Hello! :)

After researching what I may be going through, I found The Red Pill and then this sub. I was amazed by how accurate (although sometimes very harsh) the principles are and I’m so grateful to find a place dedicated to women who believe in it.

So, I’m pretty much celibate. Ok, completely celibate. It isn’t by my own choice, though.

I was approached almost two years ago by a man who could definitely be considered high sexual value. I was bored in life with no friends or hobbies and decided “why not?” Even back then, with zero red pill knowledge, I just KNEW it wouldn’t last long. I knew he only wanted me for sex and nothing more and had many other women on the side. I was just looking to enjoy this new, very temporary experience while it lasted (I figured no longer than a week) and then go back to my boring lonely life.

So, just as cliche as ever, I ended up getting attached to him. Didn’t count on that. I was still somehow red-pill aware enough to know that he’d never commit to me. But I found myself thinking about him all the time, always wanting to be around him, and getting painfully jealous of him with other women. He became the heaven and earth to me. My definition of “male” (literally all I had to do was hear the word “him” and he came to mind). I knew that even if we were to get together, he’d cheat with the instance.

After going through enough pain, the stereotypical back-and-forth and never feeling good enough, I encouraged him to take a job offer across the country. He’d been considering it but didn’t want to leave me behind. I encouraged him and off he went.

To this day, I haven’t been able to find a man who can compare. I’ve met some wonderful men who I’ve had connections with but I haven’t been able to get physical with any of them. They’re attractive but because they aren’t on HIS level, to say it bluntly, I’m drier than a desert. I used to be able to form crushes on men even below my smv but after him, I only have eyes for men way out of my league. And, obviously, I can’t get those.

I take wonderful care of myself and I always make sure to look my best. I’m an attractive woman. However, I’m also a woman of color (the guy was from Spain). I’m aware enough to know that I’m at the bottom of the barrel when it comes to women no matter how attractive I am. Men, especially high value men, want white women. That, I will never be.

I wish there was a way to get rid of this hypergamy and be able to “settle”.’