Excessive 'buttlicking' is a red flag.

TeacherLady504 · 2020-11-01T02:03:48+00:00

I dated a guy just like that. Then I married him and almost instantly he used it to manipulate and mindfuck me for years. Then he left me with a special needs toddler for a 28yo coworker. Moral of the story, you really never know and you were smart to see it as a red flag. Always go with your gut.

nnns · 2020-11-01T01:54:07+00:00

Male pick-me’s are real too haha

kettleodumplins · 2020-11-01T02:14:20+00:00

I'm curious to know of any other red flags that you noticed. A lot of HVMs come off as "too nice," but turn off women that are conditioned to think that they aren't good enough ("he must want something", "it's too good to be true" etc).

But the same behavior is common among LVMs that DO have ulterior motives and are too good to be true. Red flags I've seen are them bragging about their behavior and talking about how great they are (narc stuff), the kindness not ever seeming personal, controlling behaviors, or them expecting something for it. If them being nice puts women off then there are usually other red flags that the behavior is hiding.

Cauliflower-Safe · 2020-11-01T04:59:27+00:00

lmao off topic (sorry) but I didn't notice the quotes and really thought this thread was going to refer to physical butt licking 😂

ComprehensiveAmoeba9 · 2020-11-01T05:06:01+00:00

A HVM has hobbies and a life outside of the relationship. He also listens to you, makes you feel important, and you never doubt that he loves you. He will go the extra mile to make you feel special and treat you with respect. Consistency is key. A LVM who is very insecure will question if he’s good enough and try to compensate by over complimenting and lovebombing. If they know you are comfortable in the relationship after months, they may start projecting their insecurities on you. I was with a guy who was very self conscious about his body and image and at the beginning of the relationship he seemed high value and always listened, respected me, and made me feel important. After several months, the facade wore off and he began making subtle comments about my body, how I was a little chubby (I’m 10 pounds overweight and working on losing that) and made me feel like I wasn’t beautiful enough. A LVM can’t keep up their facade for long, their mask will eventually come off

marilynmonw0e · 2020-11-01T02:30:56+00:00

I used to deal with this on FB from random men. Just outta nowhere they'd msg me with compliments. I had social media back then and was more social so I'd reply to a few and eventually it would turn into excessive ass-kissing.

How quickly these creeps start calling me 'Mistress' is fucking weird. Men just be throwing their kinks at any woman who looks like she'd step on them.

Scrazmin_Kae · 2020-11-01T07:19:32+00:00

My ex of two and a half years was like this. In the beginning, he immediately love bombed me, he knew I was dating other men so he was Mr. Perfect in trying to lock me down. It bothered me a bit how pressed he was but I've never had a man be so amazing and kind. We got together and I quickly found out who he truly was. He was insecure, a people pleaser, a doormat, deeply in debt mama's boy who refused to leave her house. While trying to force him to make concrete plans to settle down (he said he wanted this) he slowly distanced himself and broke things off... five days later he was posted up with another woman on Facebook claiming her as his girlfriend. I was heartbroken. This was 4 months ago and I'm doing a lot better. Therapy helped.

I'm kicking myself for ignoring this blaring red flag in the beginning. He needed constant reassurance and babying. This man is 32. I wish he nothing but the worse.

NecessaryCook · 2020-11-01T02:01:05+00:00

The issue with your ex is that he believes by doing you favors you didn't ask for or complimenting you all the time, you will owe him later or reward him somehow. This is passive-aggressive behavior and there are books written on this. "Nice" doormats are not really nice.

FluffandRainclouds · 2020-11-01T13:25:07+00:00

I can't deal with men who have "no opinion" and you can tell they are trying to please you. Then when they let out their REAL thoughts, it is passive-aggressive and mean. These men act like you are a harpy shrew henpecking and emotionally abusing them, when in reality they make themselves walk on eggshells from Day 1. IME no amount of coaxing, building up, encouraging, will make them "come out of their shell" and "be themselves" around you. 🤢 I only like brave men.

wayward_woman · 2020-11-01T04:42:50+00:00

Men like this are creepy and obsessive. If he lives to serve you, he won't be able to live without serving you. This is the kind of man who will kill a woman if she leaves him.

Pudding5050 · 2020-11-01T09:33:50+00:00

Nobody wants to be with a doormat. Treating a woman like a queen doesn't mean being subservient or agreeing with her about everything.

cantsextihavebills · 2020-11-01T14:54:21+00:00

Excessive neediness and compliments aren't anything new, and they're almost even less sincere than a LVM putting on an act just to sleep with you. At least the later is running game. The insecure males that have convinced themselves that you're the one for them are objectifying you just as much. It's all narcissism at it's finest and two personalities on opposite ends of the pole thinking the world revolves around them.

2020-11-01T09:09:55+00:00

This guy I was talking to kept telling me "I'd rather talk to you than masturbate" "Talking to you is more important" and I was just like ...ok? When I tried to change the topic to something else so we could actually talk instead of talking about talking, he disappeared lmao. A man's word is worth nothing. Also this wasn't in a dating context, just talking as friends. I think he expected me to be super flattered and when I wasn't, he dipped.

Title	Excessive 'buttlicking' is a red flag.
Author	s-s-smokin
Upvotes	159
Comments	29
Date	November 1, 2020 1:13 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jltyke/excessive_buttlicking_is_a_red_flag/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/excessive-buttlicking-is-a-red-flag.327370 https://theredarchive.com/post/327370

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