[Q4All] Women who are reluctant to provide porn-like sex. Men who are reluctant to providing romanticism. Are you expecting your partner to indulge in theses, respectively?

HollowLegMonk · 2020-02-18T11:00:43+00:00

Do you agree those are equivalent?

No.

Porn like sex is often painful or uncomfortable for women and pleasant for men (deepthroats, anal, acrobatic positions, fast penetration, no foreplay). There is nothing as painful for a man in sex that he could do to his women in return. And sex isn't only for the guy, it's suppoused to be for both partners.

Romance in relationship is just caring about each other, loving each other, caring about each other's comfort and pleasure etc. Both men and women can provide these things.

CentralAdmin · 2020-02-18T09:44:09+00:00

If porn-like sex is deepthroating and jackhammering, not many people do or want that.

Men want enthusiasm. They also like to feel desired. They want to please their partners. They want their partners to maintain some level of being physically attractive. Having oral sex, missionary and doggy style would be enough for most. Extra kinks are things you talk about that, hopefully, benefit you both.

This meme that men want anal orgies, bdsm and sloppy deep throating needs to die. Not kink shaming at all but unless 'porn-like' sex means the occasional 69, men generally just want women to enjoy their penises.

PrincepsOmni · 2020-02-18T10:03:34+00:00

What on earth is 'porn-like sex'? Unpleasurable positions to suit better camera angles?

Porn rarely shows anything close to everyday sexual encounters, is not a good guide for average people to base their own love lives on. No more than watching action movies is a good way to learn how to properly fight or shoot guns. It's acting - it's fantasy - it's fake. Designed to give you your dopamine fix until the next time...

Most men want to be desired by a woman - genuine desire not negotiated or begrudgingly given. And that's often best expressed towards them with sexual confidence and adventure. A man could never have seen any porn in his life and still want that feeling that she's absolutely convinced she's picked the best man she can and wants to make passionate love and please him.

And women want to know they are loved and desired too - many might want that expressed in different ways to just sex (not that most women don't enjoy sex...many do, and can experience deep bonding with their partner)...what we commonly call romance. Oddly enough women want men to give genuine romance without the feeling of begrudgingly done,

Smart people in relationships make themselves romantically and sexually desirable so it's easy for their partners to respond to them. Problems usually occur when the effort is one sided or absent entirely...or when people denigrate or deny that most men and women express how they love, and how they want to be loved quite differently.

People like to know their partner desires them and wants to please them as much as they want to be pleased at least.

87AudreyHorne · 2020-02-18T11:24:08+00:00

I dont agree with your premise at all. I am with guys who click with me on all levels. It's not like I'm giving A and they're giving B. Most guys I know are much more romantic and emotional than me, and I've never been with porn enthusiasts. If a guy wants the type of sex that I dont like then I wouldn't be with him. If he isnt happy with me emotionally or physically he shouldnt be with me. Rather than either of us try to force ourselves to be something we're not.

Eastuss · 2020-02-18T11:28:31+00:00

I think your premise is wrong. “Putting on a show” is an odd way to describe sex or romance... Your assumption that all men want porn like sex just isn’t accurate. Sometimes we end up in weird positions, I am always enthusiastic, he would be pissed if I was “overacting,” and there are no non-vanilla acts that he bugs me for that I have to pretend to enjoy. For romance, neither of us likes big showy things. He’s affectionate in life- he surprises me with random, thoughtful gifts on non-occasions. We are both happy with authentic expressions of our affection, attraction and interest in getting each other off. Sometimes you proactively do things to keep momentum but it’s not “putting on a show.” This question is alien to me.

OutOfOranges · 2020-02-18T11:17:57+00:00

I suggest you take this post down and make a new one stating exactly what you are talking about with "porn sex" and what you are not talking about since everyone seems to be sidestepping the question and answering off topic.

endestir · 2020-02-18T10:57:42+00:00

theyre obviously not equivalent, and porn like sex is for the mentally ill

PsychologicalRegret7 · 2020-02-18T14:20:53+00:00

i feel so sad for men who think enthusiasm and excitement is "porn-like" sex. i don't know how to answer this because i don't "provide porn-like sex." i have sex the way i want to with my husband, which is exciting for me and makes me feel very enthusiastic about what we are doing. it's not something i offer to him in exchange for him being a nice husband, it's a natural byproduct of being a sexual human and loving his dick.

ontherailstoday · 2020-02-18T12:43:43+00:00

I don't want a man who has been trained by the porn industry to like exactly what is in porn. I'm OK with getting down and dirty and even being downright filthy about it, but I don't want to feel I'm having sex with the minds of a tonne of porn directors and actors and the general consensus of the porn viewing public not with the actual man himself and his sexual nature that has grown out of who he is.

I also don't like to feel i'm having sex for an invisible audience... if the action lags, if we get tired and bored because we attempted too much after a long work week and then decide to go get pizza and a glass of wine instead, if often sex is quick and sweet and mild, that's all OK, those are not let downs they are just things that happen. We don't gotta prove anything to anyone we just gotta feel good. If I get the feeling the guy is trying to prove something to the world by the sort of sex he has with me... if I feel he asked for something not because he desired it but because he desired to be like porn because that's validating to him I'm never going to let him near my cunt again so long as I'm feeling that way, I would literally end sex mid stroke and say forget about it this sucks in the worst way. Go away, I don't fuck wannabe pornstars.

As for romance... well everyone in an LTR likes to be appreciated for who they are, if I'm doing all the remembering of little things and making small thoughtful romantic gestures and he's doing nothing that's going to kill a relationship just as dead as trying to turn the bedroom into a porn video. Nothing more soul deadening in the long run than caring for someone who treats you like a bedside lamp not like a person. But I'm not really one to start demanding romance. It is just if a bit of it isn't there, first I'll stop doing the kind thoughtful things I do and then I'll be gone soon enough. The first time I'm at a secondhand book shop and see an uncommon and hard to source book that dovetails perfectly with his interests and I don't buy it because like well shit he wouldn't even bother to notice similar for me let alone buy it, I know we're on the way out.

2020-02-18T09:38:51+00:00

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passepar2t · 2020-02-18T09:36:40+00:00

I used to play a sort of Mr. Darcy role. Remain aloof but provide juuust enough romance, as if I was doing it in spite of myself, as if she was coming up on the verge of winning me over. It usually worked.

I stopped doing this eventually because I couldn't be assed anymore. With the last woman I've been with, I went full romance (reciprocated of course) and had a great time.

I don't really know what "porn-like" sex is. Honestly, a lot of times, the sex involved me putting on more of a performance than the woman.

rus9384 · 2020-02-18T11:49:50+00:00

My observations tell me men who genuinely like romance are not pursuing porn-like sex and women who genuinely like porn-like sex are not pursuing romance.

I am not actually demanding porn-like sex, but it is one of the things I look for in women. And yeah, I consider myself aromantic (cuddles are not romantic).

Gravel_Roads · 2020-02-18T09:34:54+00:00

I have no idea why anyone wants porn sex, it's not really intended to be pleasurable, for the men OR the women. It's not a great standard to set, most women physically don't have the anatomy for the shit a lot of those girls do.

If anything, as a man I expect my partners to romance me back when I romance them. If a girl thinks all she has to do is offer sex, she is not putting enough into the relationship to satisfy me, and she can go sling ass to men who have less abundance.

Both romance and normal sex should be a "given", and a relationship that is missing one or the other is already doomed to be miserable, no matter how much you give of the other.

People need to stop settling.

I've been a bit bitter in the early stage of my relationships when I realized some women do fake a greater interest for porn-like sex. But I realized I behaved the same with romance.

I have no idea what you get out of your relationship, honestly, if I were in your position I'd have divorced within 6 months and moved onto greener fields. You don't seem like you and your partner even like each other very much.

superlurkage · 2020-02-18T15:58:46+00:00

This has been instructive. Performing loving acts is for men is painful and fake, equivalent to performing porn acts for women, and both sexes should just suck it up and grit through it. Valentine’s Day is horrible for men, ladies — we should have a Porn Sex day to compensate for their pain!

skystar86 · 2020-02-18T09:59:22+00:00

Porn sex is stuff like cuckolding, choking, double penetration, age play, incest play, stuff like that.

sublimemongrel · 2020-02-18T11:55:12+00:00

I’m married with a baby. “Romance” is like a card on Valentine’s Day and maybe you shower beforehand lol

cxj · 2020-02-19T00:30:18+00:00

I love “performing” romance in my own way, in my own time. Valentines and other holidays feel phony to me, I grew up in a dysfunctional family and have bitter feelings towards holidays in general, especially Christmas. I send cute texts almost every single morning to my gf, an bedtime ones. I tell her I love her whenever we’re together, tell her she’s cute/pretty etc. hold her hand, Snuggle her, share cute links about cute animals on her fb, text her cute silly memes. It’s only somewhat of a performance though, I actually feel genuine affection for her.

We have “porn” sex, in a sense... anal, facials and swallowing (the big 3 for me) fingers in her butt while she rides my dick, etc. but it’s not porn in the fake moaning screaming sense. I don’t expect or even want threesomes of any kind. It probably is largely a performance from her, but she gets upset if we don’t do it enough, it’s crucial for her validation and she wants a sex life even though she has sort of a low sex drive and is DTF on demand basically.

Eastuss · 2020-02-18T10:14:55+00:00

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Eastuss · 2020-02-18T12:16:34+00:00

Yours and my view on porn sex is quite different. I think that porn sex is sex with a partner, who tries to copy porn because he thinks that's how women's bodies work and get pleasure.

I think my husband and I are in the middle. I'm not into porn sex with false moaning, but I'm initiative and open to experiments. My husband isn't very romantic, but we go out once in a while and he's caring and always likes having some time together. He doesn't expect me to behave like a porn star, I don't expect from him a bed with rose petals. In fact, we're both not into showing off, whether it's about sex or feelings.

CREEPYFUCKBOI · 2020-02-18T12:39:26+00:00

When it comes to leading I prefer it slightly. Idk if that means porn sex but you did say the woman intiating. Which the type of sex ive had my whole life. I consider it normal instead of wild porn sex. Im just more comfortable in that role.

Things have been changing for me lately in that area though. It just was that way for so long i got sick of it.

Idk how a woman initiating is pornsex. Its how ive always been and i consider myself an awkward dork. But i cant think of a time a guy i was dating tried to intiate with me instead of the other way around. Im sick of my role and wish it would happen. It just doesnt. Im 31.

When it comes to romance i like it atypical. Movie romance is corny, cheesy, bores me but somehow scares me at the same time. I want something actually real and raw when it comes to that. If you are just mimicking what you saw in movies i can see how that's such a massive turn off to so many women.

I want something personal. That only me & him can understand. Like an inside joke. Laughter is how i see romance. Even if its at goofy, dumb, gross, nonsensical, morbid bullshit.

There is nothing worse than a guy who looks at me like a girl. Like an alien.

If he sees me as an equal, thats the romance i need. Its not shown in movies.

crookedsummer2019 · 2020-02-18T12:45:10+00:00

https://ca.askmen.com/top_10/dating/porn-and-sex.html

It’s a bit of a long read but interesting perspective from people in the porn industry.

Basically, it’s a performance meant to sell a product.

I’m not suggesting there’s anything wrong with that. I’m not against porn myself but it’s good to have the insight of people in the industry for the context of this discussion.

HollowLegMonk · 2020-02-18T13:58:01+00:00

I’m not sure what “porn like sex” even means considering how much vast variety there is. There is vanilla porn and there is fetish porn it goes both ways.

And as a guy I like romance for sure. I know guys sometimes might be less engaged in a relationship when it comes to things like giving flowers or stuff like that. But I like falling in love and I try to do romantic things for my partner. I feel like it’s a stereo type that men don’t like romance. Yes some don’t, but many do. TBH if a guy isn’t romantic with a woman it just means that’s his personality type. If it’s a problem for her then she either needs to find someone who is like that or communicate with them that she needs more affection.

With all that said one thing I’ve always noticed is that if a guy is too overly affectionate too often it can turn women off because they see it as the guy is kissing their ass. Like giving your girlfriend flowers on Valentine’s Day is fine but if you do it three times a day all year long it can be too much.

Bpinchosrep · 2020-02-18T14:06:51+00:00

I used to do romantic stuff for my wife and one year she complained on v day that i “only” got her flowers and chocolate, and how uncreative it was.

I was like "ok." I haven't done anything romantic or bought her any gifts since. Once in a while i'll get her a card, that's it.

Why would I do something for her that is not appreciated? If she was to spontaneously give me a blowjob, you think i'd complain that she didn't throat all 9 inches?

If anything, since i dropped the massive beta simpfest that is romance, our sex life has improved. At this point I'm like... why would any man ever do romance in an LTR/marriage? I think it creates an unhealthy dynamic. I think when men bend over backwards to win a woman's affections, part of her despises him. Maybe not if it's at the very start of a relationship, but if it continues, it becomes like a drug where she needs bigger and bigger doses for it to have an appreciable effect. Fuck that.

Bpinchosrep · 2020-02-18T14:17:09+00:00

Here the problem, romance flows from the man to the woman. And sex also flows from the man to the woman. Women (in general) do not invest in romance towards men. All of the things we consider as romantic were created & practiced by men. During sex women put in little to no effort and feel “exhausted” when they ride, throw it back or suck you for longer then a minute. They want for everything to be done for them.

They (claim to) want to be lavished with gifts and chivalrous pleasantries. But what if I told you that women are NOT romantic and they do not value nor respect romance and chivalry. What if I told that women don’t want to be softly made love to, but instead they want to be ravished by a selfish lover who can oscillate between tenderness and aggression.

Let’s debunk this myth now. Women DO NOT provide sex! THEY ARE NOT THE TRUE BESTOWERS OF SEX. Men fuck, women get fucked. If women were the bestowers of sex then the entire responsibility of the sex act would fall on their shoulders. Does it? No. The very definition of good sex to a woman is when the man comes in and completely takes over. If the sex is good it’s his fault. If the sex is bad it’s also his fault. The woman is only the gatekeeper of sex. She can grant or deny access. But she does NOT actually provide it. That would mean she plays an active role, which women hate to do. So in reality it is the man who is providing both the romance and the sex.

Sex does not need the theatrics and drama to be considered “porn quality”. Couples could have “porn sex” but they are just lazy, amateur or shy. So if people want to have great (pornstar quality) sex, it depends on the MANS skill, knowledge, ability to open and a womans willingness to open. The propaganda strikes again with its lies onto the people.

lycheenme · 2020-02-18T16:44:30+00:00

nah my boyfriend is very romantic and appreciative, and i initiate most of our sex. it is very rarely vanilla sex.

this happened naturally, he's a sweet boy, and my libido is pretty high,.

Reisiluu · 2020-02-19T08:27:55+00:00

No, I don't expect grand romantic gestures from him like you see in movies.

SilentLurker666 · 2020-02-18T13:02:05+00:00

Let's flip the coin here a bit: How can you expect a women to have enthusiastic sex with her husband if she's not feeling it? Marital Rape is a thing. How can you expect a husband to be romantic if he's no longer feeling loved?

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xXxINCELFAGGOTxXx · 2020-02-18T09:37:31+00:00

I'm not the most romantic dude out there and my gf reads those crappy "softporn novels". I once hit her with "you want that rich chad dick, don't you?" and laughed, her response was: "It's just a well written book", I couldn't stop laughing for the next couple of minutes. She definitely loves when I'm romantic, but it doesn't happen too often.

I don't need porn-like sex though. Sometimes I feel like making her choke on my dick, but that's about it. We did anal a couple of times, but besides some psychological (domination) aspect pussy wins everytime.

Workaholiconew · 2020-02-18T11:15:32+00:00

Men just want sex. And preferably one where both like it.

That is why we fake domination. Meb for the most part are indifferent to it, but we know women aren't.

I don't expect my partners to indulge in porn like sex but I will be forced into it, I am sure. Because you know, women are not as self sacrificing as they say they are. Not by a long shot.

I also am not romantic nor I intent to be. I have no interest on romantic relationships.

Zippo-Cat · 2020-02-18T11:56:36+00:00

Since when do women give a fuck about romance lol

werubim · 2020-02-18T12:34:46+00:00

I think it's blue-pilled to think women want romance.

Uniqueusername360 · 2020-02-18T12:41:21+00:00

You’re absolutely correct. Anybody that doesn’t like it is way too removed from reality and invested in a personal bias.

2020-02-18T16:05:11+00:00

I don't like romance OR porn sex because both seem fake and performative. We have a good sex life without any crazy stuff, though I'll try anything he wants at least once to see if I enjoy it.

penelopesheets · 2020-02-18T18:03:48+00:00

These two things are not equivalent in any sense.

Romance does not require anyone to use their body for someone else's pleasure. Men that expect women to perform during sex do no respect women as human beings. Porn-like sex is degrading for women and that needs to be understood before you go comparing it to something women expect from men.

2020-02-19T05:23:57+00:00

All I can say I do. It .ike anal.

GreenSatyr · 2020-02-19T06:49:43+00:00

Your entire paradigm is wrong. We do whatever we want to, and there is lots of sex because we both want lots of sex, not because it is expected. Same with romance. There are some things in life that are worth much less when not coming from a place of mutual independent will.

urabeshya · 2020-02-20T12:58:37+00:00

I think it’s funny that men are really defending porn-like sex. They would probably change their mind if they knew how much it hurts during and after the fact when you get vaginal tearing and bleed.

urabeshya · 2020-02-20T13:22:52+00:00

If you didn’t actually want to hear what women think then why did you ask the question? You could have gone on deluding yourself that most women enjoy being degraded by you.

Title	[Q4All] Women who are reluctant to provide porn-like sex. Men who are reluctant to providing romanticism. Are you expecting your partner to indulge in theses, respectively?
Author	Eastuss
Upvotes	20
Comments	221
Date	February 18, 2020 9:24 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/f5p78k/q4all_women_who_are_reluctant_to_provide_pornlike/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-women-who-are-reluctant-to-provide-porn-like.339268 https://theredarchive.com/post/339268

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