659,329 posts

Do not talk about negative shit.

by MrTrizzles | October 30, 2017 | TheRedPill

756 upvotes

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Add this as a fundamental part of your frame and it will save you lots of time and problems. Think of it as a firewall rule for outgoing traffic.

Let's step back. Out of all the things one might talk about, why choose something negative? Just on general principle, I don't want to spend any time on negative shit. I want to spend my time on positive shit. Sentiments shared by most of mankind, surely.

But let's say I am. I'm voluntarily talking about negative shit. I must have a really, really, really good reason. Because lest I forget, I am forcing my audience to feel bad. To deal with negative shit. Essentially, I am making them suffer the same emotional consequences that I have incurred. So this reason needs to explain how their awareness is of such benefit that it's worth the pain that it brings along.

So what are the rational reasons for sharing something negative about me or my life? There is only one: they can offer a solution, if one even exists. That's it. Unless your problem has a solution, and unless you think your audience has it, then never talk about negative shit, period. If you must, then use a pro or a priest. Both trades exist almost solely to listen to people talk about their problems. It's enough that you have to feel bad about shit. Don't make it worse by forcing the people you care about to feel bad, too.

When can one share about their negative shit? After you win. Because then it becomes a positive story about success. You could almost say that talking about a negative situation as it's happening is premature, since you don't know how it's going to turn out. You might well be documenting for your listeners a grand fail, in real time.

Notice this is before we even get to girls, or not showing weakness, or the myriad other considerations RPers need to navigate. To have rational, well-considered first principles behind every interaction is key to building a frame you don't have to think about all the time.

P.S. I think the reason why some people get a 'be happy' vibe from this is my use of 'positive,' particularly when used opposite 'negative.'

In this context I'm using it as a stand-in for 'anything that has merit' - NOT in the 'don't worry be happy' matrice.

This choice is a simple binary and should happen instinctively, frankly. Pain, or not.


Post Information
Title Do not talk about negative shit.
Author MrTrizzles
Upvotes 756
Comments 121
Date 30 October 2017 07:52 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit TheRedPill
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/46849
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/79mb1t/do_not_talk_about_negative_shit/
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Comments

[–]Shukakun186 points187 points  (12 children) | Copy

This is extremely important, both for your own mental health and for your social status. No one likes people who constantly complain.

Also, talking about your problems is similar to being a beggar. The difference is that you're begging for free shrink sessions, rather than money. People will feel used and look down on you if you're going to treat them like amateur shrinks. And if you're on this boars, I'm sure you realize what this means in the context of a relationship. The quickest way to ruin a relationship is to make the other person look down on and pity you. There's always a protector and a protected in a relationship, similar to a parent/child dynamic. You want to be the steadfast father who makes his daughter feel secure, not the sad little boy who complains to mommy about his problems all the time.

All that being said, negative talk does not necessarily make the other person feel bad. There's another aspect to it, and I'm unfortunately speaking from experience here. Some social circles have a thing where they talk shit about everything and everyone, probably to feel better about themselves. Don't be that person.

[–]Shtafoo11 points12 points  (10 children) | Copy

Fully agree. I've been feeling off lately, went to a shrink and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I live together with my girlfriend and I tried to keep it away from her. But the panic attacks man, they fucked my frame up more then I'd like to admit. I feel like she understands the situation I'm in but a part of me knows it was still wrong to talk about it. Heard her talking to her parents and she was crying about my situation and felt bad for me (in a good, loving way). She seems to really live with the problems and genuinely interested to help me.

I'm doing everything I can to get out of this and not complaining why this happened to me. But a small part of me thinks she might be capable of loving me? Sometimes this shit is fucking confusing and it's tricking me into bluepilled behaviour. Any tips?

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's not bluepilled to think she can love you - she just can't in the way that you love her, and her love is NEVER going to be unconditional. There's a point at which your frame could be broken enough that she'll stop loving you. It might be a different point for different women. Maintain frame, be the captain, and she'll hopefully keep loving you.

[–]franklerabbit20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy

mate love does actually exist pal. Its her attraction to you that might wear of if you're perceived as weak. Be happy she loves you and try and get better fast so you can be as attractive as possible, thats all you can do

[–]Times_Seven5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start meditating, wim hof, and cold showers

[–]plainposter1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

just lift bro. just.. lift.

[–]Alexinfinite010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have vicious anxiety attacks my entire body and hands are literally shaking at times. I went to the doctor and demanded he give me a drug called cyprolex. For me it has been the only thing that has helped and I'll never look back. I don't know what might be right for you but I found its probably saved me from drop dead dying before I hit 40

[–]ScoutEU-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

If you are having panic attacks go see a doctor and get anti-depressants (they work for anxiety and panic attacks). Your problems will disappear in a week or two and when you come off then you will realise how stupid panic attacks are and how easy it is to control them when you feel them coming. Good luck regardless.

[–]SPREAD_THE_LOVE_77911 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

To recommend anti-depressants without any disclaimer is completely irresponsible. The reality is not everyone does their research and these medications can have long term and permanent effects. Please do your research and weigh out the pros and cons before starting to take stuff like this.

[–]ScoutEU0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm sorry. I recommended him to go see a doctor about getting anti-depressants.... Not going to a drug dealer on the street. It is up to the doctor to make the decision. I am talking from experience that after having several months of panic attacks for no apparent reason, going to a doctor fixed it in a week and I have had maybe 3-4 panic attacks in 5 years rather than 3-4 a day, every day, and now I fully understand what is happening and I let it pass...... I would always recommend going to a doctor, as it's a horrible thing to try and cope with.

Essentially what I'm trying to say is that there are drugs which can assist him greatly which he may not know about

[–]plainposter0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

fun fact: a small number of people have a certain gene that gives them akathisia induced impulsivity when they take antidepressants, which makes you really uncomfortable and wanting to crawl out of your own skin -- but to everybody else you look totally chill.

minute 2:28 - 3:10 (42 second piece):

here's a great video on it.

[–][deleted] 78 points79 points  (14 children) | Copy

Examples I have witnessed first hand:

Within an hour of meeting girl:

  • Talks about abusive/shitty childhood
  • Brings up previous failed relationships
  • Mentions struggles paying rent
  • Talks about not knowing how to talk to girls

Some men are so desperate to just be heard and given attention that they word vomit their entire life’s suffering onto any woman who gives them attention.

It’s almost as if they’re wielding their suffering and failures as a sin of status.

Trying to show that they’re the nicest nice guy.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (2 children) | Copy

Fuck, I've done this. Not to show I'm some nice guy.. Just explaining my personal background to them.

Asking about ones' family and all that is a pretty common topic on a first date. I always just assume they don't hit me back cause they think I'm some damaged lonely bastard.. Which I am.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy

You’ve got 230,000 dudes walking the same path, differently.

You shouldn’t be lonely man.

If you are, embrace the solitude while working to improve social standing.

[–]K_J_K2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's a shame when you go red that you can't bring your friends with you. I've tried, but getting them to understand is definitely a process, and only if they decide to listen.

[–]DysfunctionalBrother5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

I almost never talk about my life in that context ever because i don't really want to and even if i did, i think other people won't care and why would they? Most people have enough going on without me talking about my past.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (4 children) | Copy

People don’t care.

Even if I’m an expert on the subject being discussed, rarely will I correct someone who is wrong as it kills the vibe, when you’re out - you’re out to have a good time, everyone should step back & chill/enjoy the ride.

[–]MrTrizzles[S] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Keen insight. How old were you when figured that out? Or rather, was able to do it with aplomb and not biting your mental tongue? I was embarrassingly old. And I still get tense lol.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I was 19, learned early to just chill the fuck out and that the point of life was there is no point, so why take it seriously?

[–]Endorsed ContributorReddJive1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

In the war of egos the loser always wins.

In other words even if you’re right shutting someone down only means you might miss key insight.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Except for the last point, all of those sound like conversations I've had with women in the past on a 2nd or 3rd date. I'm sure I've been guilty of these as well, but damn they are just depressing things to talk about and usually make me think twice about continuing the relationship. They're almost like "Can you handle my level of crazy?" shit tests. No thanks.

[–]IkWhatUDidLastSummer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sadly this #MeToo garbage validates this mentality.

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I've seen girls do the same thing. Never penalized.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s because when a girl does it, most guys goose to play the role of Captain Save-a-Hoe

[–]cashmoney_x118 points119 points  (9 children) | Copy

Tell this to my blue pilled brother please. I love the guy but 87% of what he says is feminine bitching.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy

I work with a guy who’s like this. His girlfriend has effectively neutered him. It’s a shame. Once upon a time he was actually a pretty decent guy. Now he’s miserable and everyone knows about it.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Fuck it dude. If you see a man that is obese who wasn't in his 20's, you can bet your bottom dollar his wife is torturing him. Same thing with the bitching, weird hobbies, etc.

The thing is, it is hard to feel pity for guys like that because they refuse to realize that they are at fault for that.

[–]coco54400 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Damn -- way too close to home.

[–]nordicuser32 points33 points  (0 children) | Copy

Post this in an appropriate subreddit and link it to him.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Have you gotten him to lift with you?

[–]cashmoney_x2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

A few times but he always falls off.

[–]KingRead2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell him it's cause he's ugly, but say it jokingly and change the topic right away.. Next time he does it again, tell him we probably smelled bad, but again jokingly..

Help your brother reframe the situation like he made a choice to complain, and it's the wrong one. Make him feel silly for even making it an issue worth talking about.

[–]SPREAD_THE_LOVE_7791-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's important for brothers to be close. If you are not close, change that. If he is on a path that will lead to long term suffering, find a way to open a dialogue that leads to TRP.

[–]K_J_K0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm watching my brother follow the same path that I was on. I realized what was happening and made a choice to be better.

He has to realize he wants to be better before TRP can do anything for him.

[–][deleted] 41 points42 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are a not a bitch. Period. You have no use for bitching. When your frame is healthy and strong, you don't need to complain to anyone because you know you can take care of it. Even if you don't, it won't kill you. You can recover from it. So why bitch? As a man, be a beacon of emotional stability to those around you and, most importantly, yourself. That can't happen when you're spewing negative emotion all over. Being a stoic isn't some useless "commandment" dictated by the redpill, it's a pillar for a good, emotionally controlled life

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is my golden rule for all kinds of meetings. There is nowhere for a conversation to go after something negative. It's not interesting. And you run the risk of instantly alienating them forever. Nobody will be turned off if you like skateboarding but they don't. Many will be turned off if you reveal you don't like cheese.

This post is spot on.

[–]MrTrizzles[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Excellent point, inappropriate negativity in a business setting is in incredibly poor taste and they will suffer greatly for it.

[–]Rhynovirus10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

This goes hand-in-hand with “not caring” and “not getting emotionally attached”. You can not rely on women for emotional support, ever, unless they’re your therapist. At best they will view you as weak and abandon you at your most vulnerable, at worst they will use your weaknesses and vulnerabilities against you. Good post.

[–]Hillarysdilddo_201611 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nobody likes a bitch.

Nobody likes a little whiney bitch.

We're men.

Come up with solutions or shut your trap and grit your teeth and deal with it.

Edit: making it clear I'm talking about attitude one should hold and not attacking the OPs post. I agree with OP.

[–]cshama34 points35 points  (10 children) | Copy

Personally I would prefer to go through life expressing feelings I actually feel and talking about things I want to talk about, when I want to talk about them. I don't feel the need to put a smiley face on 24/7 and I say what I want when I want. Never had a problem getting girls no matter what comes out of my mouth.

[–]Hillarysdilddo_201620 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

Personally I would prefer to go through life expressing feelings I actually feel and talking about things I want to talk about, when I want to talk about them.

Most of us would like that. We would love to be accepted for who we are, no changes required. However, the reality is that there are job requirements to being a man. You can either meet those requirements or fail them. Your choice.

I don't feel the need to put a smiley face on 24/7

It's not about being fake. It's about social intelligence and stoicism. Change what you can (action) and accept what you cannot (endurance). This is stoicism. Expressing negative thoughts (bitching) accomplishes neither and turns off most people.

[–]PeanutFlavor5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

This. The whole fucking premise of swallowing the red pill is that you are able to live life as though it’s YOUR movie—crafting every interaction and every outcome to fit your wish. If one has developed their frame enough, they should be able to take a conversation just about anywhere and still come out on top.

[–]MrTrizzles[S] 10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

I get what both of you are saying, and you're taking this way beyond the purview of my point. Which is not about being or appearing to be happy. It is, simply, don't be negative. Don't talk about bad shit. Especially bad things about yourself. That not only is it unpleasant, but pointless too.

And I tried to shift the context a little so the principle is fundamental to all social interactions, including the romantic ones, to make it easier to implement for those guys whose Sharing mechanism switches to full auto when they feel accepted and loved.

I took 200 words to say, "If you can't say anything nice..."

[–]2mental_models4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

And that was a solid post.

There is a subset of people who suffer from a combination of lacking the ability to critically think, and, the inability to accept reality. They also can't accept the fact that a reality which has general, objective principles in turn means that they have weaknesses, that they have a learning curve, that they've made fundamental mistakes in their path....

These folks want to claim Red Pill, but they want it to be an anything-goes freestyle. They are never wrong. (They believe that;)Their(inefficient, ignorant, and often flawed) path up to this point is justified because of xyz hamstering. That their weaknesses don't matter. That their lack of self-control and will power doesn't matter. Anything goes....

And these people don't shut the fuck up.

[–]2mental_models1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No. That's not how it works.

[–]2mental_models2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

that's fine.

Just don't claim red pill.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Whining and revealing weakness is horrible for early dating and plate spinning. It positions you into a best friend light straight away. It’s exactly what girls seeking beta males are looking for. They will fall in love over that shit a dozen before they realize what’s missing.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nah man, as I go over all my interactions I realize that negative feelings/etc just don't fly well. Especially with women.

Sometimes we can be too Redpilled, in that you look at the world way to negatively and you forget to just go with the flow and use the knowledge to maintain your freedom while being fun.

All of my relationships/friendships/one night stands have been decimated because of this negative aspect.

I may disagree with you friend, but I respect your opinion.

[–]AcrossHallowedGround0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You have a point. However No one is saying you have to be smiling 24/7. I go around pretty much all the time with a very serious/stern face. Sometimes people say I look mad. But I refuse to spew negativity and people still go out of their way to engage me in conversation.

Bitching about some things can build rapport. Bitching with the guys at work can build camaraderie. As long as you're putting your head down and doing work when it's time it can be a positive thing.

Everything in moderation.

[–]themangu65 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Agreed, these group of "chads" have invited me to their social circle which is great because I have never been inside a chads circle before. But all they do is gossip and talk trash about other people like they have vaginas. It can be a real bummer.

[–]Dat_Chad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

hey us chads have feels too ya know /s

[–]Ovadox3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

After college try #1 ended badly I was lonely, depressed, bitter. I had lost a major part of my identity (smart, top student). During the lead up to that implosion I leaned on my friends for emotional support. To their credit, a few put up with it for a while, but eventually they all pretty much dropped off the radar. The only people who stuck around were just as fucked up as I was or worse.

I learned from that that people don't want to hear your problems. I also learned that friends are nice but just for company, having people to do fun things with. Do not count on anyone having your back but you. Maybe one or two of the people you know will pleasantly surprise you but you shouldn't need it.

If you are going through hard times the only way to come out on top is through pure strength of will to act in ways that improve your situation. Its seldom easy or fast bit in the end, if you succeed you will value yourself above all else and as many here have observed, that is the foundation of success with women, with career, with life.

[–]OpossumManEater3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I wouldn't say this advice is for everyone. A lot of us don't like this world where we have to fool ourselves into being "happy", as this world has one fundamental truth, in that it is a cold, sad, and often cruel place.

"For with great wisdom comes great sorrow" -- King Solomon in Ecclesiastes

In my opinion you can complain and express weakness towards your close male peers and close relatives -- that's it. Outside of those circles, this advice is sound (I.E NEVER express weakness to women not blood related) but putting up that face non-stop is virtually stripping the humanity from the human and none of us will ever transcend our humanity.

In the end, we are vulnerable creatures, we exit this world just as we came into it, crying and shitting our pants. Even in our prime, none of us can extract power from within indefinitely...at some point we need a source of comfort.

[–]MrTrizzles[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'd just make one correction, that I'm not at all talking about how you should present yourself, e.g. as being happy, or carefree, or problem free, or with the ever-popular AA.

I'm just pointing out why we shouldn't share certain things, at least until you can do so as the victor.

The distinction is important to me, because like you I do not support the idea of constructing some facade of being a happy or whatever person.

[–]rpluslequalsJARED 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

None of you losers are getting any girls don’t worry.

[–]Do not send modmail to my personal inboxCrazyHorseInvincible[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

We're actually all just chatbots running on an old IBM mainframe.

Banned.

[–]J2RDRC4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Being a young guy, most of my friends are from school or have at least known each other for 4-5+ years.

We all talk about what’s going on in our life’s, negative or not. In fact, on numerous occasions I’ve been questioned and have questioned wether or not someone is ok. Sure, we will talk shit about one of us being a pussy down the line, but I’ll be damned if we aren’t there to try and at least offer support when it is most needed.

That doesn’t mean any of us are adverse to handing out a toughen up talk.

Surely a great frame is built by being open and honest with yourself and owning any negative emotions or times you are going through?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Complaining is an admission that there is something about your life that you do not like but do not have drive or desire to do anything about. You’re a man god damn it, if there’s a problem you fucking fix it, not talk about it.

Complaining changes your mentality. The more people complain about things, the more negative overall they tend to be in all regards. People prefer positivity. Be what people prefer.

Complaining is fishing for sympathy and/or pity. You’ve hated people like that all your life. Why become one?

There’s literally more reasons than I can think of that being a complainer is bad news. Don’t be a complainer.

[–]RedPilledRoaster2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think trying not to talk about 'negative shit' at all times is impossible.

Some take it too far and won't even make jokes that "tear down" others.

You'll soon be labeled as the too-happy guy and everyone will see through your facade.

That being said you don't want to be the depressed loser. Find a balance.

[–]cshama2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well I guess you can criticize my approach of being honest with my feelings and opinions. If I feel negative, I don’t hide it. I find confidence and charisma far more important then some fake positive outlook on life. If I was a midget or a quasimodo or a low confidence bore, perhaps I would need to walk around with a plastic smile plastered to my face.

My point is, is that you need to direct the flow of interactions. Women can smell fear and low self esteem a mile off. And part of low self esteem is tailoring your behavior to their supposed reactions. Let them like you, or not. Who cares, there are billions more. I'm not cut or rich or perfect looking, yet I have pretty much had a 100% success rate on dates. My only failures have been the few times when I got plastered. The reason for that success is I have confidence based on reality. Not some bullshit I am pushing. But based on who I really am.

This may sound arrogant. And I guess I am. But that's my reaction when I hear about these supposed ideas about how you behave around women. Have the confidence to be yourself, it's intoxicating to women.

[–]Coder284 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

To answer your question: "why talk about something negative."

Its to simple vent and just get the crap off your back. Even if tge other person isnt listening but looks like they are it helps. Especial if you have a friend who will listen. Look if your not that kind of person tell the complainer to find someone who will help and listen to them.

[–]MrTrizzles[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

If you're willing, I'd like you to expand on that a little, the idea of venting, of getting things "off your chest."

How and why does that make you feel better? How do you explain stress or anger or other loss of emotional control without also implicitly admitting you were to overwhelmed by the situation?

How does their knowing about your (albeit minor and insignificant in the broader scheme of things) failings make you feel better? Why? And if you identify the operating principle... Could a different approach be healthier or more efficient?

This is not a test. I'm genuinely curious about your answers. Don't even worry about my questions, just a expound however you can.

[–]Coder283 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Its like cleaning your mind of all the crap youve gone through/have felt. Your putting your emotions out there and getting them out of your head. I always feel good after, in a way, exhaling my thoughts and emotions out and allowing another to either relate or give me some support, help me reflect on the day and look at the good not the bad.

In a psychological stand point talking with someone about what kind of crap is going on with your life can improve your mental health. Even just saying it outloud apperently helps.

The better option would be a therapists, but they can be expencive. Friends that listen and support you is way cheaper and also sets up a bigger and better support system.

Lastly why cant you admit your overwhelmed? Wouldnt saying your overwhelmed allow your friends to understand where your coming from.

Btw heres a source for benefits of talking: https://ie.reachout.com/getting-help-2/face-to-face-help/things-you-need-to-know/benefits-of-talking-to-someone/

[–]RP_Scotsman1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy

Understood and a fair post but I have a question for the older posters with regards to (serious) LTRs.

I understand the importance of maintaining frame, however how do you manage the expectations of your SO with regards to career worries, money problems and so on?

I'm pretty sure most women prefer a 'rock' that they can offload all of their troubles onto without necessarily reciprocating. A one-way street, so to speak.

How do you communicate with her when life has thrown you some curveballs, without sounding like a whiny bitch?

I'm sure the answers are to be found in the sidebar, but I haven't seen a good summary myself.

[–]MrTrizzles[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

I'm into serious LTRs but 'older' is a stretch.

The answer is context. How you interpret the interaction you are relating, and how you insert yourself in it. And ultimately, your motive for relating it to your audience in the first place.

What's the overall message? That you were a victim and how that sucks, or that you were part of a fucked up situation that's interesting enough on its overall merits to tell someone about. The first is negative, and may put pressure on the listener to provide what they judge to be an appropriate show of sympathy.

The second is sharing a laugh about a fucked up situation, and maybe a slight increase in respect/bonding, that you deftly handled a tricky situation, or at the very least came out of it with your sanity and sense of humor intact. And even if you had a hand in fucking it up, the context isn't that you fucked something up, that's just a bit piece where you lol learned to never do that again lol that's part of the larger story.

Lost your job through no fault of your own and haven't been able to find something else with your first choice of salary range. If you were to relate this situation, what's the context? That losing your job sucks, and it sucks that your trade is in a retraction, and it sucks how you've had to tighten the spending? Or is it a story of a segment of the <insert developed country here> dream everyone goes through, the chance to start somewhere fresh and make an immediate impact and run the place in a couple years, or maybe finally start your own business, and thank god I live somewhere where if it comes down to it I can always make money somehow.

You can tell the exact same story and come out of it looking bad or good, or at least unscathed. Negative shit, positive shit. And it's authentic. You aren't putting things in a non-negative context to make yourself look better, that's how you ultimately view the situation, in the widest context necessary for a positive/neutral perspective. If the story and the players have no redeeming values, then review the title of the OP.

Even if you and your audience have just gotten out of a negative situation together, the same principles apply. The context in which you put the situation tells them how you handled it. Is the message, well that sucked and I'm upset that it sucked, or is it well that sucked, wanna grab some lunch? Are you a victim, or is it 1pm? If you can't review what happened with equanimity then wait until you can. You're never obligated to discuss something just because someone brings it up. Wait until you're good and ready and have a rational reason to talk about it.

Like towards the end of Get Shorty, Travolta's character says, "Sure, I was scared then, but I'm not scared now. How long do you want me to be scared?"

E: What I'm describing is what RP calls "frame." But frame isn't a front put up to conceal, it's the principles by which one interacts with the world. Or it should be. With a principled approach frame happens organically.

E2: It shouldn't need to be said, but ultimately one's ability to not talk about negative shit hinges on one's ability to not do negative shit. TRP stood and gasped at Trump's frame, but it was defensive and only reduced the damage from the stupid shit he did. Healthy frame exalts one's virtues but is only naturally generated by a virtuous man.

[–] points points | Copy

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[–]alt-prtsc 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

That's interesting. You a subtle but significantly different approach to frame than TRP. Do you consider yourself RP?

[–]coco54400 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It is indeed a one-way street. Never expect a women -- even your LT girl or wife -- to care about your problems.

That said -- never be whiny -- you can bitch but with a more angry tone. And most importantly react in response to the curveball -- don't just stand there and let it hit you in the head.

Example from my own life: Career as a teacher was going nowhere so I sold the house, packed up the family, and moved 2000 miles to go to law school. A rash decision perhaps but a decisive one.

[–]Phaeer 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

I bitch and moan about the most ridiculous subjects on the Internet as an anonymous troll, since I find people's reaction fun, but never in real life.

[–]MrAnderzon1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

You should make more post about frame.

[–]MrTrizzles[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

See the reply to RP_Scotsman.

[–]musicvita251 point2 points  (17 children) | Copy

Unfortunately we live in a society right now that there really is hardly any positives.

Try living in London the amount of terror attacks, redundencies, brexit etc etc, pollution its very hard to be chipper when surrounded with such miserable faces etc.

Ive been a city boy all my life, but can definitely see myself moving out of the country in the future but ONLY after I've achieved what I have set out to

[–]MrTrizzles[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

You do have it pretty bad in London. It's not living in the horn of Africa and dying of starvation bad, or dying from drought-induced diarrhea bad... but pretty bad.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (7 children) | Copy

London has a great vibe. Brexit is no big deal, the terror attacks are as important as you personally make them, and unemployment is historically low.

Pollution is awful but that's everywhere diesel engines were encouraged, and don't get me started on the weather.

But if you can't find something you enjoy in London, it doesn't exist (except decent weather).

[–]musicvita25-3 points-2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Are you a londoner?

Brexit is a big deal mate, its effected a lot of industries and caused complete uncertainty

[–]Endorsed ContributorMarsupian8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy

You need some stoicism in your life.

Brexit is no big anything because it's outside of your control.

Solutions to potential problems and new opportunities are within your control so focus on that.

[–]musicvita250 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

stoicism

Any books you recommend on it?

[–]thrillho__6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Meditations, by Marcus Aurelius

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Discourses and selected writings by Epictetus

[–]Endorsed ContributorMarsupian1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Two good mentions so far. I also like the letters of seneca, for some they are easier to get into than meditations.

[–]Hillarysdilddo_20165 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you're tired of terror attacks then you should realize the Brexit is the first step to regaining your sovereignty and safety.

That is something to smile about.

[–]ThaChippa3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

"They killed our lord, Chipper," that's what my mudder says. "They're always gonna be late, they killed our lord."

[–]ljubebanjeglav0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You're right and while all the "positives" are going down the drain for the majority of the population in our societies, more and more it is required of you to stay upbeat and talk about inconsequential shit with passion. It's almost as if you it is required of you by your overlords to humiliate yourself by playing the happy tune. And dating is getting more and more of a feel like a god damn job interview. Like getting more and more like a market basically. And it's not that the Redpill has invented this, hence this theory of the sexual market value, it's that relationships are getting more and more like that, objectively. Now, my point being is not that you should talk about personal negative shit and so on, but just this wonder over why is it good that you should talk about positives like a market salesman. What are you trying to sell? Yourself? And what about good ol' fashioned politeness and remaining neutral for the sake of social appearences?

[–]musicvita251 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'll go as far as saying why bother talking at all? Just keep quiet.

However whats annoyed me the most is people in my circle, family and close friends. Their behaviour frustrates me as they say one thing and do the opposite.

Its probably because I am the person that literally says what I'm going to do. If Im going Im going. I finish the project. If I don't I'll revisit it at a later date.

Seriously this summer almost every other week london was a complete shit show.

[–]ljubebanjeglav0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's not stupid, that old expression that silence is gold. The less you speak, the better among certain people. Even and especially those that are supposed to be close. Considering that people are nasty idiots. Myself up to a point, knowing and expressing it, making me a greater one. But that's why there are tried and tested friends with whom you can share the burden of life.

[–]bilabrin-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fear of those things is having way more of an impact on you than those things actually are. They are outliers highlighted for ratings and political motivation. It helps those who highlight them but not you. Whenever I feel overwhelmed I compare myself to almost everyone else in human history and realize I have it made.

[–]uebermacht0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Saved!
http://archive.is/HO7cK

[–]MrTrizzles[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Aren't all posts automatically saved on that site?

[–]uebermacht0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sadly not ;/
There are several quality posts which got deleted by Mods for unknown reasons. If I didn't saved them, they would be still in the oblivion now.

Deleted gems for example:

1) Daily actions for a fulfilling life (http://archive.is/RAeVY)
2) FR: Funny Story: Don't Lose Your Shit! (http://archive.is/rYOGP)

So keep saving your posts! :)

[–]MrTrizzles[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How do you tell that site to save a post?

[–]awaken471 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Well, I'll end up having almost nothing to talk at work then...because most the work-related stuff (student support) is stressful

[–]Heisenbread770 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I need to get much better at this.

[–]eiseros07 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

As a conspiracy theorist, I needed to read this. Good topic & write-up OP!

[–]MrTrizzles[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I tried but I couldn't think of any hard connections between what I described and conspiracy theories or theorists. Care to elaborate?

[–]aparabola0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

-How to win friends and influence people

[–]MrTrizzles[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Is that book as good as everyone says? What did you think about it?

[–]aparabola0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It is iconic, if not legendary. [Dale Carnegie] One thing that stood out was this: People only buy from someone they trust & like. Work on those two things in every sales experience and you will be #1 on your team, in your department, in the company, etc...Fuck, now I sound like an inspirational speaking cult leader type lol.

[–]MrTrizzles[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell me about it. I've used 'positive' and 'negative' more times in the last 24 hours than an inspirational speaker does in a year.

[–]halfback9100 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, can confirm this is true in general. It's also why you shouldn't gossip or talk shit about other people.

People associate the things you say with you. If you're saying negative shit about you or others, that will stick to you.

It's very true in the workplace, especially. The converse is also true. If you pay people compliments behind their back, the people you're talking to will begin to associate those virtues with you.

[–]bilabrin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think also that it's not so much not showing "weakness" as helplessness. I think that genuinely acknowledging (though not highlighting) your flaws is fairly alpha so long as you aren't complaining or being needy because you also aren't projecting insecurity about those weaknesses.

[–]RedwallAllratuRatbar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I use my worst plate to pour all negativity into her so I can be upbeat with other people. Paradoxically my worst plate would be best potential LTR if she lost like 20 kilos

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Definitely old news for some but a good reminder for others.

[–]42-AX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Even if you are part of the audience, don't make other spectators feel like shit

[–]1UPZ_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

exactly.

unless the other person can offer help... don't bring them down.

do you like being dragged into an awkward negative situation?

people like hanging out with people who make them feel good.

[–]CabbagedDaughter0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Are you saying don't neg them or don't talk about sad and/or personal shit?

[–] points points | Copy

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[–]MrTrizzles[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would guess it's possible to be a happy virgin. Some philosophical and religious orders are voluntarily celibate. What can you learn from them?

[–]ytfromsnwcrsh0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

specially if the sad story is about yourself. Women dont care. And why should they? They are not there to be your pall, they are selecting a lover, a male. And if they sympathize, thats because your are in the friend zone. Lose lose situation.

[–]SteveStJohn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DMd02u3V4AA3g-4.jpg

True whether it is on Social Media or in person.

[–]ColdbloodedEdward0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

the only way to learn this is to stop reading this shit and experience it on your own. take the core concept, which, ironically, never mentioned here: "women have it better than men", leave, check back in on the weekend nights or off-time.

another important thing is to try to imagine how the other person is thinking, now feeling is a whole different concept which is difficult for me, but thinking.. no one wants to hear about your struggles, you got to find a way to vent it in private

[–]Peter_B_Long0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree 100% with this.

It's a bit tough not being able to talk to someone about your problems sometimes and just keeping it bottled up inside, but that's what being a man is about. You have to be a rock.

In regards to the post, I would go as far to say that you shouldn't be incorporated into anything negative in an interaction, ever.

By this I mean:

• Not talking about anything negative (bitching, complaining, sharing sad negative stories)

• Not being the emotional tampon, sad story sponge, etc. to someone. If someone starts complaining or sharing some sad negative experience with you, be charismatic enough to listen, but don't let them pour out everything onto you. Be respectful enough but change the subject asap.

• Being in negative situations. This one is hard to avoid because some negative situations are spontaneous (flat tire, fight at the bar, passing away of a friend)

The reason why it is important for you to avoid negative moments with people is because once you share a negative moment, that person begins to incorporate you as a trigger for a negative emotion, and nobody wants to feel negative. We all chase positive emotions every day. We gravitate towards people who make us feel good, and avoid people who make us feel bad (or bored).

So not only are you making yourself seem weak and beta if you talk about anything negative and make people feel negative, but you're also developing a scent for yourself so that you smell negative whenever that person sees you again.

[–]Warfrog 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Don't want to be that guy, but saying don't talk about negative shit is literally talking about negative shit.

[–]42-AX1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

And water is wet. Read the post again, OP already argued this point.

[–]Reformed65 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Don't want to be that guy

Then don't be that guy. Duh.

[–]Warfrog0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks for the advice. I'll just write it down in my little book of things I don't care about.

[–]Do not send modmail to my personal inboxCrazyHorseInvincible[M] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Don't want to be that guy

Then don't. First and only warning.



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