STUDY: Most men do not consider living together with you being committed or the same thing as wanting a future

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-08-11T18:13:15+00:00

For a man living with you is getting someone to cook and clean for him and have sex with him.

Orphanedpinkpetals · 2020-08-11T20:00:02+00:00

Men are everythingdiggers

ieatrainbowsprinkles · 2020-08-11T18:37:12+00:00

I just dropped my ex that wanted a second mommy. I paid half the bills but did 95% of the household duties. Riddle me that.

superheroxnerd · 2020-08-11T18:22:48+00:00

Living together without a commitment first is him holding out for someone better.

daisy_0720 · 2020-08-11T20:45:32+00:00

FDS strikes again!

It's insane how this sub keeps being proven right again and again.

SunnydaleHSDropout · 2020-08-12T01:22:50+00:00

Learned this recently. My ex and I lasted 8 months in the same apartment. During one of our final fights he said “don’t expect a ring.” So I left and found a place I love by all my friends!

Thenightsaresolong_ · 2020-08-11T20:58:09+00:00

lol I was just talking to my therapist about this yesterday.

Way back when, I had a boyfriend who I had moved across the country with/for (I’m reluctant to say ‘for’ because realistically it wasn’t for him, he wanted me to and I didn’t have many opportunities where I was living so I went along). Within two weeks of me moving, he started talking about where he wanted to move next- without me. Within two months he started talking about how moving me out to him didn’t mean that he wanted to get married. Within a year I was unconsciously trying to untangle myself from him to get away. Unsurprisingly, he had issues I didn’t know about and had a very difficult time making friends and establishing social relationships. He ultimately moved home because he wasn’t able to find a job or set down roots, and I am now flourishing where I ended up. Sucks for him I guess 😬 he was a rapist anyway. Good riddance.

cherryblossom012 · 2020-08-11T22:27:30+00:00

Be aware that just because a man agrees to move in together, doesn't in any way mean that he sees a future with you at all. They move in with a girlfriend to get a free cleaning service, emotional labor, sex with no effort and someone that cooks for them.

Keep your flat/house, most men aren't worth it.

Fact!

In fact, many cultures/religious backgrounds shun cohabitation until one is married. Might as well save oneself from the headache and stress of maintaining a household where he is willing to walk out.

leftclicksq2 · 2020-08-12T04:16:06+00:00

When you give up your space, you also give up your independence.

I've said this before in this sub: The relationship subreddit and "Am I The Asshole?" is chock full of these people who move in together. The couple ends up being together for six, even ten years (?????) and the girl wonders why the guy starts acting weird. The majority of the time the woman's ever loving has long checked out of the relationship and is carrying on another relationship. It's no skin off his back because he's got half of his bills paid and a roof over his head.

Now the woman is breaking her back to please this moron like she has been for way too long. Don't get me started on when they whine, "Oh, but we split costs, but I'm mad that he spent thousands on a gaming PC!" God I want to grab these women and shake them.

Personally, I could never live with someone I was dating. I'm not sacrificing my time, youth, money, space, or independence to "play house". A few years ago I dated this idiot who told me that we needed to move in together because I'm an awful person if I make him go on Craigslist to find a roommate who would probably steal his stuff. First, we were only dating for a few months, he was living with his aunt and uncle, and they weren't kicking him out. It was really his own complex that boyfriend/girlfriend = living together "because you have to".

He had the audacity to accuse me of cheating on him when I gave him a solid "no". He said, "I think it would be nice to play house. You, though, have to deal with my depression and that there will be a lot of days where I'm not going to want to do anything except play video games". I told him that I have never lived with anyone who I have dated and he certainly wouldn't be the first person. He sputtered, "BUT HOW WILL YOU KNOW THE RELATIONSHIP WILL WORK IF YOU DON'T LIVE TOGETHER??!" I laughed in his face. I think I broke him.

Don't live with a guy without a commitment.

Hmtnsw · 2020-08-12T01:07:47+00:00

Yep. Moved in with ex. Lived together for 2 years. He was talking to men behind my back and came out gay. Essentially I was a beard.

I found out he was talking to men behind my back and thought of dumping him [but he was like I'm bi and choose you. He chose me] to later end up just using me as a beard until he was ready to come out full gay.

If I could slap my PickMe self I would pull her hair out.

just-peepin-at-u · 2020-08-12T15:39:33+00:00

I commented in another sub a day or two ago that I don’t believe people should combine finances before marriage. I said that after we were married, my husband I shared everything. However, we didn’t live together before we were married, and neither of us ever signed any financially binding agreement with the other until then. It was surprisingly not downvoted into oblivion.

Just to me, there is boyfriend level and husband level. I don’t move in with men I am dating, or plan to have kids with him before we are married. I think too many men use the “it’s just a piece of paper” argument, and everyone knows damned well it is it not just a piece of paper. These guys have become way too comfortable skipping that commitment, and purposefully creating babies, splitting living expenses and such.

Just my situation, but we put our money in together. There is no percentage breakdown in who pays what. I am having a baby, and there is no weird guilt trip about who pays for what. If I want to go back to work, I will. If I want to work part time, I will. If I want to stay home for a bit, I will. Granted I know that is not an option for everyone, and I am aware we are fortunate. I am just saying, when I watch the girls I grew up with having to fight over “who pays for what” with a man they are living with, and having a baby with, but not married to, it hurts my heart. These men want to half ass this, when they should be stepping up and doing better. Instead, these vulnerable pregnant women have to argue about how they bought the car seat, so he can buy the crib. I am not saying marriage is 100 percent protection against that, but it helps.

It does get me a little heated when I see middle class and wealthier women go on about how they don’t need marriage before having kids and living together etc.

Where I grew up, the quality of men was very low overall. Chronically unemployed or underemployed, and they liked to play the “How much can I get away with?” game. Women who live in better off areas can say they don’t need those things, but they are statistically more likely to get them. It is the kids I grew up with in my middle of nowhere, poor small town and other working class women etc who are more likely to have to engage with the constant tug of war with some dude who is happy to impregnate someone and then play games. So hearing some well off lady from the suburbs go on about how she doesn’t need marriage before living together or whatever grinds my gears. It is not like she has to deal with anywhere near the plethora of low value men who want to skip out and half ass their responsibilities to the level poorer women are stuck shifting through.

So I am not surprised by this article at all. I think it just confirms what we already knew.

loudest_gusset · 2020-08-11T19:20:54+00:00

I went against the FDS grain here and did move into my bf's house after a year. The bills are 50-50, but I do earn almost double what he does and my living expenses are lower than before for a much nicer space. However, he does most of the chores. All I do is cook about 4 nights a week and water the plants. He does dishes, laundry, mowing, vacuum, mop, bathroom, etc, etc. He knows very well that I could easily find another comfortable place to live in a heartbeat. He knows that I don't need this and I am there simply because I want to, and if the arrangement no longer serves me, then I won't want to be there. Furthermore, as much as it would pain me to walk away, if I don't get a proposal (which we have already discussed) within six months from now, I am already mentally prepared to walk away.

In most cases, keeping your own space is best. Maintaining FDS and refraining from "wife" duties is more difficult in this situation, yet it's completely possible with some self-awareness, a strong backbone, and strict boundaries. If you have both the resources and strength to leave at a moment's notice, plus the living arrangement benefits YOU more than it does him, and you have some pretty strong evidence that you will not be a forever girlfriend, then living together is possible.

bootyandthebeet · 2020-08-12T06:25:37+00:00

Learnt this the hard way :(

2020-08-12T01:15:28+00:00

[deleted]

Iamnotofmybody · 2020-08-12T03:23:15+00:00

When my guy and I moved in he started doing 95% of the cooking, and honestly most the cleaning. Also I’m the higher libido of the two of us so....

Fuck, am I a man?

Title	STUDY: Most men do not consider living together with you being committed or the same thing as wanting a future
Author	heleninthealps
Upvotes	248
Comments	68
Date	August 11, 2020 3:03 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i7td1e/study_most_men_do_not_consider_living_together/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/study-most-men-do-not-consider-living-together.58522 https://theredarchive.com/post/58522

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