Genuine question out of curiosity.

I broke up with my boyfriend of almost six years when I was 28 because he had ADD and was childish and unsuccessful and I was doing all the work.

In the 3+ years since, I've had nothing but horrible experiences with men from dating apps. Three different men have been violent with me in some way, one tried to touch me all over my body within 20 minutes of meeting at a public place, two have stolen money from me, one was textbook abusive/alcoholic, and that's not to mention all the ones that were lying or just awful to talk to online. These were all middle-class men with degrees, jobs, and families that had more money than mine. I've also had several bad sexual experiences to the point where my sexual desire for other people is completely dead. I'd much rather just get off by myself.

The absolute best experiences I've had from online dating were: a great first date with a guy who slow-faded me; a guy who was okay but was way too cheap; and a surgeon who seemed okay but wanted kids (I don't).

I know what you're thinking: sister, online dating is a dumpster fire! Get off and meet people in real life. I hear you. I'm already off dating apps, and prior to the pandemic I was going out and doing things every week - trivia with friends, university lectures/panel talks, wine class, contra dance, and so on. I'm very extroverted and chatty and during normal times, meet new people frequently. None of these activities ever led to even one first date.

In the meantime, I've visited 11 countries solo with more planned for the future, been studying computer programming and data science and a little Japanese, learned to cook everything I ever ordered at a restaurant, decorated my living space exactly how I wanted it, sold all my old clothes on eBay and bought new ones, was finally diagnosed with and began treating my PCOS, and made new female friends who I obviously value so much more than guys who are just trying to fuck me. I've had time to read books and exercise regularly, and in short, I really, really enjoy not having to think about a man in my daily life. I'm actually happier now than at any other point in my life, and I feel like dating is by far the least interesting thing in my life.

I do not have to think about what my partner is doing this weekend, what I need to help him with, what he wants to eat, what kind of mood he's going to be in, what he has or hasn't spent his money on, or anything else. All I have to do is optimize my own life, which I obviously have much more control over.

I cannot see the benefit in dating. Companionship and partners for activities? I have 20+ friends I can contact at any time. Sex? My vibrator is better than 95+% of men, most of whom are incredibly selfish in bed. Security? There are very few financially successful men to begin with; most will need financial help from their female partner, and the ones who make money are often cheap, so the woman isn't going to benefit from them anyway. I've also noticed that quite a few of them don't really focus on wealth-building even if they're able to.

I realized at some point in the last two years or so that the main reason I wanted to date any guys to begin with was because they had traits or skills that I actually wanted for myself. Knowing that, I've been able to work on them on my own.

In fact, I think a lot of women's desires to be in a relationship with a man stem from patriarchal brainwashing that benefits men by having two people focus on them and their goals rather than just one, while the woman becomes just an extension of her male partner.