game I want to play, but that's how online dating works.

And it's better to have too many options then no options. I'm complaining about a broken finger here to people with a broken arm. You guys obviously have it worse, but we both have broken bones.

You aren't being seen by potential matches. You don't get enough attention or chances.

And we can't see you or have the time to give you attention or chances.

Skratt · 2019-12-30T05:23:08+00:00

I joined online dating for a hot minute like 5 years ago and it was a disaster. The average guy I came across was way uglier than the men I encounter in real life, and of the few good looking guys I did meet they were all pretty weird and gross in some way. If I was after a mindless fuck I could have had pleeeenty of those, but I wasn't looking for that so it was mostly a waste of time.

Maybe if I'd tried it as a 22 year old when I was just looking for casual fun I would have had a better time, but as a mid-late 20s women I had way better options in real life.

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Truedemocracy6 · 2019-12-30T20:29:36+00:00

Guy here. Too many matches, too much paradox of choice, too much looking for perfection, and too expensive

[deleted] · 2019-12-30T06:04:46+00:00

Many men don't do even the bare minimum to take care of their appearance. On the other hand, women make great efforts to look good.

This leads men looking like shit in photographs so they do badly in online dating. Meanwhile, they're delusional enough to overestimate their attractiveness. There was literally a study a while ago that said that men overestimate their own attractiveness.

LocalReligionMajor · 2019-12-30T07:54:52+00:00

Most women can have casual sex very easily. However, most women don't want that, and prefer relationships with some level of emotional attachment and commitment. Most guys on Tinder and such want casual sex. So there's a mismatch in what men and women are looking for. And a lot of guys say "looking for something serious" or "no hookups" when they really just want a ONS, because they know women will swipe left if they are up front about that. So women have to sift through guys trying to get in their pants in order to find a guy looking for a LTR.

I also went on a lot of bad dates with guys I would never have gone out with if I had met them irl. It takes a lot of time, and I have a life.

mistresswhat · 2019-12-30T15:08:53+00:00

I like online dating. Dating as a woman is hard for a lot of reasons -- it's not the cakewalk dudes here think -- but I'm not convinced that meeting people IRL fixes any of them. Plus if things don't work out it's a little easier if he's someone you don't run into regularly. On the minus side that also makes it easier for him to conceal things from you that you'd learn if you shared a social circle and treat you in ways he wouldn't if there were a bigger possibility of the news getting back to his friends. Anonymity can really bring out the worst in people.

It is fairly tedious to sort through all those dudes though, and if you don't appreciate having a free casual sex delivery service in your pocket or you're not super desperate to meet someone you're probably not gonna stick with it for too long. I like the apps and I still burn out pretty hard when I'm on them too much.

Gosh the dudes in this thread sure are mad that women aren't devoting their free time to a boring task in order to help men get their dicks wet.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-12-30T15:38:59+00:00

I never did Tinder but I was on OKC for 3-4 months. I gave it up. For one, you can’t really tell a lot about a person from just a photograph. For two, there are a lot of men who treat it like a sexual smorgasbord - they are looking to smash, not form a relationship, evidenced by the number of sexual messages and dick pics that I got. For three, a good chunk of the messages I got were from obvious bots and scammers. For four, the men did not seem to read my profile, as evidenced by the number of Good Christian Men Seeking Godly Women that messaged me. I went on 5 dates total in 3-4 months. Two of the guys were much fatter than their pics, one guy had no teeth and turned out to be on probation for a DUI. The other two I am still FB friends with but were not really LTR material.

Edit: someone took issue with this? Why?

GennyX · 2019-12-30T05:58:52+00:00

I have no idea. I’ve never used online dating and I never will. When I hear people complain about online dating, I wonder why they use it if they hate it so much? You don’t have to!

2019-12-30T13:41:42+00:00

Because it reduce's men to physical appearances - going on dates is always a bit of a gamble. It's disheartening getting yourself dressed up nice (which does take us women time and money BTW) for a man you have zero chemistry with and/or are creepy.

Now I just keep an active social life and meet men in a more organic way. Traits like their smell, their humour, their presence, the chemistry and their general personalities are all things that cannot be captured on OLD.

The best situations are when you're at a gathering and you get introduced to a man and the spark happens. You spend the night teasing them and flirting and all those little interactions gradually build up. Its all just so exhilarating, I live for moments like that.

Skratt · 2019-12-30T05:11:16+00:00

Hmm, I mean I guess if you have an empty plate next to a plate of nasty/unseasoned food, the plate of nasty food is better.

Pdaley99 · 2019-12-30T16:15:30+00:00

Most people complaining about OLD are generally older.

Complaining about lack of quality men/women when you’re in your 40s is like going to the grocer right before closing and complaining about the selection of fruits and veggies. Yeah, obviously your choices suck because all the good men/women are all in relationships already.

I live in a big city and most women my age who aren’t terrible people have no problems with OLD

superlurkage · 2019-12-30T20:14:55+00:00

Online dating sucks for most women because it‘s not a good method of getting they want (relationships and respectful interactions). Online dating sucks for most men because few women are interested in what they are offering (nudes, sexting, or casual sex)

Title	Why do you believe online dating sucks or sucks just as bad as it does for men?
Author	khaste
Upvotes	4
Comments	159
Date	December 30, 2019 4:27 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ehh2cp/why_do_you_believe_online_dating_sucks_or_sucks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-you-believe-online-dating-sucks-or-sucks.303544 https://theredarchive.com/post/303544

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