Husband resentful he has to care for his own child, uses abusive tactics to punish wife. But guess who's TA

vitryolic · 2020-12-21T17:31:04+00:00

Honestly the comments on that post make me feel sick. Especially from other women trying to minimise her post birth trauma, and the difficulty of looking after a newborn baby. He describes his child as a chore, and his partner as a low priority. Yet if her mother wasn’t helping them he would be even more overwhelmed. The double standard for mothers is awful

honeybeeroll · 2020-12-21T17:37:14+00:00

Every day I go on Reddit I want a husband and child less and less. Is finding a man who actually loves me unconditionally and is attracted to me possible? Yes. Is it likely? The answer seems to be no.

This is a good reminder not to settle but it’s a scary indication of how prevalent LVMs are.

tallwomenneedlovetoo · 2020-12-21T17:20:12+00:00

This is why I keep telling people not to have children until they’re ready, willing and able in every way to be single mothers.

Once you have a child and especially once you start staying home with the child, a man will snap on a whoooole new face. He’s got you trapped. He doesn’t have to do shit for you to be attached to him for the rest of your lives. So there’s no need to be nice, put in effort, or really even do the bare minimum for you. He already got what he wanted: you feeling the lowest you’ve ever felt and hopefully trauma bonding to him.

fckinengaged19times · 2020-12-21T18:42:00+00:00

I really wish I didn’t read the top comments on that post. People are horrible. One said to get over the traumatic birth and work on HIS needs.

NottodayScrote · 2020-12-21T19:39:04+00:00

Good lord. Its raining Pickmeshias in there. Someone asked "He gets an hour a day to himself?" "He works to provide for you and then has to take care of the baby on his own?". Moms deal with this every day. They are lucky to get 5 minutes to themselves. Moms go to work, are often times the sole breadwinner and come home to and have to take care of both the house, children and everything else because the father wants to pretend his arms are broken. And when this is brought up all the moms are told told to suck it up or ignored. But god forbid a maaan is expected to take care of his child to give mil a break and let his wife recover from the damage caused by giving birth to their child. Here comes the Picks mes throwing their panties. How pathetic

honeybeeroll · 2020-12-21T16:49:34+00:00

This is what I commented and I got down voted lol. I realized after posting that the MIL staying isn't the only or even the real issue, he's actually pissed that he has to care for his kid. Both my parents worked and came home from work and took care of us, and my father never fucking treated my mother like this. And if he did she would've kicked his ass to the curb cuz how DARE a spouse react like to this to a woman who just gave birth!

MY COMMENT:

NTA. Your spouse is giving you the silent treatment and withholding affection because he's mad about something. THAT IS NOT OKAY. That is not a mature reaction! That is in fact an abusive tactic!

This sub LOVES to tell people to "communicate," and yet no one in the comments seems to care that your husband has not communicated at all. Not once has he expressed what his actual problem with your mom staying is. Instead he's just giving you the silent treatment and withholding affection to punish you for doing something he doesn't like.

Has he even explained why he doesn't want your mother there? Why is he pissed that your mother is willing to help both you AND him too, so you can focus on recovering from the trauma that is childbirth? Shouldn't this be a good thing?

EDIT: not part of comment - I would understand if the husband was a bit upset or slighted at the wife making the MIL extended stay decision w/o him. However, his extreme passive aggression is a disproportionate reaction to what she did.

Poorfck · 2020-12-21T19:22:14+00:00

Thank you so much for posting this, I was about to! What I found especially depression were all the women in the comments talking about their traumatic birth experiences, how they had no support, were in pain and no one cared... and then attacking her for wanting her moms help and support when the husband clearly doesn’t give a shit about her now that she fulfilled her mission as his incubator. You’d think other women would be more compassionate and understand her situation because they’ve been there themselves... but no. Patriarchy is really pitting us against each other. Pickmes are female traitors.

ScrotonimoStilton · 2020-12-21T17:16:35+00:00

She literally says how she had a traumatic birth and this idiot can't even tell her what's wrong? Reddit hates mothers so much after they've given birth. Women are only vessels for children.

Samvanderkamp123 · 2020-12-21T18:06:42+00:00

He’s told her how it is. She’s a lower priority.

He has devalued the mother of his child because she asked her mother for help eight weeks after an awful delivery.

Cue a future of sulks, silent treatment, nagging for sex, possibly a gift of Walgreens’ Christmas Scented Bath Collection (Peony & Chai).

circescircus · 2020-12-21T17:10:52+00:00

How sad. The baby was born 8 weeks ago and her father has already lost interest in her and is openly resentful about taking care of her and providing for her. He's taking it out on her mother.

This woman is talking about how sweet it is that he is "good" with the baby. She's delusional. I wouldn't even trust him to take care of her unsupervised. Infants are so, so fragile. Show me resentment towards caring for or providing for the baby, after I fucking carried it for 9 months and pushed it out of my vag, and I will throw your ass out that night. Babies are so small and fragile, and over 70% of people who inflict shaken baby syndrome, are men. Especially after I just gave birth and have mama bear brain, crazy hormones, etc no way I'm going to prioritize a sorry resentful sack of shit over a baby I carried in my body for 9+ months and violently gave birth to. Doesn't matter if he takes it out on me, if he shows resentment against me, when I carried his child and gave birth to it, it is not a far stretch for him to sooner or later show resentment against the child.

Oh, and I'm not surprised that AITA sub is saying yes she is the asshole. They're saying, your mom is helping you what do you all day, why don't you rub his feet too after he works all day. Guess what asshats, she is going back to work in just 4 weeks, after she just gave birth 8 WEEKS ago, after (in her own words), a traumatic birth. She only got 6 more weeks leave than he did, and she GAVE BIRTH. Also why the fuck is he mad about his MIL staying to help? He should be fucking grateful. Can you imagine how mean and nasty he is going to be to his wife, when she goes back to work and when his MIL is no longer around to help? Straight up tells his wife to ask her mom to rub her feet, what an ingrate junkyard dog. Fuck Reddit for hating women and moms so much. Fucking barbarians. 12 weeks off after giving birth is barbaric to begin with, the fact that she had a traumatic birth makes it worse, the only good thing is her mom is able and willing to help for a few weeks, and people want to shit on her for that too.

Magnolia05 · 2020-12-21T20:58:35+00:00

And a little while on down the road, the husband is going to be posting in r/deadbedrooms because his wife, who loves him now and is trying to maintain intimacy with him, is going to lose interest in having sex with him because he’s being such an asshole to her now. And he won’t have a clue.

Cognitivedecadence · 2020-12-21T17:36:30+00:00

Fuck. This. Man.

mitzislippers · 2020-12-21T18:39:39+00:00

Bro i don’t even wanna marry unless the dude worships me. rather be alone if not cuz this ish is ridiculous bruh, imagine you went thru HELL giving birth and that fat warthog of a husband has the AUDACITY to act like a spoiled brat cuz he has to take care if his own seed!? Oh but I bet he’d want maddd father’s day gifts cuz he created the baby right? or financially helped out? nah leave him. I woulda lost my temper fr cuz how dare he 😒

mitzislippers · 2020-12-21T18:34:46+00:00

oh god this just cleared my baby fever right up. I don’t think I want to have a baby with a man fr. I’d rather get my career straight and then get pregnant via IUI, sperm donor, or adoption. men are horrible. because are there really any good men left?

berned-out · 2020-12-22T02:36:19+00:00

Show IATA to all american girls, let them in on the big lie about motherhood and being married.

The whole thing is a chore.

MummyCroc · 2020-12-22T04:55:17+00:00

This is one thing my culture is great about. When you have your first baby, you live with your mum for at least 6 weeks so you can recover from childbirth, learn how to care for the baby and just rest until you are used to having a small person who relies on you for everything around.

Then for 2nd babies going forward, she takes the older kids and stays with them, mothering and loving them while you adjust to having a baby again and recover.

BasieSkanks · 2020-12-21T21:43:49+00:00

Pickmes can be a disease, I swear. I can’t believe people are blasting the OP for getting live-in help after going through a traumatic birth. I also can’t believe that people think the husband has a harder time because he has to work and look after his kid sometimes. When mothers do that, nobody gives them extra credit. I guarantee that all the pickmes on there crowing about how they got through it with no help are the same mothers venting to Breaking Mom about how their partner is useless.

SarcasmSlide · 2020-12-21T20:26:05+00:00

Not having children is the smartest thing I ever did.

Oomlotte99 · 2020-12-21T17:03:44+00:00

I think he resents the mom being there and is not communicating which makes him the asshole BUT it is bogus she didn’t discuss the mom situation with him and it sounds like mom only helps her, which I could see breeding resentment, too. So... I think they’re both assholes.

Mella_20 · 2020-12-22T06:34:02+00:00

Sometimes I have to stop myself from going on that sub, cause the comments always make me lose faith in humanity. Its filled with people who either lack empathy, are pickmes, or have never been in a relationship so they give advice based on shit they see in movies, cause they think life is a movie, and for that reason, they will never get over the idea of a woman daring to demand some sort of respect.

Title	Husband resentful he has to care for his own child, uses abusive tactics to punish wife. But guess who's TA
Author	honeybeeroll
Upvotes	152
Comments	78
Date	December 21, 2020 4:48 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/khl1qe/husband_resentful_he_has_to_care_for_his_own/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/husband-resentful-he-has-to-care-for-his-own-child.339477 https://theredarchive.com/post/339477

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