The ways in which men "hurt" women and women "hurt" men: are they the same?

Teflon08191 · 2020-11-29T00:37:50+00:00

Louis CK did a skit about this topic which is pretty true.

Bandit174 · 2020-11-29T00:49:23+00:00

Emotionally I don't know who has it worse on average. I do think the average guy struggles more with dating than the average woman, but emotionally pain is subjective and relative to one's frame of reference. That's why rich, attractive people can still kill themselves despite on paper having it better.

On an objective level I do think the worst men are more fucked up than than worst women. For example search the story of Junko Furuta (warning it might be triggering). Her experience is NOT representative of the average woman and the men that did that are NOT representative of the average man but I don't think women have ever done anything like that to a man, or at least it's less common to hear about.

so tldr on average it could maybe go either way but on the tail ends of the distribution men are more fucked up.

thetruthishere_ · 2020-11-29T03:05:09+00:00

Bottom line it. Hurt people hurt people.

JohnDoe9564 · 2020-11-29T00:22:08+00:00

Women tend to use more emotional tactics to abuse their partners.

Men tend to do it physically

dureshdalit · 2020-11-29T00:38:40+00:00

Men hurt women, but I think they need women more. Women have more friends to help them get over the pain.

A woman can really f*ck a man up if he has no other good friends.

I think as women, we lie to ourselves more. Men are better at seeing a situation for what it is.

He didn't call because of work, blah blah blah. No. He didn't call cause he's not into you. It hurts. But if a man is really into you, he will never let you sit around waiting for his text. He wouldn't chance it. Someone else could grab you.

That's a hard lesson to learn. I stumbled around on that one for a long time.

Once you accept that as a woman life becomes easier. It doesn't hurt as much because you don't waste your time. You accept and move on.

But it's really hard because you feel something and the man does not. He does not. If he is not initiating, showing interest, etc..... You are not on his mind.

Love hurts. But nothing is better.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2020-11-29T05:52:00+00:00

I may have hurt lots of women unnintentionally and indirectly because of my lack of commitment didn't match their expectations, and yeah, I wouldn't wish to be the man right after me tbh.

TLorrai · 2020-11-29T00:53:23+00:00

No women have it much worse. Not because men do more harm (I mean arguably they do) but with romantic relationships women experience more across the board. Add the fact that women feel emotions more intensely then men and you have a recipe for PTSD after a failed relationship.

An easy example is a girl falls in love with a guy who only see's her as an FWB. They have sex a couple times and the guys dips. Well this girl already bonded physically and emotionally with this dude just for him to drop her in an instant. I could imagine something like that could take someone out of the dating market for an entire year. Obviously this happens to guys too but, one not as frequently, but two (excuse my grammar) most dudes would probably have been happy just to have some sex.

What happens to guys is they fall in love with a girl before even being with her. They put her on a pedestal in their head and she's an angel who can do no wrong. So they bond emotionally with the women over time when the girl probably just sees them as a friend. Maybe they hook up, but eventually the girl starts seeing another dude and the guy's heart breaks. The fantasy of happily ever after gets shattered and the dude probably gets depressed for however long.

So no it's not the same. I didn't even mention the physical/sexual abuse women go through with dudes they're not even dating. But even without that I'd say women have it way harder when it comes to dealing with bad relationships.

Sufficient-Ad-3586 · 2020-11-29T10:51:48+00:00

When I face off again a guy, it escalates quick and gets physical but afterwards we cool down pretty quick and are over it.

When I face off against a girl, it’s brutal attacks at my character and physical traits that sting for a while.

Ex: In the past when I’ve gotten into heated arguments with male friends or family members, we throw some hands to blow off steam and they we get it over it and go back to being friends.

Whenever I’ve gotten into bad arguments with girls I get comments like “you’re not a real man.” “You’re selfish.” Or “you’re a coward” (which in my opinion is the single most grievous insult you can say to someone) Those to tend to hit harder.

GiveSouce · 2020-11-30T05:48:03+00:00

It‘s not quite the same. If a woman wants to hurt you, you‘re gonna get life sentence and it‘s over for you. Just like that. over. lifelong. never to be seen again. Of course, because of patriarchy and nothing else!

SavingsStrength0 · 2020-11-29T00:48:19+00:00

Men hurt women by stalking, raping, physically abusing them, cheating, murdering etc Women are more psychological so things like belittling and nagging are more common so it’s less physical in a sense..

Throwawayforshitt · 2020-11-29T00:35:42+00:00

[deleted]

lynch_00 · 2020-11-29T01:51:00+00:00

Men shots women. Women makes men shot themselves.

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-11-29T03:37:59+00:00

All pain goes through the same channel in the brain, so yeah.

801735 · 2020-11-29T11:43:53+00:00

Women hurt men by telling us we're weak. And we retaliate by waking up in the middle of the night, tiptoeing into the kitchen and tightening the fcuk out of all the jar lids we can get our hands on before returning victoriously back to bed with a smirk on our face, knowing damn well she's just pretending to be asleep.

Ahhh, life, isn't it just great? I'd say it's at the very least lovely.

Sid_Insidious · 2020-11-29T02:05:56+00:00

Women didn't hurt me.

But, waking up to the reality of Red Pill truth was a painful experience for me, albeit a very essential and worthwhile experience.

Understanding how women look at me, as a man, and the reasons they would want to be with me made me recoil back and away from them, rather permanently.

In any case, the breaking point for me was doing everything possible to keep the fires burning and keep my marriage alive and then getting divorced anyways, I was devastated. Never came back from that really. Probably won't ever get into an LTR again. If relationships are just "stick around for the good times and bail whenever" serial monogamy bullshit, then why invest? And why RISK?

That said, Red Pill Theory gelled for my when I was married - I was already trying to figure out what was going on in my marriage and it led me straight down the Red Pill rabbit hole. Everything they said would happen did, and it happened for the very reasons they said it would. That's some very powerful "theory".

I didn't believe my marriage ending was exclusively my fault. I didn't buy the Blue Pill cold comfort that I simply (a) failed to choose well and (b) failed to keep my wife sexually attracted to me. And I don't buy the idea that I can "lift bruh" or "alpha up" or in any way change my odds in this game.

For me, no cohabitation, ever again. That's a rule. But, despite the freedoms such a rule could still offer me, I don't date, pursue women for sex, or try and conjure any social situations where meeting women would be a possibility. And what really surprised me is how much resources (TME - time money energy) I used to invest as to have regular access to sex partners. Investing zero TME into this endeavor, as a man, is a very liberating and powerful experience - the TME can be used for FAR better things, as far as I'm concerned - especially as a man with kids.

I have really no interest in women in a romantic or sexual sense now.

With the veil off, to me it's all just a big heinous lie that can't feel good no matter how good it might feel in a given moment. It's a spell, an illusion. At best, a trick. A very expensive trick.

The upshot is that for a man staying single and being alone is very very easy. Once every other year someone I know might say to me "Heard that so-and-so is single..."

"Good for her." I reply.

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Lie-Equal · 2020-11-29T00:41:38+00:00

I think much of it is contextual. Feelings derive from instincts, which were developed in an environment of far less complexity than that which most of us currently inhabit.

I think that personal destruction stemming from interpersonal breakdown is conceptually inevitable, and the ones who avoid it, it is basically coincidental....like not everyone in a given industry gets laid off in a recession, but that doesn't mean it's a stable industry.

throw-away-1709 · 2020-11-29T11:44:39+00:00

Breaking point ?

When she went with a knife towards me?

When she tried to run me over with my car?

They are AWALT.

There is no Disney fantasy.

2020-11-29T15:09:54+00:00

[deleted]

rubbooyuri · 2020-12-03T03:30:20+00:00

Apparently women ‘hurt’ men constantly by not wanting to fuck them and minding our own business

GunnzzNRoses · 2020-11-29T07:31:30+00:00

I see it two ways: the likely way of being hurt by your preferred sex, and the unlikely.

Likely: Men will pump and dump a woman, leading her to distrust men in general.

A woman will either cheat on a man or reject him in a rude fashion, leading the man to lose hope in women.

Unlikely: A man will viciously beat a woman, scarring her for life and leading her to have a real problem with men.

A woman will almost sociopathically emotionally abuse a man, leaving him scarred for life and making it very hard for him to open up to a woman once more.

WilliamWyattD · 2020-11-29T10:54:22+00:00

Modern relationships are based on 'love', which is ultimately based on sexual desire in almost all cases. So the different ways that desire work in the genders tends to mean that relationships may end in different ways.

Men are more able to have at least a functional level of desire for most women at most times. But sometimes for a woman, the desire simply turns off. It's gone. She may not even understand why. She may desperately want it back. But it is just done. What may seem like manipulation at times may be her trying to manipulate herself into getting it back. She wants the relationship to work. But it just won't. The desire is gone. Her body is repulsed at the the idea of being sexual with her man. In some ways, she is as much the victim as he is. She has no idea why the desire just turned off either and is struggling with it.

Anyways, this doesn't cover all relationship ends or anything. But I have seen this many times in relationships and marriages that ended, where one or both parties are 'trying to work on it' etc. It can be harrowing for both parties. It can make the woman seem hugely manipulative when she herself doesn't quite understand what is going on.

Aaod · 2020-11-29T00:46:53+00:00

Even if both sides do it one can much more readily get away with it because of their gender privileges (women).

Title	The ways in which men "hurt" women and women "hurt" men: are they the same?
Author	shoppingbag2
Upvotes	12
Comments	117
Date	November 29, 2020 12:18 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/k2z11x/the_ways_in_which_men_hurt_women_and_women_hurt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-ways-in-which-men-hurt-women-and-women-hurt.330075 https://theredarchive.com/post/330075

Number 1 reason why I am relationship-free.