Broke up with my boyfriend over social media

nani_poo · 2020-03-07T18:21:44+00:00

I’m proud of you for realizing what he was doing is wrong. Fuck, I HATE when men gaslight women. It’s like, you’re mad at me for being upset over something you’re doing???? Where is their logic coming from?

Lethalprincessrabbit · 2020-03-07T21:40:28+00:00

Had a partner that did this, the porn sick fucker had 831 pictures of naked porn stars or models or random women he'd screenshoot from the internet. because they were "hot". I felt so insecure and unattractive at the time and him refusing to delete them made me feel worse. He would say i'm making it a huge deal and that i'm crazy. It got so bad to the point i was in tears and this narcissistic fucker didn't give a shit. While we were spending time with each other he'd scroll through these specific provocative instagram models that he promised he wouldn't do and then i just lost it. He was so honestly disgusting, he called other women hot or attractive in front of me and even my friends. He NEVER went down on me or fingered me because "vaginas feel weird" or would say that my pussy was too wet and it only felt good while it was dry like WTF. he completely scarred me from dating. I am so glad i found this sub it's a saving grace for me. Good on you for breaking up with him

letsberealforamoment · 2020-03-07T18:16:21+00:00

Good for you. Ice him out. Treat him like the shitty roommate he is. No more cooking, laundry, planning, etc. Throw his shit out of he bedroom and claim it as yours you can shut him out. If he gets mad, too bad then call the cops If he doesn't calm down.

Honestly, id just move out and leave him to it.

MsWeary · 2020-03-07T21:32:01+00:00

Better a year and a half wasted on him than 3 or 4 or 5 or 29 years. They aren’t really wasted though, you’ve learned what you do not want and you learned some of the warning signs to identify the creeps who you don’t want.

byeclown · 2020-03-07T21:19:45+00:00

I noticed there was one he absolutely refused to unfollow. He actually unfollowed her in front of me and then followed her again when I turned my back.

Jesus these male beta orbiters as so fucking pathetic. They pick their dream girls and fixate on them from afar, despite the fact these women will never even acknowledge their existence, putting their real relationship at risk to do so. So flipping stupid. I had an ex who was OBSESSED with this girl he knew from the gym. Then he met her sister at a party, she spoke to him once and he was obsessed. Added her on Facebook. One day, he noticed that she had deleted him, probably for creepstalking and hearting all her selfies. About a year later (YES I WAS HUGE PICK ME OKAY, THAT IS WHY I AM HERE NOWW!!) we agreed to an open relationship, he got on Tinder and saw her there. OH LORD it was like he had won the lottery and christmas all in one!!! I imagine he spent every day and night waiting for his phone to ping, praying to every deity that would have him that they were a match lol. Never happened. I asked him how Tinder was going one day and he mentioned it. I told him yeah, no kidding, she is probably creeped out by how obsessed you are with her. She even deleted you off Facebook, remember? He flat out lied and said no she didn't. I went and checked his friends list and sure enough, she had deleted him. GASLIGHTING, nice try.

I will never again be with a man who is obssesed with a) other women b) other women who don't want him c) women on social media etc. This dude was so messed up.

Also, I am very sorry for your situation. Can you move back with your parents? Relative? Girlfriend? Motel? Anything for a little while instead of staying there? Get some help to move quickly while he is at work.

ashleecakes · 2020-03-07T22:33:40+00:00

Girl I’m dealing with the EXACT same thing and have never wanted to hug someone and buy them a cocktail more in my life!!!! Get in here!!! 🤗 I made the tragic mistake of staying longer than you did and things got so much worse. The anxiety, pain, anger, etc will lessen ever so slowly over time until the day he doesn’t even pop in to your head. As much as I know this to be true, I’m literally crying as I write this because I’m having a rough anxiety day. Too much time alone in my head replaying everything that happened. I’m so so SOOO proud of you, mama.

AutoModerator · 2020-03-07T18:06:32+00:00

NOTE: This sub does NOT support the commercial porn industry, as it is an institution that promotes and normalizes sexual aggression, incest, pedophilia, violence, racism, degradation, low sexual satisfaction, and objectification of women and girls, many of whom have been drugged, raped, misled, trafficked and otherwise coerced to appear on film.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

GCchick · 2020-03-07T18:24:37+00:00

You can get through this. You've done the hardest.

Congratulations, what you did wasn't easy but you did yourself a massive favor. You've saved your self esteem, if you had stayed longer it would have destroyed you.

Take the time to heal from this. You have not wasted your time, you just learned valuable lessons. Now, you'll never make the same mistakes again. Enjyo your new life.

byeclown · 2020-03-07T21:21:51+00:00

Also, DO NOT worry or stress over him being with someone else. Realistically these dudes give off vibes that repel women. After giving my tall, attractive, rich and popular bf free reign to do an "open relationship" no women even wanted him because of how desperate and creepy he seemed.

whathisbastardid · 2020-03-07T18:24:51+00:00

Please visit our sister community r/PornFreeRelationships and post this as well

This problem is so widespread and is causing dialing relationships as well as serious mental problems in men. It is spreading faster and more deadly than the coronavirus! Women and whole families are literally being killed because of this disease that is proven to reduce gray matter in the prefrontal cortex which reduces men to a primitive animal like state.

I would really appreciate if you post this there as well !

InayahDaneen · 2020-03-08T01:17:41+00:00

This is why I can’t be with men who watch porn or follow instagram women. Those are his dream girls which he will leave you for once or if he acquires the money to.

Lavender_Foxes · 2020-03-08T00:31:54+00:00

My ex refused to change his FB status to show he was in a relationship. When he showed me his Pornhub, I was shocked, but didn't know what porn sickness was at that time. Finally, I saw he was on Whisper, and it was clear I had to leave. It took a couple months to get out and forgive myself.

Never again will I tolerated porn sickness. I deserve better, and we all do.

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2020-03-07T18:20:16+00:00

Good on you for setting your boundaries and enforcing them. I don’t think that many women are actually ok with it, I think they are usually pickmeishas that feel they have to be ok with it, or convince themselves they are because they have to, to please men. The other women, are not ok but won’t say anything because they feel they can’t say anything. And a vast majority may express their hatred for it, but the guys either get sneakier, or they just don’t care and the woman ends up lumping it and overlooking it because she’s too afraid to look like a “prude” or controlling or whatever. This is when guys realise that a boundary means nothing! And they will just keep pushing it. So you’ve done well enforcing it.

Also, it’s completely reasonable to not want porn in your relationship at all, so there’s no need to even explain yourself as being ok with porn (maybe you are, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make - Porn is harmful, and FDS don’t condone it).

You WILL get through it. You will. Even if it seems like you won’t. I’m so proud you haven’t allowed the gaslighting to work. Even if you do come home to a random g strong under the bed - yea it would hurt, but would show you his true colours, and honestly? If he’s that way inclined, you would probably end up finding something like that regardless of whether you broke up or stated together.

ghostnet_and_bones · 2020-03-07T20:29:05+00:00

why would you be expected to trust someone who isn't trustworthy? im sorry to hear about your breakup, but good for you.

kd5407 · 2020-03-08T05:04:53+00:00

The following Instagram models thing is next level ridiculous and embarrassing. I have tried to explain why to my man but it’s impossible! And other women actually defend this like...why? Why do you need to be constantly looking at random naked women?? Us having sex every day isn’t enough??

endlesslyjaded · 2020-03-07T20:43:36+00:00

I made a post yesterday about how my my bf said that Instagram girls he follows are more attractive. I got a lot of backlash for asking the question and receiving an answer I couldn’t handle. I don’t know if I can get over it, but I also don’t know if it’s something I should break up with him over. If you can read my last post and give me some input considering it’s somewhat on the same spectrum as your situation (still different though), I’d appreciate it

ontherailstoday · 2020-03-07T22:49:00+00:00

A lot of the girls seek money more than just male attention. If you get to the point where you just want him to cooperate to organise a new lease with landlord so you can go immediately, and he's balking, then paying one of them to give him an unrealistic idea about his prospects may not be out of the question... $100, half on agreeing to the deal and half on you actually moving out ahead of time sounds about right since she wouldn't have to actually do anything but chat encouragingly. Just gotta make sure it isn't anyone he actually knows from his past. Maybe open by making contact just to talk about why the fuck do men do this sort of shit and you don't blame her, you're just flabberghasted... then mention how you'd pay good money to have him do what it takes to release you from that lease.

Similarly he'd probably be somewhat susceptible to a catfish Tinder account doing the same thing.

If he's really that easily manipulated by online floosies, might as well do what you can with what you've got in him.

_isglass · 2020-03-07T23:57:35+00:00

[deleted]

ny-lady · 2020-03-08T02:45:25+00:00

Like men that do this would want you to be following hot guys, there are intsa men, male stripper accounts, etc. Or just following any good looking man liking/commenting on his stuff.

They would have a fit and we know it.

Balkanka · 2020-03-08T00:07:13+00:00

Ew you don’t need a simp for a boyfriend. Good riddance. You took the garbage out. Great job!

Can you break the lease?

islaeve · 2020-03-08T00:11:11+00:00

It took me a shite ten year relationship, rape, and so much more to get to this point. Women are so magical and generally peaceful understanding and forgiving. I was a "male advocate" and im just this past year unlearning so much to even feel comfortable posting this comment that generalizes the sexes. FUCK THAT i fucking know these things to be really true and truly black and fucking white at times. I take so much power in calling a spade a spade now, hate that i didnt understand femenism and how long it took me to get here, but its like maturation and wisdom- once you get here you never go back! Thank fuck!!!!and its hard not to judge myself for not seeing it as it is. Mysogeny is so, so fucking rampant.

A comment i wanted to post on the past post from i think yesterday, "men are so selfish they even make their wives/girlfriends rape about them"

Selfish beings. How they yell, make loud noises and throw tantrums (they dont even internally aknowledge), hay they cant control the fact that they NEED to react to everything! Someone reacted in a way they didnt like? Better lose (ANY) control and react to that! Let everyone try to guess how i MIGHT feel! Girlfriend isnt happy/appeasing enough? Get mad! Rar! Start slamming shit and dont bother to figure yourself out- THATLL TEACH EM! teach them not to wanna deal..or know wtf emotional lunacy just happened. Sometimes theyre apologetic and ready to suffer 0 repercussions, SURPRISE, SURPRISE!

Briannax · 2020-03-08T00:42:02+00:00

Good for you for ditching him and sticking to your guns. But, I highly recommend you do more research into the negative effects of porn on an individuals brain, and the obvious effects it has on relationships. You should not be 'okay' with porn because it's girls that aren't from your area. You should be more concerned about the porn because of the documented effects of a person's grey matter in their brain, which literally makes them dumber, more aggressive and less empathetic, especially towards women. Not to mention how toxic the porn industry is, and how they take advantage of women.

B_Project · 2020-03-07T20:44:42+00:00

This is probably controversial but if you plan or are thinking about leaving I would start stashing cash away NOW! On top of that stop cooking, cleaning or doing ANYTHING for him, you’re not his mother. Don’t tell him what he did or does wrong, he will “change” himself and use it to manipulate the next woman. Kicking him out of the bedroom and setting up boundaries until he changes or leaves is a good idea: no sex, no dates etc etc until he unfollows all permanently and gets his ass into therapy.

Now the controversial part: use him for all that he’s got! You’re upset because you put so much into the relationship and if you break up there’s no way to get it all back. This next 5 months will be him doing the work: cooking and cleaning (and be doesn’t, oh well do it for yourself), and make up a work excuse (shorter hours etc, lost your job) so he takes over all or most of the bills for the next 5 months. You could go further than this because if he has any guilt (or is even annoyed at you for talking about it) you could use it to your advantage to get stuff out of him (gifts, money etc) while you do your plan B. If by the end of that 5 months he’s shown permanent change of behaviour, taken responsibility and is going to therapy then great! If not (I think this is most likely the scenario due to his sex addiction) then at least you won’t have feelings of, “what a waste of 2 years” because you got something of out of it. You can check out SheraSeven1 on YouTube, she has a lot of videos about these types of men called “Dusty’s” and about why we treat men like we are their mothers and how to stop. Either way, I hope you get out of this on top! You have the time to plan now. Time to rip the rug out from under him and make sure you are out on top.

Kekekeke7777 · 2020-03-08T03:22:14+00:00

Smart, girl, smart. He was never gonna change.

abstractsadgurl · 2020-03-08T05:44:30+00:00

I almost left bf because of this. I told him it's a dealbreaker. It really sucked. And he later admitted to having a porn addiction since the age of 5. And he had to delete his ig because it was too tempting I guess. I don't quite understand it but guys often start young and it becomes worse and worse. In this case id say this is a form of child abuse though

But it's been tough dealing with this. Thankfully there are groups on here that understand. I never been with a pa before so its def a struggle and its kinda taken a toll on my self esteem (which my physical attractiveness wasnt something I ever really felt bad about until now) its crazy how this society normalizes this type of thing

Anyway what I am saying is OP your feelings are valid asf and dont let anyone tell you otherwise

Novemberinthechair · 2020-03-08T13:11:18+00:00

He sound useless as a boyfriend. What the hell are these guys for, anyway? Good on you. They should improve a sister's life. We're not their fucking bang maids.

2020-03-07T21:01:12+00:00

I think the audiobook (get Audio, trust me. I listen 1x a week) "NOT YOUR MOTHER'S RULES" will Reeeeeeeeeaaallly speak to your soul. Please buy it as well as "the rules" and "the rules 2". Changed my LIFE

Title	Broke up with my boyfriend over social media
Author	_isglass
Upvotes	391
Comments	74
Date	March 7, 2020 6:06 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/feyug8/broke_up_with_my_boyfriend_over_social_media/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/broke-up-with-my-boyfriend-over-social-media.680695 https://theredarchive.com/post/680695

Comments